Funny reviews on Amazon!
Discussion
I was just browsing Amazon for random items when I spotted some incredibly funny user reviews!
For example:
A massive Swiss Army Knife for £688.40 (!)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wenger-19201-Swiss-Army-Kn...
Comments include:
"This knife lacked a trepanation drill for the relieving of pressure on the brain and the treatment of intracranial diseases. Very disappointed."
"i think this is a great tool for around the house or to weight down the back of my front heavy ford capri"
"I was bought this knife by my girlfriend who has a penchant for larger than normal things."
Have you spotted any items on there that have attracted the attention of genius/funny review writers??
For example:
A massive Swiss Army Knife for £688.40 (!)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wenger-19201-Swiss-Army-Kn...
Comments include:
"This knife lacked a trepanation drill for the relieving of pressure on the brain and the treatment of intracranial diseases. Very disappointed."
"i think this is a great tool for around the house or to weight down the back of my front heavy ford capri"
"I was bought this knife by my girlfriend who has a penchant for larger than normal things."
Have you spotted any items on there that have attracted the attention of genius/funny review writers??
This one is a bit of a classic
"Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner."
"Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner."
theaxe said:
This one is a bit of a classic
"Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner."
First one I thought of "Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner."
toasty said:
Second one I thought of theaxe said:
This one is a bit of a classic
"Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner."
Very good!"Yesterday I was a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future.
Then I bought this.
Now I'm a bed ridden, drug addled alcoholic with no hope, no future, but with a 20" Canvas of Paul Ross.
You just never know what lies around the corner."
Balaclava
http://www.amazon.co.uk/HOLE-ACRYL-BALACLAVA-PAINT...
"If like me you missed out on the last riots because you lacked a decent disguise then you need this. This is not just for riots, mooning coppers on that student demo, or pensioner march to save your pension. It can be used for adding that certain frisson of danger to any web chat or sexual role playing"
toasty said:
Crying (with laughter) here.Worth a read from the Veet review:
"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
"
"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
"
eldar said:
Haha, that's ace, check out the customer photos! One for the Chemical Engineers:
Perry's Chemical Engineers Handbook
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0071422943/ref=aw_...
Perry has outdone himself once again.
The seventh edition is even more of a show-stopper than the previous editions.
I read this book from cover to cover in one sitting, unable to put it down for a moment, not even to relieve myself!
The molecular weights were so accurate and the heats of reaction made my spine tingle.
Once I reached the section discussing distillation and tray efficiencies I new I was hooked.
I won't give away the ending but it's definitely a shocker. Bravo to Mr. Perry's and I am counting the days to the release of your 9th edition!
Perry's Chemical Engineers Handbook
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0071422943/ref=aw_...
reviewer said said:
Perry has outdone himself once again.
The seventh edition is even more of a show-stopper than the previous editions.
I read this book from cover to cover in one sitting, unable to put it down for a moment, not even to relieve myself!
The molecular weights were so accurate and the heats of reaction made my spine tingle.
Once I reached the section discussing distillation and tray efficiencies I new I was hooked.
I won't give away the ending but it's definitely a shocker. Bravo to Mr. Perry's and I am counting the days to the release of your 9th edition!
this one for methylated spirits always makes me laugh
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B002ATI4VG
"From the moment you remove the cap you realise you're in for a treat. Fresh, bright, smoky, with a mineral edge and rounded, fruity nose. Midweight and bold, possessing some edge and no little bite, yet remaining smooth, balanced and satisfying. This is a drink to enjoy with friends in a park. Highly recommended."
"Based on the strong recommendations of a number of reviewers on the Amazon site, I recently took a bottle of 2011 Barrettine to a dinner party to which I and my wife had been invited. Handing the bottle proudly to our hostess with the obligatory box of Neuhaus chocolates, I was disappointed to see her somewhat frosty reaction. Assuming this was a judgment on the small size of the bottle, I assured her that Barrettine's had not yet acceded to the popular demands for a full 75cl bottle and that the smaller volume of the bottle should be in no way be seen as detracting from its overall quality. When I later heard the sound of her crying behind the kitchen door, I assumed that this was the result of some disappointment at the over-cooking of the salmon, but in a later email from my hosts I have since been informed that a bottle of Barrettine's is not universally appreciated at such occasions.
I mention this story simply to help other readers avoid such a social 'faux pas' themselves, and in future I will certainly test out my hosts' attitudes with some indirect questions about Barrettine's at the point of invitation. Still, in the context of a wider milieu of cultural mediocrity, I say 'hats off' to Barrettine's for a product that can still excite such strong passions and debate."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B002ATI4VG
"From the moment you remove the cap you realise you're in for a treat. Fresh, bright, smoky, with a mineral edge and rounded, fruity nose. Midweight and bold, possessing some edge and no little bite, yet remaining smooth, balanced and satisfying. This is a drink to enjoy with friends in a park. Highly recommended."
"Based on the strong recommendations of a number of reviewers on the Amazon site, I recently took a bottle of 2011 Barrettine to a dinner party to which I and my wife had been invited. Handing the bottle proudly to our hostess with the obligatory box of Neuhaus chocolates, I was disappointed to see her somewhat frosty reaction. Assuming this was a judgment on the small size of the bottle, I assured her that Barrettine's had not yet acceded to the popular demands for a full 75cl bottle and that the smaller volume of the bottle should be in no way be seen as detracting from its overall quality. When I later heard the sound of her crying behind the kitchen door, I assumed that this was the result of some disappointment at the over-cooking of the salmon, but in a later email from my hosts I have since been informed that a bottle of Barrettine's is not universally appreciated at such occasions.
I mention this story simply to help other readers avoid such a social 'faux pas' themselves, and in future I will certainly test out my hosts' attitudes with some indirect questions about Barrettine's at the point of invitation. Still, in the context of a wider milieu of cultural mediocrity, I say 'hats off' to Barrettine's for a product that can still excite such strong passions and debate."
This one for a hifi link cable has some fantastic reviews
Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
e.g.
I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
e.g.
I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
Spunagain said:
This one for a hifi link cable has some fantastic reviews
Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
e.g.
I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
Absolutely superb Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
e.g.
I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
.Review said:
I first encountered this author in his gripping book "Ships from August 27th 1947 to April 21st 1948" and thus natural made a bee line for this one when it appeared.
TO say I was disappointed is a lie given that my expectations were slightly below zero.
RIght what can I say about this book. Resilient I shall give it that.
Does not fit in a shredder, normal fire seems to shy from it and even the attentions of a steamroller have left it intact.
So in conclusion, if you have always wanted a book about very specific cars during the very specific period of 1953-1973 then look elsewhere as this one is certainly not for you.
TO say I was disappointed is a lie given that my expectations were slightly below zero.
RIght what can I say about this book. Resilient I shall give it that.
Does not fit in a shredder, normal fire seems to shy from it and even the attentions of a steamroller have left it intact.
So in conclusion, if you have always wanted a book about very specific cars during the very specific period of 1953-1973 then look elsewhere as this one is certainly not for you.
And another said said:
This is a very unusual book. Usually that fact would make it worth perusing but it's not the case with this one.
As I understand it, the author has driven/seen approximately 0% of these vehicles and therefore the book is more a collection of other peoples opinions with some of his own thrown in. His own based nothing other than guesswork and hyperbole.
A seahorse riding a unicorn in a field of leprechauns is a lovely thing to see. See how easy it is to merely type words and pretend it's a valid view? That's this book.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/GT-Worlds-Best-Cars-1953-1...As I understand it, the author has driven/seen approximately 0% of these vehicles and therefore the book is more a collection of other peoples opinions with some of his own thrown in. His own based nothing other than guesswork and hyperbole.
A seahorse riding a unicorn in a field of leprechauns is a lovely thing to see. See how easy it is to merely type words and pretend it's a valid view? That's this book.
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