Introversion - how to cure?
Discussion
Hi
I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
For me I threw myself into something that should have made me uncomfortable: I started teaching at night school. It was a long time ago when computers were new and shiny and I wrote and delivered a course. This got me to interact with people in a way that you are in control and gradually got more comfortable. This includes talking to them during breaks etc..
It changed my attitude to people and perhaps more importantly people's attitude to me as I could fake being an extrovert.
The underlying me still didn't go away, and if I'm travelling for work I will go on my own to dinner and do not socialise that much and I prefer working at home on my own to going to the office.
It changed my attitude to people and perhaps more importantly people's attitude to me as I could fake being an extrovert.
The underlying me still didn't go away, and if I'm travelling for work I will go on my own to dinner and do not socialise that much and I prefer working at home on my own to going to the office.
The interesting think about social interaction is that even if you don't enjoy it at the time you often feel better for it the next day.
Giving evening classes to handle introversion is an interesting one, in my experience introverts tend to make better public speakers than extroverts once they've got over the initial reluctance. An audience tends to pick up on what a speaker is thinking and an introvert is usually thinking about the subject of the talk more than about how they are coming across.
Giving evening classes to handle introversion is an interesting one, in my experience introverts tend to make better public speakers than extroverts once they've got over the initial reluctance. An audience tends to pick up on what a speaker is thinking and an introvert is usually thinking about the subject of the talk more than about how they are coming across.
Carthage said:
Hi
I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
Learn the tricks, adopt the behaviour for the workplace for as much as needed, then when you get home, bask in the glory that is alone-ness.I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
I'm somewhere near INTP on the MBTI plot, but "playing along" with social stuff is quite doable, even if it takes more mental energy than it will for extroverted people.
And as someone with a rather strong aversion to judging, you might want to look into how you judge people, and how that affects your willingness to communicate with others, i was quite judgemental and negative in early adulthood, but i found that being more open and less judging helps me, as i have less negative feelings about people, interacting with them is easier.
Carthage said:
Hi
I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
As I recall it there is no good or bad on Myers-Briggs. Introvert / extrovert is about the way you become energised. Extroverts get energy from being part of a group, whilst introverts need quiet time for reflection. I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
Myers Briggs introverts can have excellent people skills. There is nothing wrong with finding it relaxing to have a bit of piece and quiet.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-typ...
Elysium said:
Carthage said:
Hi
I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
As I recall it there is no good or bad on Myers-Briggs. Introvert / extrovert is about the way you become energised. Extroverts get energy from being part of a group, whilst introverts need quiet time for reflection. I'm an introvert (INTJ on Myers-Briggs).
Although I'm quite happy in my own company, live alone and work from home, I'm becoming increasingly aware that society views introversion as a pathology ('teamwork', 'collaboration', 'engagement' are all themes in my workplace).
Are there any ways to increase my enthusiasm for social interaction/extroversion?
Myers Briggs introverts can have excellent people skills. There is nothing wrong with finding it relaxing to have a bit of piece and quiet.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-typ...
I'm ISTJ
I'm very social in groups and get on well easily with people I don't know however when I'm tired or need to get motivated I need 5 - 10 minutes sat quietly or doing something that interests me to rejuvenate.
Nothing to be concerned about OP!
ZOLLAR said:
Spot on.
I'm ISTJ
I'm very social in groups and get on well easily with people I don't know however when I'm tired or need to get motivated I need 5 - 10 minutes sat quietly or doing something that interests me to rejuvenate.
Nothing to be concerned about OP!
+1I'm ISTJ
I'm very social in groups and get on well easily with people I don't know however when I'm tired or need to get motivated I need 5 - 10 minutes sat quietly or doing something that interests me to rejuvenate.
Nothing to be concerned about OP!
The weird thing about extroverts is that they rejuvenate by socializing, they gain energy while we get more and more drained. Rather sinister really, perhaps they are sucking the life force out of us.
I'm introvert (MBTI) and am happy with it. Unless you are extreme it just means that's what you tend towards and there is no bad or good. Also MBTI introvert does not mean shy. I'm ex-forces and have a lot of self confidence.
Socially I'm fine, but have no interest in large groups of people I don't know (ie I hate parties). i just don't do small talk. I like socialising with friends, but am just as happy on my own. I don't what to change this because its what makes me happy.
In work it means I do better working on my own. I'm perfectly good dealing with people on a daily basis, and oddly for someone "introvert" I'm perfectly happy presenting in front of people. In meetings I'll be the one that says nothing unless I have something useful to contribute, some people just need to hear the sound of their own voice! Mostly I work best when I have a set goal or task, and its only me delivering it.
In short its not a problem that needs to be resolved. Good teams are made up of a mix of personalities. I'm the one that's a bit like a dialed down Sheldon Cooper (if you know who that is)
Socially I'm fine, but have no interest in large groups of people I don't know (ie I hate parties). i just don't do small talk. I like socialising with friends, but am just as happy on my own. I don't what to change this because its what makes me happy.
In work it means I do better working on my own. I'm perfectly good dealing with people on a daily basis, and oddly for someone "introvert" I'm perfectly happy presenting in front of people. In meetings I'll be the one that says nothing unless I have something useful to contribute, some people just need to hear the sound of their own voice! Mostly I work best when I have a set goal or task, and its only me delivering it.
In short its not a problem that needs to be resolved. Good teams are made up of a mix of personalities. I'm the one that's a bit like a dialed down Sheldon Cooper (if you know who that is)
Being an introvert is not a "disease". It's obviously your personality and you shouldn't allow what are current social expectations to dictate your life.
Having said that, if you REALLY want to stop being introverted FOR YOUR OWN REASONS, then getting involved in activities that force you to interact with others will help.
When I was young (up to mid 20s) I was a fairly quiet individual with limited social life. However, I always enjoyed singing so I joined an operatic/musical society and I can honestly say it changed my life.
In many ways, shyness is a form of self-obsession i.e. a shy person tends to be overly concerned about how others think about them. The reality is, of course, that most people don't think about you at all. So you might as well get on and do things that you may have been to shy or introverted to attempt before.
Having said that, if you REALLY want to stop being introverted FOR YOUR OWN REASONS, then getting involved in activities that force you to interact with others will help.
When I was young (up to mid 20s) I was a fairly quiet individual with limited social life. However, I always enjoyed singing so I joined an operatic/musical society and I can honestly say it changed my life.
In many ways, shyness is a form of self-obsession i.e. a shy person tends to be overly concerned about how others think about them. The reality is, of course, that most people don't think about you at all. So you might as well get on and do things that you may have been to shy or introverted to attempt before.
Dr Jekyll said:
ZOLLAR said:
Spot on.
I'm ISTJ
I'm very social in groups and get on well easily with people I don't know however when I'm tired or need to get motivated I need 5 - 10 minutes sat quietly or doing something that interests me to rejuvenate.
Nothing to be concerned about OP!
+1I'm ISTJ
I'm very social in groups and get on well easily with people I don't know however when I'm tired or need to get motivated I need 5 - 10 minutes sat quietly or doing something that interests me to rejuvenate.
Nothing to be concerned about OP!
The weird thing about extroverts is that they rejuvenate by socializing, they gain energy while we get more and more drained. Rather sinister really, perhaps they are sucking the life force out of us.
There's a difference between shyness and introversion. I lost my shyness as an adult but at 52 I'm still an introvert. Doesn't mean I can't talk to people; does mean that I hate small talk (bores me to death) so I avoid parties with lots of people I don't know for that reason. Work wise, I can stand up and deliver presentations to a room full of strangers with no problem. I've also worked as part of a team for more years than I can remember, successfully. Although given the choice I tend to avoid many of the (infrequent) team nights out nowadays - I'm rather older than most of the team these days so we don't have much in common in that way and the small talk drains me badly.
Nothing wrong at all with introversion; shyness can be a barrier but that's a different thing.
Nothing wrong at all with introversion; shyness can be a barrier but that's a different thing.
If it's not for you then don't force it you'll just give yourself anxiety for no reason. If you feel you're missing out on something or there's a good reason to be more social then just be honest with people, tell them you feel uncomfortable being outspoken, only the dicks will not recognise the feeling, most normal people have social anxiety to some degree. I too read the "power of the introvert" book, it helped me not feel ashamed and sorry for being quiet and there's a few tips for how to get your views heard when necessary.
Team sports are too much for me these days, I forced myself to play football for years and managed because I was reasonably good but these days I Dona lot of martial arts and boxing which are individual things you do with others, maybe try that.
Team sports are too much for me these days, I forced myself to play football for years and managed because I was reasonably good but these days I Dona lot of martial arts and boxing which are individual things you do with others, maybe try that.
Carthage said:
Some interesting thoughts, thank you.
May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
That sounds like a serious and different problem to me. I don't know or care if I am an 'introvert' but I do know I have no liking for parties, large groups of people that sort of thing. But if I was in a relationship where either my attitude to the other person was inclined to vary, or equally if hers was variable then that would be a very short relationship. The first time she said that to me would be the last because it would imply that there had been other times when she was thinking that but not saying it.May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I'm in a similar relationship and we are perfectly happy We don't need a huge circle of friends with parties every month. We are quite happy to lead a quieter life. The only trouble is finding another introvert!
Unfortunately I can see why the OP is concerned. Society sees an introvert as someone who doesn't contribute, doesn't participate, is shy, is quiet, isn't trying (all descriptions of me during my wasted time at university- extrovert central yahhhhh). The truth is that we only say something when there is something worth saying.
Carthage said:
Some interesting thoughts, thank you.
May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
I think my other half is Introvert but she hasn't done the Myers, but as said don't allow it to define your life.May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
I see Myers Briggs and Belbin (for work application) as tools to help me identify strengths and weaknesses but if something doesn't feel like it fits with them I don't force it too.
Back to the question, we can both quite happily sit quietly together and cwtch without saying a word for hours.
Other times we don't stop talking, it helps that I have my own living room should I need to really get away from it all!
Edited by ZOLLAR on Wednesday 6th July 10:11
Carthage said:
Some interesting thoughts, thank you.
May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
I suppose it depends on what level of relationship you're in. Once you're settled, living together or married then obviously it's not only okay, bit perfectly normal to spend days avoiding each other in brooding silence!May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
It's no more difficult than relationships in general, if you find someone who you feel comfortable with and whose company you enjoy then it's fine to say you're taking the dog out for 3 hours or want to do stuff on your own. I think it's probably fair to say introverted people should stick to other introverted people generally though, extroverts are incredibly annoying for us in anything but very small doses.
Carthage said:
Some interesting thoughts, thank you.
May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
My wife is same age but is quite gregarious. Not in the "we must be at parties regularly" way (thank God) but she is probably more sociable than me. She is involved in the local church and goes to various church things in the village that I don't - I have my own space while she does that in hers. We share many interests, such as theatre, going and visiting places and history but sometimes I just sit in my studio/office doing music or just doing nothing in particular on my own. She, on the other hand can sit and watch crap scifi and horror on tv for hours on end, which would bore me to death, so us both having "me" time works well. May I ask how introverts manage relationships?
I don't want to spend time with you today, dear' wouldn't seem to make for a harmonious future..
Striking a balance, ultimately. Clearly if she demanded parties and nights out every night we would be a poor match. As it is, we enjoy a meal/theatre/cinema out now and again but also like to stay in.
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