Only one in four
Discussion
Going through it at the moment with my youngest who is at uni, it's horrible having her on the phone crying and not really knowing why she feels how she does, at least she has acknowledged she has a problem and has been to the Drs. already.
We think it is worry about her boyfriend as opposed to worry about uni; she is there and he is here, she gets stressed when he doesn't immediately txt back and isn't on the end of the line permanently, problem is she is back every weekend to be with him, so not really lapping up the uni life and when she is back they are both at ours and having 4 adults in a 2 bed can be a pain, it is going to be tough when she is back for Christmas and with her year her placement from January as we are going to have to be firm and tell her that he can't be staying 24/7.
The ironic thing about it all is, her anxiety is all about him (we think) and yet this is what is most likely to drive him away as we already know he is finding it stifling.
Hard thing is both my wife and eldest also have anxiety and depression issues too.
We think it is worry about her boyfriend as opposed to worry about uni; she is there and he is here, she gets stressed when he doesn't immediately txt back and isn't on the end of the line permanently, problem is she is back every weekend to be with him, so not really lapping up the uni life and when she is back they are both at ours and having 4 adults in a 2 bed can be a pain, it is going to be tough when she is back for Christmas and with her year her placement from January as we are going to have to be firm and tell her that he can't be staying 24/7.
The ironic thing about it all is, her anxiety is all about him (we think) and yet this is what is most likely to drive him away as we already know he is finding it stifling.
Hard thing is both my wife and eldest also have anxiety and depression issues too.
poo at Paul's said:
Why can boyfriend not go and see her at the weekend, or even pop up for dinner one night? How far is it?
It isn't that far but being North London (we/he are just south of the M25) it's a bugger to get to; circa 3-4 hr round trip in the car, also he needs his space and if he goes up once then she'll expect him there all the time. I very nearly drove up last night just to give her a cuddle but I'd had a few; she'll be back tomorrow and I've heard from her today and she's fine.
I'm going through this with both my kids.
Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
Edited by 98elise on Thursday 22 November 20:05
98elise said:
I'm going through this with both my kids.
Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
This doesn't sound good, long wait times like that are not helping. It is not the answer, but have you considered a private referral for an assessment? it is surprising just how affordable some elements of private treatment can be, the assessments and diagnosis, even things like scans etc are not that bad at all, then when treatment is recommended, often the same consultants can take you on in NHS? Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
Edited by 98elise on Thursday 22 November 20:05
About 15 years ago, my wife called me from her bed in agony having ruptured a disc. Ambulance to hospital, seen at a and e, given muscle relaxers then paracetamol then referred to GP, added to what we were told was an approx. 12m waiting list to get MRI scans and possible op! 3 days later, MRI was done, cost £275, and op was booked for a week later with one of country's top surgeons. Private, the discectomy was not super cheap, but at £2750 was cheaper than you may think, and her work paid for it all, as she would be able to be back at work in 5 weeks not off for a year plus! We had a friend who was a teacher who'd been off with similar issues in misery for 15 months, waiting for NHS, and I just thought it made no sense!!
Anyway, we digress, but point is, to get the ball rolling, consider a couple of hundred quid for a consult as money well spent, rather than have unhappy kids for a year or so.
HTP99 said:
poo at Paul's said:
Why can boyfriend not go and see her at the weekend, or even pop up for dinner one night? How far is it?
It isn't that far but being North London (we/he are just south of the M25) it's a bugger to get to; circa 3-4 hr round trip in the car, also he needs his space and if he goes up once then she'll expect him there all the time. I very nearly drove up last night just to give her a cuddle but I'd had a few; she'll be back tomorrow and I've heard from her today and she's fine.
poo at Paul's said:
HTP99 said:
poo at Paul's said:
Why can boyfriend not go and see her at the weekend, or even pop up for dinner one night? How far is it?
It isn't that far but being North London (we/he are just south of the M25) it's a bugger to get to; circa 3-4 hr round trip in the car, also he needs his space and if he goes up once then she'll expect him there all the time. I very nearly drove up last night just to give her a cuddle but I'd had a few; she'll be back tomorrow and I've heard from her today and she's fine.
Got a txt from her earlier "what time do you finish work tomorrow? " which translates to, "I'll work my train around you finishing so you can get me from the station tomorrow evening which is 5 minutes from your work", so she is definitely home this weekend again.
HTP99 said:
Going through it at the moment with my youngest who is at uni, it's horrible having her on the phone crying and not really knowing why she feels how she does, at least she has acknowledged she has a problem and has been to the Drs. already.
We think it is worry about her boyfriend as opposed to worry about uni; she is there and he is here, she gets stressed when he doesn't immediately txt back and isn't on the end of the line permanently, problem is she is back every weekend to be with him, so not really lapping up the uni life and when she is back they are both at ours and having 4 adults in a 2 bed can be a pain, it is going to be tough when she is back for Christmas and with her year her placement from January as we are going to have to be firm and tell her that he can't be staying 24/7.
That is not a mental health issue, this is just normal for a 17-18 year old girl that has been parted from her boyfriend, especially if he is her first serious one. You're fretting over nothing.We think it is worry about her boyfriend as opposed to worry about uni; she is there and he is here, she gets stressed when he doesn't immediately txt back and isn't on the end of the line permanently, problem is she is back every weekend to be with him, so not really lapping up the uni life and when she is back they are both at ours and having 4 adults in a 2 bed can be a pain, it is going to be tough when she is back for Christmas and with her year her placement from January as we are going to have to be firm and tell her that he can't be staying 24/7.
poo at Paul's said:
98elise said:
I'm going through this with both my kids.
Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
This doesn't sound good, long wait times like that are not helping. It is not the answer, but have you considered a private referral for an assessment? it is surprising just how affordable some elements of private treatment can be, the assessments and diagnosis, even things like scans etc are not that bad at all, then when treatment is recommended, often the same consultants can take you on in NHS? Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
Edited by 98elise on Thursday 22 November 20:05
About 15 years ago, my wife called me from her bed in agony having ruptured a disc. Ambulance to hospital, seen at a and e, given muscle relaxers then paracetamol then referred to GP, added to what we were told was an approx. 12m waiting list to get MRI scans and possible op! 3 days later, MRI was done, cost £275, and op was booked for a week later with one of country's top surgeons. Private, the discectomy was not super cheap, but at £2750 was cheaper than you may think, and her work paid for it all, as she would be able to be back at work in 5 weeks not off for a year plus! We had a friend who was a teacher who'd been off with similar issues in misery for 15 months, waiting for NHS, and I just thought it made no sense!!
Anyway, we digress, but point is, to get the ball rolling, consider a couple of hundred quid for a consult as money well spent, rather than have unhappy kids for a year or so.
With my daughter we're going for a more direct approach through, making her face the situations she fears (which she is willing to try).
She just started driving lessons and early on she would panic is anyone was aggressive towards her. Now she shrugs it off.
She is slowly making progress where she can interact with new people. We just need to be ready to taken over if she flusters.
My son is a whole other kettle of fish. He has deep rooted problems that i believe stem from bullying at school. I'm not sure where to turn to next on that one.
98elise said:
I'm going through this with both my kids.
Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
Sorry about your troubles but usually counselling tries to challenge. It was intentional that social anxiety patients get to do group work. The local counselling team near to us are very open about this. Apparently they are invited into a group of anxiety sufferers The idea being that that one to one counselling with a social phobia does little to help. If anyone has extreme problems when the group is operating they take them out for short periods and then try to reintroduce.Daughter suffers with anxiety attacks (social anxiety). My son has anxiety (GAD), and depression (both diagnosed as severe).
NHS have been terrible. My daughter waited 9 months before we got a letter taking her off the list for treatment for failing to confirm an appointment that we had never been given.
Much complaining and pressure later she was offered 6 sessions of group therapy (for someone with social anxiety!!!). After that nothing
My son at least got therapy fairly quickly, but that's now changed to drugs, then harder drugs (prescription not recreational). There isn't a week that goes by where I don't have nightmares about him committing suicide
Edited by 98elise on Thursday 22 November 20:05
If you want to spend your money on a private one to one that's fine, but I think you need to understands it isn't a cock up by the NHS.
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