State pension share question for married couples
Discussion
Family issues
My parents are married and retired, and their combined state pension goes to my mums bank account. For many historical reasons, my mum doesn't trust my dad at all with financial decisions and she pretty much keeps the money and gives him 'pocket money' for shopping etc. He's very unhappy about this, and no matter how much we talk to my mum, she refuses to 'share' the money with him, and thinks the pocket money she gives him is enough - what else does he need money for? Their bills are already paid, no mortgage etc, and the money is for them to enjoy their lives. The state pension isn't a lot but my dad would prefer to have his share.
I'm currently giving my dad money regularly, which I don't mind, but i'm annoyed too that my mum is being so stubborn about this and won't share the pot with him. I understand she had a hard life with my dad but still, he's a man who should be able to spend his pension how he wants, and it must be hurting his pride.
Is there a way to get their pension automatically split so they get half each? My mum would be livid at this, but i'm just exploring options I can propose to make this easier for both of them.
They won't be splitting, far too old for that, even though they don't really get along.
Cheers
My parents are married and retired, and their combined state pension goes to my mums bank account. For many historical reasons, my mum doesn't trust my dad at all with financial decisions and she pretty much keeps the money and gives him 'pocket money' for shopping etc. He's very unhappy about this, and no matter how much we talk to my mum, she refuses to 'share' the money with him, and thinks the pocket money she gives him is enough - what else does he need money for? Their bills are already paid, no mortgage etc, and the money is for them to enjoy their lives. The state pension isn't a lot but my dad would prefer to have his share.
I'm currently giving my dad money regularly, which I don't mind, but i'm annoyed too that my mum is being so stubborn about this and won't share the pot with him. I understand she had a hard life with my dad but still, he's a man who should be able to spend his pension how he wants, and it must be hurting his pride.
Is there a way to get their pension automatically split so they get half each? My mum would be livid at this, but i'm just exploring options I can propose to make this easier for both of them.
They won't be splitting, far too old for that, even though they don't really get along.
Cheers
If your mum takes all the money, pays the bills and gives him pocket money, does he realise that if he takes control of his money, he will have to pay half the council tax, half the food bill, half the utilities etc, and what's left will be his pocket money.
Because if he spunks all his pension up the wall and can't pay his share of the bills, maybe your mum is right.
Because if he spunks all his pension up the wall and can't pay his share of the bills, maybe your mum is right.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I pay all the bills 
The pension is really for them to do a bit of shopping and whatever else they want to spend it on. My dad doesn't have a gambling habit or anything like that (that I know of) but money doesn't seem to last long with him. He hasn't lost his marbles yet, and is in his 80's so I don't really want him feeling like he has to beg for his share of the pension.
After having spoken to my siblings about this, it seems like the best way is to keep things as they are. Apparently the s
tfest that will ensue if I helped make any changes will not be worth it. My mum really resents my dad for not providing enough when we were growing up, and maybe she has this trauma now where she has to hoard the money 'just in case'. I've told her many times she has nothing to worry about as her kids are grown up and won't see her turfed out of her home etc due to non payment of the mortgage/rent but I guess the damage has already been done in her mind and she needs to feel in control.Cheers for the responses though - I really thought I could help.
When you say the bills are paid, and that you pay them, is this out of your own pocket or are you repaid by your Mom?
Whatever your Mom thinks about her past financial situation and your Dad's behaviour, she has no right to deny him access to his own money, at least not without a legal basis for his own protection, and it doesn't sound like that exists. On the face on it this sounds like she's taking the lion's share because she thinks she deserves it on account of what has gone on in the past.
If he is incapable of managing his own money then perhaps let this be demonstrated to him by giving him his half and monitoring things. If he somehow digs himself a hole that quickly then he should agree to help. Otherwise get divorced and let them crack on.
Whatever your Mom thinks about her past financial situation and your Dad's behaviour, she has no right to deny him access to his own money, at least not without a legal basis for his own protection, and it doesn't sound like that exists. On the face on it this sounds like she's taking the lion's share because she thinks she deserves it on account of what has gone on in the past.
If he is incapable of managing his own money then perhaps let this be demonstrated to him by giving him his half and monitoring things. If he somehow digs himself a hole that quickly then he should agree to help. Otherwise get divorced and let them crack on.
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