What to do....
Discussion
Confusion reigns in my head.
There is a chap who is a friend of a friend. He is a bullfighter. I therefore automatically hate him. He also hunts animals for fun. Another good reason to dislike him.
BUT, he is kind to people, charming, intelligent, just overall a really nice person. I struggle to reconcile this with both his job and his hobby.
So what to do? Our mutual friend thinks we can be friends......
There is a chap who is a friend of a friend. He is a bullfighter. I therefore automatically hate him. He also hunts animals for fun. Another good reason to dislike him.
BUT, he is kind to people, charming, intelligent, just overall a really nice person. I struggle to reconcile this with both his job and his hobby.
So what to do? Our mutual friend thinks we can be friends......
You clearly have strong feelings regarding cruelty to animals therefore I'd suggest that you might struggle to 'get on' with a bull fighter/hunter!
The fact that he is nice to people is great but why on earth do you need to have him as a friend?
I'm certainly not bothered about being friends with my friends friends as it were.
I personally wouldn't bother with the potential aggravation.
The fact that he is nice to people is great but why on earth do you need to have him as a friend?
I'm certainly not bothered about being friends with my friends friends as it were.
I personally wouldn't bother with the potential aggravation.
A bullfighter! Is he Spanish?
In life you will meet people that don't match your views on all aspects of life. My feeling is that if you can get on well with them re: other common interests eg cars concentrate on these interests and avoid the areas you don't agree on, unless it's healthy debate.
I have a friend (he has been my husbands best friends for years) He is a good person, works hard, has good kids, I get on very well with him. However he has no time for animals. He wouldn't hunt them or be cruel but they play no part in his life. He doesn't get pets, esp cats and dogs (his kids do have hamsters, his wifes input!)
This has caused a few debated conversations but generally it is not a route of conversation we go down, we are never going to agree and I'm not prepared to fall out over it as I otherwise get on extremely well with him.
Having said all that a bullfighter is an extreme and I do think I'd struggle with that. I have had friends who have hunted foxes in the past, I've dealt with that with some degree of ignorance I suppose, I made my point on how felt about it and left it at that.
In life you will meet people that don't match your views on all aspects of life. My feeling is that if you can get on well with them re: other common interests eg cars concentrate on these interests and avoid the areas you don't agree on, unless it's healthy debate.
I have a friend (he has been my husbands best friends for years) He is a good person, works hard, has good kids, I get on very well with him. However he has no time for animals. He wouldn't hunt them or be cruel but they play no part in his life. He doesn't get pets, esp cats and dogs (his kids do have hamsters, his wifes input!)
This has caused a few debated conversations but generally it is not a route of conversation we go down, we are never going to agree and I'm not prepared to fall out over it as I otherwise get on extremely well with him.
Having said all that a bullfighter is an extreme and I do think I'd struggle with that. I have had friends who have hunted foxes in the past, I've dealt with that with some degree of ignorance I suppose, I made my point on how felt about it and left it at that.
Edited by bexVN on Sunday 24th February 22:07
boy said: He sounds a thoroughly good egg in my book based on the fact he says you should ignore his occupation and take him for who he is. I mean I dont like bog cleaners and won't shake there hands but I would still be friends with one.
Bog cleaners probably wash their hands, you'll be alright 
Jasandjules said:
Well, he isn't based in the UK.
When I say he is nice I even told him I could not like him and could not see how we could be friends because of his job and he said that fine and he perfectly understood that some people have strong feelings about it.
I think he has to say that doesn't he?! When I say he is nice I even told him I could not like him and could not see how we could be friends because of his job and he said that fine and he perfectly understood that some people have strong feelings about it.
I mean, most people (not Spanish) strongly dislike Bull Fighting so he's going to meet lots of people everyday who hate what he does.
I have horses and live in the country therefore I have relatives and even friends (GF's friends) who hunt or support hunting. I'm strongly against it and believe me it regularly causes some very awkward situations.
Imagine meeting up with this guy and somebody asks him what he's been up to this week? He says well I spent my week stabbing Bulls with spears for a good while until they could take no more and the baying crowd wanted to see death etc etc...
I suspect that you might get angry!
Jasandjules said:
Confusion reigns in my head.
There is a chap who is a friend of a friend. He is a bullfighter. I therefore automatically hate him. He also hunts animals for fun. Another good reason to dislike him.
BUT, he is kind to people, charming, intelligent, just overall a really nice person. I struggle to reconcile this with both his job and his hobby.
So what to do? Our mutual friend thinks we can be friends......
I've got a vaguely equivalent situation: a person in my extended family who makes a living doing something that I would (and have) risked jail time to prevent or protest against. There is a chap who is a friend of a friend. He is a bullfighter. I therefore automatically hate him. He also hunts animals for fun. Another good reason to dislike him.
BUT, he is kind to people, charming, intelligent, just overall a really nice person. I struggle to reconcile this with both his job and his hobby.
So what to do? Our mutual friend thinks we can be friends......
My sister went and put at us at the same table at her wedding.
I said hello, smiled politely and negotiated a swap as fast as I possibly could.
If friendship is impossible, because of who or what you are, or they are, then that's that. Be civil, and steer clear.
Accept that humans have a MASSIVE capacity for compartmentalisation and carry on. One of my best friends is a theist but he is still a really good friend (I even saved his life).
How far do you take this? - If his favourite is Strawberry ice-cream and yours is Chocolate?
Accept it and move on- that makes you the better friend and then you win!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry)
Obviously with my friend I am quite clearly right and he is being thick, I let it go with him, but then we are back to compartmentalisation.
...I feel like this is more of a Facebook update???!!!
How far do you take this? - If his favourite is Strawberry ice-cream and yours is Chocolate?
Accept it and move on- that makes you the better friend and then you win!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry)
Obviously with my friend I am quite clearly right and he is being thick, I let it go with him, but then we are back to compartmentalisation.
...I feel like this is more of a Facebook update???!!!
knk said:
He sounds a better person than you.
Yes he does to me too. Apart from his occupation and enjoyment of shooting animals.I can accept people are socialists, and I am almost friends with some of them. I can accept people believe in God, and I can be friends with them too.
But deliberately hurting animals? I can't get past that in my mind. Can I be the bigger man and get past it? At the moment I am not sure, much as I would like to.
Jasandjules said:
knk said:
He sounds a better person than you.
Yes he does to me too. Apart from his occupation and enjoyment of shooting animals.You asked for opinions/advice. I simply gave you my thoughts and I did so without throwing insults at people.
This is an Internet forum and you know nothing about me!
Oh well you can't please some people can you!
Jasandjules said:
ryanjohnstott said:
Oh well you can't please some people can you!
Can you clarify please as I have no idea why you have taken offence? Nothing I said was directed at you (to my knowledge at least)
! ryanjohnstott said:
Sorry, I think perhaps you were being sarcastic rather than agreeing with the fellow who thinks the bullfighter sounds like a nicer person than me? If so then I apologise - I misread your post, being too quick to comment is I admit, a fault of mine !
Ah I took his post to mean that the chap was nicer than me - because of my difficulty in wanting to be friends with someone of that occupation. ! All is well that ends well.
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