How often are you allowed out to play?
Discussion
I'm 28, living with my girlfriend of three years and wondering how much things are likely to change.
I'm going to the Nurburgring this weekend with a group of friends and I'm going to Vegas for a long weekend at the end of the month with a different group of friends. Both of these have become an annual occurrence and I'd like to keep it that way as long as I can. My dad was very ill over the last couple of years and after spending 6 months in intensive care and making it back to good health despite the odds, I promised him the trip of a lifetime in the US when he recovered and we finally did that in June, it was great fun and created many happy memories.
So this year has been a bit busier than usual as I've been away a couple of times with my girlfriend too. I know that I'm in a lucky position to be able to do this but it got me thinking about how often you're allowed away without your other half? Am I being selfish in expecting to be able to keep doing this or does this sound reasonable? I'd be interested to know your thoughts and how often it is that you go away without your partner? I'm guessing kids will get in the way and slow things down but I'm hoping it doesn't stop all of the fun?
I'm going to the Nurburgring this weekend with a group of friends and I'm going to Vegas for a long weekend at the end of the month with a different group of friends. Both of these have become an annual occurrence and I'd like to keep it that way as long as I can. My dad was very ill over the last couple of years and after spending 6 months in intensive care and making it back to good health despite the odds, I promised him the trip of a lifetime in the US when he recovered and we finally did that in June, it was great fun and created many happy memories.
So this year has been a bit busier than usual as I've been away a couple of times with my girlfriend too. I know that I'm in a lucky position to be able to do this but it got me thinking about how often you're allowed away without your other half? Am I being selfish in expecting to be able to keep doing this or does this sound reasonable? I'd be interested to know your thoughts and how often it is that you go away without your partner? I'm guessing kids will get in the way and slow things down but I'm hoping it doesn't stop all of the fun?
IMO your definition of 'fun' changes.
I enjoy spending time with my wife and daughter more thant going out on a lads weekend now.
I go away a couple of times a year to a gig or a car show or whatever, it just seems like hard work now
The answer is that it all depends on your relationship. A mate of mine goes away about 3 times a month during the summer to car shows without his wife or kids, but then his marriage is now on the rocks because she doesn't like it and he doesn't care!
I enjoy spending time with my wife and daughter more thant going out on a lads weekend now.
I go away a couple of times a year to a gig or a car show or whatever, it just seems like hard work now
The answer is that it all depends on your relationship. A mate of mine goes away about 3 times a month during the summer to car shows without his wife or kids, but then his marriage is now on the rocks because she doesn't like it and he doesn't care!
don't take the piss and all will be ok. when you have kids, you will reign it in a bit. but until then, enjoy your life. supercommuter said:
This goes the other way as well
Yup. If you think there might be an objection, just stop and ask yourself what your reaction would be if the boot was on the other foot. If she was talking about a habitual annual week in Vegas with her mates, would you be happy? Can't you do the trip-of-a-lifetime with your old man AND her? If she was going away with her mum in similar circumstances, would you be miffed if it was handed to you as "This is happening, I'll be back on... Don't forget to feed the cat."?So long as you (jointly) can afford both the time and the money, then there really shouldn't be an issue. If you're compromising things that you would be doing together - especially if it's "big stuff" - then stop and ask yourself if you're being selfish.
You've taken the big grown-up step to having joint lives - it doesn't mean you shouldn't have separate lives any more, but it does mean you need to think a bit more "we".
It's all about making a compromise and fitting in with each other, also as said your definition of fun does change.
It's healthy to have some time apart doing your own thing, at the same time it's important to do things together. I'm 34 and been living with my other half for almost a year, lived with the Ex for 5 years or so. Never had to or did ask permission to do something, I would 'ask' in a more, 'By the way...been invited to...any objections?' in more of a courtesy way than an 'Am I allowed to go out' manner.
It's healthy to have some time apart doing your own thing, at the same time it's important to do things together. I'm 34 and been living with my other half for almost a year, lived with the Ex for 5 years or so. Never had to or did ask permission to do something, I would 'ask' in a more, 'By the way...been invited to...any objections?' in more of a courtesy way than an 'Am I allowed to go out' manner.
if I walked into the house and said "I'm off to the Nurburgring, see you later", I'd get a well deserved smack in the chops. Not because she would be pissed off that I was going somewhere without her, more that I was off to the 'ring without taking her. We'd then have an argument about whether she got to drive the 156 GTA, or the 3.2 Alfa GT. She prefers the GTA....
foxsasha said:
A couple of weekends a year is nothing. If my other half raised an objection to that then I'd be seriously unimpressed.
Exactly this. It's entirely different if you're out doing 'laddish' things so often that she never sees you, but this certainly doesn't appear to be the case here.docter fox said:
I'm guessing kids will get in the way and slow things down but I'm hoping it doesn't stop all of the fun?
Hasn't stopped one of my son-in-laws - he disappears Saturday morning with the lads for football (not quite so frequently in summer but there's still some racing or cricket trips) and comes back some time on Sunday, generally completely bladdered.Of course with a big bunch of mates there are regular long weekend stag do's. Although he was prohibited from going on one that was 5 days somewhere in Spain quite recently.
We both put the same amount of money into a joint account each month and that pays for everything on the house and the stuff we do together. I don't use the joint account to pay for my trips as we both have our own money as well.
I honestly wouldn't object to her going away with her mum or a group of friends, I'd encourage it. I enjoy going away with her but I also enjoy going away with other friends as it's a very different trip. She has no interest in the Nurburgring (I've asked her if she'd like to come) and vegas is a group of guys drinking and gambling over a long weekend. She's a teacher, which makes things difficult as we often have to miss out on group holidays with other couples as going in school holidays makes everything twice as expensive for everyone
I've been on one stag weekend this year and have quite a few coming up next year but I think they're a bit different as if all goes to plan, they only happen once and she's got a few hen dos to go on too.
I honestly wouldn't object to her going away with her mum or a group of friends, I'd encourage it. I enjoy going away with her but I also enjoy going away with other friends as it's a very different trip. She has no interest in the Nurburgring (I've asked her if she'd like to come) and vegas is a group of guys drinking and gambling over a long weekend. She's a teacher, which makes things difficult as we often have to miss out on group holidays with other couples as going in school holidays makes everything twice as expensive for everyone
I've been on one stag weekend this year and have quite a few coming up next year but I think they're a bit different as if all goes to plan, they only happen once and she's got a few hen dos to go on too.
I've got a couple of friends who do get a lot of grief from their partners about trips away with the lads, but this is more due to not trusting what they're going to be getting up to than anything else.
I think the only time I've been moaned at was when I agreed to go away without realising it was also our wedding anniversary. Although she told me it was fine, I didn't go
I think the only time I've been moaned at was when I agreed to go away without realising it was also our wedding anniversary. Although she told me it was fine, I didn't go
Thing is, you have kids, not just one small baby but two or three young kids, say a baby, a toddler and a four year old, you arent going anywhere, you will be too tired, she will resent everything you do that isnt giving her a break, you most likely will be skint.
However, it resets your expectations, things you had got jaded with before are the light at the end of the tunnel, say you get a night off to go to the cinema, you exist on it all week and look forward to it, and really relish not being covered in mashed biscuit, milk, puke and not having to watch Tellytubbies or whatever on repeat, even a kid free trip to the Supermarket is a joy, a trip out where nobody screams all the time or s
ts themselves is evidence of progress, going for a st without interruption is a miracle and going to work suddenly doesnt seem so bad !
honestly, trip to Vegas and the Nurburgring are possible, but for normal earners, without staff and a partner that sticks up for themselves means its unlikely, obviously PBCD's have staff and tell the little woman to put up with it but in reality, most of us chaps wouldnt countenance her pissing off on Pamper weekends, Hen dos in Magaluf or whatever stuff women do in packs every other weekend so perhaps we shouldn't expect to carry on as before, maybe once a year.
Kids eat time and money, babies are easy, then they need taking to their mates, then its birthday parties, music lessons, sports, swimming lessons, presentations, school plays, trips out, parents evenings, dentists, opticians, shoe shopping, then they are ill, basically life gets busy and multiply all this times the number of kids.
Very dificult to carry on as before, mine are now 17,19 and 20 and still end up needing a lot of time, lifts to the pub, lifts to Uni, clearing up after them etc but they are starting to move away, at least part of the time, it is joyful, I may miss them in years to come, but for now, it is awesome.
However, it resets your expectations, things you had got jaded with before are the light at the end of the tunnel, say you get a night off to go to the cinema, you exist on it all week and look forward to it, and really relish not being covered in mashed biscuit, milk, puke and not having to watch Tellytubbies or whatever on repeat, even a kid free trip to the Supermarket is a joy, a trip out where nobody screams all the time or s
ts themselves is evidence of progress, going for a st without interruption is a miracle and going to work suddenly doesnt seem so bad !honestly, trip to Vegas and the Nurburgring are possible, but for normal earners, without staff and a partner that sticks up for themselves means its unlikely, obviously PBCD's have staff and tell the little woman to put up with it but in reality, most of us chaps wouldnt countenance her pissing off on Pamper weekends, Hen dos in Magaluf or whatever stuff women do in packs every other weekend so perhaps we shouldn't expect to carry on as before, maybe once a year.
Kids eat time and money, babies are easy, then they need taking to their mates, then its birthday parties, music lessons, sports, swimming lessons, presentations, school plays, trips out, parents evenings, dentists, opticians, shoe shopping, then they are ill, basically life gets busy and multiply all this times the number of kids.
Very dificult to carry on as before, mine are now 17,19 and 20 and still end up needing a lot of time, lifts to the pub, lifts to Uni, clearing up after them etc but they are starting to move away, at least part of the time, it is joyful, I may miss them in years to come, but for now, it is awesome.
I guess im quite lucky that mine doesnt object me going on and wil sometimes plan something for me on my behalf. If its at the weekend she will watch the kids (mine not hers) while i go and do something.
She does start to get a bit annoying if ive ignored her for a while i.e. on the computer/phone/fixing the bike etc
Most of the time I'll check with her just to make sure she hasnt planned something/Ive forgotten something.
She does start to get a bit annoying if ive ignored her for a while i.e. on the computer/phone/fixing the bike etc
Most of the time I'll check with her just to make sure she hasnt planned something/Ive forgotten something.
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