Discussion
My partner's sister has 2 children (9 & 7) the dad isnt really around and the 9 year old lad has ADHD and autism. She uses his condition as an excuse to his behaviour.
I went over with my wife on Saturday for a BBQ and this child was there trying to destroy everything in the garden, his mom did nothing about it, just let him carry on. Then later on when the food was served his said to his nan in a very rude way that she had given him only a small amount on his plate. His mom raised her eye brows but did nothing about it and he walked off and said 'silly old woman' about his nan.
I was sat there open mouthed. If that had been my child id of been dragging him back and pulling him up. She said oh well what can you do. She doesnt help the situation, she swears in front of the kids, has no job but the house is still a mess.
People moan that this country is in a mess but this woman is getting approx £1800 a month in various benefits. It's a bloody joke. I spoke to my wife about her and she says she cant say anything as it will end up with them falling out.
I went over with my wife on Saturday for a BBQ and this child was there trying to destroy everything in the garden, his mom did nothing about it, just let him carry on. Then later on when the food was served his said to his nan in a very rude way that she had given him only a small amount on his plate. His mom raised her eye brows but did nothing about it and he walked off and said 'silly old woman' about his nan.
I was sat there open mouthed. If that had been my child id of been dragging him back and pulling him up. She said oh well what can you do. She doesnt help the situation, she swears in front of the kids, has no job but the house is still a mess.
People moan that this country is in a mess but this woman is getting approx £1800 a month in various benefits. It's a bloody joke. I spoke to my wife about her and she says she cant say anything as it will end up with them falling out.
It may well be a combination of both. I think a big misunderstanding of ADHD/autism 'labelling' stems from the fact that the kid might very well have the syndrome to a certain degree but the parents use it to excuse for atrocious behaviour rather than trying to take control. It doesn't mean the kid would necessarily respond to normal disciplining techniques.
Contrast the behaviour of the two siblings in this case. Does the younger behave in the same manner? If not then its unreasonable to attribute the elder's problems to purely bad parenting.
I have an autistic 12 year old. Anyone who thinks these 'labels' are handed out all too freely should spend a few days with 'actual' autistic kids. She's f
king hard work about 99% of the time, poses a huge disruption to overall family life, bullies her younger (and incredibly patient) sibling incessantly and will almost certainly not lead an independent life in adulthood. It was also incredibly hard work to obtain a diagnosis and a place in a suitable secondary school. External support is non-existent. I have a friend with a 50-something year old autistic sibling who still lives with their parents in their 80's. It's a curse for life in many respects and it annoys me to see it belittled constantly on PH.
The difference between myself (and my daughter's mother) and other parents, perhaps, is that we try to avoid inflicting the worst of it on other people. We'll maintain a grip on situations and remove her from them if necessary. If she's having a particularly bad day we can resort to sedating medication, although we don't like to depend on doing so. Obviously close family and friends understand the situation, but there's nothing more condescending than bystanders taking one look at a situation and immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion.
Contrast the behaviour of the two siblings in this case. Does the younger behave in the same manner? If not then its unreasonable to attribute the elder's problems to purely bad parenting.
I have an autistic 12 year old. Anyone who thinks these 'labels' are handed out all too freely should spend a few days with 'actual' autistic kids. She's f
king hard work about 99% of the time, poses a huge disruption to overall family life, bullies her younger (and incredibly patient) sibling incessantly and will almost certainly not lead an independent life in adulthood. It was also incredibly hard work to obtain a diagnosis and a place in a suitable secondary school. External support is non-existent. I have a friend with a 50-something year old autistic sibling who still lives with their parents in their 80's. It's a curse for life in many respects and it annoys me to see it belittled constantly on PH.The difference between myself (and my daughter's mother) and other parents, perhaps, is that we try to avoid inflicting the worst of it on other people. We'll maintain a grip on situations and remove her from them if necessary. If she's having a particularly bad day we can resort to sedating medication, although we don't like to depend on doing so. Obviously close family and friends understand the situation, but there's nothing more condescending than bystanders taking one look at a situation and immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion.
theboss said:
It may well be a combination of both. I think a big misunderstanding of ADHD/autism 'labelling' stems from the fact that the kid might very well have the syndrome to a certain degree but the parents use it to excuse for atrocious behaviour rather than trying to take control. It doesn't mean the kid would necessarily respond to normal disciplining techniques.
Contrast the behaviour of the two siblings in this case. Does the younger behave in the same manner? If not then its unreasonable to attribute the elder's problems to purely bad parenting.
I have an autistic 12 year old. Anyone who thinks these 'labels' are handed out all too freely should spend a few days with 'actual' autistic kids. She's fking hard work about 99% of the time, poses a huge disruption to overall family life, bullies her younger (and incredibly patient) sibling incessantly and will almost certainly not lead an independent life in adulthood. It was also incredibly hard work to obtain a diagnosis and a place in a suitable secondary school. External support is non-existent. I have a friend with a 50-something year old autistic sibling who still lives with their parents in their 80's. It's a curse for life in many respects and it annoys me to see it belittled constantly on PH.
The difference between myself (and my daughter's mother) and other parents, perhaps, is that we try to avoid inflicting the worst of it on other people. We'll maintain a grip on situations and remove her from them if necessary. If she's having a particularly bad day we can resort to sedating medication, although we don't like to depend on doing so. Obviously close family and friends understand the situation, but there's nothing more condescending than bystanders taking one look at a situation and immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion.
I have a 3yr old and I do wonder what his future holds.Contrast the behaviour of the two siblings in this case. Does the younger behave in the same manner? If not then its unreasonable to attribute the elder's problems to purely bad parenting.
I have an autistic 12 year old. Anyone who thinks these 'labels' are handed out all too freely should spend a few days with 'actual' autistic kids. She's f
king hard work about 99% of the time, poses a huge disruption to overall family life, bullies her younger (and incredibly patient) sibling incessantly and will almost certainly not lead an independent life in adulthood. It was also incredibly hard work to obtain a diagnosis and a place in a suitable secondary school. External support is non-existent. I have a friend with a 50-something year old autistic sibling who still lives with their parents in their 80's. It's a curse for life in many respects and it annoys me to see it belittled constantly on PH.The difference between myself (and my daughter's mother) and other parents, perhaps, is that we try to avoid inflicting the worst of it on other people. We'll maintain a grip on situations and remove her from them if necessary. If she's having a particularly bad day we can resort to sedating medication, although we don't like to depend on doing so. Obviously close family and friends understand the situation, but there's nothing more condescending than bystanders taking one look at a situation and immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion.
He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
We took him to the zoo on Saturday, he couldn't have been less interested in the animals. There was a sea lion display, all the other kids were sat patiently waiting for it to start. Our little lad sits down for about 5 minutes and then he gets up and just starts dicking around when the display started. He's obsessed with rubbish and picking it up and putting it in bins which is what he started doing but there were no bins around so he just looked like a weird kid collecting rubbish. In the end I just picked him up and removed him from the sea lion display.
Sunday was the airshow, the Red Arrows held his attention for about 30 seconds before he spotted some litter that needed collecting.
His heart is in the right place bless him but god is it frustrating.
Oakey said:
I have a 3yr old and I do wonder what his future holds.
He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
We took him to the zoo on Saturday, he couldn't have been less interested in the animals. There was a sea lion display, all the other kids were sat patiently waiting for it to start. Our little lad sits down for about 5 minutes and then he gets up and just starts dicking around when the display started. He's obsessed with rubbish and picking it up and putting it in bins which is what he started doing but there were no bins around so he just looked like a weird kid collecting rubbish. In the end I just picked him up and removed him from the sea lion display.
Sunday was the airshow, the Red Arrows held his attention for about 30 seconds before he spotted some litter that needed collecting.
His heart is in the right place bless him but god is it frustrating.
Are you a womble?He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
We took him to the zoo on Saturday, he couldn't have been less interested in the animals. There was a sea lion display, all the other kids were sat patiently waiting for it to start. Our little lad sits down for about 5 minutes and then he gets up and just starts dicking around when the display started. He's obsessed with rubbish and picking it up and putting it in bins which is what he started doing but there were no bins around so he just looked like a weird kid collecting rubbish. In the end I just picked him up and removed him from the sea lion display.
Sunday was the airshow, the Red Arrows held his attention for about 30 seconds before he spotted some litter that needed collecting.
His heart is in the right place bless him but god is it frustrating.
Jonesy23 said:
That isn't ADHD/Autism, he's just a little and needs to be dealt with as such.
People like to use these labels as excuses but the diagnosis rarely stacks up.
And his mother's behaviour should be classed as child abuse through neglect.
Kids of this kind are usually in need of some impact therapy. and needs to be dealt with as such.People like to use these labels as excuses but the diagnosis rarely stacks up.
And his mother's behaviour should be classed as child abuse through neglect.
daddy cool said:
Oakey said:
I have a 3yr old and I do wonder what his future holds.
He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
We took him to the zoo on Saturday, he couldn't have been less interested in the animals. There was a sea lion display, all the other kids were sat patiently waiting for it to start. Our little lad sits down for about 5 minutes and then he gets up and just starts dicking around when the display started. He's obsessed with rubbish and picking it up and putting it in bins which is what he started doing but there were no bins around so he just looked like a weird kid collecting rubbish. In the end I just picked him up and removed him from the sea lion display.
Sunday was the airshow, the Red Arrows held his attention for about 30 seconds before he spotted some litter that needed collecting.
His heart is in the right place bless him but god is it frustrating.
Are you a womble?He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
We took him to the zoo on Saturday, he couldn't have been less interested in the animals. There was a sea lion display, all the other kids were sat patiently waiting for it to start. Our little lad sits down for about 5 minutes and then he gets up and just starts dicking around when the display started. He's obsessed with rubbish and picking it up and putting it in bins which is what he started doing but there were no bins around so he just looked like a weird kid collecting rubbish. In the end I just picked him up and removed him from the sea lion display.
Sunday was the airshow, the Red Arrows held his attention for about 30 seconds before he spotted some litter that needed collecting.
His heart is in the right place bless him but god is it frustrating.
He is on the higher rate disability
She doesnt work as she is better off not to work.
The younger girl is cheeky and gobby and ive heard both kids swearing.
My step son is 9 and autistic but knows right from wrong and im very hard on him when it comes to any type of cheekiness etc etc.
She had the police kick the front door in last year as the neighbour heard the girl shouting wake up mommy etc so they called 999. She had social services involved for a good 9 months but all been closed now.
I wont be offering my views to her as it wouldnt go down well and just cause st but she is turning those young children into what they are.
She doesnt work as she is better off not to work.
The younger girl is cheeky and gobby and ive heard both kids swearing.
My step son is 9 and autistic but knows right from wrong and im very hard on him when it comes to any type of cheekiness etc etc.
She had the police kick the front door in last year as the neighbour heard the girl shouting wake up mommy etc so they called 999. She had social services involved for a good 9 months but all been closed now.
I wont be offering my views to her as it wouldnt go down well and just cause s
t but she is turning those young children into what they are.Oakey said:
His heart is in the right place bless him but god is it frustrating.
Sounds a lot like my daughter. Can be an absolute delightful but also a total demon. She's a bit older at 6 and her teacher describe as being 'full of personality' which I think is shorthand for a handful. I think she's super bright and as such gets bored or frustrated easily and then needs to be the centre of attention and is naughty. Not bad malicious naughty but that clown naughty the sort you are trying to keep a straight face and tell her off but really want to laugh.It doesn't help that older brother (7) is peter perfect.
Autism is an incredibly complex condition. Each child / adult (person) on the spectrum is unique. One of my kids has Aspergers and it's not something that is easy to empathise with because the brain is wired completely differently. My advice to the OP: Be grateful you're not in the same circumstance as the parent/s of the child who is autistic.
srebbe64 said:
Autism is an incredibly complex condition. Each child / adult (person) on the spectrum is unique. One of my kids has Aspergers and it's not something that is easy to empathise with because the brain is wired completely differently. My advice to the OP: Be grateful you're not in the same circumstance as the parent/s of the child who is autistic.
worth noting that everyone is on the spectrum to some degree and within certain tollerances to society by what is classed as 'normal'I would let them get on with it, things wont change willingly and itll just end up bad for you and your family instead - i.e. looking like careless people (even though I agree it should be tackled head on)
Oakey said:
I have a 3yr old and I do wonder what his future holds.
He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
<moan and whine>
Jesus Christ. Poor kid. So litter interests him more than sea lions? So what?He's in a stable family, it's a clean and tidy house, he gets taken out every day, lots of entertainment, we read to him before bed, he gets told off if he misbehaves, as parents we very rarely argue, etc. You'd think it would be the perfect environment in which to raise a well adjusted child but no, apparently not, despite this he often behaves like a total turd.
<moan and whine>
We have friends whose daughter is the same age as ours.
For years she has been over protected. She see's the Doctor on a daily basis for any cough or cold. In the past she would have been kept off school, but they had clamped right down on it, and called in attendance officers. At age 11 her mother is still drying her after swimming.
They tried hard to get her labelled ADHD - but I've not heard anything about it, and I suspect therefore the consultant said she is not...
The daughter is very backward in her play. Runs around and shrieks like a 5 year old.
Really nice family, but I disagree with the way that they have brought up their daughter. Having said that I know that they also disagree with the way we have brought up ours. She has some Independence, and is growing up towards being a mature teenager...
The school did a field trip to houses of parliament. She was not allowed to go because of the security risk in London. Obviously.
For years she has been over protected. She see's the Doctor on a daily basis for any cough or cold. In the past she would have been kept off school, but they had clamped right down on it, and called in attendance officers. At age 11 her mother is still drying her after swimming.
They tried hard to get her labelled ADHD - but I've not heard anything about it, and I suspect therefore the consultant said she is not...
The daughter is very backward in her play. Runs around and shrieks like a 5 year old.
Really nice family, but I disagree with the way that they have brought up their daughter. Having said that I know that they also disagree with the way we have brought up ours. She has some Independence, and is growing up towards being a mature teenager...
The school did a field trip to houses of parliament. She was not allowed to go because of the security risk in London. Obviously.
i was in a hospital pharmacy last saturday. a lad of about eight was there with his mum. the staff were very busy and having to go into the back room to collect and deliver prescriptions. the lad thought it was amusing to press the buzzer. the staff would then have to come back into the shop part. thereby annoying the many people waiting. the mother was totally ignoring his behaviour. i said to him " every time you press the buzzer , the lady has to come and check and you and your mum have to wait longer. " i was expecting the mum to kick off with me , but she did not and the kid stopped pressing the buzzer.
if the kids miss behave , then they must be told. maybe it is easy to say when i am not a parent.
if the kids miss behave , then they must be told. maybe it is easy to say when i am not a parent.
Surveyor - this rings true with this child, he is nearly 10 yet still sleeps in his moms bed every night. The girl also occasionally sleeps in the moms bed. Around his mom he is very babyish calls her momma and talks like a 4 year old.
He is excluded from all playtime play at school as he has been hitting other children. He never gets invited to any of the children's houses for obvious reasons.
His mom puts it all down to his Autism and says he cant help it. Even the child says 'its my condition and i cant help being naughty'
Last month his mom had a 'autism aware' tattoo on her arm.
He is excluded from all playtime play at school as he has been hitting other children. He never gets invited to any of the children's houses for obvious reasons.
His mom puts it all down to his Autism and says he cant help it. Even the child says 'its my condition and i cant help being naughty'
Last month his mom had a 'autism aware' tattoo on her arm.
Edited by wjwren on Tuesday 15th August 20:55
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