How much has it changed you..
Discussion
Being a parent.
I suspect I need to hand in my man card, such as it is, but I find myself a lot more emotionally affected by things now than before. I hate to say it but the "you will think differently when you have a child" line comes up in my head.
This post came about because in the "images" thread, I saw the little drowned boy and felt really awful. I can't imagine that being my child, I can't imagine what his parents are going through. Before I would have felt anywhere near like this about seeing such an image.
Is it just much or has it really changed others too?
I suspect I need to hand in my man card, such as it is, but I find myself a lot more emotionally affected by things now than before. I hate to say it but the "you will think differently when you have a child" line comes up in my head.
This post came about because in the "images" thread, I saw the little drowned boy and felt really awful. I can't imagine that being my child, I can't imagine what his parents are going through. Before I would have felt anywhere near like this about seeing such an image.
Is it just much or has it really changed others too?
Can't say it's changed my behaviour, but it has changed the way I prioritise things. Previously I'd not think twice before taking the car in for a service and sticking a few hundred quid of upgrades/mods on. Same with going out, happily spend over £100 on drinks/food/taxis. With work I was always the one that stopped until something was done and always had my company phone on for emergencies.
Now my daughter gets put before everything. If it means primark jeans and Aldi food for me so she can have nice things then so be it. I find it really difficult to treat myself these days unless it's something that involves all the family.
Now my daughter gets put before everything. If it means primark jeans and Aldi food for me so she can have nice things then so be it. I find it really difficult to treat myself these days unless it's something that involves all the family.
Jasandjules said:
This post came about because in the "images" thread, I saw the little drowned boy and felt really awful. I can't imagine that being my child, I can't imagine what his parents are going through. Before I would have felt anywhere near like this about seeing such an image.
It's a horrifying image. I think it's the fact that he is clothed and has trainers on that makes it more real. And that he's alone. It's also highly unusual to see a dead child so graphically. The vulture / child image is heartbreaking, but there's a little bit of "still alive, might make it" that dilutes the real awfulness of it. I'm with you on this one - it must be some chemical "thing" having children does to you. I was never bothered by the wailing of small children in our wider family, would happy pop them on my shoulder and comfort them, quite enjoyed it at big family gatherings! I didn't have an emotional reaction to it. First time my own does that "I'm hungry / upset / too hot or cold" sickening wail... I felt sick myself to the core!
My priorities are a bit different now, no more lay in's, no way I'd risk a hangover either - too horrific with all that energy from 6am!
Also on the horrible images thing, yes - a real change since having my own children - you think "what if", rather irrationally I think of myself!
All part of the base instincts we have built in.
My priorities are a bit different now, no more lay in's, no way I'd risk a hangover either - too horrific with all that energy from 6am!
Also on the horrible images thing, yes - a real change since having my own children - you think "what if", rather irrationally I think of myself!
All part of the base instincts we have built in. Becoming a parent has changed my mindset immensely.
It's actually quite terrifying how selfish I probably was prior, and how now I would do anything for her. Literally anything, very hard to explain to a non parent.
I am a new parent, only been a few months, and I am crazy with anxiety. I'm told this doesn't pass..... I now over analyse every situation in fear of our safety and her well being!
Also saw the picture on the photo thread. Interestingly enough I remember seeing that prior to children and thinking "that's sad". Having seen it today I can assure you it had a more "lead in bottom of stomach, tightening of throat" effect.
It's actually quite terrifying how selfish I probably was prior, and how now I would do anything for her. Literally anything, very hard to explain to a non parent.
I am a new parent, only been a few months, and I am crazy with anxiety. I'm told this doesn't pass..... I now over analyse every situation in fear of our safety and her well being!
Also saw the picture on the photo thread. Interestingly enough I remember seeing that prior to children and thinking "that's sad". Having seen it today I can assure you it had a more "lead in bottom of stomach, tightening of throat" effect.
For the first few years, it made me a much grumpier, less energetic and definitely unhappier person, and I still look back on life with kids under the age of about 4 as being probably the worst years of my life. I absolutely loathed having babies, and toddlers weren't much better. 
Now that they're that bit older - 13, 11 & 8, everything is completely different! Yes, they can still be a pain at times, but as a rule, they're far, far more fun, and are rapidly paying back the misery years with interest!
As an example, the day after Boxing Day was the best day out to a rugby match I've ever had by a long way, and that was with my 8yr old, no beer, no curry and a 6 hour round trip to get there. We've got season tickets for the second half of the season at Quins, and I can't wait.
One thing I have noticed is that I now look at people who say "it's all down to bad parenting" about a kid's behaviour with utter contempt and scorn. Our three have been raised by the same parents in the same way, yet have three completely different personalities. They will respond differently to the same situations and to the same sort of treatment from us or their peers, and basically prove that parenting is actually just one part of the whole "forming a human being" process.
Now that they're that bit older - 13, 11 & 8, everything is completely different!
Yes, they can still be a pain at times, but as a rule, they're far, far more fun, and are rapidly paying back the misery years with interest!As an example, the day after Boxing Day was the best day out to a rugby match I've ever had by a long way, and that was with my 8yr old, no beer, no curry and a 6 hour round trip to get there. We've got season tickets for the second half of the season at Quins, and I can't wait.
One thing I have noticed is that I now look at people who say "it's all down to bad parenting" about a kid's behaviour with utter contempt and scorn. Our three have been raised by the same parents in the same way, yet have three completely different personalities. They will respond differently to the same situations and to the same sort of treatment from us or their peers, and basically prove that parenting is actually just one part of the whole "forming a human being" process.
I would quite happily sit and play 6 hours of forza or call of duty before having kids. I recently gave my xbox away because in 4 years ive not touched it once. Im now usually being jumped on by my 2 year old who likes to pretend he is a dinosaur or having a plastic meal presented to me by my 4 year old girl.
Its incredible the love you can have for your children, nothing can prepare you and that is what hit me most, right from the second you hear that post birth cry, it was like a switch.
Its incredible the love you can have for your children, nothing can prepare you and that is what hit me most, right from the second you hear that post birth cry, it was like a switch.
dazwalsh said:
I would quite happily sit and play 6 hours of forza or call of duty before having kids. I recently gave my xbox away because in 4 years ive not touched it once. Im now usually being jumped on by my 2 year old who likes to pretend he is a dinosaur or having a plastic meal presented to me by my 4 year old girl.
This is the bit that, by and large, I completely hated. It bored me senseless, and just got me depressed at the thought of what I could've been doing instead.dazwalsh said:
Its incredible the love you can have for your children, nothing can prepare you and that is what hit me most, right from the second you hear that post birth cry, it was like a switch.
And sometimes, I wonder if it's because of this bit...All three of our kids were born by C-section, two were emergencies, the first was 5 weeks early, and they were all rushed straight out of the room into the special care unit to put them on a glucose trip to prevent them from going cold turkey as they adapted from my diabetic wife's sugary blood to their own natural blood sugar levels.
Where you and most other fathers got that first cry followed by a first cuddle with their other half and baby together, I got that shell-shocked feeling of sitting there next to my wife being stitched up after major surgery, feeling pretty much as useless as it's possible to feel.
As I said on my previous post, I love being with them now, but being with their much younger cousins over Christmas was enough to trigger apocalyptic thoughts about finding out my vasectomy had failed, and we had another one on the way!
It made me realise that all those years I thought I knew better than my parents, I didn't.
It made me mature, prepare for their future as well as my own. My biggest and arguably deepest concern is that while me and the Mrs have decent jobs, a house and a car, they will have to struggle like my parents did to achieve the same thing.
I've accepted that they'll be with us beyond the age I left home at 17 (which I'm grateful for - I was so naive back then and struggled) but all our savings / etc will be going on helping them get on the housing ladder and established. As this is PH I expect that's wrong, I should leave them to struggle but they are our kids and I won't.
It's made me think about tomorrow a bit more than I used to.
It made me mature, prepare for their future as well as my own. My biggest and arguably deepest concern is that while me and the Mrs have decent jobs, a house and a car, they will have to struggle like my parents did to achieve the same thing.
I've accepted that they'll be with us beyond the age I left home at 17 (which I'm grateful for - I was so naive back then and struggled) but all our savings / etc will be going on helping them get on the housing ladder and established. As this is PH I expect that's wrong, I should leave them to struggle but they are our kids and I won't.
It's made me think about tomorrow a bit more than I used to.
We have a 3yr old, with our 2nd due in March.
Priorities change massively, which is a given. I had a new found respect for my job, given how much more important it suddenly was. I also wondered what the hell I used to do with all my free time, as now I have non.
I will say this though, massive credit to my wife. In the new year she's leaving work for 3-4yrs, she wants to stay at home until the 2nd one goes to school. Now I love my son to bits, but there's no way in hell I could spend all day every day with him. I need my alone time, like most men, and I'm happy in my own company. And the thought of having 2 children with me 90% of the time sounds like a nightmare. My wife's cousin is a stay at home dad to 4 children, I have no idea how he manages it.
Priorities change massively, which is a given. I had a new found respect for my job, given how much more important it suddenly was. I also wondered what the hell I used to do with all my free time, as now I have non.
I will say this though, massive credit to my wife. In the new year she's leaving work for 3-4yrs, she wants to stay at home until the 2nd one goes to school. Now I love my son to bits, but there's no way in hell I could spend all day every day with him. I need my alone time, like most men, and I'm happy in my own company. And the thought of having 2 children with me 90% of the time sounds like a nightmare. My wife's cousin is a stay at home dad to 4 children, I have no idea how he manages it.
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