How not to be cut out of a will?
Discussion
When my natural mother died, her money went to someone who'd befriended her towards the end of her life. I was cut out of the will entirely.
My father divorced my natural mother many years ago and remarried. I have a step brother as a result of that marriage. My father died about 12 years ago, in his will he left everything to my stepmother and said that she would divide it between me and my step brother when she died.
I have recurrent prostate cancer and may not live my three score years and ten. My stepmother doesn't know about this, because I have enough to deal with without me having to update her continuously.
I've just had a conversation with my stepmother which concerns me slightly, and I am worried that she may be planning to leave the bulk of her estate (total is £700k ish I would guess) to my step brother. He has always struggled financially.
In light of my illness I am trying to make plans for the future and part of that includes ensuring that money left by my father, intended for me, ends up with my children.
It feels a bit grubby going to my stepmother and saying "I just want to confirm that you're planning to leave me half your estate in your will", but at the same time I need and want to know.
Sad though it is, I don't entirely trust that my step brother would volunteer to split the money, if it were all left to him.
I intend to speak to our family solicitor, but such is PH wisdom I suspect that someone here has good advice.
My father divorced my natural mother many years ago and remarried. I have a step brother as a result of that marriage. My father died about 12 years ago, in his will he left everything to my stepmother and said that she would divide it between me and my step brother when she died.
I have recurrent prostate cancer and may not live my three score years and ten. My stepmother doesn't know about this, because I have enough to deal with without me having to update her continuously.
I've just had a conversation with my stepmother which concerns me slightly, and I am worried that she may be planning to leave the bulk of her estate (total is £700k ish I would guess) to my step brother. He has always struggled financially.
In light of my illness I am trying to make plans for the future and part of that includes ensuring that money left by my father, intended for me, ends up with my children.
It feels a bit grubby going to my stepmother and saying "I just want to confirm that you're planning to leave me half your estate in your will", but at the same time I need and want to know.
Sad though it is, I don't entirely trust that my step brother would volunteer to split the money, if it were all left to him.
I intend to speak to our family solicitor, but such is PH wisdom I suspect that someone here has good advice.
Good luck with your health, prepare to be disappointed though, IANAL
https://www.holmes-hills.co.uk/news/2022/june/inhe...
https://www.holmes-hills.co.uk/news/2022/june/inhe...
Sadly, I agree with the sentiments above of 'prepare to be disappointed'.
A friend of mine was on the opposite end of this years ago, which I have posted about previously when this sort of thing has been discussed.
Married couple with 3 children between them. The bloke owns a large business and is wealthy, but mostly on paper as a result of the business. They then get divorced, the father gives as little as possible to the ex wife, and remarries a much younger lady, and they have one child.
The bloke sells his business for several million and then dies, leaves everything to his current 'new' wife and nothing to his ex-wife and his 'original' 3 kids. The 'new' wife then dies, and leaves everything to her only child.
My mate was the sole recipient of the several million quid, and was the subject of several legal challenges from the original 3 kids, the step-brothers, to try to acquire some of the fathers money. They did not succeed.
It is what it is, and people are free to leave their money their kids, or alternatively to distant relatives, weirdos, the cats home, and potentially some person who befriended them in their last few years. Nothing causes more arguments than money.
A friend of mine was on the opposite end of this years ago, which I have posted about previously when this sort of thing has been discussed.
Married couple with 3 children between them. The bloke owns a large business and is wealthy, but mostly on paper as a result of the business. They then get divorced, the father gives as little as possible to the ex wife, and remarries a much younger lady, and they have one child.
The bloke sells his business for several million and then dies, leaves everything to his current 'new' wife and nothing to his ex-wife and his 'original' 3 kids. The 'new' wife then dies, and leaves everything to her only child.
My mate was the sole recipient of the several million quid, and was the subject of several legal challenges from the original 3 kids, the step-brothers, to try to acquire some of the fathers money. They did not succeed.
It is what it is, and people are free to leave their money their kids, or alternatively to distant relatives, weirdos, the cats home, and potentially some person who befriended them in their last few years. Nothing causes more arguments than money.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 31st October 14:06
MJC63 said:
When my natural mother died, her money went to someone who'd befriended her towards the end of her life. I was cut out of the will entirely.
My father divorced my natural mother many years ago and remarried. I have a step brother as a result of that marriage. My father died about 12 years ago, in his will he left everything to my stepmother and said that she would divide it between me and my step brother when she died.
I have recurrent prostate cancer and may not live my three score years and ten. My stepmother doesn't know about this, because I have enough to deal with without me having to update her continuously.
I've just had a conversation with my stepmother which concerns me slightly, and I am worried that she may be planning to leave the bulk of her estate (total is £700k ish I would guess) to my step brother. He has always struggled financially.
In light of my illness I am trying to make plans for the future and part of that includes ensuring that money left by my father, intended for me, ends up with my children.
It feels a bit grubby going to my stepmother and saying "I just want to confirm that you're planning to leave me half your estate in your will", but at the same time I need and want to know.
Sad though it is, I don't entirely trust that my step brother would volunteer to split the money, if it were all left to him.
I intend to speak to our family solicitor, but such is PH wisdom I suspect that someone here has good advice.
Commiserations on your illness. This may sound harsh but it's no longer your dad's money, it's your stepmother'sMy father divorced my natural mother many years ago and remarried. I have a step brother as a result of that marriage. My father died about 12 years ago, in his will he left everything to my stepmother and said that she would divide it between me and my step brother when she died.
I have recurrent prostate cancer and may not live my three score years and ten. My stepmother doesn't know about this, because I have enough to deal with without me having to update her continuously.
I've just had a conversation with my stepmother which concerns me slightly, and I am worried that she may be planning to leave the bulk of her estate (total is £700k ish I would guess) to my step brother. He has always struggled financially.
In light of my illness I am trying to make plans for the future and part of that includes ensuring that money left by my father, intended for me, ends up with my children.
It feels a bit grubby going to my stepmother and saying "I just want to confirm that you're planning to leave me half your estate in your will", but at the same time I need and want to know.
Sad though it is, I don't entirely trust that my step brother would volunteer to split the money, if it were all left to him.
I intend to speak to our family solicitor, but such is PH wisdom I suspect that someone here has good advice.
If you feel entitled to half of her estate (maybe not unreasonably) I think it sounds unreasonable that you won't tell her about your illness?
If you're close enough to her to warrant the inheritance (given you are not 'blood'), I think maybe you owe it to her to tell her that your time may be limited.
How old were you when your father and stepmother got together?
MJC63 said:
When my natural mother died, her money went to someone who'd befriended her towards the end of her life. I was cut out of the will entirely.
My father divorced my natural mother many years ago and remarried. I have a step brother as a result of that marriage. My father died about 12 years ago, in his will he left everything to my stepmother and said that she would divide it between me and my step brother when she died.
I have recurrent prostate cancer and may not live my three score years and ten. My stepmother doesn't know about this, because I have enough to deal with without me having to update her continuously.
I've just had a conversation with my stepmother which concerns me slightly, and I am worried that she may be planning to leave the bulk of her estate (total is £700k ish I would guess) to my step brother. He has always struggled financially.
In light of my illness I am trying to make plans for the future and part of that includes ensuring that money left by my father, intended for me, ends up with my children.
It feels a bit grubby going to my stepmother and saying "I just want to confirm that you're planning to leave me half your estate in your will", but at the same time I need and want to know.
Sad though it is, I don't entirely trust that my step brother would volunteer to split the money, if it were all left to him.
I intend to speak to our family solicitor, but such is PH wisdom I suspect that someone here has good advice.
Quoted just in case.My father divorced my natural mother many years ago and remarried. I have a step brother as a result of that marriage. My father died about 12 years ago, in his will he left everything to my stepmother and said that she would divide it between me and my step brother when she died.
I have recurrent prostate cancer and may not live my three score years and ten. My stepmother doesn't know about this, because I have enough to deal with without me having to update her continuously.
I've just had a conversation with my stepmother which concerns me slightly, and I am worried that she may be planning to leave the bulk of her estate (total is £700k ish I would guess) to my step brother. He has always struggled financially.
In light of my illness I am trying to make plans for the future and part of that includes ensuring that money left by my father, intended for me, ends up with my children.
It feels a bit grubby going to my stepmother and saying "I just want to confirm that you're planning to leave me half your estate in your will", but at the same time I need and want to know.
Sad though it is, I don't entirely trust that my step brother would volunteer to split the money, if it were all left to him.
I intend to speak to our family solicitor, but such is PH wisdom I suspect that someone here has good advice.
The part in bold - how was this split between you and your step-brother formalised? Did you father have it put into your step-mother's will? Was there some kind of legal document?
Or was it just a promise that she'd look after you?
There is nothing to stop your step-mother changing her will to cut you out, following your father's death.
Generally speaking, unless your father bequeathed you something directly in his will that only becomes effective on your step-mother's passing, you are entirely in your step-mother's hands.
IANAL
Sorry to hear of your plight.
This kind of disinheritance is very common with second marriages. If everything was left outright by your father to the stepmother then it's hers to do with however she wants and if she leaves it all to her child/ren then that is her right. Only if your dad left something in trust for you would your inheritance be protected. You would need to see his Will (copy of probate) to see if that was the case.
This kind of disinheritance is very common with second marriages. If everything was left outright by your father to the stepmother then it's hers to do with however she wants and if she leaves it all to her child/ren then that is her right. Only if your dad left something in trust for you would your inheritance be protected. You would need to see his Will (copy of probate) to see if that was the case.
Muzzer79 said:
The part in bold - how was this split between you and your step-brother formalised? Did you father have it put into your step-mother's will? Was there some kind of legal document?
Or was it just a promise that she'd look after you?
When I looked into wills, I was told by a solicitor that if I left everything to my wife, who isn't the mother of my sons, and expressed a wish that she then left everything to them when she goes, then whilst that is my wish, it would carry no weight in the future and that MrsC II could will "her" estate (including whatever I leave her) as she wishes.Or was it just a promise that she'd look after you?
Fortunately she has a great relationship with by sons so I don't anticipate an issue, but apparently there is no way that I can enforce anything after I'm gone and my own will is executed.
CAPP0 said:
When I looked into wills, I was told by a solicitor that if I left everything to my wife, who isn't the mother of my sons, and expressed a wish that she then left everything to them when she goes, then whilst that is my wish, it would carry no weight in the future and that MrsC II could will "her" estate (including whatever I leave her) as she wishes.
Fortunately she has a great relationship with by sons so I don't anticipate an issue, but apparently there is no way that I can enforce anything after I'm gone and my own will is executed.
This is probably why other jurisdictions insist that a certain proportion of a spouse's estate is distributed to the children (in Switzerland/France it is 50%) and only the rest goes to the surviving spouse. There are provisions to prevent the children forcing asset sales in order to get paid out, so allowing the surviving spouse to live out their days in the family home. But at least the system seems fairer and prevents the sort of disinheritances cases outlined above.Fortunately she has a great relationship with by sons so I don't anticipate an issue, but apparently there is no way that I can enforce anything after I'm gone and my own will is executed.
I hope the OP finds a solution, but like others have said, it doesn't seem very hopeful.
joshcowin said:
Firstly sorry to hear about your health bet its a terrible time!
Why do you care what happens with your step mothers money? I find the whole inheritance thing odd, why do you care about their money? Don't worry about it, if they get it bonus if they don't who cares, its not theirs.
Because for large numbers of people in the South East, an inheritance is the only chance of getting out of the rent trap and thus having the financial security to make a decent future for themselves and their children. If you just lost your only chance of living in a house as opposed to a flat and thus losing the only chance at a proper retirement to an "incomer" who replaced your "real" family you would probably be quite annoyed. Why do you care what happens with your step mothers money? I find the whole inheritance thing odd, why do you care about their money? Don't worry about it, if they get it bonus if they don't who cares, its not theirs.
I have had a chat with my step brother this afternoon, quite a frank one.
I have said to him that I need to get my affairs in order and knowing that my father's wishes will be fulfilled is part of that. He seemed to think that it is my step mother's intention to split everything 50/50.
He went on to tell me that his sister in law is having the very battle that I am afraid may happen. Her father has prostate cancer too, but is in his 80s and not altogether with it. Apparently it is believed that one sibling has been left his entire estate and it is a few million. The remaining siblings are getting advice, because they don't believe it was their late mother's wish.
BritishBlitz87 said:
Because for large numbers of people in the South East, an inheritance is the only chance of getting out of the rent trap and thus having the financial security to make a decent future for themselves and their children. If you just lost your only chance of living in a house as opposed to a flat and thus losing the only chance at a proper retirement to an "incomer" who replaced your "real" family you would probably be quite annoyed.
In live in the SE plenty of people I know have not relied on their dead relatives money to buy a house! So you are saying having a 'decent future' depends on money and possessions? I just don't share that view to be honest. I am not wealthy or even what some would deem comfortable btw. I would want my elderly family members to spend every penny they had earned on themselves, like they are doing from what I can see, good for them! I agree however there is a rent trap.
My wife and I have mirror wills with our house left to our sons in what I think is called a lifetime interest trust. When one of us dies, the house goes to our sons, but the surviving partner can do exactly as they please whilst they are alive. They can sell the house and buy a smaller one and blow the difference, or sell the house, rent a place and spunk all the money down the casino. But when the surviving partner dies, if there is a property, it is automatically owned by our sons. It cannot be left to a new spouse or someone they befriend in later life.
It's probably not necessary, and I doubt either of us will marry again, or dream of leaving our estate to anyone else apart from our sons. But you never know, so at least we know that when we're both dead, any property (house/flat) owned at the time will definitely go to our sons.
It's probably not necessary, and I doubt either of us will marry again, or dream of leaving our estate to anyone else apart from our sons. But you never know, so at least we know that when we're both dead, any property (house/flat) owned at the time will definitely go to our sons.
Edited by TwigtheWonderkid on Monday 31st October 17:52
There are a lot of these grave diggers about, when my grandma passed leaving my grandfather on his own you would be amazed at the number of women who came in to his life.
Same went for my uncle who met a younger lady shortly before he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, she cared for him deeply and ended up getting most of it. Much to my cousins annoyance.
The only way around is to keep an eye on them, phone them regularly and visit or invite them to visit you as often as you can take. Keep them involved in everything and you should be rewarded.
Same went for my uncle who met a younger lady shortly before he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, she cared for him deeply and ended up getting most of it. Much to my cousins annoyance.
The only way around is to keep an eye on them, phone them regularly and visit or invite them to visit you as often as you can take. Keep them involved in everything and you should be rewarded.
LaterLosers said:
There are a lot of these grave diggers about, when my grandma passed leaving my grandfather on his own you would be amazed at the number of women who came in to his life.
Same went for my uncle who met a younger lady shortly before he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, she cared for him deeply and ended up getting most of it. Much to my cousins annoyance.
The only way around is to keep an eye on them, phone them regularly and visit or invite them to visit you as often as you can take. Keep them involved in everything and you should be rewarded.
Same went for my uncle who met a younger lady shortly before he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, she cared for him deeply and ended up getting most of it. Much to my cousins annoyance.
The only way around is to keep an eye on them, phone them regularly and visit or invite them to visit you as often as you can take. Keep them involved in everything and you should be rewarded.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
My wife and I have mirror wills with our house left to our sons in what I think is called a lifetime interest trust. When one of us dies, the house goes to our sons, but the surviving partner can do exactly as they please whilst they are alive. They can sell the house and buy a smaller one and blow the difference, or sell the house, rent a place and spunk all the money down the casino.
Hmmm…I don’t think that’s right. The surviving partner has to preserve half the value for your sons. If it worked as you describe it’d be pretty pointless,TwigtheWonderkid said:
My wife and I have mirror wills with our house left to our sons in what I think is called a lifetime interest trust. When one of us dies, the house goes to our sons, but the surviving partner can do exactly as they please whilst they are alive. They can sell the house and buy a smaller one and blow the difference, or sell the house, rent a place and spunk all the money down the casino. But when the surviving partner dies, if there is a property, it is automatically owned by our sons. It cannot be left to a new spouse or someone they befriend in later life.
It's probably not necessary, and I doubt either of us will marry again, or dream of leaving our estate to anyone else apart from our sons. But you never know, so at least we know that when we're both dead, any property (house/flat) owned at the time will definitely go to our sons.
I just wrote a will today along these lines. It prevents "sideways disinheritance" , the issue raised by the OP. It's probably not necessary, and I doubt either of us will marry again, or dream of leaving our estate to anyone else apart from our sons. But you never know, so at least we know that when we're both dead, any property (house/flat) owned at the time will definitely go to our sons.
Edited by TwigtheWonderkid on Monday 31st October 17:52
Sheepshanks said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
My wife and I have mirror wills with our house left to our sons in what I think is called a lifetime interest trust. When one of us dies, the house goes to our sons, but the surviving partner can do exactly as they please whilst they are alive. They can sell the house and buy a smaller one and blow the difference, or sell the house, rent a place and spunk all the money down the casino.
Hmmm…I don’t think that’s right. The surviving partner has to preserve half the value for your sons. If it worked as you describe it’d be pretty pointless,It also protects 50% againt long term care costs.
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