Customers/clients who take the pee.

[crofty1984]

I've just had a customer complain that their particular bit of equipment is faulty. Yes it is, because you've bashed the fk out of it against the side of a ship over and over again and not serviced it in nearly 10 years. There's solid 1 inch steel blocks bent over!
"We want a replacement for free"
I'm sure at 170k each you do, but you ain't getting one!

Grr

[Rude-boy]

Let me get this straight.

Equipment which is 10 years old and has been abused most of it's life in a harsh working environment fails and the company who bought it from you 10 years ago want a brand new free replacement.

Struggling to work out which planet they are coming from to even begin to think that the answer would be anything other than Foxtrot Oscar.

Seriously i am all for "If you don't ask you don't get" but there is a freaking limit!

[Cotty]

That's taking the piss.

[Goaty Bill 2]

Blatant urine theft

[zedx19]

I can't believe they would blatently attempt body fluid theft so obviously.

[xjay1337]

I work in IT so you get this quite a lot.

I understand being cheeky but some times it does seem like there's an expectation..

My biggest bugbear are customers who want us to reprogram their system for free for Xmas.
Not only do they expect it for free, which is a fking pisstake, they tell you 1 day before they need it doing.

Maybe if you gave us 2 weeks.....

[Rude-boy]

xjay1337 said:

Maybe if you gave us 2 weeks.....

Had this on Monday morning.

Drop in client with no appointment.

You did this for me 12 years ago and 6 months ago I got this letter saying that x had to have this information by the end of the year. I know you sent it to me but that was 12 years ago and I have lost it so you need to go to your storage place, dig out my 12 year old file, and get this information to me before tomorrow evening so I will have the time to reply to them.

So you have known that you have needed this for 6 months nearly and expect me to drop everything to get you this in 36 hours. Not going to happen. I would struggle to do that for even one of my best and nicest clients (although i would at least try for them) not looking good for someone who's e-file i have noted as being a PITA the last time i did something for them and to quote accordingly if they return.

[Jasandjules]

I can try to do this with VW when my Passat is 10 years old then.... Wish me luck....

[Jimmy Recard]

Rude-boy said:

Had this on Monday morning.

Drop in client with no appointment.

You did this for me 12 years ago and 6 months ago I got this letter saying that x had to have this information by the end of the year. I know you sent it to me but that was 12 years ago and I have lost it so you need to go to your storage place, dig out my 12 year old file, and get this information to me before tomorrow evening so I will have the time to reply to them.

So you have known that you have needed this for 6 months nearly and expect me to drop everything to get you this in 36 hours. Not going to happen. I would struggle to do that for even one of my best and nicest clients (although i would at least try for them) not looking good for someone who's e-file i have noted as being a PITA the last time i did something for them and to quote accordingly if they return.

Sorry, I don't get it. Someone had information in 2004 that they had to supply by the end of 2016 but lost it in the meantime?

[Rude-boy]

Jasandjules said:

I can try to do this with VW when my Passat is 10 years old then.... Wish me luck....

Only works if it is a Derv and you are American - IIRC the ROTW can go DPF itself...

[Doofus]

Customer was given an item as a gift a couple of years ago. It has recently developed a fault. He can't prove it came from us, and concedes they may have come from somewhere else altogether. Anyway, can he have a free replacement please? Oh, and can he keep the broken one in case he is able to fix it himself?

[Rude-boy]

Jimmy Recard said:

Sorry, I don't get it. Someone had information in 2004 that they had to supply by the end of 2016 but lost it in the meantime?

Did a job for a Client in 2004. At the end of the matter I sent the Client a number of things "to keep in a safe place as these may well be of considerable use to you in the future". Client then loses this information.

Reading between the lines, and given what they have asked for, the Client has since sold the Property (my guess given timing is that they did this in Q1 of this year and that they used a bucket shop) and now needs information from me to give to their accountant so that they can lodge their tax return before 31st Jan 2017.

Normally this would be an easy find for me but in this case there is supporting information that will be needed so it isn't just printing off another copy of a simple document as is usually the case. Client (rightly) expected that I would have copies of the stuff that they have lost the originals of. Client never considered that perhaps we might store files that are over 5 years old off site and that it might take more than 5 minutes to locate a file we last looked at 12 years ago.

[93DW]

Genuine phone call last week

Her "I bought a car from you in April 2015 and I've recently had to spend a lot of money it and i'd like some contribution from you"

Me "Ok madam what has happened to the car"

Her "I took it in for a service and now they're saying it needs Brakes, Exhaust & timing chain replacing"

I took her reg off her she bought a Corsa that had done 88k for £2995. She then informs me its now on 110k.

Me "Madam all of those things are consumable items and their failure falls in line with the recommended lifetime of the parts"

Her "This is an absolute con, i spent a lot of money on this car and I dont expect to have to spend this much on a car this soon after buying it"

Me "Ok, So when would you say is acceptable to spend that ammount on a used car?"

Silence....

Her "Well if you're not going to help im going to go to Trading standards & the local paper & radio!! You'll be out of business by new year you bunch of con artists!!"

[dfen5]

Doofus said:

Customer was given an item as a gift a couple of years ago. It has recently developed a fault. He can't prove it came from us, and concedes they may have come from somewhere else altogether. Anyway, can he have a free replacement please? Oh, and can he keep the broken one in case he is able to fix it himself?

[Pixel Pusher]

93DW should have said:

Her "I bought a car from you in April 2015 and I've recently had to spend a lot of money it and i'd like some contribution from you"

Me "Ok madam, do you know who you are speaking with?"

Her "No"

Me "Well fk off then"

[bitchstewie]

You haven't lived until you've worked Boxing Day in retail.

Nothing like a queue of angry parents all lined up because you personally made sure Little Johnny's Christmas present didn't work.

[93DW]

bhstewie said:

You haven't lived until you've worked Boxing Day in retail.

Nothing like a queue of angry parents all lined up because you personally made sure Little Johnny's Christmas present didn't work.

I think I can top that. Try working in Halfords on Christmas Eve and telling Gaz/Baz (other council names are acceptable) that half an hour before we close is not the best time to try and buy bike. Or what I did on Christmas Eve 2009 when a bloke pulled up in a car after I'd locked the store up (I learnt after this to wear my own jacket when walking to my car and not a Halfords fleece) and was walking to my car "Oi mate surely you can open up the shop so I can get my kids bike" I said no to which I got back something along the lines of "You faaaackkin caaaaant yoooove roooined my little girls christmas" By this point Id been dealing with these types for over 9 hours so I replied "The shop was open for 8 hours today and 364 days a year, if you couldn't spare 20 minutes out of that to pick up her bike, its not me thats ruined her Christmas is it?" He then launched his car into reverse whilst shouting as many swear words at me that he could think of

[Pints]

I wish these tales surprised me but they don't.

As a student I worked in a sports store. Customers would bring their running shoes in which they bought 18 months previously and demand refunds because the sole was coming loose.

[Robbo 27]

Sold some parts for fountain pens to a buyer in China, very clearly marked, 'Parts only, not complete pens'.

After six months he said he wanted his money back because he had trouble getting some of the pens working.

[spaximus]

Try Christmas when a woman buys an expensive bike and the cheque bounces. They knew they had no money but thought that if they timed it right the kid would get the bike and they would deal with the lack of money later.

Can you imagine going and taking said bike away surrounded by Jeremy Kyle style ladies all screaming what a fking scumbag scrooge I was on Christmas eve!!