I fear I've fallen out of love with Christmas...
Discussion
Hi all,
I'm sure others here have experienced this, but I feel like I'm falling out of love with Christmas.
Used to love it and look forward to it, but lately I just feel like its an aweful lot of obligation, pressure and prescribed fun - when better family times are had without the pressure.
At 30, amazingly Ive been the youngest in my family, but my sister has now had 2 kids (aged 2years and 6 months) and christmas day isn't the same at all, its a kids day now, not a party. At the same time, I'm not really a big drinker at all - so I can't use that to carry me through!
In the last 2 years I've developed a profound allergy to christmas trees, leading to me having to take inhalers and pyriton constantly.
Since my granfather went 6 years ago, its just not felt the same.
I now resent the week and a bit i'm forced to take off work (Unpaid - contractor) and the invariable massive expense of presents and travel (I've driven over 500 miles for it). It also renders going shopping hell for months.
I'm normally a happy and sociable person, but has anyone else quickly fallen out of love with Christmas? I fear the stigma if I decide to 'give it a miss' next time.
I'm sure others here have experienced this, but I feel like I'm falling out of love with Christmas.
Used to love it and look forward to it, but lately I just feel like its an aweful lot of obligation, pressure and prescribed fun - when better family times are had without the pressure.
At 30, amazingly Ive been the youngest in my family, but my sister has now had 2 kids (aged 2years and 6 months) and christmas day isn't the same at all, its a kids day now, not a party. At the same time, I'm not really a big drinker at all - so I can't use that to carry me through!
In the last 2 years I've developed a profound allergy to christmas trees, leading to me having to take inhalers and pyriton constantly.
Since my granfather went 6 years ago, its just not felt the same.
I now resent the week and a bit i'm forced to take off work (Unpaid - contractor) and the invariable massive expense of presents and travel (I've driven over 500 miles for it). It also renders going shopping hell for months.
I'm normally a happy and sociable person, but has anyone else quickly fallen out of love with Christmas? I fear the stigma if I decide to 'give it a miss' next time.
Judging by many posts on here, you are not the only person who doesn't enjoy it, and whilst I myself still do enjoy it, that doesn't mean you have to at all.
I remember when I was about 10 or 11, maybe a bit older, when it was known that my aunt (dad's sister) had said similar to my parents, they didn't want anyone to get them and their 4 kids gifts, and hoped they understood they wouldn't be getting gifts for everyone else either. We did get a token gift basket/hamper for all the family from them but at the time,
I am a similar age to you, and these days, I definitely don't NEED anyone to buy me presents, there wasn't much I wanted this year, but I do like giving presents to other people.
Next year, tell everyone the greatest gift you could receive from them, would be a day to yourself without any obligations at all, to get in the car, go for a drive, go for a walk, whatever you want to do. You might do well to get something for your sister's children, doesn't have to be much but I am almost certain that the obligation needn't extend much further than that if you explain far enough in advance your position.
(obviously, a Caterham to do the drive in as well would be nice)
I remember when I was about 10 or 11, maybe a bit older, when it was known that my aunt (dad's sister) had said similar to my parents, they didn't want anyone to get them and their 4 kids gifts, and hoped they understood they wouldn't be getting gifts for everyone else either. We did get a token gift basket/hamper for all the family from them but at the time,
I am a similar age to you, and these days, I definitely don't NEED anyone to buy me presents, there wasn't much I wanted this year, but I do like giving presents to other people.
Next year, tell everyone the greatest gift you could receive from them, would be a day to yourself without any obligations at all, to get in the car, go for a drive, go for a walk, whatever you want to do. You might do well to get something for your sister's children, doesn't have to be much but I am almost certain that the obligation needn't extend much further than that if you explain far enough in advance your position.
(obviously, a Caterham to do the drive in as well would be nice)
After my Dad passed I spent years getting in the car, driving 300 plus miles from Hampshire to Anglesey with a boot full of Christmas Dinner ingredients to deliver Christmas to my elderly Mum. It did kinda put me off the whole thing. It was only bearable because you could see the good effect it had on the old dear and I had the company of my ever-forgiving wife.
You can't escape family duty. Best to put a brave face on it, I find.
Next Christmas I am spending it on the beach in the Southern Hemisphere or if not that someplace properly cold in the Northern one.
You can't escape family duty. Best to put a brave face on it, I find.
Next Christmas I am spending it on the beach in the Southern Hemisphere or if not that someplace properly cold in the Northern one.
Yes, Christmas is ruined by obligations. Its called having an aging family.
THe fun drains the older you get.
Although to the OP, if you regret the loss of earning over xmas as you are a contractor that's forced to have time off, you may need to consider your lifestyle a bit. To do this year in year out, you need to be able to earn enough to allow you time off, or you'll burn out. Or spend less and budget out the earnings to cover yourself for these periods.
THe fun drains the older you get.
Although to the OP, if you regret the loss of earning over xmas as you are a contractor that's forced to have time off, you may need to consider your lifestyle a bit. To do this year in year out, you need to be able to earn enough to allow you time off, or you'll burn out. Or spend less and budget out the earnings to cover yourself for these periods.
I'm 34 now but had similar challenges to you... but it changed when I had kids of my own.
Christmas is all about the kids for me now (from a present perspective) and spending time with family/friends.
2 Christmas's ago my wife and I restarted a Christmas Eve tradition I can always remember as a kid - a big party on Christmas Eve, basically an open house from 3pm - 8pm lots of food, drink, kids, neighbours and friends.
Great fun!
Then a quiet Christmas Day with my Wife, 3 kids and the dog! (I know refuse to drive on Christmas Day)
Christmas is all about the kids for me now (from a present perspective) and spending time with family/friends.
2 Christmas's ago my wife and I restarted a Christmas Eve tradition I can always remember as a kid - a big party on Christmas Eve, basically an open house from 3pm - 8pm lots of food, drink, kids, neighbours and friends.
Great fun!
Then a quiet Christmas Day with my Wife, 3 kids and the dog! (I know refuse to drive on Christmas Day)
If I could spend every Christmas at my inlaws and I didn't work in sales for a US company with all the stresses of a calendar financial year, then I'd love it.
As it is, the need to alternate with spending time with my mother is stressful enough - think of the sort of environment where everything has to be just so, any discussions that might have the slightest potential for disagreement are frowned upon, and if there was a clock on the mantelpiece, it would tick every second, but only tock every ten - but having to be working between Christmas and New Year, even if there's no actual work to do is a real downer.
I have dreams of moving to a massive old pile in the country in my retirement and hosting proper fun family Christmases where anything goes, and if any of the kids make the mistake of following me into a career where you're stuck with Christmas stress, maybe we'll just relocate the whole thing to a long weekend in January instead!
As it is, the need to alternate with spending time with my mother is stressful enough - think of the sort of environment where everything has to be just so, any discussions that might have the slightest potential for disagreement are frowned upon, and if there was a clock on the mantelpiece, it would tick every second, but only tock every ten - but having to be working between Christmas and New Year, even if there's no actual work to do is a real downer.
I have dreams of moving to a massive old pile in the country in my retirement and hosting proper fun family Christmases where anything goes, and if any of the kids make the mistake of following me into a career where you're stuck with Christmas stress, maybe we'll just relocate the whole thing to a long weekend in January instead!
Borroxs said:
Although to the OP, if you regret the loss of earning over xmas as you are a contractor that's forced to have time off, you may need to consider your lifestyle a bit. To do this year in year out, you need to be able to earn enough to allow you time off, or you'll burn out. Or spend less and budget out the earnings to cover yourself for these periods.
A bit unnecessary, I would rather take time off work when I want, not for a festival others enjoy but I'm recently not. If I said I was going to spend the week working on my Tvr or on a road trip - it would be a political disaster. I think a large part of it is that I don't have kids, and the arrival of them in the family recently (sister has had 2) has changed it into something that seems very foreign. (I'm not paternal at all, i find it quite stressful having family watch me with them and expect me to be)
crosseyedlion said:
Borroxs said:
Although to the OP, if you regret the loss of earning over xmas as you are a contractor that's forced to have time off, you may need to consider your lifestyle a bit. To do this year in year out, you need to be able to earn enough to allow you time off, or you'll burn out. Or spend less and budget out the earnings to cover yourself for these periods.
A bit unnecessary, I would rather take time off work when I want, not for a festival others enjoy but I'm recently not. If I said I was going to spend the week working on my Tvr or on a road trip - it would be a political disaster. I think a large part of it is that I don't have kids, and the arrival of them in the family recently (sister has had 2) has changed it into something that seems very foreign. (I'm not paternal at all, i find it quite stressful having family watch me with them and expect me to be)
Kids love it for sure. But women seem to get a kick out of it too - it means they can go into shopping overload and buy s
tloads of overpriced smellies in presentation boxes, and other pointless presents for a seemingly never ending list of friends. Along with the obligatory sending of dozens of Christmas cards and associated bill for the stamps.
Modern life enables us to buy what we want, whenever we want it, at a reasonable price. A few clicks on t'internet and the next day some mug brings it to your front door. Christmas, as a useful gift exchanging ceremony, is redundant as far as I'm concerned. If I want something, I'll buy it!
Just thinking what to buy people, and thinking what ideas to give people when they ask what I want from them just stresses me to fk.
The only bits I look forward to are Xmas dinner and a pint down the pub.
tloads of overpriced smellies in presentation boxes, and other pointless presents for a seemingly never ending list of friends. Along with the obligatory sending of dozens of Christmas cards and associated bill for the stamps.Modern life enables us to buy what we want, whenever we want it, at a reasonable price. A few clicks on t'internet and the next day some mug brings it to your front door. Christmas, as a useful gift exchanging ceremony, is redundant as far as I'm concerned. If I want something, I'll buy it!
Just thinking what to buy people, and thinking what ideas to give people when they ask what I want from them just stresses me to f
k.The only bits I look forward to are Xmas dinner and a pint down the pub.
Christmas is all about family.
When you're a kid it means everything to you.
When you're old it means everything to you.
When you're somewhere in the middle, I guess it can lose the attraction it had when you were a kid and is just something that interferes with your (fantastic) everyday life.
But remember, you'll be old before you know it and the attractions of your everyday life will fade away until family and special occasions such as christmas are all you have left to live for.
Best to keep a little bit of the love going for the future.
When you're a kid it means everything to you.
When you're old it means everything to you.
When you're somewhere in the middle, I guess it can lose the attraction it had when you were a kid and is just something that interferes with your (fantastic) everyday life.
But remember, you'll be old before you know it and the attractions of your everyday life will fade away until family and special occasions such as christmas are all you have left to live for.
Best to keep a little bit of the love going for the future.
We are fortunate that we don't have the family obligations that many seem to have; 2 days off work and spending the majority of those two days driving up and down the country, pleasing others.
We have relatives but they are still active enough to come to us, or go somewhere else if they want and there is no pressure for us to spend some time with them, myself and the wife and our 2 daughters are free to do what we want to do.
I used to really look forward to Christmas, I loved planning the meal and would start doing so in November and would really look forward to spending a lovely day with my family, however my dad died completely out of the blue on Christmas eve 2014 and the last couple of years I've just not felt fussed about the whole thing, I feel I've kept up a front and appear looking forward to it but I'm just not now, the excitement has just gone for me, hopefully it will get easier and the excitement will return.
We have relatives but they are still active enough to come to us, or go somewhere else if they want and there is no pressure for us to spend some time with them, myself and the wife and our 2 daughters are free to do what we want to do.
I used to really look forward to Christmas, I loved planning the meal and would start doing so in November and would really look forward to spending a lovely day with my family, however my dad died completely out of the blue on Christmas eve 2014 and the last couple of years I've just not felt fussed about the whole thing, I feel I've kept up a front and appear looking forward to it but I'm just not now, the excitement has just gone for me, hopefully it will get easier and the excitement will return.
I still like Christams on 24th and 25th.
I can't say the same about the approaching weeks. A lot of pressure at work because there is an inevitable slowdown that ends unluckilly affecting always the project that is the most urgent. Plus you have events and dinners to attend and meanwhile you have to buy presents, greeting cards, meet people, etc.
I can't say the same about the approaching weeks. A lot of pressure at work because there is an inevitable slowdown that ends unluckilly affecting always the project that is the most urgent. Plus you have events and dinners to attend and meanwhile you have to buy presents, greeting cards, meet people, etc.
I used to be completely anti christmas until I had my son and he has brought the magic back for me. That being said, there is nothing worse than traipsing up and down the country visiting people.
We have taken a stance of no adult presents the last few years and that has served me well, and most people seemed releieved when it was first spoken about.
Other people I don't do a secret santa for the family, so £50 or whatever, and your obligation is only to one of the family members and the present is usually better than some old tat, because of its higher price bracket.
Op - I might be wrong, but there might be some deep routed grieving process relating to your relative that passed around this time, perhaps that might be worth thinking about as it may be the reason your enjoyment has dropped
We have taken a stance of no adult presents the last few years and that has served me well, and most people seemed releieved when it was first spoken about.
Other people I don't do a secret santa for the family, so £50 or whatever, and your obligation is only to one of the family members and the present is usually better than some old tat, because of its higher price bracket.
Op - I might be wrong, but there might be some deep routed grieving process relating to your relative that passed around this time, perhaps that might be worth thinking about as it may be the reason your enjoyment has dropped
Borroxs said:
Although to the OP, if you regret the loss of earning over xmas as you are a contractor that's forced to have time off, you may need to consider your lifestyle a bit. To do this year in year out, you need to be able to earn enough to allow you time off, or you'll burn out. Or spend less and budget out the earnings to cover yourself for these periods.
I ended up contracting for a few years after getting made redundant during the recession: 2 week placement turned into 3 years. The first year wasnt so bad, as a huge project was on the go, and in the lead up to Christmas i was putting in 60-70hrs a week, plus worked at home during the time the office was closed, but the subsequent years when having to lose the weeks pay, it was hard: I think it's normal to be honest. It's kids that really make Christmas.
When your a child it's magical for you and your parents.
Then you grow up and it's crap for a while.
Then you have children and it's magical for you & them.
Then they grow up and it's crap for a while.
Then your children have children and it's magical again.
I've just seen my little ones first Christmas (she's coming up to 12 months old) and even though she didn't really get what it was all about the excitement on her face was amazing, even though she was more interested in playing with wrapping paper than any of the room full of toys. I have to say I did enjoy this christmas despite the massive ststorm the year has been, me working the entire week on nights and the fact that neither me or my family and friends have any money to indulge in the usual consumption, in some ways it was refreshing not to spend a fortune on crap for each other.
When your a child it's magical for you and your parents.
Then you grow up and it's crap for a while.
Then you have children and it's magical for you & them.
Then they grow up and it's crap for a while.
Then your children have children and it's magical again.
I've just seen my little ones first Christmas (she's coming up to 12 months old) and even though she didn't really get what it was all about the excitement on her face was amazing, even though she was more interested in playing with wrapping paper than any of the room full of toys. I have to say I did enjoy this christmas despite the massive s
tstorm the year has been, me working the entire week on nights and the fact that neither me or my family and friends have any money to indulge in the usual consumption, in some ways it was refreshing not to spend a fortune on crap for each other. Edited by Timfy on Thursday 29th December 16:20
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