An only child is a lonely child...
Discussion
Depends what you mean by 'work away a lot'. My dad was often away 1-2 weeks in 4. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I'm the eldest of 4 boys and one of my brothers has dyspraxia. It was hard at times but my mum did an awesome job.
If you're away for extended periods though, I can see how that would be more difficult.
If you're away for extended periods though, I can see how that would be more difficult.
I'm the oldest of 3 with gaps of 20 months and 3yrs 7 months between each of us. I've only in the last few years built a decent relationship with my sister and my overwhelming feeling throughout childhood was how much worse things got once there were 3 rather than 2 of us. I was and kinda still am immensely envious of the childhood of the kid next door - just 6 weeks younger than me - who was an only child. More space, spare cash, parental attention, family flexibility. 10 years of family holidays where the fighting over who got a room to themself started weeks before we left...
I'm an only child.
It is fair to say that my Mum spoilt me with probably too much love, whilst my Dad did his best to foil that and was what I might describe as being a 'complete basterd' on numerous occasions...however as an adult, I can see what he was trying to do, but I think he went over the top with discipline once too often...
Anyway, I've been ok...in my teens I can see that there were instances when I have been a bit of a selfish tit - and I have often suffered jokes about 'oh yeah, you have only child syndrome...'
But I had no problems making friends at school and that - and always had a pool of mates to call upon at any time really.
Anyway, I'm also lucky enough to have been graced with a modicum of intelligence, and in my young adult life relating to friends, work colleagues and girlfriends I have been able to recognise and temper my underlying 'only child' sense of self, and learn to adapt and open up, and share my personality and desires in a more open and mutually agreeable way.
And now, I think it pays dividends - because I am completely happy and content with my own company, amusing myself as I see fit, and there being no problem with times when I have been single and living on my own, without anyone else around.
Whereas close mates who have siblings completely go to pieces when they're on their own, and especially when they're single - to the extent that as soon as they are, they go beserk trying to get themselves another boyfriend / girlfriend immediately at any cost - often settling for whatever person comes along soonest...even if that person is clearly hideously incompatible.
They just 'have to have someone' around them. They cannot live alone. Hence, there have been many disasters.
Whereas me on the other hand, can just rub along by myself, and wait for the next decent compatible partner to arrive - and scrutinise the situation carefully before committing - and if they don't measure up - see ya! I am happy to carry on alone.
I've spent many a happy weekend alone after finishing work on a Friday, without having contact with any other human beings until Monday morning back at work. Get a good night's sleep, and spend Saturday and Sunday cleaning the house and doing DIY, watching motorsport on TV, bit of shopping, going out for a run or a mountain bike session, pottering round in the workshop and the driveway fiddling with my cars and motorbikes...endless stuff to look at on the internet...and these days, if I do want to talk to someone - then I just come on here. Sorted!
So I would say - being an 'only' whilst young might be a bit of a challenge, but if they grow up well-adjusted and intelligent - then it's probably an advantage in the end!
It is fair to say that my Mum spoilt me with probably too much love, whilst my Dad did his best to foil that and was what I might describe as being a 'complete basterd' on numerous occasions...however as an adult, I can see what he was trying to do, but I think he went over the top with discipline once too often...
Anyway, I've been ok...in my teens I can see that there were instances when I have been a bit of a selfish tit - and I have often suffered jokes about 'oh yeah, you have only child syndrome...'
But I had no problems making friends at school and that - and always had a pool of mates to call upon at any time really.
Anyway, I'm also lucky enough to have been graced with a modicum of intelligence, and in my young adult life relating to friends, work colleagues and girlfriends I have been able to recognise and temper my underlying 'only child' sense of self, and learn to adapt and open up, and share my personality and desires in a more open and mutually agreeable way.
And now, I think it pays dividends - because I am completely happy and content with my own company, amusing myself as I see fit, and there being no problem with times when I have been single and living on my own, without anyone else around.
Whereas close mates who have siblings completely go to pieces when they're on their own, and especially when they're single - to the extent that as soon as they are, they go beserk trying to get themselves another boyfriend / girlfriend immediately at any cost - often settling for whatever person comes along soonest...even if that person is clearly hideously incompatible.
They just 'have to have someone' around them. They cannot live alone. Hence, there have been many disasters.
Whereas me on the other hand, can just rub along by myself, and wait for the next decent compatible partner to arrive - and scrutinise the situation carefully before committing - and if they don't measure up - see ya! I am happy to carry on alone.
I've spent many a happy weekend alone after finishing work on a Friday, without having contact with any other human beings until Monday morning back at work. Get a good night's sleep, and spend Saturday and Sunday cleaning the house and doing DIY, watching motorsport on TV, bit of shopping, going out for a run or a mountain bike session, pottering round in the workshop and the driveway fiddling with my cars and motorbikes...endless stuff to look at on the internet...and these days, if I do want to talk to someone - then I just come on here. Sorted!
So I would say - being an 'only' whilst young might be a bit of a challenge, but if they grow up well-adjusted and intelligent - then it's probably an advantage in the end!
We had our first boy and pretty much straight after, my mrs wanted another, she wanted them to grow up together. I was against the idea at first, as I was worried it would be a struggle, especially for her when I'm at work. I agreed in the end, and she was right and has done a great job looking after them and bringing them up.
They both love and adore each other, and now that the youngest (10 months) is starting to crawl and playing sitting up, they sometimes play together too. The times when they cuddle each other on the sofa and watch tv together is pricelss, they both love Pixar films, with Cars, Toy Story and Monsters Inc. being the current favourites.
Yes it's been tough sometimes, and at first they would get up at different times in the night, but now they're both sleeping through and it's bliss.
Time will tell if they still like each other as they get older though. I have a suspicion they'll be like me and my sister, and hate each other (but still love each other) but we'll see. It would be nice if they always looked after each other though, and played and stayed together all the way into their adult life.
She now wants a 3rd but it's not going to happen. Bringing the two up, when they're so young, is hard enough, I think a third would cross the line to being relentless and unbearable. Plus I value my sleep too much and like I said, the fact that both boys are now sleeping through, is bliss, and I don't want to spoil it.
They both love and adore each other, and now that the youngest (10 months) is starting to crawl and playing sitting up, they sometimes play together too. The times when they cuddle each other on the sofa and watch tv together is pricelss, they both love Pixar films, with Cars, Toy Story and Monsters Inc. being the current favourites.
Yes it's been tough sometimes, and at first they would get up at different times in the night, but now they're both sleeping through and it's bliss.
Time will tell if they still like each other as they get older though. I have a suspicion they'll be like me and my sister, and hate each other (but still love each other) but we'll see. It would be nice if they always looked after each other though, and played and stayed together all the way into their adult life.
She now wants a 3rd but it's not going to happen. Bringing the two up, when they're so young, is hard enough, I think a third would cross the line to being relentless and unbearable. Plus I value my sleep too much and like I said, the fact that both boys are now sleeping through, is bliss, and I don't want to spoil it.
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
I'm an only child.
And now, I think it pays dividends - because I am completely happy and content with my own company, amusing myself as I see fit, and there being no problem with times when I have been single and living on my own, without anyone else around.
Whereas close mates who have siblings completely go to pieces when they're on their own, and especially when they're single - to the extent that as soon as they are, they go beserk trying to get themselves another boyfriend / girlfriend immediately at any cost - often settling for whatever person comes along soonest...even if that person is clearly hideously incompatible.
They just 'have to have someone' around them. They cannot live alone. Hence, there have been many disasters.
And now, I think it pays dividends - because I am completely happy and content with my own company, amusing myself as I see fit, and there being no problem with times when I have been single and living on my own, without anyone else around.
Whereas close mates who have siblings completely go to pieces when they're on their own, and especially when they're single - to the extent that as soon as they are, they go beserk trying to get themselves another boyfriend / girlfriend immediately at any cost - often settling for whatever person comes along soonest...even if that person is clearly hideously incompatible.
They just 'have to have someone' around them. They cannot live alone. Hence, there have been many disasters.
Completely agree with you. My (ex)Missus was like this & it drove her mad that I had the ability to find things to amuse myself on my own, whereas she always had to have someone around.
There is a great quote that sums this up:
“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” ― Blaise Pascal
Edited by littleowl on Sunday 26th May 00:06
littleowl said:
“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” ― Blaise Pascal
And, probably, all of its progress, too.I'm worried about my son being an only child. Simply as I am not; nothing more concrete than that behind the worry. However, I've no idea how we'd manage with a second, even though he has been really quite easy going.
I am an only child, dad worked away for a while (5 days away back weekends), if he weren't doing that we were following him around.
Went to 4 or 5 different schools between the age of 5 and 12 ish. Always lived in the countryside so not many other children around but I managed to get on with all at the different schools and eventually when I was at one long enough to make good friends I did with ease, still in touch and meet up with a few of them.
Again as said I do like my own space some of the time, not afriad to get on with others though just like to be in my own head I suppose.
Went to 4 or 5 different schools between the age of 5 and 12 ish. Always lived in the countryside so not many other children around but I managed to get on with all at the different schools and eventually when I was at one long enough to make good friends I did with ease, still in touch and meet up with a few of them.
Again as said I do like my own space some of the time, not afriad to get on with others though just like to be in my own head I suppose.
I've got 2 brothers & can't stand the pair of a
holes & never have. Got on my nerves as a kid growing up & has got worse since then. Last time I saw them was at a funeral & we didn't speak, before that the last time I saw them was about 5 years ago.
Apparently when I was about 6, I told my Nan & Granddad I wished they had never been born as it was much nicer before they turned up.
Luckily, Mrs Monkeys brother is also an arse, so when we decided to have children the choice to have just the 1 was easy.
Like others have said, they have loads of friends anyway - wait until they start school & they are at a bloody birthday party every other week. You'll be glad you haven't got 2 kids then as you'll be at one every week.
holes & never have. Got on my nerves as a kid growing up & has got worse since then. Last time I saw them was at a funeral & we didn't speak, before that the last time I saw them was about 5 years ago.Apparently when I was about 6, I told my Nan & Granddad I wished they had never been born as it was much nicer before they turned up.
Luckily, Mrs Monkeys brother is also an arse, so when we decided to have children the choice to have just the 1 was easy.
Like others have said, they have loads of friends anyway - wait until they start school & they are at a bloody birthday party every other week. You'll be glad you haven't got 2 kids then as you'll be at one every week.
im an only child, my dad was a sales rep so worked away a lot. ive never held it against him and regard him as one of my best friends (im 26, hes 53) ive never really though id have preferred to have a sibling, and like that im the only one tbh.
however, i have grown up with a desire to be the centre of attention in any situation, and its got me in trouble a few times!
however, i have grown up with a desire to be the centre of attention in any situation, and its got me in trouble a few times!
I have a brother (and 2 half sisters) and for the majority of my childhood I lived with my Grandmother who had a boarding house which meant there were 6 other children living in the house. Sure it was good fun at times, but for the most part there was a complete lack of personal space. Meal times were a busy affair and I even shared a bed with my brother.
The result is I now cherish any alone time I get. I don't crave the company of others which appears to be the opposite of other who grew up with siblings.
The result is I now cherish any alone time I get. I don't crave the company of others which appears to be the opposite of other who grew up with siblings.
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