Horse meat...

[G_T]

I'm currently working in an office with seven women. "Bliss", the ignorant amongst you may say (and no you wouldn't do any of them). Now three of them are "horsey" people and it's doing my fking nut in. Everything fking day I get to hear about the ins and outs of owning a glorified 1bhp mode of transport that's primary purpose in life is to eat grass and st everywhere.

So I've made the decision to alienate myself entirely from said horsey people so I don't have to suffer through their verbal diarrhoea all day.

I believe the best way to protest against their incessant "horsey banter" is to start bringing in horse meat sandwiches for lunch. I would offer them around but I can't help but feel that would be a novel way to find myself in court and I'd like to avoid that if at all possible.

So I have a few questions;

1) Can I obtain horse meat legally in the UK?
2) Where?
3) Would horse radish be the best condiment to accompany the meat?
4) If I did feed horse meat to my work colleagues without their prior knowledge on what grounds would I be prosecuted?

Thanks lads.

G

[shirt]

google come up with:

Tranfoods Meat Co. Ltd

1 Abbey Street
Birkenhead, Merseyside CH41 5JG
United Kingdom
Phone : ý+44 151 6661660
Fax : ý+44 151 6474172

i think a dinner party is a better idea

[cloggy]

On the continent you can get 'smoked meat' which is very thinly sliced dark brown meat to go on sandwiches.
Now this 'smoked meat' can be beef or horse meat, you can't tell the difference in taste.
At the butchers they label it as smoked beef and smoked horse meat, so you know what you are buying.

[elster]

Are you sure that you will offend them?

As many horsey people I know will quite happily eat horse meat.

Also there is no physical way to shut up horsey people about horses. It is a pain you will have to endure.

Edited by elster on Friday 6th February 14:15

[M3CHA-MONK3Y]

If you have the bks for it,

1)I'd buy a horse,
2)Ride it into the office and
3)Show it to the women. Let them befriend it.
4)Remove boltgun from desk draw and execute horse.
5)Take out a baguette that you had stored up the, now, deceased horses arse.
6)Cut strips of flesh off the horses side using your trusty Bowie knife.
7)Place in baguette and eat.

For added effect, mid-way through your sandwich, stop and say

"st! How the hell am I going to get home? Can I get a lift off one of you ladies?"


HTH

Edited for typo's

Edited by M3CHA-MONK3Y on Friday 6th February 14:16

[dibbers006]

You're sick!!

Funny... but sick

[G_T]

So I could just ask the local butcher to obtain the meat for me for a dinner party?

[G_T]

M3CHA-MONK3Y said:

If you had the bks for it,

1)I'd buy a horse,
2)Ride it into the office and
3)Show it to the women. Let them befriend it.
4)Remove boltgun from desk draw and execute horse.
5)Take out a baguette that you had stored up the, now, deceased horses arse.
6)Cut strips of flesh off the horses side using your trusty Bowie knife.
7)Place in baguette and eat.

For added effect, mid-way through your sandwich, stop and say

"st! How the hell am I going to get home? Can I get a lift of one of you ladies?"

HTH

I can't help but feel butchering a live animal in the middle of the office might be grounds for dismissal.

Worse than that I'm fairly confident they wouldn't give me a lift home.

[randomman]

G_T said:

1) Can I obtain horse meat legally in the UK?
Of course as long as it is reared and killed in good conditions

2) Where?
See above google address

3) Would horse radish be the best condiment to accompany the meat?
Its very fatty, kind of like duck IIRC, so something strong like horse radish would be good. But all it would take is someone to make a connection. I would try wholegrain mustard, or if you have a really sweet tooth, apple sauce!

4) If I did feed horse meat to my work colleagues without their prior knowledge on what grounds would I be prosecuted?
No. Eg
1) Day one, "YUM! Try some of my wife's home made apple sauce/mustard
2) Day two, guess what, she told me it was on horse meat.

Only lying will get you into trouble.

Prepare for some pissed of fillies though!

Thanks lads.

G

[LittleRedHead]

elster said:

Are you sure that you will offend them?

Without a doubt.

I used the phrase "..so hungry I could eat a scabby horse" in front of a horsey person once. Cue a death stare and complete silence from then on until I left the job...

[pits]

Horse meat....Didnt they use that for cat food?

Failing that relabel all glue sticks to "Horse stick" etc, make good glue

Living in the country, I find horse riders some of the most ignorant s around, riding 2 abreast on a narrow lane, or letting there horses st everywhere, I dont allow my dog to st all over the pavement or road, and if he does, I clean it up. Why are horse riders exempt from this?

Actually better idea, just walk infront of them in the office and take a st on the floor, so they have to step in it, see how they like it

[G_T]

randomman said:

4) If I did feed horse meat to my work colleagues without their prior knowledge on what grounds would I be prosecuted?
No. Eg
1) Day one, "YUM! Try some of my wife's home made apple sauce/mustard
2) Day two, guess what, she told me it was on horse meat.

Only lying will get you into trouble.

That's a fantastically evil plan. I could even warm up to it by bringing in a few "red herring" dishes to lull their suspicions at my new found culinary expertise.

[AJS-]

Cheval is widely available in France, and I'm sure elsewhere in Europe. I'm sure some of the specialist butchers or delicatesants in London would be able to order it for you.

My favourite story for such situations is when I visited Guangzhou in China last year. Like most of southern China it's full of barbeque shops like the ones in Soho with ducks, chickens and chunks of pork hanging in the window. Walking down one street I came across such a shop, with the unmistakable form of man's best friend hanging up in the window, cooked, head, tail and all dripping fat and ready to be eaten.

[ianash]

M3CHA-MONK3Y said:

If you had the bks for it,

1)I'd buy a horse,
2)Ride it into the office and
3)Show it to the women. Let them befriend it.
4)Remove boltgun from desk draw and execute horse.
5)Take out a baguette that you had stored up the, now, deceased horses arse.
6)Cut strips of flesh off the horses side using your trusty Bowie knife.
7)Place in baguette and eat.

For added effect, mid-way through your sandwich, stop and say

"st! How the hell am I going to get home? Can I get a lift of one of you ladies?"

HTH

Don't forget to offer them the hollowed out hoofs for ashtrays.

Edited by ianash on Friday 6th February 14:25

[AJS-]

Incidentally, horse meat anyway just tastes like really good beef in my experience, and to my vulgar pallete. So you could just use a nice bit of beef and tell them it's horse.

If you want to do the full shocker and tell them it's dog meat, it tastes about the same as cat.

[randomman]

pits said:

st everywhere, I dont allow my dog to st all over the pavement or road, and if he does, I clean it up. Why are horse riders exempt from this?

Don't mistake me for a horsey person one bit, I like B-road blasts too much!

But Horse st doesn't have bacteria in that will blind you
Dog st does

[M3CHA-MONK3Y]

G_T said:

M3CHA-MONK3Y said:

If you had the bks for it,

1)I'd buy a horse,
2)Ride it into the office and
3)Show it to the women. Let them befriend it.
4)Remove boltgun from desk draw and execute horse.
5)Take out a baguette that you had stored up the, now, deceased horses arse.
6)Cut strips of flesh off the horses side using your trusty Bowie knife.
7)Place in baguette and eat.

For added effect, mid-way through your sandwich, stop and say

"st! How the hell am I going to get home? Can I get a lift of one of you ladies?"

HTH

I can't help but feel butchering a live animal in the middle of the office might be grounds for dismissal.

Worse than that I'm fairly confident they wouldn't give me a lift home.

It might be worth giving your T&C for employee conduct a quick flick through. I doubt very much it lists grounds for dismissal as 'Sacrificing agricultural livestock in the workplace' as a reason to sack you. Although you may breach a few H&S rules.

[BazC]

I ended up eating raw horse meat in Tokyo last year - pretty good it was too.

[elster]

randomman said:

3) Would horse radish be the best condiment to accompany the meat?
Its very fatty, kind of like duck IIRC, so something strong like horse radish would be good. But all it would take is someone to make a connection. I would try wholegrain mustard, or if you have a really sweet tooth, apple sauce!

I don't think you have eaten horse meat.

It is the exact opposite to fatty.

[randomman]

elster said:

randomman said:

3) Would horse radish be the best condiment to accompany the meat?
Its very fatty, kind of like duck IIRC, so something strong like horse radish would be good. But all it would take is someone to make a connection. I would try wholegrain mustard, or if you have a really sweet tooth, apple sauce!

I don't think you have eaten horse meat.

It is the exact opposite to fatty.

I may be getting it confused with venison then, or rabbit, or pheasent.

I had all 4 on one night at a medieval banquet type thing when I was about 10.

So I'll hold my hands up to being wrong!

On the plus side it means apple sauce will go nicely with it, and a lot of people make their own apple sauce!