The Surrey Princesses dilemma....
Discussion
I grew up in a North West mill town in pretty much a working class environment. Mum & Dad escaped the council estates they grew up on, first to a 2up2down then a typical 60’s new estate semi. Most of the extended family (I stopped counting cousins at 30) still lived on the same council estates or similar new estates to us. Dad was a mechanic and Mum worked in admin at the town hospital. Money wasn’t desperately short but we weren’t particularly well off.
I was very proud of my Lancs upbringing and consider it was a great place to grow up (urban to the South, Moors to the North) but for various reasons I was desperate to get away as soon as possible. The early 80’s was a pretty grim time in that part of the world in the early Thatcher days. Because I couldn’t get an apprenticeship at 16, I stayed on to 6th form (homeless was the other option) and even then couldn’t get a job in the sector I wanted. So by default I became the first in the whole family to go to Uni, not because I wanted to, but because it was the way into my industry and I had the added benefit of getting a place in London.
30 years later still living in the metropolis I am fiercely proud of my roots but don’t ever consider returning. I consider myself a “working class” Northerner as the formative years were served there even though I’ve lived a lot longer in the South. My wife is also from the same town although neither of us were living there when we met. I found that a lot of people I met at Uni from the Home Counties were conservative stereotypes although a few had a bit of chip on their shoulder about not having “provincial” character.
Now here’s the conundrum:
I have two daughters (12/9) who were born in Surrey and have never lived anywhere else. Our standard of living is significantly higher than it was for us growing up. I don’t want them to turn into Surrey Princesses but equally I don’t want to artificially limit their living standards or expose them to unnecessary “social danger”. Daughter 1 has just moved up to a (non-selective) single-sex state school, which caused us a great deal of soul-searching at application time. That decision was based more on No 2 who needs more focus in her learning. We’ve agreed we need to ensure we actively spend time with friends who have sons to help their understanding of the opposite sex.
I understand that their world is what it is and particularly with technology development and generally more materialistic lives, I can’t expect them to live the same childhood I did.
My fundamental beliefs include:
Have respect for others
Try your hardest and we won’t judge on results
You’ll end up where you are destined to, even though the path there may get a little wavy
Work for your future spend, don’t live on the “never never”
How do I help give them the right life skills in this alien world ? Anyone with similar experience ?
I was very proud of my Lancs upbringing and consider it was a great place to grow up (urban to the South, Moors to the North) but for various reasons I was desperate to get away as soon as possible. The early 80’s was a pretty grim time in that part of the world in the early Thatcher days. Because I couldn’t get an apprenticeship at 16, I stayed on to 6th form (homeless was the other option) and even then couldn’t get a job in the sector I wanted. So by default I became the first in the whole family to go to Uni, not because I wanted to, but because it was the way into my industry and I had the added benefit of getting a place in London.
30 years later still living in the metropolis I am fiercely proud of my roots but don’t ever consider returning. I consider myself a “working class” Northerner as the formative years were served there even though I’ve lived a lot longer in the South. My wife is also from the same town although neither of us were living there when we met. I found that a lot of people I met at Uni from the Home Counties were conservative stereotypes although a few had a bit of chip on their shoulder about not having “provincial” character.
Now here’s the conundrum:
I have two daughters (12/9) who were born in Surrey and have never lived anywhere else. Our standard of living is significantly higher than it was for us growing up. I don’t want them to turn into Surrey Princesses but equally I don’t want to artificially limit their living standards or expose them to unnecessary “social danger”. Daughter 1 has just moved up to a (non-selective) single-sex state school, which caused us a great deal of soul-searching at application time. That decision was based more on No 2 who needs more focus in her learning. We’ve agreed we need to ensure we actively spend time with friends who have sons to help their understanding of the opposite sex.
I understand that their world is what it is and particularly with technology development and generally more materialistic lives, I can’t expect them to live the same childhood I did.
My fundamental beliefs include:
Have respect for others
Try your hardest and we won’t judge on results
You’ll end up where you are destined to, even though the path there may get a little wavy
Work for your future spend, don’t live on the “never never”
How do I help give them the right life skills in this alien world ? Anyone with similar experience ?
It's only Surrey OP, they're not actually members of the Royal Family.
Provided their parents aren't absolute t
ts, I'm sure they'll grow up just fine. By the way, that's in no way an insinuation that you or your wife/partner are tts however, from what I remember, most of the people at school who you avoided had dreadful parents.
They'll be influenced by their peers of course however you can influence the level to which this influence affects their behaviour by your behaviour towards them.
Provided their parents aren't absolute t
ts, I'm sure they'll grow up just fine. By the way, that's in no way an insinuation that you or your wife/partner are tts however, from what I remember, most of the people at school who you avoided had dreadful parents.They'll be influenced by their peers of course however you can influence the level to which this influence affects their behaviour by your behaviour towards them.
Most parents just want the best for their children, so you're likely already giving them more than you may have had just by the quality of your own lifestyle. They won't become Surrey 'princesses' if you don't treat them as such.
I've grown up and lived in Surrey my whole life and was brought up with the same morals and pride that you seem to have gained. I don't believe this changes at each end of the country. I was taught to respect others, appreciate the things I have and to work for the things I wanted. I still possess the same mentality and am actually very sentimental about the things I own and have worked hard to gain. Demonstrate to them the morals you still possess, that independence is earned and you'll set them up for the future wanting the same for their own children.
I've grown up and lived in Surrey my whole life and was brought up with the same morals and pride that you seem to have gained. I don't believe this changes at each end of the country. I was taught to respect others, appreciate the things I have and to work for the things I wanted. I still possess the same mentality and am actually very sentimental about the things I own and have worked hard to gain. Demonstrate to them the morals you still possess, that independence is earned and you'll set them up for the future wanting the same for their own children.
Genuinely surprised after a lifetime of living in London you're still clinging on to your flatcap so vociferously!
People are just people. I really don't understand this enormous pride in where you come from, given that it's just a quirk of fate that two people happened to have sex at a particular set of co-ordinates. It's absolutely meaningless and if there is one positive about the modern world it's that we're moving toward a place where people are judged on who they are and what they achieve in the here and now, rather than where they come from.
Read the first, bit and thought it was interesting, but I thought you were over thinking it a bit.
Then read your main points and thought they were very valid
As long as you constantly act and re affirm your beliefs in conjunction with your wife/partner , more than likely your kids will share them
On the other hand kids have a habit of rebelling, or doing their own thing, which you have to go with to an extent, you are your own person, you have to let them be their own and not a photocopy of you. I try and subtly guide and help my kids, rather than be too overpowering, apart from boundaries which are set, such as NO BLOODY PHONES AT THE DINNER TABLE!!!
Also don't worry about schools, just choose the best one education and support wise, millions including my own mother went to single sex schools and are fine, so don't worry about that,
Then read your main points and thought they were very valid
As long as you constantly act and re affirm your beliefs in conjunction with your wife/partner , more than likely your kids will share them
On the other hand kids have a habit of rebelling, or doing their own thing, which you have to go with to an extent, you are your own person, you have to let them be their own and not a photocopy of you. I try and subtly guide and help my kids, rather than be too overpowering, apart from boundaries which are set, such as NO BLOODY PHONES AT THE DINNER TABLE!!!
Also don't worry about schools, just choose the best one education and support wise, millions including my own mother went to single sex schools and are fine, so don't worry about that,
FredClogs said:
Yeah but think of the property you could buy in Burnley if you sold up in Surrey get in quick Colne is getting a bit pricey these days what with all the gentrification - inside toilets indeed! tsk...
Might have inside toilets, but no running water, similar to Keighley though.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff