Long time lurker - have I broken my relationship?
Discussion
I have to admit ive been the lurker. never thought id be back on here looking for relationship advise. here goes fellas...
i met this amazing girl nearly 3 years back. we have lived together, been on holidays, made plans for a future, had (a lot) of amazing sech...all going well. until she starts an access to learning course and moves in with her parents during the week to be closer to the teaching site. im not fishing in the childrens pool, shes 29 and going for a change in career. it has meant our time together is limited to say the least, and it is only going to get worse - and that is looking like my fault.
since she started being so busy, i have to admit i enjoyed the freedom. i never wanted to break up with her but chilling with my mates mid-week was a good change, and the day to day chores and bickering was gone. she started to put pressure on our weekends together and if she had less work on, she would expect me to drop everything and be there mid-week. when we spent every day together (before she moved in with her parents), the weekends were more chilled, and this pressue is only making our time together really heated (and not in a sechy way). my brother is also getting married in february, so a lot of weekend time spent with him at the moment, she felt we had regressed.
the last 3 weeks have been bad. i saw her one full day for one reason or another. at the weekend she said she couldnt continue with us if i wasnt going to make any effort. i assumed she was bluffing...this time not the case. having had time to think about this over the weekend, i can see i've messed up. i called maybe once, twice in the weeks since she's left, i couldnt be bothered to meet her for dinner mid-week when she was free (only a 45 minute drive), i made no effort at weekends and just carried on my usual lifestyle as if she was still living with me, and now i feel guilty. i got so angry that she was constantly asking what we were doing where we were going who with and what time, it just got too much and i wasnt used to all that from having it pretty easy when we shared the same roof. one thing that is playing on my mind a lot is 4 weeks ago she organised a surprise dinner for me and i was 4 hours late to meet her (obviously no knowledge of the surprise). why was i late? i faniced going for a jog. no joke. she later told me shed been finding the course hard and i hadnt even noticed. i got a promotion at work 3 months ago and i have been focussed so much on all that that her life has sort of passed me by a bit. my bad, i know. now i'm flooded with guilt for not being there for this woman that i love so much, and don't know how to make it up to her.
the last few days have made me realise how mcch i have taken her for granted and im worried i've lost her for good. i caused so many arguments about seeing her and needing it to fit into my plans that i lost sight of what was important. i have emailed her, no response yet. this is the woman i want to marry. any advice welcome please.
i met this amazing girl nearly 3 years back. we have lived together, been on holidays, made plans for a future, had (a lot) of amazing sech...all going well. until she starts an access to learning course and moves in with her parents during the week to be closer to the teaching site. im not fishing in the childrens pool, shes 29 and going for a change in career. it has meant our time together is limited to say the least, and it is only going to get worse - and that is looking like my fault.
since she started being so busy, i have to admit i enjoyed the freedom. i never wanted to break up with her but chilling with my mates mid-week was a good change, and the day to day chores and bickering was gone. she started to put pressure on our weekends together and if she had less work on, she would expect me to drop everything and be there mid-week. when we spent every day together (before she moved in with her parents), the weekends were more chilled, and this pressue is only making our time together really heated (and not in a sechy way). my brother is also getting married in february, so a lot of weekend time spent with him at the moment, she felt we had regressed.
the last 3 weeks have been bad. i saw her one full day for one reason or another. at the weekend she said she couldnt continue with us if i wasnt going to make any effort. i assumed she was bluffing...this time not the case. having had time to think about this over the weekend, i can see i've messed up. i called maybe once, twice in the weeks since she's left, i couldnt be bothered to meet her for dinner mid-week when she was free (only a 45 minute drive), i made no effort at weekends and just carried on my usual lifestyle as if she was still living with me, and now i feel guilty. i got so angry that she was constantly asking what we were doing where we were going who with and what time, it just got too much and i wasnt used to all that from having it pretty easy when we shared the same roof. one thing that is playing on my mind a lot is 4 weeks ago she organised a surprise dinner for me and i was 4 hours late to meet her (obviously no knowledge of the surprise). why was i late? i faniced going for a jog. no joke. she later told me shed been finding the course hard and i hadnt even noticed. i got a promotion at work 3 months ago and i have been focussed so much on all that that her life has sort of passed me by a bit. my bad, i know. now i'm flooded with guilt for not being there for this woman that i love so much, and don't know how to make it up to her.
the last few days have made me realise how mcch i have taken her for granted and im worried i've lost her for good. i caused so many arguments about seeing her and needing it to fit into my plans that i lost sight of what was important. i have emailed her, no response yet. this is the woman i want to marry. any advice welcome please.
Al U said:
scoda1 said:
i have emailed her.....this is the woman i want to marry.
Nothing says you care like an email! Pick up the phone you nutter 
No New Year's Day to celebrate
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away
No first of spring
No song to sing
In fact here's just another ordinary day
No April rain
No flowers bloom
No wedding Saturday within the month of June
But what it is, is something true
Made up of these three words that I must say to you
I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart
No summer's high
No warm July
No harvest moon to light one tender August night
No autumn breeze
No falling leaves
Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies
No Libra sun
No Halloween
No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring
But what it is, though old so new
To fill your heart like no three words could ever do
I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care, I do
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart
I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care, I do
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart,
of my heart
I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care, I do
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart,
baby of my heart
Welll, it's time for you and her to have a sit-down and a good face to face chat.
Do you wonder how she might be feeling?
I too like my alone time (it's not as seedy as it sounds fnarfnarfnar). My wife understands this and has done since before we got married. She lets me have time to play computer games, fuss quietly over my motorbike, stand outside on a cold night stargazing.
Communication is key. Does she truely expect you to come running whenever she clicks her fingers? Or does she not quite know wat you are up to, or dosnt appreciate how these other aspects of your personal life are important to you?
How is her life? Does she have a good group of friends to spend time with? Does she have hobbies, interests, things she can spend her own time doing away from you?
Do you wonder how she might be feeling?
I too like my alone time (it's not as seedy as it sounds fnarfnarfnar). My wife understands this and has done since before we got married. She lets me have time to play computer games, fuss quietly over my motorbike, stand outside on a cold night stargazing.
Communication is key. Does she truely expect you to come running whenever she clicks her fingers? Or does she not quite know wat you are up to, or dosnt appreciate how these other aspects of your personal life are important to you?
How is her life? Does she have a good group of friends to spend time with? Does she have hobbies, interests, things she can spend her own time doing away from you?
scoda1 said:
I have to admit ive been the lurker. never thought id be back on here looking for relationship advise. here goes fellas...
i met this amazing girl nearly 3 years back. we have lived together, been on holidays, made plans for a future, had (a lot) of amazing sech...all going well. until she starts an access to learning course and moves in with her parents during the week to be closer to the teaching site. im not fishing in the childrens pool, shes 29 and going for a change in career. it has meant our time together is limited to say the least, and it is only going to get worse - and that is looking like my fault.
since she started being so busy, i have to admit i enjoyed the freedom. i never wanted to break up with her but chilling with my mates mid-week was a good change, and the day to day chores and bickering was gone. she started to put pressure on our weekends together and if she had less work on, she would expect me to drop everything and be there mid-week. when we spent every day together (before she moved in with her parents), the weekends were more chilled, and this pressue is only making our time together really heated (and not in a sechy way). my brother is also getting married in february, so a lot of weekend time spent with him at the moment, she felt we had regressed.
the last 3 weeks have been bad. i saw her one full day for one reason or another. at the weekend she said she couldnt continue with us if i wasnt going to make any effort. i assumed she was bluffing...this time not the case. having had time to think about this over the weekend, i can see i've messed up. i called maybe once, twice in the weeks since she's left, i couldnt be bothered to meet her for dinner mid-week when she was free (only a 45 minute drive), i made no effort at weekends and just carried on my usual lifestyle as if she was still living with me, and now i feel guilty. i got so angry that she was constantly asking what we were doing where we were going who with and what time, it just got too much and i wasnt used to all that from having it pretty easy when we shared the same roof. one thing that is playing on my mind a lot is 4 weeks ago she organised a surprise dinner for me and i was 4 hours late to meet her (obviously no knowledge of the surprise). why was i late? i faniced going for a jog. no joke. she later told me shed been finding the course hard and i hadnt even noticed. i got a promotion at work 3 months ago and i have been focussed so much on all that that her life has sort of passed me by a bit. my bad, i know. now i'm flooded with guilt for not being there for this woman that i love so much, and don't know how to make it up to her.
the last few days have made me realise how mcch i have taken her for granted and im worried i've lost her for good. i caused so many arguments about seeing her and needing it to fit into my plans that i lost sight of what was important. i have emailed her, no response yet. this is the woman i want to marry. any advice welcome please.
i met this amazing girl nearly 3 years back. we have lived together, been on holidays, made plans for a future, had (a lot) of amazing sech...all going well. until she starts an access to learning course and moves in with her parents during the week to be closer to the teaching site. im not fishing in the childrens pool, shes 29 and going for a change in career. it has meant our time together is limited to say the least, and it is only going to get worse - and that is looking like my fault.
since she started being so busy, i have to admit i enjoyed the freedom. i never wanted to break up with her but chilling with my mates mid-week was a good change, and the day to day chores and bickering was gone. she started to put pressure on our weekends together and if she had less work on, she would expect me to drop everything and be there mid-week. when we spent every day together (before she moved in with her parents), the weekends were more chilled, and this pressue is only making our time together really heated (and not in a sechy way). my brother is also getting married in february, so a lot of weekend time spent with him at the moment, she felt we had regressed.
the last 3 weeks have been bad. i saw her one full day for one reason or another. at the weekend she said she couldnt continue with us if i wasnt going to make any effort. i assumed she was bluffing...this time not the case. having had time to think about this over the weekend, i can see i've messed up. i called maybe once, twice in the weeks since she's left, i couldnt be bothered to meet her for dinner mid-week when she was free (only a 45 minute drive), i made no effort at weekends and just carried on my usual lifestyle as if she was still living with me, and now i feel guilty. i got so angry that she was constantly asking what we were doing where we were going who with and what time, it just got too much and i wasnt used to all that from having it pretty easy when we shared the same roof. one thing that is playing on my mind a lot is 4 weeks ago she organised a surprise dinner for me and i was 4 hours late to meet her (obviously no knowledge of the surprise). why was i late? i faniced going for a jog. no joke. she later told me shed been finding the course hard and i hadnt even noticed. i got a promotion at work 3 months ago and i have been focussed so much on all that that her life has sort of passed me by a bit. my bad, i know. now i'm flooded with guilt for not being there for this woman that i love so much, and don't know how to make it up to her.
the last few days have made me realise how mcch i have taken her for granted and im worried i've lost her for good. i caused so many arguments about seeing her and needing it to fit into my plans that i lost sight of what was important. i have emailed her, no response yet. this is the woman i want to marry. any advice welcome please.
soad said:
Belongs in the Lounge. 
This ;-).Also, chocolate or something. (Okay, a nice meal. Okay, a REALLY nice meal. Though I'm sort of tempted to find out what would happen if you chose Nando's).
To paraphrase Mr. Sheen, if you want a relationship where you don't have to put effort in, you want a hooker.
(Then come on here after the smashing in of the doors and b
h about the Mental).She sounds needy to me. I have always been told that you should never desert your friends when in a relationship, even if your desire is to spend every single second with her, if it goes south, you're then in the post relationship frame of mind plus no friends which is square -1.
It sounds like you don't miss her/desire to be with her as you haven't kept in contact with her and couldn't be arsed to drive 45 mins to meet her for dinner, which pretty much speaks for itself...
It sounds like you don't miss her/desire to be with her as you haven't kept in contact with her and couldn't be arsed to drive 45 mins to meet her for dinner, which pretty much speaks for itself...
Edited by Swanny87 on Tuesday 9th December 15:28
tangerine_sedge said:
It's a 45 minutes drive FFS. A good proportion of PH probably does that just to get to work every day - FFS?
I suggest you both make the effort to see each other mid week (every day if it's only a 1 1/2 hour round trip, then there will be less pressure on the weekends.
This is it on the head.I suggest you both make the effort to see each other mid week (every day if it's only a 1 1/2 hour round trip, then there will be less pressure on the weekends.
Lose the weekends every week with the lads or make some type of effort during the week, if you can't even do that, walk away as your obviously not serious.
You are only 45 mins away, try having OH being in Cairo for 2 years and only access is Skype, only getting long weekends every 2 months and the odd week once or twice every year.
You don't see each other enough, then stop emailing or phoning, use Skype to say hello, god if your that busy that you can't see her one week, have a Skype date, I know I did that several times with my OH.
Its not difficult if you want to think about it.
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