Got to a point and could do with some advise
Discussion
Firstly I've set up a new profile as for me this is a bit personal and didn't want disclose under my profile.
I've managed to be very fortunate that I've managed to get myself into a position by the age of 36 to have cleared my mortgage and secure a very high paying job (150k plus) with directorship coming in August. I also have wonderful wife and two beautiful kids (5 year old and a 9 months old).
However i have been in said job for 16 years now, and the pay has been very good, but I really get zero enjoyment and have not done so in many years, and it has made me a bit miserable, but plugged away with a view of clearing the mortgage, now this is sorted and I have a decent amount of savings/investments, I could in theory step back and take some time to work out what i want to do/peursue?
This in it's self is an issue, because I really don't know, so think I may as well keep doing what I am doing and earn some good money, but then I sit back and think I've put myself in a very fortunate position that I should take advantage, while I am young with the kids.
However the 2nd voice kicks in and says keep plugging away and I will be able to provide a very nice life for us and the kids, and in 10 years time I could look at early retirement.
Was just looking for some wisdom/advice and if anyones been in/are in a similar position.
(I am aware I am very fortunate with it all, and alot of people would struggle with why I am not happy, and even if I told my 15 year old self this is where I'd be, I wouldn't beleive it, but)
I've managed to be very fortunate that I've managed to get myself into a position by the age of 36 to have cleared my mortgage and secure a very high paying job (150k plus) with directorship coming in August. I also have wonderful wife and two beautiful kids (5 year old and a 9 months old).
However i have been in said job for 16 years now, and the pay has been very good, but I really get zero enjoyment and have not done so in many years, and it has made me a bit miserable, but plugged away with a view of clearing the mortgage, now this is sorted and I have a decent amount of savings/investments, I could in theory step back and take some time to work out what i want to do/peursue?
This in it's self is an issue, because I really don't know, so think I may as well keep doing what I am doing and earn some good money, but then I sit back and think I've put myself in a very fortunate position that I should take advantage, while I am young with the kids.
However the 2nd voice kicks in and says keep plugging away and I will be able to provide a very nice life for us and the kids, and in 10 years time I could look at early retirement.
Was just looking for some wisdom/advice and if anyones been in/are in a similar position.
(I am aware I am very fortunate with it all, and alot of people would struggle with why I am not happy, and even if I told my 15 year old self this is where I'd be, I wouldn't beleive it, but)
This: ‘’ However the 2nd voice kicks in and says keep plugging away and I will be able to provide a very nice life for us and the kids, and in 10 years time I could look at early retirement.’’
Take your kids on some nice holidays, spend quality time at the weekends whilst maximising your pension/savings. Don’t increase your day-to-day expenses unnecessarily. In 10 years time you’ll have more options/choices about what you do and when because you will be financially independent. That is the holy grail in my experience. I achieved it at around 50 and retired at 55. I now spend my time doing what I want when I want, this includes supporting my adult kids through their life experiences which I find gratifying.
Take your kids on some nice holidays, spend quality time at the weekends whilst maximising your pension/savings. Don’t increase your day-to-day expenses unnecessarily. In 10 years time you’ll have more options/choices about what you do and when because you will be financially independent. That is the holy grail in my experience. I achieved it at around 50 and retired at 55. I now spend my time doing what I want when I want, this includes supporting my adult kids through their life experiences which I find gratifying.
Can you ask for a sabbatical from your job and find out what you want to do?
Have you discussed it with your wife, what does she want?
Are you entrepreneurial? Anything you are passionate about that you could turn into a business?
It's a great position to be in, but it does put mental stress on you
Is there a way to change your day to day duties to something you enjoy more, what aspects of your job do you enjoy, could you do more of that and less of what you don't?
I am somewhat of the opinion that you make hay while the sun shines, unless you hate going to work every day suck it up as being a bit crap, use the excellent remuneration to fund doing what you love out of work.
I am somewhat of the opinion that you make hay while the sun shines, unless you hate going to work every day suck it up as being a bit crap, use the excellent remuneration to fund doing what you love out of work.
The way I see it the kids are only young for a very short time. My sister is finding this now with her teenager it is very uncool to be seen with your mum and dad. She just borrows our younger kids who still want to spend time with her.
I’d take those special few years over cash but it’s tricky.
I’d take those special few years over cash but it’s tricky.
I suspect it’s a phase - and I don’t mean that to sound condescending. I went through it at your age when the kids were small…. Life just felt like a hamster wheel. The nice cars and houses did little to make life feel better. I also had a hugely unsupportive wife which didn’t help.
I guess you have to search for the motivation in your current role a bit. Will you be on the board at your company? Equity?
Some mentoring might help - but don’t do anything drastic!
I guess you have to search for the motivation in your current role a bit. Will you be on the board at your company? Equity?
Some mentoring might help - but don’t do anything drastic!
To add a slightly different perspective...on the one hand £150k is not a very high paying job if you are serious about retiring around 50, and have a family and 2 kids to support with a decent quality life in the meantime. On the other, jack it in and you may find it hard to get something similar - I have a friend who did just that, quit a city IT manager job to take some time out as he was very much on the hamster wheel, thought it would be easy to get something new, and a year later is still unemployed, with seemingly a frosty market out there.
So first step for me would be to look at your £150k comp and reflect on what you are being paid that level for...do you have rare and in demand skills and could move at ease, or is your firm paying you a premium for the institutional knowledge you bring? If it's the latter, then think hard before chucking it in, unless you are ultimately willing to trade off the lifestyle for a more fulfilling career at a lower comp level. If it's the former and you have in demand skills, and you want the lifestyle for your family and the early retirement, then I'd be thinking what is the next career move that will lead to much higher comp. I don't know what industry or part of the country you are in, but director level jobs in some industries will pay multiples of what you make currently. Much easier to get a new role when you are already employed, and it's the perfect time to negotiate some time off between roles for a bit of a recharge.
So first step for me would be to look at your £150k comp and reflect on what you are being paid that level for...do you have rare and in demand skills and could move at ease, or is your firm paying you a premium for the institutional knowledge you bring? If it's the latter, then think hard before chucking it in, unless you are ultimately willing to trade off the lifestyle for a more fulfilling career at a lower comp level. If it's the former and you have in demand skills, and you want the lifestyle for your family and the early retirement, then I'd be thinking what is the next career move that will lead to much higher comp. I don't know what industry or part of the country you are in, but director level jobs in some industries will pay multiples of what you make currently. Much easier to get a new role when you are already employed, and it's the perfect time to negotiate some time off between roles for a bit of a recharge.
It is interesting to hear from someone who is highly paid but dislikes their job.
I always thought that someone having a highly paid job they enjoyed means they are getting the penny and the bun. And that it would be far more equitable if, as a general rule, the higher the salary the more unbearable the job. With the lowest paid jobs being the most fun and most fulfilling.
Sorry OP, I know this is thread drift and doesn't help.
I always thought that someone having a highly paid job they enjoyed means they are getting the penny and the bun. And that it would be far more equitable if, as a general rule, the higher the salary the more unbearable the job. With the lowest paid jobs being the most fun and most fulfilling.
Sorry OP, I know this is thread drift and doesn't help.
If you reduce expenses and save a lot, you could be in a very comfortable position where you don't need to stress so much about a tedious job. It's very easy to fall into a trap of earning more and expanding your lifestyle so that it uses up a lot of the income and makes it hard to quit.
However, I think you need to speak to your wife.
However, I think you need to speak to your wife.
Thanks all, some very good advice/information on both sides of my thoughts.
Both make hay while the sunshine’s and enjoy the kids while they are young.
For reference I am a Quantity Surveyor for a small building firm (10 people in the office, but turn over 20mil plus), so it's not a large corporation and everyone heavily depends on one another, so taking time out or even reduced hours won’t work.
We do live a comfortable life. try and get 2/3 holidays a year all within living well within our means, (I guess being a QS largely helps me budget "living costs")
Just sometimes feel there is more i could be doing with my life, i guess its a phase and perhaps I need to focus "inwards" and learn to be content.
I do sometimes fall into the pitfalls of "social media" lifestyle of seeing these people doing youtube doing the things they love cars/traveling the world while making serious cash, but then I know its not all it seems to be.
Both make hay while the sunshine’s and enjoy the kids while they are young.
For reference I am a Quantity Surveyor for a small building firm (10 people in the office, but turn over 20mil plus), so it's not a large corporation and everyone heavily depends on one another, so taking time out or even reduced hours won’t work.
We do live a comfortable life. try and get 2/3 holidays a year all within living well within our means, (I guess being a QS largely helps me budget "living costs")
Just sometimes feel there is more i could be doing with my life, i guess its a phase and perhaps I need to focus "inwards" and learn to be content.
I do sometimes fall into the pitfalls of "social media" lifestyle of seeing these people doing youtube doing the things they love cars/traveling the world while making serious cash, but then I know its not all it seems to be.
I downsized my job about 9 years ago, with young kids. I had been with the firm for 16 years (not earning nearly what you are).
Kids get more and more expensive. Trips to Iceland, football tournaments, national dance comps, underwater hockey tournaments, associated equipment, dance classes, football training, piano lessons, holidays, then I am dreading sending them to uni for things to ramp up etc. etc.) My wage has increased fairly nicely with a better bonus package. But to support them costs more and more....we could obvs do it cheaper but want them to have the experiences.
My youngest is now 11, I am seeing needing to support them for another 10 years ish, so that is when I am aiming to retire (about 61)
Kids get more and more expensive. Trips to Iceland, football tournaments, national dance comps, underwater hockey tournaments, associated equipment, dance classes, football training, piano lessons, holidays, then I am dreading sending them to uni for things to ramp up etc. etc.) My wage has increased fairly nicely with a better bonus package. But to support them costs more and more....we could obvs do it cheaper but want them to have the experiences.
My youngest is now 11, I am seeing needing to support them for another 10 years ish, so that is when I am aiming to retire (about 61)
It’s an interesting conundrum. We are in a similar position, although we are a bit older and income is higher, but our kids are young relatively.
I see every extra year you can manage, adds to pension and asset pot, which probably funds an additional few years of retirement or increases the pot size generally. Until recently I’d thought I could do another 15 years (I’m 50) but now find myself forward calculating my asset pot size to see what retirement looks like in 5 or 10 years time. Don’t get me wrong, we will be alright whatever happens, but I had not really considered jacking it all in until recently. I would not move jobs, so it is a question of how long to stay on the train. Slight complexity is that my wife is 7 years younger, but is a professional too and has good earning capacity.
Your salary sounds high for a QS are you in a unique position or is this an industry average wage? Ie could you take time out and move, same salary etc?
I see every extra year you can manage, adds to pension and asset pot, which probably funds an additional few years of retirement or increases the pot size generally. Until recently I’d thought I could do another 15 years (I’m 50) but now find myself forward calculating my asset pot size to see what retirement looks like in 5 or 10 years time. Don’t get me wrong, we will be alright whatever happens, but I had not really considered jacking it all in until recently. I would not move jobs, so it is a question of how long to stay on the train. Slight complexity is that my wife is 7 years younger, but is a professional too and has good earning capacity.
Your salary sounds high for a QS are you in a unique position or is this an industry average wage? Ie could you take time out and move, same salary etc?
mashcar said:
I do sometimes fall into the pitfalls of "social media" lifestyle of seeing these people doing youtube doing the things they love cars/traveling the world while making serious cash, but then I know its not all it seems to be.
Please don’t make potentially catastrophic life changing decisions influenced by anything you see on social media/the internet.You’ve said you could potentially retire early if you plough on. 10yrs is really not all that long over a lifetime. In your position I’d think hard about doing anything drastic. Retiring young, you’d hopefully have several decades to enjoy making memories with your family.
There’s nothing worse than going to work every day and hating it. Just doing that for the money is going to just as crap.
It’s hard to change when you’ve got a good income which is going to be almost impossible to find in a new career.
But if you’ve paid the mortgage off, aren’t planning on moving and have decent money put away.
Why not down size your career now that you don’t need so much money. I think your family would rather have you happy.
It’s hard to change when you’ve got a good income which is going to be almost impossible to find in a new career.
But if you’ve paid the mortgage off, aren’t planning on moving and have decent money put away.
Why not down size your career now that you don’t need so much money. I think your family would rather have you happy.
mashcar said:
For reference I am a Quantity Surveyor for a small building firm (10 people in the office, but turn over 20mil plus)
...
I do sometimes fall into the pitfalls of "social media" lifestyle of seeing these people doing youtube doing the things they love cars/traveling the world while making serious cash, but then I know its not all it seems to be.
So £2m of revenue per person...and presumably the biggest operating cost is human capital, with some outgoings on office expenses, IT, travel etc? How is the firm structured? Is it an LLP or similar? Sounds like there may be a conversation to be had about partnership and how you can get more involved in the commercials and growing the business...more comp for you, and perhaps the career freshener you need....
I do sometimes fall into the pitfalls of "social media" lifestyle of seeing these people doing youtube doing the things they love cars/traveling the world while making serious cash, but then I know its not all it seems to be.
Social media...one of the most toxic elements of society in my view. I've come close to completely deleting my Facebook account, only keep it for some community groups. Linkedin is the same, similarly detached from reality but with a focus on career grand standing and virtue signalling. I tend to ignore it nowadays.
mashcar said:
I do sometimes fall into the pitfalls of "social media" lifestyle of seeing these people doing youtube doing the things they love cars/traveling the world while making serious cash, but then I know its not all it seems to be.
My Dad used to tell me not to think too much about hating things. Stuff needs doing and it is better go get satisfaction from having done something to the best of your ability. To be honest, having great working colleagues is far better than the actual work content.
Although, having paid off the mortgage does take away some of the pressure and re-evaluate your life.
As others have said, spend some money having some great holidays and creating memories. Oh, and keep off YouTube.
I'm in a similar position, but 10 years down the line from you in my mid 40s
I don't know exactly how large your investments are already, but I'm maxing my pension contributions and there's no way I can afford to retire until my kids become financially independent. My kids are in sixth form/about to start higher education and bills are still pretty high. Also have 10 years on the mortgage.
Even though I'm indifferent to my job, I can put up with it and it pays well for the level of effort it now requires (it wasn't easy in the beginning). I used to fantasise about getting a job in B&Q for the last quarter of my working life, but imagine having a boss who is a B&Q middle manager!
You'd soon miss your old colleagues.
My solution was to find a hobby- something i've always wanted to do. This gives me satisfaction in life. I still hope to retire around 60, but this will require a decent pension- for me, around £1.5m +
I don't know exactly how large your investments are already, but I'm maxing my pension contributions and there's no way I can afford to retire until my kids become financially independent. My kids are in sixth form/about to start higher education and bills are still pretty high. Also have 10 years on the mortgage.
Even though I'm indifferent to my job, I can put up with it and it pays well for the level of effort it now requires (it wasn't easy in the beginning). I used to fantasise about getting a job in B&Q for the last quarter of my working life, but imagine having a boss who is a B&Q middle manager!
You'd soon miss your old colleagues. My solution was to find a hobby- something i've always wanted to do. This gives me satisfaction in life. I still hope to retire around 60, but this will require a decent pension- for me, around £1.5m +
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