holding an intervention
Discussion
vx220 said:
Not wishing to make it gushy and Hollywood, but I have a mate who needs sitting down, how have you done that?
Not drinking btw
I've done it.Not drinking btw
A very good friend of mine, who is also my son's godfather, had a breakdown 3 or 4 years ago. As a consequence, he got divorced, lost his house, most of his money and his (very nice) cars.
Having shunned his close friends due to the depression, he really didn't have anyone to talk to, outside of his immediate family, who were, sadly, one of the main reasons for his depression. I let things lie for a fair while and then towards the end of last year, told him that I was coming to see him for a weekend (we live opposite ends of the country).
We went out and got absolutely smashed, but also, I sat him down over a long lunch on the Saturday and had a bloody good talk to him, outlining a number of things that he couldn't see due to being so close to the problem and also things that no-one really wanted to broach with him.
It was a hard conversation for both of us and at the end of it, he was in tears, but at the same time, thanked me for my honesty and objective views and said that only a true friend could have been so blunt yet supportive.
As a consequence, he has started a new business which is doing incredibly well, met (and will shortly be moving in with) a lovely girl, gets to see his kids a lot more and has a better relationship with his ex-wife than he'd had for years.
It's tough to tell some home truths and really work to the root of problems with people, but if you really care for them, it is, I feel, vitally important.
Why all the gushy psychobabble FFS?
Are you Male?
Is he your friend?
If the answer to both of these question is yes. Then go round with a a few cans and say, just wanted to say mate, that your drinking/cocaine/weed/gambling/masturbating is becoming a bit of an issue. Do you think you might have a problem?
He will then respond and you can have a discussion.
Intervention FFS
Are you Male?
Is he your friend?
If the answer to both of these question is yes. Then go round with a a few cans and say, just wanted to say mate, that your drinking/cocaine/weed/gambling/masturbating is becoming a bit of an issue. Do you think you might have a problem?
He will then respond and you can have a discussion.
Intervention FFS
schmalex said:
I've done it.
A very good friend of mine, who is also my son's godfather, had a breakdown 3 or 4 years ago. As a consequence, he got divorced, lost his house, most of his money and his (very nice) cars.
Having shunned his close friends due to the depression, he really didn't have anyone to talk to, outside of his immediate family, who were, sadly, one of the main reasons for his depression. I let things lie for a fair while and then towards the end of last year, told him that I was coming to see him for a weekend (we live opposite ends of the country).
We went out and got absolutely smashed, but also, I sat him down over a long lunch on the Saturday and had a bloody good talk to him, outlining a number of things that he couldn't see due to being so close to the problem and also things that no-one really wanted to broach with him.
It was a hard conversation for both of us and at the end of it, he was in tears, but at the same time, thanked me for my honesty and objective views and said that only a true friend could have been so blunt yet supportive.
As a consequence, he has started a new business which is doing incredibly well, met (and will shortly be moving in with) a lovely girl, gets to see his kids a lot more and has a better relationship with his ex-wife than he'd had for years.
It's tough to tell some home truths and really work to the root of problems with people, but if you really care for them, it is, I feel, vitally important.
You are Jeremy Kyle!A very good friend of mine, who is also my son's godfather, had a breakdown 3 or 4 years ago. As a consequence, he got divorced, lost his house, most of his money and his (very nice) cars.
Having shunned his close friends due to the depression, he really didn't have anyone to talk to, outside of his immediate family, who were, sadly, one of the main reasons for his depression. I let things lie for a fair while and then towards the end of last year, told him that I was coming to see him for a weekend (we live opposite ends of the country).
We went out and got absolutely smashed, but also, I sat him down over a long lunch on the Saturday and had a bloody good talk to him, outlining a number of things that he couldn't see due to being so close to the problem and also things that no-one really wanted to broach with him.
It was a hard conversation for both of us and at the end of it, he was in tears, but at the same time, thanked me for my honesty and objective views and said that only a true friend could have been so blunt yet supportive.
As a consequence, he has started a new business which is doing incredibly well, met (and will shortly be moving in with) a lovely girl, gets to see his kids a lot more and has a better relationship with his ex-wife than he'd had for years.
It's tough to tell some home truths and really work to the root of problems with people, but if you really care for them, it is, I feel, vitally important.
vx220 said:
Not wishing to make it gushy and Hollywood, but I have a mate who needs sitting down, how have you done that?
Not drinking btw
I've been sat down before.Not drinking btw
The best thing to do is to go somewhere you won't be interrupted, and preferably somewhere neutral. Don't go to your usual pub. If he lives alone, his place would probably work. Since it's not alcohol related, take a few cans round, but not too many. You'll know how many will get him to start talking. Try and avoid sitting down across a table from him as that's a bit confrontational.
It won't work unless you are sure your mate is ready to listen - but I'm guessing you wouldn't be thinking about doing this unless he has made a cry for help in some way.
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