I should have stayed in the Friend zone!
Discussion
I feel bad, even though I'm doing the right thing.
Lovely girl I work with, early 30s, (I'm late 30s now
) size 6, nice bum, considerably shorter than me so not really my type. We've worked together for months are friendly/bantery (much as I hate the word). I have a strict "no dip company ink" so never thought anything would come of it. We're both single, but I'm not looking and doing fine as a single thankyouverymuch 
She's recently agreed to do a sponsored charity swim, so I've been giving her pointers since I'm a fairly useful swimmer. We've spent a bit of time together, gone shopping for equipment together and I've paid for lunch ONE time. (TBF I did eat most of it!
) I've found out more personal stuff about her in 3 weeks than the previous year or so. She's somewhat lonely, had some right dicks for Bfs, very distant relationship with family. Really focussed on her career. She also hates people doing things for her, preferring to do for others which is obviously a mechanism of sorts. i.e. All the warning signs!
I wasn't actively pursuing her. She even told me during our shopping trip she hoped we weren't spotted together so no one would start a rumour we were dating, since we obviously weren't. All cool I thought, just a mate.
Sadly she eventually plucked up her courage and asked me out on a date. I pondered it, I don't want to be a white knight who "saves" girls, I want an equal not a dependent in any relationship, I asked mutual friends and they said I should. (Ranging from "Why not, its a shag isn't it!
to "I think you'd make a good couple. To "I think she deserves someone nice like you" ) I agreed thinking it might be worth a go, regret the things you don't do and all that.
That was a massive mistake!
As the date approached "the mental" ratcheted up. She's hanging around in the car park for me in the morning to walk her in. Telling people I treat her like a princess. (I'm being nice, but far from prince charming) The WhatsApp's are often and multiple and rambly and end with xxxx. As a commitmentphobe at the best of times, my Spidey senses kicked off. I said to a friend she was a bit full on, (she'd asked me what I wanted her to wear on our date, which is ridiculous I'm not dictating!) seems that info got back to her and was embellished with the notion that I'm a "player" (far from it
) Which resulted in her virtually crying on the end of a phone asking if "Did you even fancy me when we first met?" (she clearly fancied me like mad!! )
And my honest answer of "when I first met you I was thinking about my new job and making a good impression, not shagging the office staff" was apparently not the correct one. The aforementioned shopping trip I should have apparently known was a date, which is a classic example of a girl saying one thing and meaning another!
We've agreed to not go out now, but she's "devastated that the guy I really fancied isn't into me" I feel really guilty since I should have stuck to my guns and declined the date from the outset and not got her hopes up
She DOES deserve a good boyfriend, she is lovely, but its not meant to be me.
Stay in the friendzone. It's safer for the feelings of all concerned!
Lovely girl I work with, early 30s, (I'm late 30s now
) size 6, nice bum, considerably shorter than me so not really my type. We've worked together for months are friendly/bantery (much as I hate the word). I have a strict "no dip company ink" so never thought anything would come of it. We're both single, but I'm not looking and doing fine as a single thankyouverymuch She's recently agreed to do a sponsored charity swim, so I've been giving her pointers since I'm a fairly useful swimmer. We've spent a bit of time together, gone shopping for equipment together and I've paid for lunch ONE time. (TBF I did eat most of it!
) I've found out more personal stuff about her in 3 weeks than the previous year or so. She's somewhat lonely, had some right dicks for Bfs, very distant relationship with family. Really focussed on her career. She also hates people doing things for her, preferring to do for others which is obviously a mechanism of sorts. i.e. All the warning signs!I wasn't actively pursuing her. She even told me during our shopping trip she hoped we weren't spotted together so no one would start a rumour we were dating, since we obviously weren't. All cool I thought, just a mate.
Sadly she eventually plucked up her courage and asked me out on a date. I pondered it, I don't want to be a white knight who "saves" girls, I want an equal not a dependent in any relationship, I asked mutual friends and they said I should. (Ranging from "Why not, its a shag isn't it!
to "I think you'd make a good couple. To "I think she deserves someone nice like you" ) I agreed thinking it might be worth a go, regret the things you don't do and all that. That was a massive mistake!
As the date approached "the mental" ratcheted up. She's hanging around in the car park for me in the morning to walk her in. Telling people I treat her like a princess. (I'm being nice, but far from prince charming) The WhatsApp's are often and multiple and rambly and end with xxxx. As a commitmentphobe at the best of times, my Spidey senses kicked off. I said to a friend she was a bit full on, (she'd asked me what I wanted her to wear on our date, which is ridiculous I'm not dictating!) seems that info got back to her and was embellished with the notion that I'm a "player" (far from it
) Which resulted in her virtually crying on the end of a phone asking if "Did you even fancy me when we first met?" (she clearly fancied me like mad!! ) And my honest answer of "when I first met you I was thinking about my new job and making a good impression, not shagging the office staff" was apparently not the correct one. The aforementioned shopping trip I should have apparently known was a date, which is a classic example of a girl saying one thing and meaning another!
We've agreed to not go out now, but she's "devastated that the guy I really fancied isn't into me" I feel really guilty since I should have stuck to my guns and declined the date from the outset and not got her hopes up
She DOES deserve a good boyfriend, she is lovely, but its not meant to be me. Stay in the friendzone. It's safer for the feelings of all concerned!
Rich_W said:
"when I first met you I was thinking about my new job and making a good impression, not shagging the office staff"
The rest is just her hamstering that it was you leading her on all along, and that it not working out was nothing which could be negative about her. Standard practice.
She certainly does sound 'full on' and slightly crackers, so it's a good thing you declined the date.
It would have been too easy to just go along with it, and ultimately would have made things worse if you tried to back out afterwards.
Still, at least you had a go and now know she's not for you. Better that way than you always wondering if it would have worked out.
As for the 'company ink' thing, fill your boots in my opinion. Whenever I was single for a few years here and there I used to sleaze on as many ladies of the office as possible. It is a truly excellent source of attractive and available women from the 19 year old admin girls through to the late 40's divorcee MILF's.
It would have been too easy to just go along with it, and ultimately would have made things worse if you tried to back out afterwards.
Still, at least you had a go and now know she's not for you. Better that way than you always wondering if it would have worked out.
As for the 'company ink' thing, fill your boots in my opinion. Whenever I was single for a few years here and there I used to sleaze on as many ladies of the office as possible. It is a truly excellent source of attractive and available women from the 19 year old admin girls through to the late 40's divorcee MILF's.
Congratulations on trusting one's spider senses and ending it before it began, as opposed to sleeping with her, and then finding yourself in an uncomfortable situation as your personal life intrudes into your work life.
That said, it gets easier with age (trusting one's spider senses) because I distinctly recall many situations from my 20s trotting out the line, "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time ..."
That said, it gets easier with age (trusting one's spider senses) because I distinctly recall many situations from my 20s trotting out the line, "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time ..."
She sounds entirely mediocre, if she's got lots of issues she needs to be high up on the tidy scale to make you ignore the obvious mental illness for a while.
seems you ve done the right thing, a few years ago I d have said get amongst it and to hell with the consequences but I ve done myself no favours in previous jobs 'dating' one of two of the staff and it can make for an uncomfortable working environment that's for sure.
She's latched onto you as a source of comfort and it doesn't really matter what you did or didn't do she's misconstrued it to suit. That isn't your fault .
Be friendly but take a step back, sooner or later she ll latch onto someone else and then all your ll hear is how great they are for a couple of weeks before she has a break down and takes extended sick leave.
Rich what is your game ? You should of said yes and went for it. She wanted you and you should of went for it. If you decided you didn't want to be with her you could of cheated. That way you'd been seen as a cool man in the office. If you wanted to do it because you felt bad then you should of went and ripped an old fart off and blame it on her.
Ps get a wee picture of her on here so all us fellow pistonheaders can see her.
Ps get a wee picture of her on here so all us fellow pistonheaders can see her.
Edited by Shore on Sunday 20th August 09:45
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