Arranging social stuff and people can't be arsed
Discussion
desolate said:
What brings the group together? It obviously isn't friendship.
This is the key. Blokes as a rule need much less social contact than women - so if there isn't an obvious reason to get together, then we won't. It's not clear what (if any) shared connection you all have but if the only reason to get together is that your other halves are friendly, or you have kids at the same school, then you'll struggle I reckon.For many men it is the arrangements at home that are at the root of the problem. Dad has been out at work, comes home and says I am off out doing X and the mum says, I have been stuck at home all day with the kids and now you want to go out?
That is why when it is a couple thing the support is higher in my opinion.
That is why when it is a couple thing the support is higher in my opinion.
From the viewpoint of someone in a very happy relationship, my fiancée and I do almost everything as a couple, and I personally wouldn't go to a "guys only" night out. 45 hours at work a week means we don't get loads of time together as it is. On the odd occasion I work a weekend she sees friends. So no it's not unusual behaviour.
Matt UK said:
I think he means work drinks at a guess.
Ok.Personally I wouldn't do that on a Friday or Saturday either. Maybe one or two straight from the office.
Many use work socialising to further their careers though. I have never really had a 'career' as such so didn't need to do that.
I am however, an old fart now so out of touch with what young ones do.
desolate said:
Although we have made a few very good friends through the kid's schools under no circumstances would I countenance going on a "dad's" night out.
Yeah, my wife's always trying to send me out on those.The last thing I want is a single sex night out with a bunch of men who've nothing in common with each other than having wives who meet to talk about how many nappies the dads don't change.
Mind you, there was one that almost descended into a brawl over a yo momma joke... total let down in the end.
OP, how old are you?
I only ask as I remember that stage when a group of mates were all at different stages of life. We'd gone from a young bunch living in the same town and hanging out together, to:
Settling down with girlfriends / wives
Starting you families
Still single and love to party
Career focus
Moving away to a new place
Travelling the globe
Buying own place / getting into DIY stuff
Hobbies and interests getting more serious and diverse
Etc
Maybe that's why there is a challenge for a group to commit time?
If you enjoy cycling and a beer/curry, maybe join the local club that does that sort of thing already.
I only ask as I remember that stage when a group of mates were all at different stages of life. We'd gone from a young bunch living in the same town and hanging out together, to:
Settling down with girlfriends / wives
Starting you families
Still single and love to party
Career focus
Moving away to a new place
Travelling the globe
Buying own place / getting into DIY stuff
Hobbies and interests getting more serious and diverse
Etc
Maybe that's why there is a challenge for a group to commit time?
If you enjoy cycling and a beer/curry, maybe join the local club that does that sort of thing already.
deckster said:
Blokes as a rule need much less social contact than women
Couldn't agree less. Women stick primarily with family, men are the ones who have friends. I get OP. I have a long standing group of friends, and we all go out together and have a good time, but only when I organise it. Same thing with other groups - there just aren't that many organisers.
The reality is, ~90% of adults are lazy and / or socially anxious. People smile on the surface, but underneath they are lazy and shy and have a weak engine (even if they deny it to themselves or others). Just look at any work or social situation, and it is almost always a handful of energetic "leaders" who will drive things, and everybody else will just hang back or do nothing. That is why folks are not turning up to your events.
Or maybe they don't like you (just ribbin')
Or maybe they don't like you (just ribbin')
To give a counter view. Over the last five years, Dad's beers have been held fairly regularly with an ever expanding attendance list, we're up to about 12 now. We don't have anything in common except for all having unprotected sex within a short period of each other, buying property nearby, desire for beer and the ability to talk complete crap after completing the proceeding three activities.
Most nights turn out well, however, the earlier ones did have a few A&E visits due to ankle and leg injuries sustained on return journeys.
Most nights turn out well, however, the earlier ones did have a few A&E visits due to ankle and leg injuries sustained on return journeys.
From the viewpoint of someone in a very happy relationship, my fiancée and I do almost everything as a couple, and I personally wouldn't go to a "guys only" night out. 45 hours at work a week means we don't get loads of time together as it is. On the odd occasion I work a weekend she sees friends. So no it's not unusual behaviour.
spaximus said:
For many men it is the arrangements at home that are at the root of the problem. Dad has been out at work, comes home and says I am off out doing X and the mum says, I have been stuck at home all day with the kids and now you want to go out?
That is why when it is a couple thing the support is higher in my opinion.
You are assuming there that women don't have careers, and "stay at home with the kids" which is a bit 1950's. That is why when it is a couple thing the support is higher in my opinion.
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