What happens when your kids turn 18?
Discussion
Parents, interested in view on this.
For context step-son is 18 and his dad now contributes not a penny to us - or more pertinently to me, to him.
He earns £2.67 per hour as an apprentice so money is tight (well it is if your 18, smoke and like to party with your mates).
I support him, pay for his bus ticket (in my interest as otherwise I get to pick him up when he runs out of money....) and the odd bit of extra cash.
What do others do/think....
For context step-son is 18 and his dad now contributes not a penny to us - or more pertinently to me, to him.
He earns £2.67 per hour as an apprentice so money is tight (well it is if your 18, smoke and like to party with your mates).
I support him, pay for his bus ticket (in my interest as otherwise I get to pick him up when he runs out of money....) and the odd bit of extra cash.
What do others do/think....
Don't! - Smoke? Party? Only if you can afford it. Lifts? Does he have no legs?
This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
NormalWisdom said:
Don't! - Smoke? Party? Only if you can afford it. Lifts? Does he have no legs?
This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
Smoking - I'd prefer it if he didn't. I don't directly support this - if I can indirectly not support it it's better. This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
Party - He works full time and I don't begrudge a little fun.
Walk - Not practical. Hence the bus ticket.
NormalWisdom said:
Don't! - Smoke? Party? Only if you can afford it. Lifts? Does he have no legs?
This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
Hey! Some of us are independent. I'm 19, worked since I left school, even while at college, and pay everything 100% by myself.This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
Petrolhead95 said:
NormalWisdom said:
Don't! - Smoke? Party? Only if you can afford it. Lifts? Does he have no legs?
This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
Hey! Some of us are independent. I'm 19, worked since I left school, even while at college, and pay everything 100% by myself.This is why I fear for the world - Kids can't be arsed to do anything for themselves anymore, too much cottonwool. Introduce him to the real world as, when it introduces itself to him, it could be catastrophic!
Sounds to me that you are a lucky chap. Young lad taking an apprenticship, wanting to make his own way. You trying to help him out. Dont begrudge it. In a few years time, im sure YOU will be the one who has his respect. In a few years, not the deadbeat who thought his responsibilities stopped for his children when they reached 18.
I've read a few of your posts over time and frankly, I think youve done a good job!
I've read a few of your posts over time and frankly, I think youve done a good job!
Yep, support him as best you feel comfortable. My girl turns 21 soon and still lives with me. She holds down two jobs and is full time at Uni, so I can't knock her work ethic. So that's why I don't begrudge financing her car or her doing the bar/nightclub thing or giving the occasional lift over to friends etc. I don't believe in charging offspring rent, but will be encouraging her to look for a place of her own once the Uni course is finished.
But, of course, your situation may vary depending on the child/young adult.
But, of course, your situation may vary depending on the child/young adult.
You are his step dad and he lives in your house and appears to have done so for a long time. You have been there throughout his life in effect he is your son.
Keep guiding him on the straight and narrow until he finds his feet properly then you've done the job - well actually you never finish looking after them even when your an OAP. (So I'm told).
Keep guiding him on the straight and narrow until he finds his feet properly then you've done the job - well actually you never finish looking after them even when your an OAP. (So I'm told).
Mastodon2 said:
He can't pay for his own bus fare, but can afford to smoke and party? Time to cut the umbilical cord.
He's doing an apprenticeship for buttons per hour. If that were me I'd be happy my kid was getting himself a trade and I'd certainly be happy to pay a bus ticket for him and let him spend his meagre wages out on the piss and chasing women.
If he was wasting his life away in McDonalds then that would be a different story altogether.
To me, you sound a little resentful of your step-sons father and quite understandably so.
Does your SIL and his father have a good relationship? Maybe suggest to your SIL could approach his dad for helping out with driving lessons, which would "balance" things a little, and potentially alleviate you of the taxi task in the future!
Does your SIL and his father have a good relationship? Maybe suggest to your SIL could approach his dad for helping out with driving lessons, which would "balance" things a little, and potentially alleviate you of the taxi task in the future!
mildmannered said:
To me, you sound a little resentful of your step-sons father and quite understandably so.
Does your SIL and his father have a good relationship? Maybe suggest to your SIL could approach his dad for helping out with driving lessons, which would "balance" things a little, and potentially alleviate you of the taxi task in the future!
I think his dad is a prick. He is currently complaining that he has not seen step-son for months, but says he cannot afford to pay for a train ticket for him to go and stay for a weekend. He still seems to fly out to a hot country every couple of weeks to see his bit of skirt though.Does your SIL and his father have a good relationship? Maybe suggest to your SIL could approach his dad for helping out with driving lessons, which would "balance" things a little, and potentially alleviate you of the taxi task in the future!
As for driving lessons - I will be paying for those.
I don't resent step-lad. Far from it - He is part of our family and gets the same support as my daughter will get, although I hope that she will not be quite as challenging.....
OP said:
What happens when your kids turn 18?
I can steal their beer!Seriously, OP, unless you think he's taking the piss or would benefit from a little encouragement toward independence, carry on. I would say you're doing a good job.
If it's practical, look at getting him a bicycle. My lad covers about 25 miles a week going to and from college - it seems to do him good and saves about £10 a week in bus fare.
t and the sooner they realise it the better they will do.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff