If you were a dictator in charge of the UK...
Discussion
So there's a bit of a running joke at work about the regime I'd run if I was the dictator in charge of the UK.
It started off with a perfectly reasonable comment about using unemployed people to speed up roadworks which got compared to Pre-WWII Nazi Germany.
It became Mike's Government -> Mike's Reich -> The Meich.
So, if I were the dictator in charge of Britain today, what humourous or serious policies would you want me to enforce?
I'm accepting positions on my cabinet, so if you want a role in The Meich, state your preferred title, role and policies.
It started off with a perfectly reasonable comment about using unemployed people to speed up roadworks which got compared to Pre-WWII Nazi Germany.
It became Mike's Government -> Mike's Reich -> The Meich.
So, if I were the dictator in charge of Britain today, what humourous or serious policies would you want me to enforce?
I'm accepting positions on my cabinet, so if you want a role in The Meich, state your preferred title, role and policies.
Carfiend said:
Weyro said:
Death penalty for all crimes. No exceptions
It is unfair having the same punishment for big crimes and little crimes, if only we could think of something worse than death for the big ones.People doing community service to wear bright orange suits saying CRIMINAL on them.
any fines should be income related - im sure a footballer would drive in bus lanes all day to get somewhere on time and just 'take' the £80 fine where someone earning £80 a day wouldn't even risk it.
if you become pregnant WHILST getting benefits you should not receive any more child allowance.
heres the corker..
Girls should be modified so they cant have children by default, and have to take a series of tests similar to what the RSPCA do to check your 'suitability' for children. once these checks and tests are complete, the modification reversed for ONE child. any more, same routine applies.
any fines should be income related - im sure a footballer would drive in bus lanes all day to get somewhere on time and just 'take' the £80 fine where someone earning £80 a day wouldn't even risk it.
if you become pregnant WHILST getting benefits you should not receive any more child allowance.
heres the corker..
Girls should be modified so they cant have children by default, and have to take a series of tests similar to what the RSPCA do to check your 'suitability' for children. once these checks and tests are complete, the modification reversed for ONE child. any more, same routine applies.
I'm gonna Apply for Interview master, I would run an interview panel that sits on ornate hardwood chairs at the end of a 30 ft long mahogany table.
This exists in a large cathedral like vestibule with tall ceilings. At age 18 you come before my panel.
You must present your ambition and life goals while only being given a
space hopper to sit on.
If you are boring or unproductive you are sent to 'arena' where you must
fight against others to the death for
public viewing pleasure.
Survivors after 10 rounds are free to go and will receive a gold/green M3 for their hardship.
They are not allowed to respray.... Mwahahaha.
This exists in a large cathedral like vestibule with tall ceilings. At age 18 you come before my panel.
You must present your ambition and life goals while only being given a
space hopper to sit on.
If you are boring or unproductive you are sent to 'arena' where you must
fight against others to the death for
public viewing pleasure.
Survivors after 10 rounds are free to go and will receive a gold/green M3 for their hardship.
They are not allowed to respray.... Mwahahaha.
No passing the pain of public spending to future generations. Government would not be allowed to borrow.
If you want more services, you pay for it either through taxes and deal with it that way, or through debt-free money printing and deal with the inflation that causes.
Nothing more disgraceful than Balls and Milipede going on about 'fairness' while increasing debts for future generations, who have no vote, no say and cant speak for themselves, to pay off. Thats the lowest of the low.
If you want more services, you pay for it either through taxes and deal with it that way, or through debt-free money printing and deal with the inflation that causes.
Nothing more disgraceful than Balls and Milipede going on about 'fairness' while increasing debts for future generations, who have no vote, no say and cant speak for themselves, to pay off. Thats the lowest of the low.
I'd want to be minister for Men and Equality.
Everyone would be asked, just once, if they wanted to be equal or special. If they chose equal they get a legal gender asignment of "man" and a she-pee if needed. If they choose "special" they get to have doors opened for them and to shut up whining about everything all the live long day.
Also in the interest of positive descrimination (which is apparently fine) all televised football would be replaced with women's beach volleyball.
Women live longer, this is unfair, so they would have to retire later and also start working younger, in the interests of the equality they wanted all these years, so that they have the same proportion of working to non-working life.
If I could fix this with a she-pee I would, but what can you do when an entire gender cheats the system? Other than a Logan's Run 30 year life limit, which sadly I'm too old/selfish to support.
Everyone would be asked, just once, if they wanted to be equal or special. If they chose equal they get a legal gender asignment of "man" and a she-pee if needed. If they choose "special" they get to have doors opened for them and to shut up whining about everything all the live long day.
Also in the interest of positive descrimination (which is apparently fine) all televised football would be replaced with women's beach volleyball.
Women live longer, this is unfair, so they would have to retire later and also start working younger, in the interests of the equality they wanted all these years, so that they have the same proportion of working to non-working life.
If I could fix this with a she-pee I would, but what can you do when an entire gender cheats the system? Other than a Logan's Run 30 year life limit, which sadly I'm too old/selfish to support.
Edited by Captain Muppet on Thursday 28th June 15:26
elvismiggell said:
So there's a bit of a running joke at work about the regime I'd run if I was the dictator in charge of the UK.
It started off with a perfectly reasonable comment about using unemployed people to speed up roadworks which got compared to Pre-WWII Nazi Germany.
It became Mike's Government -> Mike's Reich -> The Meich.
I would buy a 100,000 acre parcel of land in Nigeria and put a 30 foot high wall around it.It started off with a perfectly reasonable comment about using unemployed people to speed up roadworks which got compared to Pre-WWII Nazi Germany.
It became Mike's Government -> Mike's Reich -> The Meich.
Within that parcel, I'd erect sheep sheds, so the guests wouldn't get burnt to a crisp.
All criminals who receive a 1 year sentence would be sent there.
All UK prisons would be honour based, if you break the rules, you go straight to Nigeria.
It doesn't have to be Nigeria, any African sheite pit will do.
Want food? forage
Want TV? PS3? Hooch?
Don't make me laugh.
It would be a survivalist situation, so on the boat over, they could read up on the matter, maybe give them basic training.
Many of them would die.
Edited by SirBlade on Thursday 28th June 15:01
Anyone wanting to come and live in this country should be made to try and fit in with the local community.
I agree with the post above about citizenship tests prior to arrival into the country, but I'd also like to make it mandatory for immigrants to communicate in English when out in public. Obviously this wouldn't apply to tourists
It really bugs me walking round Farnborough with Nepalese people everywhere blabbing on in their own language.
Whenever I go anywhere, I do my best to communicate in their own language, not expect them to speak English.
I agree with the post above about citizenship tests prior to arrival into the country, but I'd also like to make it mandatory for immigrants to communicate in English when out in public. Obviously this wouldn't apply to tourists
It really bugs me walking round Farnborough with Nepalese people everywhere blabbing on in their own language.
Whenever I go anywhere, I do my best to communicate in their own language, not expect them to speak English.
Weyro said:
Death penalty for all crimes. No exceptions
I remember that was in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The planet the away team beamed down to , not sure if remember it correctly, had laws but the laws were only policed in a completely random location each day and each law had the death penalty as a punishment. So a very small law like running on the grass, if you're in the area that's policed, you'll be killed for, whereas you could murder someone outside the area and they'd be no punishment.Carfiend said:
Weyro said:
Death penalty for all crimes. No exceptions
It is unfair having the same punishment for big crimes and little crimes, if only we could think of something worse than death for the big ones.why don't we make them work untill they are 68 or whatever age someone thinks is good and the can pay most of their wages to the government to support those that don't want to work
I would limit child support to the first two children only, no further benefits for children. Also limit housing benefits so that we do not have the ridiculous situation of a mother of 4 gets 'issued' a £1 million house.
Secondly revise the ruleson speeding, in good weather raise the motorway limits to 85 or 90, but, in poor weather they would be reduced to a limit to suit the conditions.
Thirdly, standardise the rules countrywide for setting speed limits, no local council involvement at all.
Charge utility companies rent for roads they are digging up.
Jail companies that rip off the government causing poor levels of service and higher taxes for the rest of us.
Secondly revise the ruleson speeding, in good weather raise the motorway limits to 85 or 90, but, in poor weather they would be reduced to a limit to suit the conditions.
Thirdly, standardise the rules countrywide for setting speed limits, no local council involvement at all.
Charge utility companies rent for roads they are digging up.
Jail companies that rip off the government causing poor levels of service and higher taxes for the rest of us.
Regiment said:
Weyro said:
Death penalty for all crimes. No exceptions
I remember that was in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The planet the away team beamed down to , not sure if remember it correctly, had laws but the laws were only policed in a completely random location each day and each law had the death penalty as a punishment. So a very small law like running on the grass, if you're in the area that's policed, you'll be killed for, whereas you could murder someone outside the area and they'd be no punishment.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff