Did I do the right thing?
Discussion
So just seen the neighbour pull up on the drive, get out the car and start pushing his wife about all in front of their two kids. He then yelled at them all and went into the house and slammed the door.
So I called 101 to ask what I should do. Basically they said I had to give them the address so they could come round to make sure she was ok which I did (they said I could remain anonymous). Pretty much said to me how would I feel if he does something really bad and I hadn't reported it.
So why do I feel nervous and in two minds about having done this? Possibly because it might be really obvious who 'dobbed him in' and I am apprehensive about what he could do. Possibly because I have got the wrong end of the stick? Possibly because this is a quiet neighbourhood and I don't want any s
t stirred up? Possibly because the OH didn't want to report it. I don't know.
Anyone else had similar experience and how did you feel about it?
He drove away about 5 mins ago and the police just turned up.
So I called 101 to ask what I should do. Basically they said I had to give them the address so they could come round to make sure she was ok which I did (they said I could remain anonymous). Pretty much said to me how would I feel if he does something really bad and I hadn't reported it.
So why do I feel nervous and in two minds about having done this? Possibly because it might be really obvious who 'dobbed him in' and I am apprehensive about what he could do. Possibly because I have got the wrong end of the stick? Possibly because this is a quiet neighbourhood and I don't want any s
t stirred up? Possibly because the OH didn't want to report it. I don't know. Anyone else had similar experience and how did you feel about it?
He drove away about 5 mins ago and the police just turned up.
Yes you did the right thing.
As the 101 operator said, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end and nodody helped?
Getting the police involved could be a wake up call for either one of them in the abusive relationship. Either the victim will realise they're not alone and help is available or the bully will realise that their behaviour is not aceptable and stop. I'm no expert on domestic abuse but I'd imagine the latter is fairly unlikely?
As the 101 operator said, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end and nodody helped?
Getting the police involved could be a wake up call for either one of them in the abusive relationship. Either the victim will realise they're not alone and help is available or the bully will realise that their behaviour is not aceptable and stop. I'm no expert on domestic abuse but I'd imagine the latter is fairly unlikely?
Yes, especially as he was out when the police rocked up, it gives her an opportunity to talk to someone without being under threat.
It's obviously impossible to tell what happened before they got out of the car, but pushing around a woman infront of minors doesn't speak well about the guy. Could be the tip of the iceberg or he's finally snapped after 20 years of being told he parks badly on their drive.
It's obviously impossible to tell what happened before they got out of the car, but pushing around a woman infront of minors doesn't speak well about the guy. Could be the tip of the iceberg or he's finally snapped after 20 years of being told he parks badly on their drive.
Given that I'm not really a fighter and much more of a lover I'd be concerned about him finding out it was me and coming round to "get me", assuming he was a scary looking bloke anyway. A few doors down from me there's a real Neanderthal of a man who seems decidedly dodgy and has a penchant for at the very least verbally abusing his wife, with their fights normally spilling out onto the street for all to see and hear. I recall last year in the summer (when people have their doors and windows open) hearing quite a bit of screaming from the woman.
Often I've been tempted to phone the police, especially after the screaming, but the thought of him confronting me has kept me at bay, however unlikely it is he'd find out it was me. Thankfully there are other people in the street without that fear and the police regularly turn up to their altercations, although things have been very quiet since their house was raided for the second time by several officers who'd camped outside the property for a few hours before heading in. Shortly afterwards the house went up for sale and was quickly sold, so they will be off to hide somewhere else I presume.
ETA: You did the right thing however OP.
Often I've been tempted to phone the police, especially after the screaming, but the thought of him confronting me has kept me at bay, however unlikely it is he'd find out it was me. Thankfully there are other people in the street without that fear and the police regularly turn up to their altercations, although things have been very quiet since their house was raided for the second time by several officers who'd camped outside the property for a few hours before heading in. Shortly afterwards the house went up for sale and was quickly sold, so they will be off to hide somewhere else I presume.
ETA: You did the right thing however OP.
I think one reason I am nervous is purely selfish:what if he decides we caused his problem and starts on us/our property? The other bit is if he finds out the cops have been and it escalates for her and the kids.
We have a CCTV camera that we have been meaning to put up. I think we will now be doing that for the rest of the bank hol.
Really appreciate the replies folks, thanks.
We have a CCTV camera that we have been meaning to put up. I think we will now be doing that for the rest of the bank hol.
Really appreciate the replies folks, thanks.
Edited by Ace-T on Monday 30th May 12:13
If it happened every day and you saw real violence, fair enough.
But Jesus, you witnessed someone have a minor spat and you reported it. Get a life.
How will you feel when they take the kids away?
The State interferes far too much and has far too much authority in family life already, informers like you just make it worse.
But Jesus, you witnessed someone have a minor spat and you reported it. Get a life.
How will you feel when they take the kids away?
The State interferes far too much and has far too much authority in family life already, informers like you just make it worse.
Mr GrimNasty said:
If it happened every day and you saw real violence, fair enough.
But Jesus, you witnessed someone have a minor spat and you reported it. Get a life.
How will you feel when they take the kids away?
The State interferes far too much and has far too much authority in family life already, informers like you just make it worse.
Are you for real?But Jesus, you witnessed someone have a minor spat and you reported it. Get a life.
How will you feel when they take the kids away?
The State interferes far too much and has far too much authority in family life already, informers like you just make it worse.
Mr GrimNasty said:
If it happened every day and you saw real violence, fair enough.
But Jesus, you witnessed someone have a minor spat and you reported it. Get a life.
How will you feel when they take the kids away?
The State interferes far too much and has far too much authority in family life already, informers like you just make it worse.
Neither you or I were there.But Jesus, you witnessed someone have a minor spat and you reported it. Get a life.
How will you feel when they take the kids away?
The State interferes far too much and has far too much authority in family life already, informers like you just make it worse.
The OP must have seen the pushing about as sufficient grounds to phone someone.
Pushing about could be anything from a gentle push to really throwing someone around.
To do something carries doubt.
To do nothing, carries more doubt and uncertainty.
To wake up one morning and find a mass of blue lights outside a house, will engender far, far greater doubts and a bucket of other things besides.
You absoultely, positively, did the right thing.
It is now up to her to decide what to do next. Sometimes in life, we have to 'red flag' the actions of others. Today, you might just have changed for the better, four lives. But do nothing, and nothing changes.
To do nothing, carries more doubt and uncertainty.
To wake up one morning and find a mass of blue lights outside a house, will engender far, far greater doubts and a bucket of other things besides.
You absoultely, positively, did the right thing.
It is now up to her to decide what to do next. Sometimes in life, we have to 'red flag' the actions of others. Today, you might just have changed for the better, four lives. But do nothing, and nothing changes.
grumbledoak said:
With no history? Sorry, no, I don't think you did do the right thing. Unless he was actually hitting her, which I assume you would have mentioned.
Ace-T's OH here.So, it's ok to push someone around and we should wait until he starts hitting her before doing anything about it?
At first I didn't want to report it simply because of the potential repercussions. However, I now believe it was the right thing to do.
The guy is a complete a
hole. He's got previous as far as being very aggressive and shouty at his wife and kids. This is the first time we've seen anything physical but he's clearly very angry much of the time.The 'pushing' wasn't gentle. He grabbed his wife and pulled her over to the car and tried to shove her in, shouting at her all the time. Not the behaviour of a decent person. He's a bully and needs a wake up call if nothing else.
In every case you see on the news where a woman, child, toddler or baby was beaten or abused, you will always find commentary revolving around why nobody said anything or recognised any wrong-doing.
Yes, it's possible it may be nothing but if it's not nothing then erring on the side of caution has the potential to avoid something horrific.
The OP and his wife did absolutely the right thing.
Yes, it's possible it may be nothing but if it's not nothing then erring on the side of caution has the potential to avoid something horrific.
The OP and his wife did absolutely the right thing.
Absolutely the right thing.
Many years ago there was a couple screaming at each other in the street infront of our house, perhaps just domestic but when started pushing her around we called the police.
They arrived really quickly just as he turned really nasty. He was taken off in the poilice car and she went off in anambulance.
Many years ago there was a couple screaming at each other in the street infront of our house, perhaps just domestic but when started pushing her around we called the police.
They arrived really quickly just as he turned really nasty. He was taken off in the poilice car and she went off in anambulance.
Or he's finally snapped. After years of being beaten and belittled behind closed doors by his wife his frustrations have come to the surface. So he pushes the instigator of all his anxiety and threat away from him, goes inside to call his mother and leaves for a new life away from the constant violence.
But now he's the one about to be arrested with the sobbing wife confirming the story given by the nosey neighbour.
/Strawman/ but domestic violence isn't just something solely perpetuated by men.
But now he's the one about to be arrested with the sobbing wife confirming the story given by the nosey neighbour.
/Strawman/ but domestic violence isn't just something solely perpetuated by men.
Brigand said:
Given that I'm not really a fighter and much more of a lover I'd be concerned about him finding out it was me and coming round to "get me", assuming he was a scary looking bloke anyway. A few doors down from me there's a real Neanderthal of a man who seems decidedly dodgy and has a penchant for at the very least verbally abusing his wife, with their fights normally spilling out onto the street for all to see and hear. I recall last year in the summer (when people have their doors and windows open) hearing quite a bit of screaming from the woman.
My girlfriend and I bought our first place in 2010, a flat, it was nothing special but it was in an OK area, but the flat next door was owned by a BTL landlord who didn't mind farming it out to any old loser providing the state would pick up the tab. The first couple were entirely respectable and great neighbours but the second mob were total scrubbers, they kept two dogs in a small/mid sized flat and didn't bother walking them, they just let 'em out into the shared garden for a s
t once a day and neglected to clean it up afterwards.They used to have blazing rows, doors slamming, dogs barking and things breaking, one particular argument was due to the dog "s
ting ah'way" (everywhere) and as clear as day I could hear the sounds of physical violence (and not for the first time). I'm not sure if he was hitting her or the dog and as appalling as this might sound I didn't really care either way - so I left them to it. I never saw her again as she moved out soon after and apparently started divorce proceedings against him which makes me suspect it was her on the receiving end and not the hound, he was evicted a few weeks later as they had been reneging on their rent contribution for quite some time and spending it on weed and bevvy instead.
Impasse said:
Or he's finally snapped. After years of being beaten and belittled behind closed doors by his wife his frustrations have come to the surface. So he pushes the instigator of all his anxiety and threat away from him, goes inside to call his mother and leaves for a new life away from the constant violence.
But now he's the one about to be arrested with the sobbing wife confirming the story given by the nosey neighbour.
/Strawman/ but domestic violence isn't just something solely perpetuated by men.
And these were some of the potential repercussions both the OH and I were considering, as we said above. However, violence is still never a good answer though is it?But now he's the one about to be arrested with the sobbing wife confirming the story given by the nosey neighbour.
/Strawman/ but domestic violence isn't just something solely perpetuated by men.
Plus if you had read judas post, we have seen him very angry and shouty previously many times. He is not a meek and mild mouse that has just turned.
Edited by Ace-T on Monday 30th May 13:06
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