Advice? Ex planning to have my dog put down
Discussion
Sorry, bit wordy so apologies in advance.
I had a dog which became a victim of my divorce and stayed with my ex as my son was majority with her and she refused to split our two dogs (we had another dog which was more her dog).
We had an MoU which stated that I was supposed to have access and the dog would come to mine with my son. This gradually stopped and excuses were given about why he couldn't come. I eventually gave up as we weren't talking and I didn't think it fair on my son as he was caught in the middle.
Fast forward four years later to Friday and my son, who is now at least 50/50 although mostly with me recently, asks if I want to see the dog as he's just been told by his mum that she is having him put down this week. He doesn't want this to happen and doesn't think it's time.
I had the dog for 9 hours over the weekend, he's 12 but in good shape and fit, runs around playing with other dogs, friendly with everyone, a bit deaf and maybe slight cataracts. She claims he has dementia but I saw no signs of this and my son says it's because he is anxious and whines for food in the middle of the night. He says he hasn't seen any of the classic signs of dementia otherwise.
She sent over food for him while he was with me yesterday. He is fed 3 times a day, 400g of raw per feed (1.2kg total for the day plus any treats). This is excessive by any stretch as he is a medium sized springer (about 23kg). Our younger springer of similar size is fed 500g per day plus some treats. I suspect overfeeding is partially to blame for his hunger through the night and the resultant whining for food.
We asked to have him for a few days, she refused. We asked to speak to the vet about any medical issues he might have, she refused. We have offered to rehome him rather than see him put down and give him as many months/years as he is capable of but, again, she refused.
Is there anything we can do legally as the vet says that as she is the registered owner then it's her decision. They seem happy to go ahead with the procedure if she wants and won't consider the fact that we are offering to rehome him.
She admitted that the vet doesn't see these things as they only see the dog for its 10 min appointments and she relays anything that concerns her but she is known for exaggerating health concerns and previously spent thousands via insurance chasing a non-existent issue.
TLDR: Ex kept dog during divorce and now having him put down. We have offered to rehome instead, she refused. Is there any way to stop her.
Photo below of said dog. Liver/White is the old man, black/white is my younger one.
I had a dog which became a victim of my divorce and stayed with my ex as my son was majority with her and she refused to split our two dogs (we had another dog which was more her dog).
We had an MoU which stated that I was supposed to have access and the dog would come to mine with my son. This gradually stopped and excuses were given about why he couldn't come. I eventually gave up as we weren't talking and I didn't think it fair on my son as he was caught in the middle.
Fast forward four years later to Friday and my son, who is now at least 50/50 although mostly with me recently, asks if I want to see the dog as he's just been told by his mum that she is having him put down this week. He doesn't want this to happen and doesn't think it's time.
I had the dog for 9 hours over the weekend, he's 12 but in good shape and fit, runs around playing with other dogs, friendly with everyone, a bit deaf and maybe slight cataracts. She claims he has dementia but I saw no signs of this and my son says it's because he is anxious and whines for food in the middle of the night. He says he hasn't seen any of the classic signs of dementia otherwise.
She sent over food for him while he was with me yesterday. He is fed 3 times a day, 400g of raw per feed (1.2kg total for the day plus any treats). This is excessive by any stretch as he is a medium sized springer (about 23kg). Our younger springer of similar size is fed 500g per day plus some treats. I suspect overfeeding is partially to blame for his hunger through the night and the resultant whining for food.
We asked to have him for a few days, she refused. We asked to speak to the vet about any medical issues he might have, she refused. We have offered to rehome him rather than see him put down and give him as many months/years as he is capable of but, again, she refused.
Is there anything we can do legally as the vet says that as she is the registered owner then it's her decision. They seem happy to go ahead with the procedure if she wants and won't consider the fact that we are offering to rehome him.
She admitted that the vet doesn't see these things as they only see the dog for its 10 min appointments and she relays anything that concerns her but she is known for exaggerating health concerns and previously spent thousands via insurance chasing a non-existent issue.
TLDR: Ex kept dog during divorce and now having him put down. We have offered to rehome instead, she refused. Is there any way to stop her.
Photo below of said dog. Liver/White is the old man, black/white is my younger one.
the cueball said:
Probably not the right way to go about it, but I would keep the dog and let her fight me for it.
Don't have the dog at present, she came over and took him back last night after I went to work. I did consider it but legally her name is now on the microchip and vets/insurance/etc, even though it was me that paid everything up till the divorce including the payment to the breeder.I did consider my son going over and getting him but she would just call the police.
What a horrible situation.
Typically in divorces as I am sure you are familiar, many of the actions from ex's are really about control. Expressing feelings through petty actions, having lost control of the situation.
You wirte that 'she refuses' this is quite specific, what does refusal look like? do you have any leverage ? eg are you paying child support for your son to her, even though he is with you 50/50 ?
I would go round, bottle of wine in hand, ask her to explain so that you can understand why she wants the dog pts. There is another reason or something else going on here. If you cannot agree with her reasons - then tell her you want the dog to come with you, and that has exactly the same effect for her. No more dog.
You might gently remind her that you son also doesn't want to see the dog pts - and that if she goes ahead - it may impact their relationship even further ?
jock mcsporran said:
the cueball said:
Probably not the right way to go about it, but I would keep the dog and let her fight me for it.
Don't have the dog at present, she came over and took him back last night after I went to work. I did consider it but legally her name is now on the microchip and vets/insurance/etc, even though it was me that paid everything up till the divorce including the payment to the breeder.I did consider my son going over and getting him but she would just call the police.
Christ, what a s
t situation and I'm sorry your dealing with this. I went through a similar situation some years ago with my ex.
Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do legally. Regardless of what you used to pay for it, the dog is legally hers. In the eyes of the law, dogs are a possession/owned property and she is free to do as she pleases with it.
Dog napping is an option if you don't care about the repercussions, it sounds like she would just call the police, they would return the dog to her and you could possibly face a theft charge. You would have to hide the dog from the police and her, it sounds like you would like the dog to stay with you in your home so realistically that probably isn't an option.
I would just make it clear that if she does have it PTS then she'll be harming the child, her relationship with the child and you will do everything you can to make her life difficult with maintenance etc etc until the child is an adult.
She truly sounds like a horrible person.
t situation and I'm sorry your dealing with this. I went through a similar situation some years ago with my ex.Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do legally. Regardless of what you used to pay for it, the dog is legally hers. In the eyes of the law, dogs are a possession/owned property and she is free to do as she pleases with it.
Dog napping is an option if you don't care about the repercussions, it sounds like she would just call the police, they would return the dog to her and you could possibly face a theft charge. You would have to hide the dog from the police and her, it sounds like you would like the dog to stay with you in your home so realistically that probably isn't an option.
I would just make it clear that if she does have it PTS then she'll be harming the child, her relationship with the child and you will do everything you can to make her life difficult with maintenance etc etc until the child is an adult.
She truly sounds like a horrible person.
Gargamel said:
What a horrible situation.
Typically in divorces as I am sure you are familiar, many of the actions from ex's are really about control. Expressing feelings through petty actions, having lost control of the situation.
You wirte that 'she refuses' this is quite specific, what does refusal look like? do you have any leverage ? eg are you paying child support for your son to her, even though he is with you 50/50 ?
I would go round, bottle of wine in hand, ask her to explain so that you can understand why she wants the dog pts. There is another reason or something else going on here. If you cannot agree with her reasons - then tell her you want the dog to come with you, and that has exactly the same effect for her. No more dog.
You might gently remind her that you son also doesn’t want to see the dog pts - and that if she goes ahead - it may impact their relationship even further ?
Refusal is that it’s her decision and none of my business as she clearly stated on messages. Typically in divorces as I am sure you are familiar, many of the actions from ex's are really about control. Expressing feelings through petty actions, having lost control of the situation.
You wirte that 'she refuses' this is quite specific, what does refusal look like? do you have any leverage ? eg are you paying child support for your son to her, even though he is with you 50/50 ?
I would go round, bottle of wine in hand, ask her to explain so that you can understand why she wants the dog pts. There is another reason or something else going on here. If you cannot agree with her reasons - then tell her you want the dog to come with you, and that has exactly the same effect for her. No more dog.
You might gently remind her that you son also doesn’t want to see the dog pts - and that if she goes ahead - it may impact their relationship even further ?
TBH my son has told her and said he’s not coming back to hers because of this.
I accept that the dog may have a few health issues and I think she has genuinely believes that she’s reached a point where it’s better for the dog/her but, I’m not convinced from what I see and hear that this isn’t partly of her making/imagination and that a bit of a diet management and health plan and a fresh set of vet eyes and effort from us can’t improve things as he’s otherwise a fit and friendly dog. He was jumping up and off waist height rocks on his walk yesterday as if he was still a puppy.
The explanation and reasoning from her is just the night time stuff about food and she thinks it’s anxiety because of dementia. From what my son has explained it sounds more like he is being vastly overfed and getting hungry because he’s then got to go 14 hrs between meals overnight. He said there’s none of the usual signs, no pacing, no staring at walls, remembers all his commands, friendly and sociable. He remembered me as soon as he saw me.
LordHaveMurci said:
Lefty said:
the cueball said:
Probably not the right way to go about it, but I would keep the dog and let her fight me for it.
This is what I d do BigHeavy10 said:
Christ, what a st situation and I'm sorry your dealing with this. I went through a similar situation some years ago with my ex.
Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do legally. Regardless of what you used to pay for it, the dog is legally hers. In the eyes of the law, dogs are a possession/owned property and she is free to do as she pleases with it.
Dog napping is an option if you don't care about the repercussions, it sounds like she would just call the police, they would return the dog to her and you could possibly face a theft charge. You would have to hide the dog from the police and her, it sounds like you would like the dog to stay with you in your home so realistically that probably isn't an option.
I would just make it clear that if she does have it PTS then she'll be harming the child, her relationship with the child and you will do everything you can to make her life difficult with maintenance etc etc until the child is an adult.
She truly sounds like a horrible person.
A quick google suggests the registered keeper of the dog can be a different person to the owner. If the OP bought and paid for the dog for himself and has the receipts, perhaps an argument can be made that can be made that he is the owner.t situation and I'm sorry your dealing with this. I went through a similar situation some years ago with my ex.Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do legally. Regardless of what you used to pay for it, the dog is legally hers. In the eyes of the law, dogs are a possession/owned property and she is free to do as she pleases with it.
Dog napping is an option if you don't care about the repercussions, it sounds like she would just call the police, they would return the dog to her and you could possibly face a theft charge. You would have to hide the dog from the police and her, it sounds like you would like the dog to stay with you in your home so realistically that probably isn't an option.
I would just make it clear that if she does have it PTS then she'll be harming the child, her relationship with the child and you will do everything you can to make her life difficult with maintenance etc etc until the child is an adult.
She truly sounds like a horrible person.
This firm of solicitors specialises in dog-related law:
https://doglaw.co.uk/civil/ownership-custody-dispu...
(I have no link with them or experience of them, just know of them)
The only issue may be timeliness, given she is threatening to have the dog PTS this week. Like others, I would be tempted to dog-nap in similar circumstances.
https://doglaw.co.uk/civil/ownership-custody-dispu...
(I have no link with them or experience of them, just know of them)
The only issue may be timeliness, given she is threatening to have the dog PTS this week. Like others, I would be tempted to dog-nap in similar circumstances.
As much as I want to avoid dognapping it might be the solution if my lad goes over and gets him as the mediation notes stated that the dog should be where he is. I guess there is then the argument that he is only exercising his agreed rights.
There's no maintenance as he's been 50/50 for a few years and 17 years old now so there's not so much leverage but could always set the CSA on her
Someone suggested talking to RSPCA or Dogs Trust to see if they have any advice or recommendations so I'll try them in the morning.
There's no maintenance as he's been 50/50 for a few years and 17 years old now so there's not so much leverage but could always set the CSA on her
Someone suggested talking to RSPCA or Dogs Trust to see if they have any advice or recommendations so I'll try them in the morning.
jock mcsporran said:
As much as I want to avoid dognapping it might be the solution if my lad goes over and gets him as the mediation notes stated that the dog should be where he is. I guess there is then the argument that he is only exercising his agreed rights.
Good idea, if your son is happy to. You could also try to 'buy time' by suggesting you are going to try him on a supplement which I have used for three of my dogs for in old age, which is Aktivait.Sorry - meant to say above, good luck! I will be thinking of you.
moorx said:
This firm of solicitors specialises in dog-related law:
https://doglaw.co.uk/civil/ownership-custody-dispu...
(I have no link with them or experience of them, just know of them)
The only issue may be timeliness, given she is threatening to have the dog PTS this week. Like others, I would be tempted to dog-nap in similar circumstances.
I'll try them tomorrow. Thankshttps://doglaw.co.uk/civil/ownership-custody-dispu...
(I have no link with them or experience of them, just know of them)
The only issue may be timeliness, given she is threatening to have the dog PTS this week. Like others, I would be tempted to dog-nap in similar circumstances.
AlexC1981 said:
A quick google suggests the registered keeper of the dog can be a different person to the owner. If the OP bought and paid for the dog for himself and has the receipts, perhaps an argument can be made that can be made that he is the owner.
I can see the legal side of things but which title gives someone the right to kill a dog?I've never been in a divorce situation but the son may be the deciding factor here.
Can you ring the vets and warn them of what's going on?
Simpo Two said:
I can see the legal side of things but which title gives someone the right to kill a dog?
I've never been in a divorce situation but the son may be the deciding factor here.
Can you ring the vets and warn them of what's going on?
The vet isn't interested. We tried to talk to them (twice), told them I was willing to rehome the dog, showed them videos of him running round happy as Larry. They said that she's the owner, they can't talk to me and if it's her decision then that's what it is.I've never been in a divorce situation but the son may be the deciding factor here.
Can you ring the vets and warn them of what's going on?
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