I am an absolute wimp and I hate it
Discussion
Despite being three decades old I absolutely s
t myself when faced with confrontation and I absolutely hate it, and as embarrassing as this is I really want to change.
I don’t know why I am this way as I’m confident and extremely successful in other walks of life (women, work, sports etc.) and despite being over 6ft and well-built I am absolute st house.
Like just the other day when some unpleasant man had a pop at me for “stealing his petrol pump” I st myself badly and if it wasn’t for that fact he was a 22 stone heart attack waiting to happen I probably would have actually st myself.
My most shameful thing was when I was 18 I witnessed a Jeremy Kyle contestant come round to the family home on the bounce and threaten my mum and sister, I even got hit myself but I didn’t have the balls to throw a punch back. Eventually the police arrived and put an end to it.
I don't why I am this way but at a guess I’d say it’s because I was always “in the wrong” and shouted at as a child, and when I did stand up for myself as a kid I’d get a good hiding when my dad found on.
Any advice on how to overcome this would be appreciated. I did take up boxing years ago so I would get use to fighting but despite being good at it I never really enjoyed it.
t myself when faced with confrontation and I absolutely hate it, and as embarrassing as this is I really want to change.I don’t know why I am this way as I’m confident and extremely successful in other walks of life (women, work, sports etc.) and despite being over 6ft and well-built I am absolute s
t house. Like just the other day when some unpleasant man had a pop at me for “stealing his petrol pump” I s
t myself badly and if it wasn’t for that fact he was a 22 stone heart attack waiting to happen I probably would have actually st myself.My most shameful thing was when I was 18 I witnessed a Jeremy Kyle contestant come round to the family home on the bounce and threaten my mum and sister, I even got hit myself but I didn’t have the balls to throw a punch back. Eventually the police arrived and put an end to it.
I don't why I am this way but at a guess I’d say it’s because I was always “in the wrong” and shouted at as a child, and when I did stand up for myself as a kid I’d get a good hiding when my dad found on.
Any advice on how to overcome this would be appreciated. I did take up boxing years ago so I would get use to fighting but despite being good at it I never really enjoyed it.
No point in wanting to get physical, you'll end up in just as much trouble as the person you're up against.
I was the same when i was younger then i got a job where you need to be able to give as good as you get from some people, i wouldn't throw a punch or anything unless it came to protecting family etc but i'll happily tell someone to do one or similar when required.
While there is nothing wrong with being a pushover, sometimes people have to be put in their place.
I was the same when i was younger then i got a job where you need to be able to give as good as you get from some people, i wouldn't throw a punch or anything unless it came to protecting family etc but i'll happily tell someone to do one or similar when required.
While there is nothing wrong with being a pushover, sometimes people have to be put in their place.
Nickyboy said:
No point in wanting to get physical, you'll end up in just as much trouble as the person you're up against.
I was the same when i was younger then i got a job where you need to be able to give as good as you get from some people, i wouldn't throw a punch or anything unless it came to protecting family etc but i'll happily tell someone to do one or similar when required.
While there is nothing wrong with being a pushover, sometimes people have to be put in their place.
Not saying I want to turn to fists immediately but even when I had an obese cretin having a pop at me my legs started to go as did my cognitive ability. I was the same when i was younger then i got a job where you need to be able to give as good as you get from some people, i wouldn't throw a punch or anything unless it came to protecting family etc but i'll happily tell someone to do one or similar when required.
While there is nothing wrong with being a pushover, sometimes people have to be put in their place.
My problem is all in the mind.
Just try to remain calm in those situations, the other party will normally walk away if you don't antagonise them (after they've vented at you).
The loud shouty ones are not the ones that will actually throw a punch in my experience.
Just be calm, rational, and brave- which is exactly what the shouty people normally aren't.
If they go for you then sum up your chances and react accordingly, but 99 times out of 100 they won't actually do anything.
The loud shouty ones are not the ones that will actually throw a punch in my experience.
Just be calm, rational, and brave- which is exactly what the shouty people normally aren't.
If they go for you then sum up your chances and react accordingly, but 99 times out of 100 they won't actually do anything.
Being non-confrontational is hardly a negative trait given that you're already doing well in other fields. So many people expect that by getting angrier they'll get their way - so if he was trying to do it to you, chances are he'd have done it to someone he perceived as an easier target, like a mother with child or a newly qualified 17-year-old. Going by your post he didn't get in front of you, so you won by default.
No offence mate your not a wimp. Saying that won't help your cause at all. Yes you more than likely right you were beaten into being quite and fearful of confrontation, only ways around this, is learning to manage that fear. It won't go away but can be controlled.
You 6ft+, have experience in boxing, so push comes to shove you can more than likely handle yourself. But that isn't the issue really. It's the confrontation. Most, there are exceptions but must people are all mouth and verbal. Once they get no response or see a submissive response they feel big and therefore continue.
Trying to condition yourself towards confrontation will help with controlling it but that's a difficult road. I believe there are therapy group work programs for this, but what I found that worked for some adults we worked in a controlled environment staging confrontation and drilled routines in managing the fear etc. (I run a martial arts club). This helped with the people that spoke to me and asked what could be done. It might be worth finding a good club, that you could talk to the instructor and describe your issue. A good instructor is key though.
That's just my take on it, as much as I can put across on a forum anyway!
You 6ft+, have experience in boxing, so push comes to shove you can more than likely handle yourself. But that isn't the issue really. It's the confrontation. Most, there are exceptions but must people are all mouth and verbal. Once they get no response or see a submissive response they feel big and therefore continue.
Trying to condition yourself towards confrontation will help with controlling it but that's a difficult road. I believe there are therapy group work programs for this, but what I found that worked for some adults we worked in a controlled environment staging confrontation and drilled routines in managing the fear etc. (I run a martial arts club). This helped with the people that spoke to me and asked what could be done. It might be worth finding a good club, that you could talk to the instructor and describe your issue. A good instructor is key though.
That's just my take on it, as much as I can put across on a forum anyway!
You sound a bit like me. I also had a shouty and often bullying dad. Problem is you might overcompensate at some point in the future as the wimpy-ness eats into your soul. I can only offer my own advice which is to practise your assertiveness on people who won't beat you to a pulp and then build up confidence from thereon. You know - work out where you are in this world - which is probably not as low as you think. Also doing press-ups, weights and stuff like that help.
Beknown said:
Like just the other day when some unpleasant man had a pop at me for “stealing his petrol pump” I st myself badly and if it wasn’t for that fact he was a 22 stone heart attack waiting to happen I probably would have actually st myself.
Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes a bit of humour can work - "sorry mate, I didn't realise it had your name on it" - though has to be said in the right way as not to challenge him.t myself badly and if it wasn’t for that fact he was a 22 stone heart attack waiting to happen I probably would have actually st myself.Edited by fido on Saturday 8th April 16:58
The body is giving you a massive kick of adrenaline, that's what gives you the wobbly legs and the shakes.
I have had many stand ups, but I get exactly the same afterwards, shakes etc. Feel nervous etc. However if push really comes to shove the adrenaline will serve you well !
Don't worry about it too much, fight or flight response. Plenty of things you could do to help.
Be a special constable ?
Get a part time job as a doorman
get back to boxing
Etc
I have had many stand ups, but I get exactly the same afterwards, shakes etc. Feel nervous etc. However if push really comes to shove the adrenaline will serve you well !
Don't worry about it too much, fight or flight response. Plenty of things you could do to help.
Be a special constable ?
Get a part time job as a doorman
get back to boxing
Etc
I've had a lot of training over the years in self defence, unarmed combat, conflict management/resolution and there is a common message in all of that training which is to avoid a situation where you have to fight if at all possible. You sound like a reasonable chap, and as your petrol pump example shows, it's ludicrous confrontational situations you're finding yourself in. It would never be reasonable to show aggression or use violence against someone who's accused you of stealing 'their' petrol pump.
You describe yourself as being a big lad, and that may be part of the issue as wannabe hard men love having a pop at lads who are bigger than them to prove a point. Often these cretins are all mouth and no trousers, much like a little yappy dog barking at a Rottweiler from the safety of a car.
As you have already alluded to, you have a decent life, it's never worth risking that for the sake of some aggressive ahole. Walk away happy in the knowledge that these people have a crap life and that whilst they'll be able to brag to their mates in the local flat roof pub about scaring off a big bloke at the petrol station, your life will have moved on and you'll be enjoying the good things that you have earned.
If you are wanting to do something proactive though, Special Constabulary has been mentioned and that's a brilliant way of developing confidence and very enjoyable and rewarding too, and the TA is another good shout. I would focus on developing confidence rather than learning to fight. If you get into a fight situation, your size and strength will count for you in the fight, but very much against you in the aftermath. If you have the confidence to tell someone to fk off before you rip their arms off and beat them to death with the soggy end then everyone's a winner.
You describe yourself as being a big lad, and that may be part of the issue as wannabe hard men love having a pop at lads who are bigger than them to prove a point. Often these cretins are all mouth and no trousers, much like a little yappy dog barking at a Rottweiler from the safety of a car.
As you have already alluded to, you have a decent life, it's never worth risking that for the sake of some aggressive a
hole. Walk away happy in the knowledge that these people have a crap life and that whilst they'll be able to brag to their mates in the local flat roof pub about scaring off a big bloke at the petrol station, your life will have moved on and you'll be enjoying the good things that you have earned.If you are wanting to do something proactive though, Special Constabulary has been mentioned and that's a brilliant way of developing confidence and very enjoyable and rewarding too, and the TA is another good shout. I would focus on developing confidence rather than learning to fight. If you get into a fight situation, your size and strength will count for you in the fight, but very much against you in the aftermath. If you have the confidence to tell someone to f
k off before you rip their arms off and beat them to death with the soggy end then everyone's a winner. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff