Dear deidre - she's been dating a guy who used false name!!!
Poll: Dear deidre - she's been dating a guy who used false name!!!
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Discussion
Firstly appologies for the ridiculously girly thread but helping out a freind here and am interested in your opinions (I certainly have mine!)....here goes....
Dear Deidre........
A friend of mine has recently come out of a very difficult relationship.
Trying to move on with her life, four months ago she started dating a guy who she fell head over heels for. In her words he is kind, loving and interested in her & their future etc.
Anyhow, he told her his name was "X" & that he comes from "X" country and she had no reason to disbelieve anything different.
Now, just after 4 months of dating and building a relationship together he has told her that he'd been lying about his name & where he came from. He also said he is a Muslim. There are also dubious questions which introduce some doubt as to his validity in this country.
Obviously she is devastated that he betrayed her trust.
She asked why he lied and he said he didn't think she would have given him a chance if she knew his background and she's left with alot of doubt & confusion.
He told his friends to support him with bending the truth. His flatmate told him to confess from day one but the longer he left it the harder it became.
While SHE says that she understands his reasons for not explaining his situation, to me it's clearly not normal behaviour to lie like that and now leaves her re-assessing the situation - but is left with a huge amount of mixed emotions with the worst part being that she has genuine feelings for this guy.
She said that in the back of her mind she had been thinking he could be "the one" - but there could be more hidden truths.
Opinions (I'll copy her in on this thread too).
G.
Dear Deidre........
A friend of mine has recently come out of a very difficult relationship.
Trying to move on with her life, four months ago she started dating a guy who she fell head over heels for. In her words he is kind, loving and interested in her & their future etc.
Anyhow, he told her his name was "X" & that he comes from "X" country and she had no reason to disbelieve anything different.
Now, just after 4 months of dating and building a relationship together he has told her that he'd been lying about his name & where he came from. He also said he is a Muslim. There are also dubious questions which introduce some doubt as to his validity in this country.
Obviously she is devastated that he betrayed her trust.
She asked why he lied and he said he didn't think she would have given him a chance if she knew his background and she's left with alot of doubt & confusion.
He told his friends to support him with bending the truth. His flatmate told him to confess from day one but the longer he left it the harder it became.
While SHE says that she understands his reasons for not explaining his situation, to me it's clearly not normal behaviour to lie like that and now leaves her re-assessing the situation - but is left with a huge amount of mixed emotions with the worst part being that she has genuine feelings for this guy.
She said that in the back of her mind she had been thinking he could be "the one" - but there could be more hidden truths.
Opinions (I'll copy her in on this thread too).
G.
Edited by Gallen on Friday 8th June 19:09
Experience of life has taught me that many individuals repeat their mistakes time after time. Particularly true (sadly) of women in abusive relationships. They go from one to another to another. Same is true of some men, but I believe less common.
I have no idea why. This kind of dishonesty in a relationship is corrosive and utterly wrong. Walk away and take a long, cold, look at yourself, to decide how to change your approach, is my advice to your friend.
Insist upon honesty from the start. Never accept dishonesty or shabby treatment. Walk away at the first sign of dishonesty, or lies. The only way. If there is no trust, there should be no relationship. You are worth more.
I have no idea why. This kind of dishonesty in a relationship is corrosive and utterly wrong. Walk away and take a long, cold, look at yourself, to decide how to change your approach, is my advice to your friend.
Insist upon honesty from the start. Never accept dishonesty or shabby treatment. Walk away at the first sign of dishonesty, or lies. The only way. If there is no trust, there should be no relationship. You are worth more.
Cock Womble 7 said:
DrTre said:
It'll be fine, he's owned up, we all make mistakes.
Exactly. Give the poor bloke the benefit of the doubt.We've all told little white lies in order to gain access to a lady's front bottom, haven't we?
It's not like my real name is DrTre.
(Were it not for the fact I coined it, I'd say the jury's still out on your moniker though)
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