Need new jokes for Wedding as I am Best Man again pfffff
Discussion
t about stories etc but would like a few jokes that I had never heard of before or forgotStevieBee said:
If there's someone there who's been divorced twice or more......
"I was talking to (name) earlier. He said he's not going to get married again. He's just going to find a woman he doesn't like and buy her a house".
Thanks StevieBee - Thats more like it. PH'ers seem to be in a bad mood tonight"I was talking to (name) earlier. He said he's not going to get married again. He's just going to find a woman he doesn't like and buy her a house".
Well sorry for offering an opinion on an open forum.
How about "the groom told you earlier a few things that he didn't want you to mention, you've made a list of them" then pull out a till roll of writing from your pocket and let it drop to the floor.
Ask for everyone from the audience with a key to his house to give it back now he's married, have every girl in the room bring one back. Works similarly with porn mags.
Mention how he's always been better than you but now it's great that he's finally admitted who the best man is.
Any more?
How about "the groom told you earlier a few things that he didn't want you to mention, you've made a list of them" then pull out a till roll of writing from your pocket and let it drop to the floor.
Ask for everyone from the audience with a key to his house to give it back now he's married, have every girl in the room bring one back. Works similarly with porn mags.
Mention how he's always been better than you but now it's great that he's finally admitted who the best man is.
Any more?
InertialTooth45 said:
Well sorry for offering an opinion on an open forum.
How about "the groom told you earlier a few things that he didn't want you to mention, you've made a list of them" then pull out a till roll of writing from your pocket and let it drop to the floor.
Ask for everyone from the audience with a key to his house to give it back now he's married, have every girl in the room bring one back. Works similarly with porn mags.
Mention how he's always been better than you but now it's great that he's finally admitted who the best man is.
Any more?
I like it :-)How about "the groom told you earlier a few things that he didn't want you to mention, you've made a list of them" then pull out a till roll of writing from your pocket and let it drop to the floor.
Ask for everyone from the audience with a key to his house to give it back now he's married, have every girl in the room bring one back. Works similarly with porn mags.
Mention how he's always been better than you but now it's great that he's finally admitted who the best man is.
Any more?
lumpystew said:
StevieBee said:
If there's someone there who's been divorced twice or more......
"I was talking to (name) earlier. He said he's not going to get married again. He's just going to find a woman he doesn't like and buy her a house".
Thanks StevieBee - Thats more like it. PH'ers seem to be in a bad mood tonight"I was talking to (name) earlier. He said he's not going to get married again. He's just going to find a woman he doesn't like and buy her a house".
What about;
"Whilst it is traditional to compliment the bride's appearance on her wedding day, I think we should also admire how well <groom> scrubs up. Especially as, apparently, he won't be this smart for very long. I was chatting to <bride> about tonight and she said <groom> would probably come in his pyjamas. I personally think it's nice that he feels he can dress comfortably in front of his guests for the latter part of the wedding celebrations."
Ithanyuw.
Also, at a wedding I went to, the best man opened with;
"You know we all take it for granted but what is a wedding. Well, according to the Oxford English Dictionary it's 'the process of removing unwanted plants from a garden'."
Made me laugh, anyway.
"Whilst it is traditional to compliment the bride's appearance on her wedding day, I think we should also admire how well <groom> scrubs up. Especially as, apparently, he won't be this smart for very long. I was chatting to <bride> about tonight and she said <groom> would probably come in his pyjamas. I personally think it's nice that he feels he can dress comfortably in front of his guests for the latter part of the wedding celebrations."
Ithanyuw.
Also, at a wedding I went to, the best man opened with;
"You know we all take it for granted but what is a wedding. Well, according to the Oxford English Dictionary it's 'the process of removing unwanted plants from a garden'."
Made me laugh, anyway.
Edited by Landlord on Friday 30th November 15:37
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