People upset because you don't share their hobbies...

[jdw100]

Went to some networking thing with my wife on Friday night. A friend of her's had been invited via a Facebook group, wanted my wife to go as support and so I went as well because I'm a good husband!

Got chatting to one guy there and his partner - they asked if I go to a lot of these events so I explained no, as I'm not on Facebook. Cue lots of quite aggressive questions as to why not!

Well, my views are my own so I just responded as I usually do with a 'it's just not my thing' and 'never really got in to it'.

They were very persistent and in the end I headed off to get another beer.

Got me thinking, why is it that people get upset about this?

My experience is the fact I'm not on Facebook, don't watch TV and don't like football can really upset/annoy people.

I had a guy square up to me two years ago in Cafe because I'd said to chap behind the counter "no I didn't see that World Cup match as I'm not into football".

Having never supported a football team I've had a few issues over the years, including a few aggressive encounters.

Had the same reaction re TV before as well, recently was recently asked by someone about Sherlock, I said sorry didn't see it as I don't watch TV. Their second response, after first asking if I was telling the truth, was "I bet you think you're better than everyone then?".

Er, no. I don't watch TV, I also don't knit or play the piano or skydive...I don't do lots of things. So why take such exception?

I was chatting to fellow passenger on a flight recently. He asked if I played golf, said I'd never got into it and we talked about his golf for a bit and then topic turned to something else. This is the way most conversations go as part of normal life; but I do find that the FB, TV and football topic can get people quite aerated for some reason.

I'm not being an ahole about it and I'll only give my views on why I don't enjoy these things if I'm really really pushed or see that the person is genuinely interested. I'm also of the opinion just because I don't like it doesn't mean others shouldn't...(maybe a few exceptions in here like serial killing or child porn?)..but you get the idea.

Never had a problem with this with any other subject thinking about it, just those three; so thought I'd stick it on here....

For the record if you don't like watches, reading, snorkelling, gym, Whisky, Jaguars, natural history, science or other stuff I like...I don't care at all. I hope you enjoy the things you do like (and that may well be football or TV) so why get upset when other people don't?

Any one had similar or offer an insight?

[RDMcG]

I think that some people who are very passionate about their own interests see it as a kind of rejection that you do not share their pursuits and in some way are setting yourself above them.

I see it most often in terms of TV/Netflix etc. People will discuss avidly things that have seen and I am mute because I never watch TV apart from F1 racing. I do not golf, nor do I follow team sports of any kind. I do read avidly, drive cars, collect wine, have a mild interest and some knowledge of watches, travel extensively, but I don't want to be the bore who inflicts his own interests in others.If someone shares an interest I am happy to discuss it but have no need to impose it on others. So, when I am cornered by a hobbyist I nod politely and feign some kind of interest rather than simply rejecting them.

[AdamIndy]

I get this all the time from golfers simply because I used to be a greenkeeper. I did play golf beforehand but I was working on a golf course the last thing I wanted to do was play the fking game.

The conversation normally goes

Do you play golf?

No, but used to.

Why don't you play anymore?

Worked on a golf course, didnt want to spend my spare time there.

You must have been good if you worked on a golf course.

I was good at cutting grass, not so good at swinging a small bat at a microscopic ball.

You should come for a game with me.

No thanks.

Why not?

Because I used to work on a golf course, I don't care if I never set foot on a golf course again.

It's a great game. You will enjoy it.

Thanks but no thanks Etc etc.

Doing that job opened my eyes to a whole new level of pretentious bellend. I'm not saying everyone was bad but the majority certainly were. The Americans flying in in helicopters used to give cracking tips though!

[PoleDriver]

I positively hate football! I get some much stick about it all over the world?
Most of the encounters I've had on the subject in U.K. Just reinforce one of the main reasons I hate it!
I'm really into my cars, many people aren't, that doesn't give me a problem at all!

[Meridius]

Facebook, TV and Football have one thing in common, all attracting the lowest common denominator, especially so when its those people who have no interests beyond those three things.

[anonymous-user]

Meridius said:

Facebook, TV and Football have one thing in common, all attracting the lowest common denominator, especially so when its those people who have no interests beyond those three things.

This, they just want validation for their life choices and feel threatened when someone is clearly different to them. People just want validation (hence the whole premise of Facebook) for everything in life, they don't like it when people disagree with them.

I was in Ikea once and a woman asked me which rug out of the two she was considering I preferred. I could see she had one of the two already in her trolley so I just said the one she had already picked. She didn't actually really want my opinion on which one I liked best, she was just after validation for the one she had picked.

Same with people who choose to have children, they are always trying to convince other people to do the same as they are frightened they have made the wrong choice and require validation from other people doing the same. Saying you don't want children as you like cars and holidays blows their tiny minds.

[RDMcG]

Joey Deacon said:

Same with people who choose to have children, they are always trying to convince other people to do the same as they are frightened they have made the wrong choice and require validation from other people doing the same. Saying you don't want children as you like cars and holidays blows their tiny minds.

Always a sensitive one.. Perhaps not a good idea to laugh and call them bread snatchers

[jdw100]

Interesting responses..

Never had it re kids or golf, just re football, TV and Facebook

Validation could well be a factor but it's strange why I don't get that from those into gardening, tennis, photography etc..etc..

TV (in the UK, not where I live now) seems to get people really riled if you don't indulge in it.

Had a mate over here recently. Offered her a lloan of my snorkelling gear but turns out she really doesn't like getting her head underwater: hence doesn't go snorkelling. Can't say I felt the need to call her a liar, offer to fight her, suggest she was judging me or that she obviously thought she was better than me...

She doesn't like it - I let it go at that.

[DanielSan]

Now more than ever people just love to be upset/outraged at anything they can be. Just look at how many people are protesting here about a president being elected in another country...

[anonymous-user]

It's a strange one isn't it.

I can understand the football thing to a point (not that I've ever been a fan or support a team) because aside from the hooliganism back in the 70s/80s etc it's a healthy hobby to have and a large part of social conversation for many guys, especially in a pub when getting to know another male.

Facebook on the other hand..... I've had something similar when I departed facebook. Actively had a bunch of adults, most of whom I know well, call me out over it at a party. It's bizarre. Almost child like playground behaviour.

In either case I've always found the best approach to be either guns blazing I.e. no I don't like watching a sport where men pretend to fall over being hurt to help win the game or softly/softly... I can appreciate some aspects of Facebook like following an artist or bike channel so you're fed updates without having to engage your own brain and remember to search for these things for yourself like an adult might...

[Vocal Minority]

I can put my hand on my heart and say I've never had any one be aggressive with me because I don't share a hobby with them, and certainly not because I don't watch football. Maybe I'm doing it wrong...

For a point of balance - generally I observe that the only people I have seen show behaviour I would describe as 'activist' about anything are some on PH who don't do Facebook - but wear it like a badge of honour as opposed to merely not giving a st.

It's not all - but there is a hint of disdain in one or two of the above posts - and that will invite a degree defensiveness from people as a general rule after the encounter it a couple of times - even if you are being disdainful or not

[dmitry]

jdw100 said:

Interesting responses..

Never had it re kids or golf, just re football, TV and Facebook

Validation could well be a factor but it's strange why I don't get that from those into gardening, tennis, photography etc..etc..

TV (in the UK, not where I live now) seems to get people really riled if you don't indulge in it.

Perhaps exactly because football, TV or facebook as seen as low grade things (e.g. the post above about attracting th lowest common denominator). Admitting you're into golf, snorkelling or travel doesn't bring any discomfort while being a football fan might be subconsciously felt as having a guilty pleasure and the thought of others sharing the same hobby may be comforting, conversely the lack of it might make people feel inferior and react aggressively.

[alorotom]

I've Been on the receiving end of aggression for both Facebook and football before, the more aggressive one of the two I would say is Facebook and always has someone accuse me of lying which is just plain childish to me

[Steve H]

I've never had this reaction to football even though I know many people who are into it and I've not got the slightest interest.

TV, I don't watch much and I rarely hear many conversations about it - maybe the people I see aren't much into it either??

Facebook is something I do, I've no objection to anyone who doesn't do it but the ones who object to it as shallow or pointless despite never actually having tried it strike me as a bit strange.

[Jimmy Recard]

Football was the one that sprang to mind for me. A few years ago a friend introduced me to a friend of his in a pub:

"Nice to meet you. What team do you support?"
"What team? What do you mean?"
"Football of course!"
"I don't"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't really like it enough to choose a team."
"You have to support a team. Everyone does. Who do you want to win when you're watching football?"
"It's moot, I haven't watched football since I was about 12."
Now he's honestly confused
"But when it's on, which team do you support?"
I think of a team
"Aston Villa."
"Your team is st mate!"

Then some dialogue about how "you're going to be relegated this season". Not 'your team' but 'you'. I wasn't too bothered by that

ETA I've just thought of another one. Similar conversation in a pub but this other person asked if I was trying to be posh or better by being different in having no interest in football. I neither like it nor dislike it, I'm indifferent to it

Edited by Jimmy Recard on Tuesday 7th February 07:54

[TheGroover]

Jimmy Recard said:

Then some dialogue about how "you're going to be relegated this season". Not 'your team' but 'you'. I wasn't too bothered by that

Edited by Jimmy Recard on Tuesday 7th February 07:54

https://youtu.be/xN1WN0YMWZU

[NDA]

Cyclists. When I'm in my car.

[Jimmy Recard]

TheGroover said:

https://youtu.be/xN1WN0YMWZU

I've never seen that, but that Liverpool fan is just how I remember this bloke. Not aggressive or anything, just perplexed that you wouldn't have his interest in football

[Einion Yrth]

Meridius said:

Facebook, TV and Football have one thing in common, all attracting the lowest common denominator, especially so when its those people who have no interests beyond those three things.

With attitudes like this around, I'm not surprised some people may become a little defensive of their leisure choices.

[ikarl]

Eating my lunch yesterday in the office 'break-out' area and I overheard one guy vehemently decrying that he didn't have FB and that it was everything wrong with the world etc etc..

People get self-righteous on either side of the coin