Could you forgive??

[MadMullah]

http://www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/news/8868925....

telegraph said:

A GRIEVING family have told the 77-year-old driver who killed a beloved dad in a crash: We forgive you.

And they asked the court not to jail Thomas Patton, of Moorland Road, Langho, after he admitted causing the death of Kevin Sinfield, 60, by dangerous driving. Speaking after being given a community order and a driving ban, Patton expressed his deep regret and apologised to Mr Sinfield’s family.

Claire, 29, of Oswaldtwistle, said: “We didn't want him to go to prison because he already has to live with what he has done everyday. He did not mean to go out that day and kill our father.Nothing will bring back my dad and I just wish that Mr Patton had been paying a bit more attention to the road that day because my dad would have been alive today."

Mr Sinfield, of Yarrow Close, Withnell, was driving a Suzuki GSF 1200 bandit bike when he was hit by the silver Vauxhall Astra, at the junction of Stoneygate Lane and Clitheroe Road at around 1pm on October 10.

rather gracious of them not to seek a prison term

[Digga]

Almost identical thing happened at a very dangerous crossroads, just outside my village, last year.

Victim's family took a similar - very noble - approach.

http://www.staffs.ac.uk/schools/art_and_design/jou...

Even more inspiring was the way they used their tragedy to springboard a huge campaign to get something done at the junction. (Really, if anyone deserves blame at all, the local highwyas department deserves a share, it's that bad.)

Not sure I'd be capable though.

[zcacogp]

Interesting. I suspect the reaction of the family is a result of the clear remorse shown by the guilty party. And very commendable on both sides, too ...

Contrasts interestingly with the recent case of the cyclist who was killed by a car driver, which is being discussed here:

http://pistonheads.co.uk/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&amp...

Should I ever be unlucky enough to lose a loved one on the road, I know my reaction would vary hugely depending upon how the guilty party behaves after the crash.


Oli.

[rudecherub]

Forgiveness is misunderstood concept in these modern times.

In this case yes. The perpetrator apparently shows great remorse, has said sorry - and clearly has no intention to repeat offend.

Forgiveness is not unilateral. You can offer forgiveness, but it is originally a contract that is completed by and dependent on the other party being repentant.

Another word fallen out of use. ie apologising, swearing not to do it again, and making amends / recompense.

If the other party is unrepentant, you cannot forgive them.

That isn't the same as actively hating them by any means, but an offer of forgiveness is in and of itself not forgiveness.

[Digga]

rudecherub said:

Forgiveness is misunderstood concept in these modern times.

It's the blame culture.

Am I blaming now?

[rudecherub]

Digga said:

rudecherub said:

Forgiveness is misunderstood concept in these modern times.

It's the blame culture.

Am I blaming now?

Perhaps Digga the Blame Culture is more appropriately called "Not my fault Gov" Culture, or the culture of refusal to accept personal responsibility?

I think we should quit the Court of Human Rights, and create a Court of Humane Responsibilities.

[andy400]

The forgiveness debate aside, I can't see why the charge was 'dangerous driving'? He missed a stop sign, as I understand it, surely this is more 'without due care and attention' or whatever it's called.

I thought 'dangerous driving' was more for those careering around at stupid speeds / racing / stupid overtakes etc - those who, it could be said, set out to drive dangerously, rather than missed a sign or similar?

[rover 623gsi]

Slightly different circumstances but my eldest brother was killed last year after coming off his motorbike and falling into the path of an oncoming car. The police investigation found that the driver of the car – and elderly woman – was not at fault. In fact at the inquest the coroner recorded a verdict of accident death as the police were not able to prove one way or another how my brother came to fall off his bike.

It was clear, however, from the available information that the driver could not be blamed and when we met her at the inquest we spoke to her and told her that we didn’t hold her responsible in any way – I certainly got the impression that she was relieved and was comforted by our presence and our conversations. She was obviously still struggling with the memories of what had happened. It was pretty tragic all round.

[Digga]

rover 623gsi said:

It was clear, however, from the available information that the driver could not be blamed and when we met her at the inquest we spoke to her and told her that we didn’t hold her responsible in any way – I certainly got the impression that she was relieved and was comforted by our presence and our conversations. She was obviously still struggling with the memories of what had happened. It was pretty tragic all round.

Sadly, there are too many people in this country who simply could not have seen it from the other person's perspective. Furthermore, there are some who simply cannot accept that there is no 'blame' - that because something tragic ocurred, somehow, somewhere, someone is at fault.

To make the very compassionate effort you and your family did is highly commendable.

[Jasandjules]

I have no idea if I could forgive someone killing a family member like that. Generally I am not the forgive and forget kind of person.

At the least I'd want him to never be able to drive again and so not risk killing someone else.