Reasoning with teenagers
Discussion
Tried discussing things but the mum backs them up as always, 16 just about to leave school and won't be in collage till late september, after about 2 weeks of getting cv together (not exactly a full employment history at that age) I asked where he applied to be greeted by him "nowhere yet" and the mother said "you know there is no work out at the moment" I despair!
As usual in teenage room there is cr%p and rubbish every, and I've tried to reason to get the place cleaned up on numerous occasions only to have only the duvet pulled up or find him just listening to music in the room. So as he's ignoring me and backed up by the mother I've thought about removing privileges i.e the iphone until his sty is cleaned to my satisfaction. What's the views of fellow PH teenage parents ?
As usual in teenage room there is cr%p and rubbish every, and I've tried to reason to get the place cleaned up on numerous occasions only to have only the duvet pulled up or find him just listening to music in the room. So as he's ignoring me and backed up by the mother I've thought about removing privileges i.e the iphone until his sty is cleaned to my satisfaction. What's the views of fellow PH teenage parents ?
My suggestion is don't make a fuss about it. Be normal. Help him if he asks, and ask him if he needs help to apply. As a previous poster has said, get the missus on your side first, You can't blame his attitude when the info he's getting is supporting a point of view of do nothing.
Show wanted ads, mention his friends who are working, but keep away from confrontation. Don't sulk, slam doors or moan. That's his job.
My experience with four kids is that there are phases that most go through. I'd just try chatting to him about anything aother than work.
Show wanted ads, mention his friends who are working, but keep away from confrontation. Don't sulk, slam doors or moan. That's his job.
My experience with four kids is that there are phases that most go through. I'd just try chatting to him about anything aother than work.
OP - my 16 year old son is currently on a 6th form gap year. We took him out of the lower 6th last year because he was messing around and will go back to school in Sept to re-start the Lower 6th year. He will be oldest in the year rather than one of the youngest, more mature and with a better idea of what is required of him if he wants to prosper in the world and more appreciative of his great good fortune (that's the theory anyway!). It took me 3 evenings of discussion with him to get him onside but once he understood and accepted the reasons behind our thinking (ie it wasn't a punishment)he was fine about it and is having a ball on his year out but is also working really hard. We have used the gap year to arrange all sorts of experience and work for him here and abroad. I would suggest:
1)Discuss it privately with the Mrs and agree on an approach you will both stick to. This is ESSENTIAL.
2)Then agree an approach with your son but make sure it is realistic and something he can achieve. If he doesn't really want to do something then it's doomed to failure.
3)Most 16 year old boys are pretty dopey so give him some leeway but he has to get up in the morning.
4)There's no rush - try to get him some real experience somewhere that will help him to grow.
HTH
L.F.
1)Discuss it privately with the Mrs and agree on an approach you will both stick to. This is ESSENTIAL.
2)Then agree an approach with your son but make sure it is realistic and something he can achieve. If he doesn't really want to do something then it's doomed to failure.
3)Most 16 year old boys are pretty dopey so give him some leeway but he has to get up in the morning.
4)There's no rush - try to get him some real experience somewhere that will help him to grow.
HTH
L.F.
My 16 y/o lad is a bit of a weirdo. Focused, determined, got his life planned out and is working his wotnots off to get there.
About to take 13 GCSEs, hoping for 9 A & A* and the rest in Bs. Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School.
I've no idea where it came from because I'm a bit of a waste of space if I'm honest.
Still, mustn't grumble I suppose.
About to take 13 GCSEs, hoping for 9 A & A* and the rest in Bs. Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School.
I've no idea where it came from because I'm a bit of a waste of space if I'm honest.
Still, mustn't grumble I suppose.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School.
Jesus, I've only been a med student for a year, have they put the grades up that much already? AAA for Brighton & Sussex Medical School when I applied last year. Still, fair play to him if he gets that. By no means a freak of nature for being that driven, it's more common than people seem to want to let on in teenagers.Good luck.
My sons 12 and already trying to reason with him is like banging your head up a brick wall.
As it is being forceful does the trick,never mind the compromise b
ks woman come out of with.Forceful and "you are doing it" is the only way to get things done.
Sitting under a duvet at 16 !! No chance ,cup of water over the head,dressed and out of the house job hunting,not allowed to come back until after 5.
My sons 12 and already trying to reason with him is like banging your head up a brick wall.
As it is being forceful does the trick,never mind the compromise b
ks woman come out of with.Forceful and "you are doing it" is the only way to get things done.Sitting under a duvet at 16 !! No chance ,cup of water over the head,dressed and out of the house job hunting,not allowed to come back until after 5.
- Job hunting as in not wasting your time at the employment office,door knocking and asking the hirers.
Panda76 said:
Good luck.
My sons 12 and already trying to reason with him is like banging your head up a brick wall.
As it is being forceful does the trick,never mind the compromise bks woman come out of with.Forceful and "you are doing it" is the only way to get things done.
Sitting under a duvet at 16 !! No chance ,cup of water over the head,dressed and out of the house job hunting,not allowed to come back until after 5.
All well and good, but he does hate you.My sons 12 and already trying to reason with him is like banging your head up a brick wall.
As it is being forceful does the trick,never mind the compromise b
ks woman come out of with.Forceful and "you are doing it" is the only way to get things done.Sitting under a duvet at 16 !! No chance ,cup of water over the head,dressed and out of the house job hunting,not allowed to come back until after 5.
- Job hunting as in not wasting your time at the employment office,door knocking and asking the hirers.
AndyT77 said:
lazystudent said:
Carrot and stick approach, biased towards the stick in an Audi R8-esque way (this is a car forum), where all the drive goes to the stick and the odd little carrot to sweeten the deal a bit. He'll soon get the message
Am i the only one who doesn't get this? I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now).
Meoricin said:
I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now).
How do you support yourself?rogerthefish said:
Meoricin said:
I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now).
How do you support yourself?captainmatt said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Will be doing Chemistry, Biology, Maths and English at A level and then, if he achieves 3 A* grades in all bar English, it's on to Med School.
Jesus, I've only been a med student for a year, have they put the grades up that much already? AAA for Brighton & Sussex Medical School when I applied last year. Still, fair play to him if he gets that. By no means a freak of nature for being that driven, it's more common than people seem to want to let on in teenagers.1 yr in eh? How you finding it?
rb5er said:
rogerthefish said:
Meoricin said:
I didn't get a job in between high school and college. I just treated it as a Summer holiday (I suppose I did have a paper-round, but still). Why does he have to? You talk about it as if it's a given, when I'd say the majority of people didn't when I was in college (8 years ago now).
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