Meeting my Mother for the first time

[raywillden]

I'm fast approaching 40 and was adopted as a baby, so have never known my natural parents. I have recently made contact with facebook stalked my birth mother and have planned to meet with her this weekend.

I'm not really sure how to feel, or what to ask! I have no issue about being given up, in fact I had a great childhood, but I do feel there is a part of my heritage missing some how.

PH seems to have an answer for everything, so has anyone here been through though the same, or been on the other side? I'd be interested to know how it went...

[Ste1987]

Just avoid any sexual urges towards her:

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

On a serious note, good luck! Personally I'd ask about your real family, what your grandparents were like etc.

[AndrewEH1]

Ste1987 said:

Just avoid any sexual urges towards her:

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

On a serious note, good luck! Personally I'd ask about your real family, what your grandparents were like etc.

I'd be asking about family health too, history of cancer and other illnesses that can be hereditary.

[xjay1337]

Have no expectation. She isn't your mother, she simply gave birth to you.

[raywillden]

AndrewEH1 said:

I'd be asking about family health too, history of cancer and other illnesses that can be hereditary.

Interesting you say that, it was this that really prompted me to start looking! I was asked when the wife was first pregnant if there was any history of any illnesses in the family. It's pretty easy to answer when you don't know! I have also recent been diagnosed with high blood pressure, but none of the other indicators to it (high cholesterol, poor lifestyle), so the docs think it's hereditary.

[HTP99]

How do you adoptive parents feel about you meeting up with your birth mother?

[AndrewEH1]

raywillden said:

Interesting you say that, it was this that really prompted me to start looking! I was asked when the wife was first pregnant if there was any history of any illnesses in the family. It's pretty easy to answer when you don't know! I have also recent been diagnosed with high blood pressure, but none of the other indicators to it (high cholesterol, poor lifestyle), so the docs think it's hereditary.

Are you hoping to get in touch with your biological father too?

[PurpleMoonlight]

raywillden said:

I'm not really sure how to feel, or what to ask! I have no issue about being given up, in fact I had a great childhood, but I do feel there is a part of my heritage missing some how.

But don't you want to know why?

I have a similar background but no yearning to find out any heritage. I have always been a bit of a loner though, don't know if it's connected to the adoption thing.

[raywillden]

HTP99 said:

How do you adoptive parents feel about you meeting up with your birth mother?

They were fine with me looking for her, and passed me pad with a load of info they were given at the time (I'll just add, they shouldn't have known anything, but my mum knew my foster mum through work, so they were given a bit of back story). I've spoken to my Brother about it (he is the natural son of my adoptive parents) and he's actually quite exited. He thinks they'll be fine, as do I, but I want to meet her before I tell them.

[anonymous-user]

AndrewEH1 said:

I'd be asking about family health too, history of cancer and other illnesses that can be hereditary.

Maybe not straight away though

[raywillden]

PurpleMoonlight said:

But don't you want to know why?

I have a similar background but no yearning to find out any heritage. I have always been a bit of a loner though, don't know if it's connected to the adoption thing.

It comes from about 10 years ago when my dad's mum died, she wrote me out of the will, mainly because she was a spiteful bh, but she said it was because I wasn't a 'real' part of the family. I suppose it just got me thinking, curiosity as much as anything.

[raywillden]

AndrewEH1 said:

Are you hoping to get in touch with your biological father too?

I suspect this won't be possible as there was no name in the 'father' box on my original birth certificate. I will ask the question at some point though.

[Impasse]

What are you hoping to achieve from this meeting? Only asking because I too was adopted at about 9-10 months old (just had 48th birthday) and have never felt a need to track down any of my birth family. I've always found it curious when others do.

[budgie smuggler]

raywillden said:

It comes from about 10 years ago when my dad's mum died, she wrote me out of the will, mainly because she was a spiteful bh, but she said it was because I wasn't a 'real' part of the family.

Jeez

[raywillden]

Impasse said:

What are you hoping to achieve from this meeting? Only asking because I too was adopted at about 9-10 months old (just had 48th birthday) and have never felt a need to track down any of my birth family. I've always found it curious when others do.

It's hard to say. My first reason was really just to say that I turned out OK i suppose. By any measure it must be hard to give up a kid, so i though she would want to know. Now i suppose I'm just interested to see what she's like.

[sidekickdmr]

Nothing of any use to add I'm afraid, but just wanted to say good luck, must have taken some balls to send that first message.

[98elise]

raywillden said:

PurpleMoonlight said:

But don't you want to know why?

I have a similar background but no yearning to find out any heritage. I have always been a bit of a loner though, don't know if it's connected to the adoption thing.

It comes from about 10 years ago when my dad's mum died, she wrote me out of the will, mainly because she was a spiteful bh, but she said it was because I wasn't a 'real' part of the family. I suppose it just got me thinking, curiosity as much as anything.

What an an awful individual.

An adopted child is no less a part of the family than any other. "Mum and Dad" are the people who raise, protect and teach a child. This may of may not be the person who provided a bit of DNA.

[Kateg28]

98elise said:

raywillden said:

PurpleMoonlight said:

But don't you want to know why?

I have a similar background but no yearning to find out any heritage. I have always been a bit of a loner though, don't know if it's connected to the adoption thing.

It comes from about 10 years ago when my dad's mum died, she wrote me out of the will, mainly because she was a spiteful bh, but she said it was because I wasn't a 'real' part of the family. I suppose it just got me thinking, curiosity as much as anything.

What an an awful individual.

An adopted child is no less a part of the family than any other. "Mum and Dad" are the people who raise, protect and teach a child. This may of may not be the person who provided a bit of DNA.

This is truly terrible.
My partner and I are not married (we will at some point) and we both have a son each. My OH mother (sadly died in January) would treat his son, her natural grandson, and my son equally at relevant events. This was very generous and I often remonstrated that not required but she was insistent. To isolate an adopted child who, as I understand it, has exactly the same legal status as a biological child, is just plain nasty

[ApOrbital]

Good luck with meeting her, personally i would kick her in the fudge and say thanks for that MUM.

[Blanchimont]

xjay1337 said:

Have no expectation. She isn't your mother, she simply gave birth to you.

This.

I would go there expecting nothing. Then you won't be disappointed if she turns out not to be like you thought.