Young Fathers... Talk to me.
Discussion
Right, I've had a fairly subdued read through "She wants a kid I don't" thread and the a few other similar threads on here and it all kind of aligns with my time of life. However I think I'm on the other side of the fence.
I'm 23, Happily married, about to 2nd step to a good family area and have all my financials in check. (As is I sip my ale on a Saturday night on PH I guess I'm basically old) The Mrs is about to turn 26 and has been very keen on having a child for a while.
Personally since school I feel like I've done everything I reasonably wanted. My levels of excitement have gradually dropped and while at times I lust over a better car, seeing more of the world, doing amazing activities etc I'm just never that bothered enough to act on them. It's not a depressive feeling, I feel very happy with my life. I actually feel sort of ready for children.
The problem is it feels like the general reaction for having children this young is always negative. And when I properly think about it, I have the fear of what I could be missing out on, or completely underestimating the impact on my life.
So PH, please tell me stories, experiences and advice.
I'm 23, Happily married, about to 2nd step to a good family area and have all my financials in check. (As is I sip my ale on a Saturday night on PH I guess I'm basically old) The Mrs is about to turn 26 and has been very keen on having a child for a while.
Personally since school I feel like I've done everything I reasonably wanted. My levels of excitement have gradually dropped and while at times I lust over a better car, seeing more of the world, doing amazing activities etc I'm just never that bothered enough to act on them. It's not a depressive feeling, I feel very happy with my life. I actually feel sort of ready for children.
The problem is it feels like the general reaction for having children this young is always negative. And when I properly think about it, I have the fear of what I could be missing out on, or completely underestimating the impact on my life.
So PH, please tell me stories, experiences and advice.
You arent that young for having kids, I think people have them too late for various reasons, I was 24 when we had the first one and finished when I was 29 with the third who is now 16, if you can cope mentally and financially and you are ok with staying with the other half then go for it.
Having just had a kid at 42 (he's now 20 months old) its very very hard work on the whole. All of my local friends had children when they were your age, and now their kids are leaving home, going to college and basically they are cruising now enjoying life with no stresses. They didn't have a massive desire to live abroad, do winter seasons, etc so was not a problem, were as I wanted to this and did.
So if you have no desire to do activities/lifestyle where having a kid would make it very difficult I definitely suggest you have one now. They are incredibly hard work and I really hate it 50% of the time, the other 50% is amazing. At 22 I was DJing in clubs staying up all weekend and making plans to live in the mountains abroad. You sound more like my local mates. If I was of the same thinking as them, having kids early in life would be much more preferential I think.
So if you have no desire to do activities/lifestyle where having a kid would make it very difficult I definitely suggest you have one now. They are incredibly hard work and I really hate it 50% of the time, the other 50% is amazing. At 22 I was DJing in clubs staying up all weekend and making plans to live in the mountains abroad. You sound more like my local mates. If I was of the same thinking as them, having kids early in life would be much more preferential I think.
You sound too young to me but I was 33 when I became a dad (47 now). You also sound unambitious. That's not necessarily meant as a criticism - everyone is different. As long as you are doing it for the right reasons and not just as a sod it there's nothing else to do ( and doesn't sound that way from your post).
But don't you and your wife want to spend a bit of time in your relationship first with just the two of you before having a child?It's a cliche but you never realise how much free time you had until you have a child.
Good luck in whatever you decided - if you were my son I would recommend you wait a few years at least.
But don't you and your wife want to spend a bit of time in your relationship first with just the two of you before having a child?It's a cliche but you never realise how much free time you had until you have a child.
Good luck in whatever you decided - if you were my son I would recommend you wait a few years at least.
We had kids relatively late in life (I was 38, Mrs T 35), various reasons for it, mine being that I was too irresponsible to be a father until I met the Mrs who straightened me out somewhat, hers being that the career was more important at the time.
The plus side of things meant that we were financially solvent and established as well as being stable, myself being more mature mentally and emotionally (this is a personal thing, I was immature and typical of one of those T shirts slogans we used to see "instant a
hole - just add alcohol" before).
The drawbacks being that when they're heading to Uni I'll be looking at the wrong side of 55, closer to 60. Childcare was really tough to begin with because we both work shifts, but hey, that's first world stuff.
On a personal level my kids have matured me and given me nothing but positives all the way. Yep, times have been hard but you find a way to cope regardless. I don't think age is much of an issue tbh, You'll always find a way of coping with stuff, supporting your partners and stepping up to the plate.
Do I ever wish I was a young father? yep, sometimes, but the most important thing to me is that I've been lucky enough to be a Dad, and to be honest, the hardships soon fade from memory anyway, as you get older !
Good luck mate,go for it, you'll be fine. My only bit of advice?...Make sure she does the first nappy change. I almost threw up.
The plus side of things meant that we were financially solvent and established as well as being stable, myself being more mature mentally and emotionally (this is a personal thing, I was immature and typical of one of those T shirts slogans we used to see "instant a
hole - just add alcohol" before).The drawbacks being that when they're heading to Uni I'll be looking at the wrong side of 55, closer to 60. Childcare was really tough to begin with because we both work shifts, but hey, that's first world stuff.
On a personal level my kids have matured me and given me nothing but positives all the way. Yep, times have been hard but you find a way to cope regardless. I don't think age is much of an issue tbh, You'll always find a way of coping with stuff, supporting your partners and stepping up to the plate.
Do I ever wish I was a young father? yep, sometimes, but the most important thing to me is that I've been lucky enough to be a Dad, and to be honest, the hardships soon fade from memory anyway, as you get older !
Good luck mate,go for it, you'll be fine. My only bit of advice?...Make sure she does the first nappy change. I almost threw up.
23? Don't waste your life at your age. Get out and do something with the years you have left! How on earth have done everything in just 23 years? You must've spent at least the first 16 of those 23 at school!
Sports, cars, holidays, activities, hobbies, travel etc - there is a world out there waiting for you.
You almost sound like you're ready for kids cos you've nothing else to do with your life. I know a few people like that and it is sad to see
(opinions may vary of course, cue everyone with kids saying how great they are - they would do. Can't go back once they arrive can you)
Sports, cars, holidays, activities, hobbies, travel etc - there is a world out there waiting for you.
You almost sound like you're ready for kids cos you've nothing else to do with your life. I know a few people like that and it is sad to see
(opinions may vary of course, cue everyone with kids saying how great they are - they would do. Can't go back once they arrive can you)
limpsfield said:
You sound too young to me but I was 33 when I became a dad (47 now). You also sound unambitious. That's not necessarily meant as a criticism - everyone is different. As long as you are doing it for the right reasons and not just as a sod it there's nothing else to do ( and doesn't sound that way from your post).
But don't you and your wife want to spend a bit of time in your relationship first with just the two of you before having a child?It's a cliche but you never realise how much free time you had until you have a child.
Good luck in whatever you decided - if you were my son I would recommend you wait a few years at least.
I can understand where that opinion comes from. However I didn't discus my ambitions in the post. I genuinely enjoy my career and as a result my life goals have moved more in that direction. Compared to my age, I'm in a very good position in my field and only wish to succeed further. The Mrs is in a similar position but obviously has very strong feelings with starting a family.But don't you and your wife want to spend a bit of time in your relationship first with just the two of you before having a child?It's a cliche but you never realise how much free time you had until you have a child.
Good luck in whatever you decided - if you were my son I would recommend you wait a few years at least.
I guess everything has aligned to the point where we can have a child and not feel like were loosing out on too much. I can agree on the extra time part, but its been 5 years now and we've both done most of the things we wanted to.
I'd still say I'm 60/40 on the matter though
texaxile said:
We had kids relatively late in life (I was 38, Mrs T 35), various reasons for it, mine being that I was too irresponsible to be a father until I met the Mrs who straightened me out somewhat, hers being that the career was more important at the time.
The plus side of things meant that we were financially solvent and established as well as being stable, myself being more mature mentally and emotionally (this is a personal thing, I was immature and typical of one of those T shirts slogans we used to see "instant ahole - just add alcohol" before).
The drawbacks being that when they're heading to Uni I'll be looking at the wrong side of 55, closer to 60. Childcare was really tough to begin with because we both work shifts, but hey, that's first world stuff.
On a personal level my kids have matured me and given me nothing but positives all the way. Yep, times have been hard but you find a way to cope regardless. I don't think age is much of an issue tbh, You'll always find a way of coping with stuff, supporting your partners and stepping up to the plate.
Do I ever wish I was a young father? yep, sometimes, but the most important thing to me is that I've been lucky enough to be a Dad, and to be honest, the hardships soon fade from memory anyway, as you get older !
Good luck mate,go for it, you'll be fine. My only bit of advice?...Make sure she does the first nappy change. I almost threw up.
You are a young father compared to me. Just had my first (not counting a stepchild from previous relationship) at age 47. Still in sleepless nights phase ..... and working out when I can get out and fit a bigger carburettor to the car in the garage ;-)The plus side of things meant that we were financially solvent and established as well as being stable, myself being more mature mentally and emotionally (this is a personal thing, I was immature and typical of one of those T shirts slogans we used to see "instant a
hole - just add alcohol" before).The drawbacks being that when they're heading to Uni I'll be looking at the wrong side of 55, closer to 60. Childcare was really tough to begin with because we both work shifts, but hey, that's first world stuff.
On a personal level my kids have matured me and given me nothing but positives all the way. Yep, times have been hard but you find a way to cope regardless. I don't think age is much of an issue tbh, You'll always find a way of coping with stuff, supporting your partners and stepping up to the plate.
Do I ever wish I was a young father? yep, sometimes, but the most important thing to me is that I've been lucky enough to be a Dad, and to be honest, the hardships soon fade from memory anyway, as you get older !
Good luck mate,go for it, you'll be fine. My only bit of advice?...Make sure she does the first nappy change. I almost threw up.
Spitfire2 said:
You are a young father compared to me. Just had my first (not counting a stepchild from previous relationship) at age 47. Still in sleepless nights phase ..... and working out when I can get out and fit a bigger carburettor to the car in the garage ;-)
I feel you pain brother, honestly. The problem is that when my youngest slept in the afternoon for a couple of hours, with the best intentions I had for sorting stuff out, I ended up sleeping next to her. I did draw the line at the pram being stored on the roof of the Lancer turbo though.It got to a point where sleep was so precious, ( and fair play to my boss, he'd let me sleep in his office during my lunch hour because the little 'un had bad colic overnight), it also became a bit of a commodity and bartering tool between me and the wife. When my mum and dad looked after them it was a case of catching up with the washing, food and ironing, by then they were back and we would all be in bed by 8. After a few months things got better though. Marginally.
You'll be fine, truamatised but fine.
DuraAce said:
23? Don't waste your life at your age. Get out and do something with the years you have left! How on earth have done everything in just 23 years? You must've spent at least the first 16 of those 23 at school!
Sports, cars, holidays, activities, hobbies, travel etc - there is a world out there waiting for you.
You almost sound like you're ready for kids cos you've nothing else to do with your life. I know a few people like that and it is sad to see
(opinions may vary of course, cue everyone with kids saying how great they are - they would do. Can't go back once they arrive can you)
I worked full time straight from school with part time education so I've had a good 7/8 years.Sports, cars, holidays, activities, hobbies, travel etc - there is a world out there waiting for you.
You almost sound like you're ready for kids cos you've nothing else to do with your life. I know a few people like that and it is sad to see
(opinions may vary of course, cue everyone with kids saying how great they are - they would do. Can't go back once they arrive can you)
I've done motorbikes and performance cars and having a child wouldn't effect that.
Done holidays all round the world.
I think my only hobbies aside from work and cars is starting new hobbies and then not really getting into them lol.
No doubt that "world out there" will start to appear again when I don't have the time or enough money
Do it. I was 33 when I had my daughter and in some ways I wish I had done it before. As far as things like travelling go you can do this later in life when the kids are grown, hopefully with more cash behind you and more knowledge of what you want to see.
I did a fair bit of travelling and messing about with cars and it's great but nothing like seeing your own child develop into a person.
I did a fair bit of travelling and messing about with cars and it's great but nothing like seeing your own child develop into a person.
Spitfire2 said:
You are a young father compared to me. Just had my first (not counting a stepchild from previous relationship) at age 47. Still in sleepless nights phase ..... and working out when I can get out and fit a bigger carburettor to the car in the garage ;-)
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