Worst jokes for Christmas table

[crankedup]

Plenty of corny stuff in crackers we know, but to add to those whilst the family are bleary eyed and will titter at almost anything.

To get started :

Stranger in the bar : so how do you make your living?
Drinker in the bar : I'm an elevator engineer
Stranger """""""" : keeps you busy then?
Drinker """""""" : Hmmmm, it has its ups and downs.

[funkyrobot]

One up the bum, no harm done.

[Pints]

...And that's when the fight started.

[funkyrobot]

... Then, as I reached around, I found something hard.

[Hoofy]

Do you mean inappropriate or just proper groaners?

When your gran offers you the roast potatoes, say "Just the one."
If she replies, "There's no need to be polite." reply with, "Ok, just the one then you silly cow."

(Stolen from Tim Vine.)

[funkyrobot]

I was in the bath the other day and my gran had a stroke.

Such lovely soft hands.

[fatboy b]

Silently I slipped the condom over my erect member, and unrolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft, never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared at me in wide-eyed, jaw-dropping disbelief...

Then, breaking the silence I spoke.. "Yes, that seems to fit alright, I'll take the whole packet please".

[Adenauer]

fatboy b said:

Silently I slipped the condom over my erect member, and unrolled it down the entire length of my throbbing shaft, never once losing eye contact with the young woman as she stared at me in wide-eyed, jaw-dropping disbelief...

Then, breaking the silence I spoke.. "Yes, that seems to fit alright, I'll take the whole packet please".

And she replied, 'baaaaaaaaaa', and rejoined the Flock.

[S27]

Saw this few days ago which made me laugh

[The Beaver King]

funkyrobot said:

I was in the bath the other day and my gran had a stroke.

Such lovely soft hands.

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Brilliant

[Hooli]

S27 said:

Saw this few days ago which made me laugh

[2ono]

Who delivers presents to the baby sharks?

Santa Jaws.

[mcelliott]

Got a really good book for Christmas - the history of superglue. Can't put it down...