Struggling to know if I want kids or not
Discussion
Hi All,
My brother recently had a baby girl so I've been thinking about this topic recently, as well as about to be dating a girl (who loves kids, great).
I've never wanted kids (reasons below), but it's amplified by the fact that for my 20s (I'm 30 and turning 31 in two months), only about 24 and a bit months as spent dating (made difficult by some dumb cultural ideals, let alone normal things such as looks etc). So I got comfortable and used to my spare time/freedom and basically accepted I would not be meeting anyone, let alone getting married and the possibility of having kids, anytime soon.
Fast forward to now and with this girl and my brother having a baby, I gave this topic some thought. But I am ambivalent and leaning towards child free. I'm not so worried about the girl, things may not work out, but I would probably meet another girl who wants kids. I know plenty of girls who don't want kids, but many more who do.
1) Cost - having kids is way too expensive. Clothes, food, diapers, uni fees, uniforms for school, holidays, consoles, keeping them entertained, getting them onto the property ladder, first car, driving lessons, insurance. Ok some of this can be paid for by the child when he is old enough but still. Made worse if you have the bail the child out etc.
2) My parents set the bar high in terms of parenting. Helped get me and my brother onto the property ladder. In today's times, a house in London (another house for me) is still a pipe dream. The idea of helping my child (or children) get onto the property ladder, when houses keep going up in price much faster than wages, is a pipe dream.
3) It's a huge time sink. I may not do much with my spare time but learn and play playstation/watch tv, but I like this freedom and flexibility.
4) It seems boring and anxiety inducing. I see people who say they love playing with their child (this is a phase) and I can actually imagine enjoying this too, but kids grow up. Afterwards, with what I've seen in my family (and this is my only possible way of relating), it's constant anxiety of what my brother is doing/not doing.
5) The world is already overpopulated, rife with terrorism, cost of living going up, etc. Not the place I want to bring a child in (lost on most women I talk to).
6) With the constant anxiety, there's no guarantee I'd have a healthy baby. I may have a child bound to a wheelchair for life and needing round the clock care, which would be heartbreaking and unmanageable. I was born with my fair share of health issues and I know if I had a child with similar issues, it would be heartbreaking and hell for the child. And the concern about the child's future and academic performance - healthy or not - is just tiring.
7) There's more than enough responsibilities in life. Mortgage, career, car, partner, health, health's partner, retirement, finances, without adding more.
I think girls think that having a child is all about cute babies but I think of them as raising a child - a much different thing. When I think of having a child, I always think the worst case scenario (i.e. above). You may not get that cuddly, lovely child. And even more so when it is grown up.
And more reasons.
I've seen cute videos of two year olds sure, and can see they are lots of fun, but again this is a phase. If I like this, I may as well keep interacting with my niece.
I wonder if I will succumb if things work out with the girl I mention earlier. But it's wrong to have a child because you love your partner, and not actually wanting one. In all honesty, a baby does not excite me like the thought of owning a supercar. My logic is I should feel the same way about a baby and then I'd know I really want one.
So... how did you come to a conclusion on this?
Did your view change?
Can real love changed your view? (The first girl I ever liked I had strong feelings for and she was taken, she mentioned she wanted kids, and I imagined if I ever was with her - which required a miracle - the kids thing didn't phase me)
I guess my biggest fear is if I go down the cf route I will be single for a long time. It's hard enough even if I did want kids, with all the other factors involved in dating. But I should not consider kids just to net a girl.
My brother recently had a baby girl so I've been thinking about this topic recently, as well as about to be dating a girl (who loves kids, great).
I've never wanted kids (reasons below), but it's amplified by the fact that for my 20s (I'm 30 and turning 31 in two months), only about 24 and a bit months as spent dating (made difficult by some dumb cultural ideals, let alone normal things such as looks etc). So I got comfortable and used to my spare time/freedom and basically accepted I would not be meeting anyone, let alone getting married and the possibility of having kids, anytime soon.
Fast forward to now and with this girl and my brother having a baby, I gave this topic some thought. But I am ambivalent and leaning towards child free. I'm not so worried about the girl, things may not work out, but I would probably meet another girl who wants kids. I know plenty of girls who don't want kids, but many more who do.
1) Cost - having kids is way too expensive. Clothes, food, diapers, uni fees, uniforms for school, holidays, consoles, keeping them entertained, getting them onto the property ladder, first car, driving lessons, insurance. Ok some of this can be paid for by the child when he is old enough but still. Made worse if you have the bail the child out etc.
2) My parents set the bar high in terms of parenting. Helped get me and my brother onto the property ladder. In today's times, a house in London (another house for me) is still a pipe dream. The idea of helping my child (or children) get onto the property ladder, when houses keep going up in price much faster than wages, is a pipe dream.
3) It's a huge time sink. I may not do much with my spare time but learn and play playstation/watch tv, but I like this freedom and flexibility.
4) It seems boring and anxiety inducing. I see people who say they love playing with their child (this is a phase) and I can actually imagine enjoying this too, but kids grow up. Afterwards, with what I've seen in my family (and this is my only possible way of relating), it's constant anxiety of what my brother is doing/not doing.
5) The world is already overpopulated, rife with terrorism, cost of living going up, etc. Not the place I want to bring a child in (lost on most women I talk to).
6) With the constant anxiety, there's no guarantee I'd have a healthy baby. I may have a child bound to a wheelchair for life and needing round the clock care, which would be heartbreaking and unmanageable. I was born with my fair share of health issues and I know if I had a child with similar issues, it would be heartbreaking and hell for the child. And the concern about the child's future and academic performance - healthy or not - is just tiring.
7) There's more than enough responsibilities in life. Mortgage, career, car, partner, health, health's partner, retirement, finances, without adding more.
I think girls think that having a child is all about cute babies but I think of them as raising a child - a much different thing. When I think of having a child, I always think the worst case scenario (i.e. above). You may not get that cuddly, lovely child. And even more so when it is grown up.
And more reasons.
I've seen cute videos of two year olds sure, and can see they are lots of fun, but again this is a phase. If I like this, I may as well keep interacting with my niece.
I wonder if I will succumb if things work out with the girl I mention earlier. But it's wrong to have a child because you love your partner, and not actually wanting one. In all honesty, a baby does not excite me like the thought of owning a supercar. My logic is I should feel the same way about a baby and then I'd know I really want one.
So... how did you come to a conclusion on this?
Did your view change?
Can real love changed your view? (The first girl I ever liked I had strong feelings for and she was taken, she mentioned she wanted kids, and I imagined if I ever was with her - which required a miracle - the kids thing didn't phase me)
I guess my biggest fear is if I go down the cf route I will be single for a long time. It's hard enough even if I did want kids, with all the other factors involved in dating. But I should not consider kids just to net a girl.
Word for word I was the same as you at the very same age.
Now with an 18 month old I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something I really 'got' until the day she popped out and we met for the first time. I cried (like a baby) with joy (something I'd never done before in my life and felt uncontrollable)
Up until that point I could happily have been child free. Knowing how I feel now, it's something I'd have regretted not doing. It is simply no match for any of the things you mention (car, career success, PlayStation etc) and suddenly when she came along it made me feel frankly silly that I ever thought those things were important.
My experience anyway... Wouldn't change it for the world.. But I didn't know that at the time.
Now with an 18 month old I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something I really 'got' until the day she popped out and we met for the first time. I cried (like a baby) with joy (something I'd never done before in my life and felt uncontrollable)
Up until that point I could happily have been child free. Knowing how I feel now, it's something I'd have regretted not doing. It is simply no match for any of the things you mention (car, career success, PlayStation etc) and suddenly when she came along it made me feel frankly silly that I ever thought those things were important.
My experience anyway... Wouldn't change it for the world.. But I didn't know that at the time.
ReaperCushions said:
Word for word I was the same as you at the very same age.
Now with an 18 month old I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something I really 'got' until the day she popped out and we met for the first time. I cried (like a baby) with joy (something I'd never done before in my life and felt uncontrollable)
Up until that point I could happily have been child free. Knowing how I feel now, it's something I'd have regretted not doing. It is simply no match for any of the things you mention (car, career success, PlayStation etc) and suddenly when she came along it made me feel frankly silly that I ever thought those things were important.
My experience anyway... Wouldn't change it for the world.. But I didn't know that at the time.
This may be true however there is the other side of the coin that you're pretty much in it and may have to justify your decision. Now with an 18 month old I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something I really 'got' until the day she popped out and we met for the first time. I cried (like a baby) with joy (something I'd never done before in my life and felt uncontrollable)
Up until that point I could happily have been child free. Knowing how I feel now, it's something I'd have regretted not doing. It is simply no match for any of the things you mention (car, career success, PlayStation etc) and suddenly when she came along it made me feel frankly silly that I ever thought those things were important.
My experience anyway... Wouldn't change it for the world.. But I didn't know that at the time.
I'm the same as above poster - and was like you by the sounds of it.
Used to want material things - now i'm 24 and have a 2 year old and I'm no longer materialistic and just want to enjoy time with her.
yes its expensive - but I enjoy going out to trampolining sessions or going Disneyworld, or paying for the extra meal at dinner. the enjoyment she gets from getting new shoes with pictures of bananas on them is fantastic.
I recommend it.
Used to want material things - now i'm 24 and have a 2 year old and I'm no longer materialistic and just want to enjoy time with her.
yes its expensive - but I enjoy going out to trampolining sessions or going Disneyworld, or paying for the extra meal at dinner. the enjoyment she gets from getting new shoes with pictures of bananas on them is fantastic.
I recommend it.
From what you have posted Z064life it really sounds like you should look for a girl who doesn't want kids, there are a lot about.
I enjoyed watching my daughter grow up until the witch that I married started playing around and we divorced when she was ten.
Over the next 12 years I lived with 3 other women, one for 2 years, the other two for 4 years each, none of whom wanted children, and all of us enjoyed being able to do what we wanted to do at the drop of a hat, evenings out, weekend trips and holidays.
The only reason in each case that we parted was that they were all ambitious & in all three cases moved away to chase better jobs.
I don't blame them in the slightest for that - it is a damn sight easier to change course/countries when you are not tied to the kids and all that goes with them, and we all parted as friends.
I enjoyed watching my daughter grow up until the witch that I married started playing around and we divorced when she was ten.
Over the next 12 years I lived with 3 other women, one for 2 years, the other two for 4 years each, none of whom wanted children, and all of us enjoyed being able to do what we wanted to do at the drop of a hat, evenings out, weekend trips and holidays.
The only reason in each case that we parted was that they were all ambitious & in all three cases moved away to chase better jobs.
I don't blame them in the slightest for that - it is a damn sight easier to change course/countries when you are not tied to the kids and all that goes with them, and we all parted as friends.
I'm childless, by choice, and "I wouldn't change it for the world"!
In this day and age, if you're expecting an objective answer from parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
They'll give you the usual speil about how wonderful it is watching them grow up, how you can't know what it's like if you're not a parent, yadda, yadda, yadda, well they would say that, wouldn't they. Saying anything else is taboo!
In this day and age if you're expecting an objective answer from non parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave non parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
People like me will give you the usual spiel about how wonderful it is, not having to deal with kids, free time, money, holidays, cars, motorbikes, yadda, yadda, yadda, well I would say that wouldn't I.
It is a binary choice, it's not something you can compromise on!
You know in you're heart of hearts what you want from life, so go and get it!
In this day and age, if you're expecting an objective answer from parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
They'll give you the usual speil about how wonderful it is watching them grow up, how you can't know what it's like if you're not a parent, yadda, yadda, yadda, well they would say that, wouldn't they. Saying anything else is taboo!
In this day and age if you're expecting an objective answer from non parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave non parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
People like me will give you the usual spiel about how wonderful it is, not having to deal with kids, free time, money, holidays, cars, motorbikes, yadda, yadda, yadda, well I would say that wouldn't I.
It is a binary choice, it's not something you can compromise on!
You know in you're heart of hearts what you want from life, so go and get it!
Edited by CypSIdders on Saturday 7th January 04:34
jamoor said:
This may be true however there is the other side of the coin that you're pretty much in it and may have to justify your decision.
That's very true. I know a couple of people in that position who have to force a smile and pretend everything is great because there is no going back once the kids have popped out. They can't bring themselves to admit they've been railroaded into by their Mrs and its the biggest mistake they've ever made. No kids for me. Ever. Felt that way since forever. I cannot begin to grasp the attraction.
The world ain't exactly short of people is it!
CypSIdders said:
I'm childless, by choice, and "I wouldn't change it for the world"!
In this day and age, if you're expecting an objective answer from parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
They'll give you the usual speil about how wonderful it is watching them grow up, how you can't know what it's like if you're not a parent, yadda, yadda, yadda, well they would say that, wouldn't they. Saying anything else is taboo!
In this day and age if you're expecting an objective answer from non parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave non parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
People like me will give you the usual spiel about how wonderful it is, not having to deal with kids, free time, money, holidays, cars, motorbikes, yadda, yadda, yadda, well I would say that wouldn't I.
It is a binary choice, it's not something you can compromise on!
You know in you're heart of hearts what you want from life, so go and get it!
But equally, not being a parent yourself, you are in an impossible position to understand the other side of the argument. Where as parents were all once childless, so have both perspectives.In this day and age, if you're expecting an objective answer from parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
They'll give you the usual speil about how wonderful it is watching them grow up, how you can't know what it's like if you're not a parent, yadda, yadda, yadda, well they would say that, wouldn't they. Saying anything else is taboo!
In this day and age if you're expecting an objective answer from non parents, you'll be waiting a long time!
It would take a very brave non parent to say, "you know what, it's the worst decision I ever made".
People like me will give you the usual spiel about how wonderful it is, not having to deal with kids, free time, money, holidays, cars, motorbikes, yadda, yadda, yadda, well I would say that wouldn't I.
It is a binary choice, it's not something you can compromise on!
You know in you're heart of hearts what you want from life, so go and get it!
Edited by CypSIdders on Saturday 7th January 04:34
I don't disagree with your current position, I was there myself. I was always saying I could happily not have kids. Then I had one.. And my perspective totally changed.
Good advice further up the thread though. Make sure you choose the right woman to have kids with, a wrong 'un will make your life a misery.
I see where the OP is coming from, and have no problem with his views but I strongly do want kids. We are engaged and have decided 2018 will likely be the year we get married. We however have no issues with having a child before we are married, despite a couple of family members telling us it's totally wrong 
We have has concerns (although I wouldn't say we worry) about the financial implications, I earn low to mid 20's and my fiancée a bit less, further reduced when she takes maternity leave, however millions of people are in the same boat and they cope. Everyone I talk to about it, be it friends or work colleges say that "you just afford it". I usually pay for everything I have outright, I don't have a terrible amount of debt so I think whilst we won't enjoy as many luxuries, we'll be okay.
Also going back to what I've just said, I'm 30 very soon. I really think I should have kids sooner rather than later. I don't want to be a 50 year old with a pre teen child in tow.
Personally I can't wait.
We have has concerns (although I wouldn't say we worry) about the financial implications, I earn low to mid 20's and my fiancée a bit less, further reduced when she takes maternity leave, however millions of people are in the same boat and they cope. Everyone I talk to about it, be it friends or work colleges say that "you just afford it". I usually pay for everything I have outright, I don't have a terrible amount of debt so I think whilst we won't enjoy as many luxuries, we'll be okay.
Also going back to what I've just said, I'm 30 very soon. I really think I should have kids sooner rather than later. I don't want to be a 50 year old with a pre teen child in tow.
Personally I can't wait.
42, married with kids 8 and 10.
OP got so much right. They are a huge drain on my time, even now. Next door there is a childless couple of similar ages, both with successful careers. I watch enviously as they enjoy so much personal time and freedom.
Mrs Puggit gave up her career to spend time at home, and is now hankering to return to a 'normal' career.
On the flip side, I also watch and mentor my kids growing up. It's so easy to see so much of me in them.
There's no right or wrong answer here. Go with your gut instinct.
OP got so much right. They are a huge drain on my time, even now. Next door there is a childless couple of similar ages, both with successful careers. I watch enviously as they enjoy so much personal time and freedom.
Mrs Puggit gave up her career to spend time at home, and is now hankering to return to a 'normal' career.
On the flip side, I also watch and mentor my kids growing up. It's so easy to see so much of me in them.
There's no right or wrong answer here. Go with your gut instinct.
sparks_E39 said:
We however have no issues with having a child before we are married, despite a couple of family members telling us it's totally wrong
Forget right and wrong. Go and speak to some married men about what wedding cake does to women before you make it a lifelong commitment by default.grumbledoak said:
sparks_E39 said:
We however have no issues with having a child before we are married, despite a couple of family members telling us it's totally wrong
Forget right and wrong. Go and speak to some married men about what wedding cake does to women before you make it a lifelong commitment by default.OP i was the same as you and at near 40 and seeing friends all having kids and how stressful it looked and then things changed and have a wonderful little girl which has changed our lives, yes it can be stressful at times but the rewards are worth it, seeing the 1st smile , swimming for 1st time etc. I can still get a few hours in on the xbox too 
nobody can make a choice about this apart from you I think if you had a chance to try have one you may regret in years to come if you don't but everyone is different, my days of out partying are well behind me so I don't feel i'm being stopped from doing anything other than no more gourmet adults only hotels no kids pools is top of the requirements!
nobody can make a choice about this apart from you I think if you had a chance to try have one you may regret in years to come if you don't but everyone is different, my days of out partying are well behind me so I don't feel i'm being stopped from doing anything other than no more gourmet adults only hotels no kids pools is top of the requirements!I understand what the OP is saying totally. Kids are a big commitment. Relationships are big commitment.
A lot of what you describe Op suggests you have got very used to a single life which has given you a style of life you are comfortable with in terms of freedom to do as you wish when you wish. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Having this freedom is great.
Before you even are in a position to think about kids you need to consider are you firstly prepared for the commitment a good relationship will bring?
A lot of what you describe Op suggests you have got very used to a single life which has given you a style of life you are comfortable with in terms of freedom to do as you wish when you wish. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Having this freedom is great.
Before you even are in a position to think about kids you need to consider are you firstly prepared for the commitment a good relationship will bring?
Don't over think the money aspects.
It's not all that expensive. You've got 18 years warning about university fees and they may even end up not going. Help with a house is even further down the line. The rest is clothes and food, and the need to get a bigger house. Which is nice anyway, and should pay off in the long run all being equal.
On the other hand having kids made me so much more responsible with money and longer term in my thinking that I have more savings and investments than I ever would have done otherwise.
Less spur of the moment weekends away, boozy nights out and impulse buys of cars and motorbikes, but no amount of those things is nearly as rewarding as the Saturday morning I have planned mucking about with a box of duplo while my wife and my mother bake gingerbread men and the kids run between them and me.
It's not all that expensive. You've got 18 years warning about university fees and they may even end up not going. Help with a house is even further down the line. The rest is clothes and food, and the need to get a bigger house. Which is nice anyway, and should pay off in the long run all being equal.
On the other hand having kids made me so much more responsible with money and longer term in my thinking that I have more savings and investments than I ever would have done otherwise.
Less spur of the moment weekends away, boozy nights out and impulse buys of cars and motorbikes, but no amount of those things is nearly as rewarding as the Saturday morning I have planned mucking about with a box of duplo while my wife and my mother bake gingerbread men and the kids run between them and me.
Doesn't sound ti me like you're struggling to know at all - sounds like you've made you're mind up!
I have a 3-and a bit year old, so hardly going to be impartial, but most of the negatives that you've put down are very quickly forgotten when you have a kid. You can have the worst day in the world, but when you come home at the end of it and you hear your kid running through the house to the front door for a hug, nothing else matters. Seriously, nothing.
Don't get me wrong, there certainly are downs! The thinking ' can we afford it' before getting a takeaway, the jealousy of seeing your mates photos of a banging night out on Facebook that you couldn't go to etc etc. But you will be introduced to people you would never have met before through having a kid and it becomes a different group of mates altogether as you're all in the same boat.
The first two years - it's easy to love them, but my god is it difficult to like them!
My suggestion would be to make your own mind up and ignore the views of strangers on the internet, not everyone has to have kids! But I would caveat that with this - parents really aren't making it up when we utter the 'you wouldn't understand until you're a parent' line. We're really not!
I have a 3-and a bit year old, so hardly going to be impartial, but most of the negatives that you've put down are very quickly forgotten when you have a kid. You can have the worst day in the world, but when you come home at the end of it and you hear your kid running through the house to the front door for a hug, nothing else matters. Seriously, nothing.
Don't get me wrong, there certainly are downs! The thinking ' can we afford it' before getting a takeaway, the jealousy of seeing your mates photos of a banging night out on Facebook that you couldn't go to etc etc. But you will be introduced to people you would never have met before through having a kid and it becomes a different group of mates altogether as you're all in the same boat.
The first two years - it's easy to love them, but my god is it difficult to like them!
My suggestion would be to make your own mind up and ignore the views of strangers on the internet, not everyone has to have kids! But I would caveat that with this - parents really aren't making it up when we utter the 'you wouldn't understand until you're a parent' line. We're really not!
For the female perspective -
I've never felt like a maternal person. But realistically I knew one day I may want to have children. The baby stage scared me and all the rest and it seemed to me that most people were looking forward to the day their children moved out or went to university.
At 27 I knew I needed to start thinking about it more seriously and having been with my partner a long time it seemed expected and we decided to try. Nothing happened and it got to the point I was going for tests. But my heart wasn't in it.
That relationship ended and I met someone new and it was almost in an instant that I desperately wanted a child.
It was as if having real loving feelings for a partner makes it all make sense.
Knowing that I may struggle because of previously having no luck, we decided to throw caution to the wind and less than 2 months later we were expecting.
It's being with the right person who has meant that there is no fear about this anymore. I'm half way through now, and probably the happiest I have ever been. I still have realistic thoughts of what it will be like, and pregnancy itself hasn't been easy, but I feel like the luckiest person on earth right now and before I just wasn't with the right person
I've never felt like a maternal person. But realistically I knew one day I may want to have children. The baby stage scared me and all the rest and it seemed to me that most people were looking forward to the day their children moved out or went to university.
At 27 I knew I needed to start thinking about it more seriously and having been with my partner a long time it seemed expected and we decided to try. Nothing happened and it got to the point I was going for tests. But my heart wasn't in it.
That relationship ended and I met someone new and it was almost in an instant that I desperately wanted a child.
It was as if having real loving feelings for a partner makes it all make sense.
Knowing that I may struggle because of previously having no luck, we decided to throw caution to the wind and less than 2 months later we were expecting.
It's being with the right person who has meant that there is no fear about this anymore. I'm half way through now, and probably the happiest I have ever been. I still have realistic thoughts of what it will be like, and pregnancy itself hasn't been easy, but I feel like the luckiest person on earth right now and before I just wasn't with the right person
ReaperCushions said:
Word for word I was the same as you at the very same age.
Now with an 18 month old I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something I really 'got' until the day she popped out and we met for the first time. I cried (like a baby) with joy (something I'd never done before in my life and felt uncontrollable)
Up until that point I could happily have been child free. Knowing how I feel now, it's something I'd have regretted not doing. It is simply no match for any of the things you mention (car, career success, PlayStation etc) and suddenly when she came along it made me feel frankly silly that I ever thought those things were important.
My experience anyway... Wouldn't change it for the world.. But I didn't know that at the time.
This x1000. Now with an 18 month old I wouldn't change it for the world. It's not something I really 'got' until the day she popped out and we met for the first time. I cried (like a baby) with joy (something I'd never done before in my life and felt uncontrollable)
Up until that point I could happily have been child free. Knowing how I feel now, it's something I'd have regretted not doing. It is simply no match for any of the things you mention (car, career success, PlayStation etc) and suddenly when she came along it made me feel frankly silly that I ever thought those things were important.
My experience anyway... Wouldn't change it for the world.. But I didn't know that at the time.
I also agree with your next post about only parents can tell you what both sides of the coin are like. Having family is the most natural thing in the world and we're wired to do it, little wonder then that it's so rewarding and things start making more sense once you've achieved it.
Without a wife and children I would be much wealthier and have more free time, sure. But so what? I don't want my little time on this planet to be entirely about self gratification and near constant masturbation.
Do it ! There is nothing more rewarding. I'm 52, the Mrs 53, our boys are 26, 22 and 20. The fun and happiness they have brought is both endless and priceless, we now have a Grandson so the fun continues. When we were starting out together it's something we talked about for some time, we were both in very rewarding and well paid jobs but we made the right move in having kids. We're a close knit family, all the boys have fled the nest/ are at Uni and we're proud of them. When we're old and grey I've no doubts they will be there for us.
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