Help grandparent or walk away?
Discussion
Trying to shorten a longish story.
My grandmother is 82, my grandfather passed away last year. I saw her today and she offered to lend or give 20k towards an extension I’m doing later in the year. I don’t need the money. She’s in no way an old 82, her mum died at 97 and there every chance she’d do the same.
She’s had a bond mature and is due to receive this money, but doesn’t want to sit on it as at best it’ll give her 0.5% in the bank. She thinks it’s be better to loan it to family or gift it and they’ll get it deducted from inheritance down the line.
She’s currently dipping into savings circa £300 p/m on top of her pension.
My initial thoughts were for her to gift it to one of my brothers, who could possibly make use of it. She’s understandably not willing to risk s&s and wouldn’t see a benefit from ISA wrapper etc.
On the way home I started thinking maybe I could invest it on her behalf and give her the £300 p/m she’s currently using from other savings. If the money does well, she’ll have a guaranteed income longer, if it doesn’t I’d cover the shortfall. As far as she’s concerned the money would need to be for the extension.
My fear (from previous experiences) is she’s the kind of person who’d end up giving it to a friend of a friend or something who ‘really needed it’ if I don’t step in and she’ll be short later in life. Of course I’d still step in, but would be kicking myself for not preventing something like that where I could.
Thoughts?
My grandmother is 82, my grandfather passed away last year. I saw her today and she offered to lend or give 20k towards an extension I’m doing later in the year. I don’t need the money. She’s in no way an old 82, her mum died at 97 and there every chance she’d do the same.
She’s had a bond mature and is due to receive this money, but doesn’t want to sit on it as at best it’ll give her 0.5% in the bank. She thinks it’s be better to loan it to family or gift it and they’ll get it deducted from inheritance down the line.
She’s currently dipping into savings circa £300 p/m on top of her pension.
My initial thoughts were for her to gift it to one of my brothers, who could possibly make use of it. She’s understandably not willing to risk s&s and wouldn’t see a benefit from ISA wrapper etc.
On the way home I started thinking maybe I could invest it on her behalf and give her the £300 p/m she’s currently using from other savings. If the money does well, she’ll have a guaranteed income longer, if it doesn’t I’d cover the shortfall. As far as she’s concerned the money would need to be for the extension.
My fear (from previous experiences) is she’s the kind of person who’d end up giving it to a friend of a friend or something who ‘really needed it’ if I don’t step in and she’ll be short later in life. Of course I’d still step in, but would be kicking myself for not preventing something like that where I could.
Thoughts?
Well, there are several things here.
1) Should you accept £20K even though you don't need it?
2) Will she give it to the church, cat's home etc otherwise?
You don't state her financial depth - maybe it's only £20K, maybe it's £2M - but she may require care and/or a care home one day and if she can pay for it she can choose a nice one. If £20K is all she has, decline it.
3) Don't get involved in investing her money. If she's of sound mind then it's up to her what she does with it.
She may be in the position that she has more money than she needs, and so by accepting £20K you're actually making her happy because she knows it's going a cause she wants to help with and she can see it being enjoyed. Declining a generous gift may upset her, but you could suggest that she gifts all grandchildren equally.
You can't actually take control of/manage her finances unless you have PoA, which requires formal legal consent. In the meantime I can only suggest you try to put yourself in her position.
1) Should you accept £20K even though you don't need it?
2) Will she give it to the church, cat's home etc otherwise?
You don't state her financial depth - maybe it's only £20K, maybe it's £2M - but she may require care and/or a care home one day and if she can pay for it she can choose a nice one. If £20K is all she has, decline it.
3) Don't get involved in investing her money. If she's of sound mind then it's up to her what she does with it.
She may be in the position that she has more money than she needs, and so by accepting £20K you're actually making her happy because she knows it's going a cause she wants to help with and she can see it being enjoyed. Declining a generous gift may upset her, but you could suggest that she gifts all grandchildren equally.
You can't actually take control of/manage her finances unless you have PoA, which requires formal legal consent. In the meantime I can only suggest you try to put yourself in her position.
J6542 said:
If you do decide to do anything, keep an record off everything.
You will need this to prove your innocence when other family members find out and accuse you off robbing her.
Absolutely.. it shouldn’t ever become an issue, but I appreciate things change when moneys involved.You will need this to prove your innocence when other family members find out and accuse you off robbing her.
LeoSayer said:
Premium bonds? At least there's a chance of a big win.
Have you (or anyone else) considered creating Power of Attorney for your nan?
I suggested premium bonds as an option, she’s considering it if no one else has use for it. Have you (or anyone else) considered creating Power of Attorney for your nan?
PoA absolutely not necessary. She’s completely with it, but will give to randoms because it’s the Christian thing to do - that’s difficult to protect against!
Simpo Two said:
Well, there are several things here.
1) Should you accept £20K even though you don't need it?
2) Will she give it to the church, cat's home etc otherwise?
You don't state her financial depth - maybe it's only £20K, maybe it's £2M - but she may require care and/or a care home one day and if she can pay for it she can choose a nice one. If £20K is all she has, decline it.
3) Don't get involved in investing her money. If she's of sound mind then it's up to her what she does with it.
She may be in the position that she has more money than she needs, and so by accepting £20K you're actually making her happy because she knows it's going a cause she wants to help with and she can see it being enjoyed. Declining a generous gift may upset her, but you could suggest that she gifts all grandchildren equally.
You can't actually take control of/manage her finances unless you have PoA, which requires formal legal consent. In the meantime I can only suggest you try to put yourself in her position.
1) This is the unknown.. 1) Should you accept £20K even though you don't need it?
2) Will she give it to the church, cat's home etc otherwise?
You don't state her financial depth - maybe it's only £20K, maybe it's £2M - but she may require care and/or a care home one day and if she can pay for it she can choose a nice one. If £20K is all she has, decline it.
3) Don't get involved in investing her money. If she's of sound mind then it's up to her what she does with it.
She may be in the position that she has more money than she needs, and so by accepting £20K you're actually making her happy because she knows it's going a cause she wants to help with and she can see it being enjoyed. Declining a generous gift may upset her, but you could suggest that she gifts all grandchildren equally.
You can't actually take control of/manage her finances unless you have PoA, which requires formal legal consent. In the meantime I can only suggest you try to put yourself in her position.
2) A high probability of ‘someone at church’..
We had a scenario where a decent size plot of land was sold VERY cheaply, because the buyer was an ex neighbour who really wanted it
I don’t know what’s she’s sitting on, she intimated savings ‘should’ last her, but I’d guess under £100k, shes happy to live on very little.
3) fair comment, and again the reason for the thread. She was pleased to hear I didn’t need it, I’ve previously borrowed in younger years, so it wasn’t out of the blue but not necessary now.
I completely understand I couldn’t do anything about her general savings and wouldn’t necessarily want to, unless there was other bad decision making. I guess your last point stands though, putting myself in her position it’s not bad decision making, it’s making a choice that I wouldn’t, which she’s entitled to do.
This was more a case of her offering money which could otherwise be at risk and by ‘borrowing’ would mean I could drip feed it back guaranteeing her the amount she currently lives on permanently.
PM3 said:
Powers of attorney, and protect her etc etc .....? let her do with as she darn well wishes, Never forget that It-is-her- money ! My mother is older and totally with it and has siblings in their 90s . None of us would dare nor ever want to "advise" her what to do.
Just my opinion
Re powers of Attorney, I think folk often have unduly critical opinions of them, the ones we have in place are only in effect once a person is deemed by doctor etc not to be capable of decision making. Just my opinion
Re advice Whilst there’s quite a strong argument there that it’s the old folks money to do as they please, sometimes people (regardless of age) do need some protection against themselves. I help run things for a local charity & one of the regular small level supporters recently decided (as a knee jerk to being told they couldn’t drive anymore) their car should’ be gone from the drive & gifted to us for sale. I felt very awkward, having had a conversation about their finances with the individual just months before, I did dare to offer advice & they were told to discuss with family etc (the old car, rightly in my opinion, never appeared with us). At the other end of the scale my mother (very wealthy) needs a lot of advice on very simple things as has very little understanding of money.
OP I’d go with helping “park” it in Premium Bonds.
Whilst not likely to get a great return (although there’s always a chance).
We’ did this last year with older family members & it’s funny to see how excited they get winning! (Only disappointment for me is they don’t get the buzz of cheques in the post anymore)
The money is now out of their current accounts too which seems to be a psychological “relief” to them that they’ve done something with it, & us that it’s not going to disappear to a scammer over the phone one day.
Whilst not likely to get a great return (although there’s always a chance).
We’ did this last year with older family members & it’s funny to see how excited they get winning! (Only disappointment for me is they don’t get the buzz of cheques in the post anymore)
The money is now out of their current accounts too which seems to be a psychological “relief” to them that they’ve done something with it, & us that it’s not going to disappear to a scammer over the phone one day.
bristolbaron said:
This was more a case of her offering money which could otherwise be at risk and by ‘borrowing’ would mean I could drip feed it back guaranteeing her the amount she currently lives on permanently.
Well that's an interesting thought. If you're going ahead with the extension anyway you could keep the £20K 'safe' for her and use it to assist her later if needed.The church thing is a bit worrying though. I think one of my great aunts gave everything to the church. But then, if they feel the church is supporting them, I guess you can understand it. It makes sense to them if not to someone else.
AndyAudi said:
OP I’d go with helping “park” it in Premium Bonds.
Whilst not likely to get a great return (although there’s always a chance).
We’ did this last year with older family members & it’s funny to see how excited they get winning! (Only disappointment for me is they don’t get the buzz of cheques in the post anymore)
The money is now out of their current accounts too which seems to be a psychological “relief” to them that they’ve done something with it, & us that it’s not going to disappear to a scammer over the phone one day.
This is more the spirit.Whilst not likely to get a great return (although there’s always a chance).
We’ did this last year with older family members & it’s funny to see how excited they get winning! (Only disappointment for me is they don’t get the buzz of cheques in the post anymore)
The money is now out of their current accounts too which seems to be a psychological “relief” to them that they’ve done something with it, & us that it’s not going to disappear to a scammer over the phone one day.
Another thing to be wary of old folks giving a chunk of money away is if they end up needing care, they look at the means of the old folks & can consider any money that’s been given away too before free care is given.
I’d be wary as a family taking money/assets unless you know the full financial status of the old dears who potentially don’t realise the cost of care.
Not saying it’s applicable here but you don’t want to land in a situation of getting the money, spending it then discovering you need to pay it back in care fees.
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/p...
I’d be wary as a family taking money/assets unless you know the full financial status of the old dears who potentially don’t realise the cost of care.
Not saying it’s applicable here but you don’t want to land in a situation of getting the money, spending it then discovering you need to pay it back in care fees.
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/p...
OP Accepting the money and then investing may open up tax implications for you, even if you give the interest back.
20K invested at reasonably low risk will not realise anywhere near £300 per month, you will be doing well to clear £80-90 and thats before any tax deductions that maybe due
20K invested at reasonably low risk will not realise anywhere near £300 per month, you will be doing well to clear £80-90 and thats before any tax deductions that maybe due
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