Warning: Anti Dog Rant (with some bad language)

[Old Git]

I'm going for the sweary record here......

Why oh fking why do some bding dog owners think I want to share the fking joy of their bloody dog-ownership by letting their bloody loved ones out for a fking st at 1am in their garden that adjoins my fking rolling acres (actually rolling square yards) then ignore the fact the fking is barking for half a fking hour keeping me and probably eighty other people awake. Are the owners fking deaf or just plain bloody inconsiderate. This particular whoring bh slag dog owner (she is female, just) even stands there having her fking bedtime fag while the ing mutt yaps it's head off. Better still, it sometimes sets off another four-legged stting machine three gardens down so we can all listen in fking glorious fking stereo.

I appreciate the majority of dog owners are considerate with well trained pets that they clean up after. But the ones who allow an endless fking symphony of fking barking at all fking times of the fking day and fking night are just utter, utter, utter,utter,utter fkING S. so there.

[Roy Lime]

3/10. Too many missing question marks.

[funkyrobot]

There were so many fks, I couldn't read what you were saying.

What's the problem chap?

[Papa Hotel]

Do you want a score? Feedback? What?

[funkyrobot]

Papa Hotel said:

Do you want a score? Feedback? What?

I think he fancies the dog.

Woof woof!

Also, from what I can read, it looks like the family are let out for a st at 1am.

[Adenauer]

[Hooli]

Papa Hotel said:

Do you want a score? Feedback? What?

I think he wants to shag the slut next door but the dog keeps barking at him to protect her.

[Timmy35]

1 out of 10 on the basis of misdescripiton.

It's not an anti dog rant it's a rant about a bad dog owner/ incosiderate female chav (who OP some of us suspect you may actually want to bum/molest).

[Gazunder]

Hooli said:

I think he wants to shag the slut next door but the dog keeps barking at him to protect her.

While she's having her fag, he's peeking through a slit in the curtains... watching her.

[Lawbags]

I have exactly the same thing with my neighbour. However it's some stupid yappy thing. It barks from around 6am till 11-12 at night.

I love getting my mower out at 7:30am on a Saturday :-)

[Captain Muppet]

I had a picnic in a local park on Saturday.

It's hard trying to eat a chocolate elcair while people pick up warm dog poo in front of you.


I was going to do a massive sweary rant about it but didn't fancy any of the dog owners enough.

Plus if you want to feel superior to people then holding cake while they hold st is a very effective technique.

[Impasse]

Gazunder said:

Hooli said:

I think he wants to shag the slut next door but the dog keeps barking at him to protect her.

While she's having her fag, he's peeking through a slit in the curtains... watching her.

Show me your hands.

[Bill]

Meh. I used to live next door to a woman who'd let her dog out to st in her 25 sq yds of garden and then spend half an hour stood in the door shouting at it to come in. Oddly enough a dog is reluctant to return to someone shouting "Come 'ere Bo fking Diddly, you useless heap of st!"

[Old Git]

Thanks chaps, I note the comment about the lack of questions marks and agree. I think the reference 'loved ones' could be misconstrued as referring to her husband and children though her husband has left her (probably 'cos of the fking dog). in the context though I believe the use of the phrase is justifiable.

I wish to go on record as denying I wish to shag her (or the dog).

Further comments appreciated, and I will try harder for my next rant in several months time which will be on the topic of st solicitors

[Captain Muppet]

Old Git said:

Further comments appreciated, and I will try harder for my next rant in several months time which will be on the topic of st solicitors

I can recomend a solicitor who specialises in divorces and only works part time, if you need inspiration. When I sent her final payment for her services she replied with a bill for £40 to cover admin costs for recieving my letter.

[poo at Paul's]

8/10. As a rant, I liked it

[thismonkeyhere]

Old Git said:

I appreciate the majority of dog owners are considerate with well trained pets that they clean up after.

You just have to take a look at the amount of dog st that seems to be bloody everywhere these days to call BS on that statement and substitute 'minority' for 'majority'.

[Vieste]

Adenauer said:

Aww

Man up and have polite word with her?

[Old Git]

thismonkeyhere said:

Old Git said:

I appreciate the majority of dog owners are considerate with well trained pets that they clean up after.

You just have to take a look at the amount of dog st that seems to be bloody everywhere these days to call BS on that statement and substitute 'minority' for 'majority'.

Mmmm, must admit I threw in my comment about the 'majority' in order to undermine any fascist dog-owning members of PH who might have taken offence at the rant; a lack of conviction on my behalf. The truth is I hate virtually all dogs, but I hate noisy ones more than quiet ones. Hope that clarifies my atitude to fking barking canines and their ing fking stty-handed (if they actually pick up their fking dog's st) owners. Phew, nearly forgot to swear....

[Hoofy]

What I find odd is that some dogs are so fking quiet that they'd be absolutely useless in a burglary. I was watching a family on Wimbledon Common with one big dog and one fluffy thing playing fetch with them. The only noise came from the children. What's the point in a dog that doesn't bark at all?