Parenting Help - Stealing
Discussion
Morning all,
I’m looking for some parenting advice. This is something I thought I had down to a tee but this latest episode has thrown me a bit.
Background story. On Tuesday night we went down to a friend’s house for a BBQ and some drinks. My little lad (age seven) played most of the night with our friends son who is also the same age. At around half ten, my lad came through with his folder of Pokémon cards and then got really wound up when his mate sat beside him and said that he was sorting out a secret deck. Knowing next to nothing about Pokémon, I didn’t think anything more of it.
A little later on, his friend noticed that one of his cards had ended up in my sons folder. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, we told him to give it back but soon found several more cards (half a dozen maybe) that didn’t belong to him in his folder. I took him into another room and he admitted that he had taken them but only as a joke and said he was going to give them back. I have no doubt that if he hadn’t been found out, he wouldn’t have given them back.
He got a sore bum and a pretty strong talking/shouting to that night when we got him back home. I can’t remember the last time I gave him a sore bum and I’m pretty disappointed in myself that I did it. He just frustrated me so much making excuses for what he did rather than just admit it and see what he had done.
He’s been back down to the house to apologise again and wrote his friend an apology letter. He’s also been grounded for a month, no Xbox for a month and no IPAD for a month. Is this enough? I was thinking about taking him along to the local Police station and getting one of them to give him a bit of a talking to but the more I think of it, the more it seems pretty harsh. He’s only seven after all and is that the place to take a seven year old to teach him a lesson? It was only a couple of Pokémon cards but I’m well aware that if this sort of thing isn't nipped in the bud it could lead to more serious things.
He knows how angry and disappointed we are in him. Our friends have been amazing. They’ve told him it’s all forgotten about, given him a hug and told us not to worry. My wife and I were/are still quite embarrassed by the whole episode.
I can’t believe I'm talking like this and my son is only seven. Am I over thinking it and acting a bit over the top?
The two things in life I can’t stand, liars and thieves.
Any advice appreciated.
I’m looking for some parenting advice. This is something I thought I had down to a tee but this latest episode has thrown me a bit.
Background story. On Tuesday night we went down to a friend’s house for a BBQ and some drinks. My little lad (age seven) played most of the night with our friends son who is also the same age. At around half ten, my lad came through with his folder of Pokémon cards and then got really wound up when his mate sat beside him and said that he was sorting out a secret deck. Knowing next to nothing about Pokémon, I didn’t think anything more of it.
A little later on, his friend noticed that one of his cards had ended up in my sons folder. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, we told him to give it back but soon found several more cards (half a dozen maybe) that didn’t belong to him in his folder. I took him into another room and he admitted that he had taken them but only as a joke and said he was going to give them back. I have no doubt that if he hadn’t been found out, he wouldn’t have given them back.
He got a sore bum and a pretty strong talking/shouting to that night when we got him back home. I can’t remember the last time I gave him a sore bum and I’m pretty disappointed in myself that I did it. He just frustrated me so much making excuses for what he did rather than just admit it and see what he had done.
He’s been back down to the house to apologise again and wrote his friend an apology letter. He’s also been grounded for a month, no Xbox for a month and no IPAD for a month. Is this enough? I was thinking about taking him along to the local Police station and getting one of them to give him a bit of a talking to but the more I think of it, the more it seems pretty harsh. He’s only seven after all and is that the place to take a seven year old to teach him a lesson? It was only a couple of Pokémon cards but I’m well aware that if this sort of thing isn't nipped in the bud it could lead to more serious things.
He knows how angry and disappointed we are in him. Our friends have been amazing. They’ve told him it’s all forgotten about, given him a hug and told us not to worry. My wife and I were/are still quite embarrassed by the whole episode.
I can’t believe I'm talking like this and my son is only seven. Am I over thinking it and acting a bit over the top?
The two things in life I can’t stand, liars and thieves.
Any advice appreciated.
Martin4356111 said:
Morning all,
I’m looking for some parenting advice. This is something I thought I had down to a tee but this latest episode has thrown me a bit.
Background story. On Tuesday night we went down to a friend’s house for a BBQ and some drinks. My little lad (age seven) played most of the night with our friends son who is also the same age. At around half ten, my lad came through with his folder of Pokémon cards and then got really wound up when his mate sat beside him and said that he was sorting out a secret deck. Knowing next to nothing about Pokémon, I didn’t think anything more of it.
A little later on, his friend noticed that one of his cards had ended up in my sons folder. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, we told him to give it back but soon found several more cards (half a dozen maybe) that didn’t belong to him in his folder. I took him into another room and he admitted that he had taken them but only as a joke and said he was going to give them back. I have no doubt that if he hadn’t been found out, he wouldn’t have given them back.
He got a sore bum and a pretty strong talking/shouting to that night when we got him back home. I can’t remember the last time I gave him a sore bum and I’m pretty disappointed in myself that I did it. He just frustrated me so much making excuses for what he did rather than just admit it and see what he had done.
He’s been back down to the house to apologise again and wrote his friend an apology letter. He’s also been grounded for a month, no Xbox for a month and no IPAD for a month. Is this enough? I was thinking about taking him along to the local Police station and getting one of them to give him a bit of a talking to but the more I think of it, the more it seems pretty harsh. He’s only seven after all and is that the place to take a seven year old to teach him a lesson? It was only a couple of Pokémon cards but I’m well aware that if this sort of thing isn't nipped in the bud it could lead to more serious things.
He knows how angry and disappointed we are in him. Our friends have been amazing. They’ve told him it’s all forgotten about, given him a hug and told us not to worry. My wife and I were/are still quite embarrassed by the whole episode.
I can’t believe I'm talking like this and my son is only seven. Am I over thinking it and acting a bit over the top?
The two things in life I can’t stand, liars and thieves.
Any advice appreciated.
The highlighted bit is what is important.I’m looking for some parenting advice. This is something I thought I had down to a tee but this latest episode has thrown me a bit.
Background story. On Tuesday night we went down to a friend’s house for a BBQ and some drinks. My little lad (age seven) played most of the night with our friends son who is also the same age. At around half ten, my lad came through with his folder of Pokémon cards and then got really wound up when his mate sat beside him and said that he was sorting out a secret deck. Knowing next to nothing about Pokémon, I didn’t think anything more of it.
A little later on, his friend noticed that one of his cards had ended up in my sons folder. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, we told him to give it back but soon found several more cards (half a dozen maybe) that didn’t belong to him in his folder. I took him into another room and he admitted that he had taken them but only as a joke and said he was going to give them back. I have no doubt that if he hadn’t been found out, he wouldn’t have given them back.
He got a sore bum and a pretty strong talking/shouting to that night when we got him back home. I can’t remember the last time I gave him a sore bum and I’m pretty disappointed in myself that I did it. He just frustrated me so much making excuses for what he did rather than just admit it and see what he had done.
He’s been back down to the house to apologise again and wrote his friend an apology letter. He’s also been grounded for a month, no Xbox for a month and no IPAD for a month. Is this enough? I was thinking about taking him along to the local Police station and getting one of them to give him a bit of a talking to but the more I think of it, the more it seems pretty harsh. He’s only seven after all and is that the place to take a seven year old to teach him a lesson? It was only a couple of Pokémon cards but I’m well aware that if this sort of thing isn't nipped in the bud it could lead to more serious things.
He knows how angry and disappointed we are in him. Our friends have been amazing. They’ve told him it’s all forgotten about, given him a hug and told us not to worry. My wife and I were/are still quite embarrassed by the whole episode.
I can’t believe I'm talking like this and my son is only seven. Am I over thinking it and acting a bit over the top?
The two things in life I can’t stand, liars and thieves.
Any advice appreciated.
Grounding him for a week would be enough.
I don't think giving him a sore bum was the right thing to do......
If it was my child, I'd 'steal' his favourite toy and let him find out it was missing so he knows how it feels. Maybe even fake a home burglary so he came downstairs in the morning to find his iPad/Xbox 'stolen'? The feeling of loss you get with theft is horrible.
If it was my child, I'd 'steal' his favourite toy and let him find out it was missing so he knows how it feels. Maybe even fake a home burglary so he came downstairs in the morning to find his iPad/Xbox 'stolen'? The feeling of loss you get with theft is horrible.
I actually think you have been a bit harsh, you are right to punish him and have gone about it in the right way. No need for the police tho and if he is behaving and showing remorse then maybe give him his i-pad and Games console back after a week for good behaviour.
Remember at 7 he may not be 100% aware of actions so punish yes but understand he was possibly not being malicious as it sounds like he has been brought up in a good family with morals.
Remember at 7 he may not be 100% aware of actions so punish yes but understand he was possibly not being malicious as it sounds like he has been brought up in a good family with morals.
When I was about your son's age, I was at school and I stole a chess piece. Somehow it was found out and the teacher told me they'd be phoning my parents.
I was absolutely mortified! As it happened they didn't, but I spent the test of the day terrified. It had such an effect on me that I still remember it.
Thing is, I had no idea then, and no idea now, why I took it.
I guess at that age the brain is still in a very developmental stage and you do stupid things without knowing why.
I've never stolen anything since, you'll be glad to know!
I think your son probably has got the message - I really don't think you need to haul him down to the police station and have him cuffed.
I was absolutely mortified! As it happened they didn't, but I spent the test of the day terrified. It had such an effect on me that I still remember it.
Thing is, I had no idea then, and no idea now, why I took it.
I guess at that age the brain is still in a very developmental stage and you do stupid things without knowing why.
I've never stolen anything since, you'll be glad to know!
I think your son probably has got the message - I really don't think you need to haul him down to the police station and have him cuffed.
My 2p, no offence/criticism of your parenting intended.
A month of no xbox/ipad is harsh. A month to a 7 year old is a long time; I think a week would be more appropriate. No issue with the sore bum bit, although were it me I'd have spanked, made him apologise and probably left it at that.
One trick is a very loud fake phone call to the Police (obviously, you will just be speaking to the dialling tone), asking them to come and speak to the boy, then when he panics, and promises he's learned his lesson, you can "ring" the Police back and cancel the visit.
But, he's only 7. He's still working out right/wrong/consequences. Don't be too mad at him
A month of no xbox/ipad is harsh. A month to a 7 year old is a long time; I think a week would be more appropriate. No issue with the sore bum bit, although were it me I'd have spanked, made him apologise and probably left it at that.
One trick is a very loud fake phone call to the Police (obviously, you will just be speaking to the dialling tone), asking them to come and speak to the boy, then when he panics, and promises he's learned his lesson, you can "ring" the Police back and cancel the visit.
But, he's only 7. He's still working out right/wrong/consequences. Don't be too mad at him
You haven't said whether he gets pocket money, but if he does, maybe you could consider stopping for a while? If you're not sure how long to stop it for, maybe do it for long enough to save up enough to buy yourself a nice new T-shirt?
In all seriousness, I doubt there's a human being alive today who didn't some sweets, or a friend's toy or something of that ilk when they were the same age as your lad, but strangely enough, remarkably few of them go on to become axe murderers.
Of course even such a trivial act of theft shouldn't go unpunished, but physical violence followed by the removal of all his electronic devices for a whole month seems remarkably draconian, and also creates a huge rod for your own back, as I'll bet you'll find it almost impossible to keep to.
Then there's grounding him for a month. What on earth does that even mean for a seven year old, given that I assume you don't let him out to roam the streets unsupervised on a regular basis anyway? If I look at my kids, it would mean things like no guitar lessons (which I've already paid for, and which provide a useful learning experience over and above his enjoyment of them), no rugby (meaning I've either got to punish myself as well by not going, or my wife by leaving her with all the kids), no swimming (yep, another pre-paid activity and useful life skill) and so on. Maybe if it's the fun stuff like going to the cinema, we could leave one of them at home, but that's still impacting on the rest of the family enjoying a family outing together.
I can fully understand you getting embarrassed by his actions, but it very much sounds from your massive over-reaction like you're really insecure in your own parenting abilities, so have thrown every sanction you can possibly think of at him, and now you're lying in the foetal position rocking yourself back and forth, repeating a mantra of "please don't become a terrorist" over and over again.
However, if you really think you haven't done enough, maybe you should get him to take out a full page ad in the national press apologising to society for his crimes, and also get it printed up on a sandwich board so he can spent the next 3 years of weekends and school holidays walking round the local town centre with it round his neck, just in case anyone didn't see it in the papers.
In all seriousness, I doubt there's a human being alive today who didn't some sweets, or a friend's toy or something of that ilk when they were the same age as your lad, but strangely enough, remarkably few of them go on to become axe murderers.
Of course even such a trivial act of theft shouldn't go unpunished, but physical violence followed by the removal of all his electronic devices for a whole month seems remarkably draconian, and also creates a huge rod for your own back, as I'll bet you'll find it almost impossible to keep to.
Then there's grounding him for a month. What on earth does that even mean for a seven year old, given that I assume you don't let him out to roam the streets unsupervised on a regular basis anyway? If I look at my kids, it would mean things like no guitar lessons (which I've already paid for, and which provide a useful learning experience over and above his enjoyment of them), no rugby (meaning I've either got to punish myself as well by not going, or my wife by leaving her with all the kids), no swimming (yep, another pre-paid activity and useful life skill) and so on. Maybe if it's the fun stuff like going to the cinema, we could leave one of them at home, but that's still impacting on the rest of the family enjoying a family outing together.
I can fully understand you getting embarrassed by his actions, but it very much sounds from your massive over-reaction like you're really insecure in your own parenting abilities, so have thrown every sanction you can possibly think of at him, and now you're lying in the foetal position rocking yourself back and forth, repeating a mantra of "please don't become a terrorist" over and over again.
However, if you really think you haven't done enough, maybe you should get him to take out a full page ad in the national press apologising to society for his crimes, and also get it printed up on a sandwich board so he can spent the next 3 years of weekends and school holidays walking round the local town centre with it round his neck, just in case anyone didn't see it in the papers.
In my mind pretty good parenting, I have no issue with a hot bum but others will disagree.
You have shown him that there are consequences to every action and the choices he will make will decide what happens.
A life lesson has been learnt and now you need to leave it a while before any further comment. After a period for him to reflect then you might sit down and have a chat to see what he has learnt from the experience.
I agree liars and thieves are my two pet hates but keep it in perspective as he is still young and if this is the worst he does in life that will be a win for both of you
You have shown him that there are consequences to every action and the choices he will make will decide what happens.
A life lesson has been learnt and now you need to leave it a while before any further comment. After a period for him to reflect then you might sit down and have a chat to see what he has learnt from the experience.
I agree liars and thieves are my two pet hates but keep it in perspective as he is still young and if this is the worst he does in life that will be a win for both of you
I would want to disagree with the Police aspect of this, at this stage.
A child should not be scared of the police - they need to know that if they are in trouble, the police are there to help them, I don't believe they should be used as a threat in such a direct manner.
Perhaps reminding them that "people who steal things go to jail" as the threat, its slightly less direct.
Reckon you've done as much as is necessary at this stage.
A child should not be scared of the police - they need to know that if they are in trouble, the police are there to help them, I don't believe they should be used as a threat in such a direct manner.
Perhaps reminding them that "people who steal things go to jail" as the threat, its slightly less direct.
Reckon you've done as much as is necessary at this stage.
A month seems OTT.
I'll prefix this with "not a parent" but reading your post it does come across a little as if you're concerned with the embarrassment and might be over-reacting.
If he gets a month for a few Pokemon cards you're not really leaving yourself anywhere to go should that fail, unless you're planning on waterboarding for any subsequent offences.
I'll prefix this with "not a parent" but reading your post it does come across a little as if you're concerned with the embarrassment and might be over-reacting.
If he gets a month for a few Pokemon cards you're not really leaving yourself anywhere to go should that fail, unless you're planning on waterboarding for any subsequent offences.
You were on the firm side but IMO you got all the important things right
1. explain why - you were disappointed with both the stealing and the lies
2. smack his bum / ground him / confiscate XBox - whatever you said you would do
3. make him say sorry - him making good is part of the lesson
That's enough for a first offence, or even a second. Don't try - or threaten - to use the Police to do your job.
1. explain why - you were disappointed with both the stealing and the lies
2. smack his bum / ground him / confiscate XBox - whatever you said you would do
3. make him say sorry - him making good is part of the lesson
That's enough for a first offence, or even a second. Don't try - or threaten - to use the Police to do your job.
I think you've handled it fine although I'd agree a month is a long time for the Xbox and iPad. But you can easily reduce for good behaviour 
I've used a rolling 2 week ban in the past i.e. If I see a repeat of a certain behaviour during the 2 week ban it starts again. I only had to do it once, and the threat of a repeat tends to do the trick nowadays.
Don't overthink the smacked bum too much. I've only ever smacked my son 2 or 3 times in 10 years and it was always more the anger and disappointment at what he'd done that provoked my reaction, rather than a premeditated "he deserves physical punishment" thought process. I was always disappointed at myself after for overreacting but when I look back on it now, and think about the amount of times I got the slipper as a kid, that I believe there's nothing wrong with it in the right circumstances. Your son even at 7 will know that getting smacked isn't normal and therefore what he's done is much worse than his normal misbehaviour where a telling off is all he normally gets.
I don't think you'll see any repeats and this instance doesn't indicate that you've got a potential cat burglar in the making.
I've used a rolling 2 week ban in the past i.e. If I see a repeat of a certain behaviour during the 2 week ban it starts again. I only had to do it once, and the threat of a repeat tends to do the trick nowadays.
Don't overthink the smacked bum too much. I've only ever smacked my son 2 or 3 times in 10 years and it was always more the anger and disappointment at what he'd done that provoked my reaction, rather than a premeditated "he deserves physical punishment" thought process. I was always disappointed at myself after for overreacting but when I look back on it now, and think about the amount of times I got the slipper as a kid, that I believe there's nothing wrong with it in the right circumstances. Your son even at 7 will know that getting smacked isn't normal and therefore what he's done is much worse than his normal misbehaviour where a telling off is all he normally gets.
I don't think you'll see any repeats and this instance doesn't indicate that you've got a potential cat burglar in the making.
don4l said:
Martin4356111 said:
He knows how angry and disappointed we are in him.
The highlighted bit is what is important.Edited by Harry H on Thursday 29th December 10:35
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff