Still getting grief from ex wife years after divorce
Discussion
Anyone had or been in a similar situation?
Divorced 13 years ago but have 17 and 16 year old sons who I've always seen and provided maintenance for.
She's alway come to me to discipline the kids and this meant they've never played up for me as I've set boundaries and they've took the p**s out of her and I always get involved to sort the kids out. This has tailed off the last few years as they get older. Oldest son works and earns a decent wage for 17, 16 year old recently gone to sixth form.
Recently she's contacted me by text complaining that she gives the lads lifts everywhere and I don't. She's developed this in to a slanging match that I refuse to join in with and I've told her so.
I've always made clear to the lads that whatever they need from emotional support, financial help, lifts whatever time of day or night and anything else they might need then I'm only a phone call or knock of my door away.
I live in the same town and work shifts in a city meaning early 5am alarm and 5 or 6pm return home and regular nights. Now lads are older I have limited my contact with their mother except for bank transfers every month for maintenance and I see the lads weekly when they can fit me in due to both having a g/f, friends, football etc.....I'm almost obsolete but accept this as they are young men.
Anyway, I've told her I no longer want any contact with her unless it's about the welfare of the kids because I've got better things to do than get involved in arguments and name calling. I've been in a relationship with my current partner for 12 years and have 2 further children but this has never stopped me seeing my lads and I've always been involved with them.
Over the months and years she's got form for contacting me to start an argument and will always try to mention my partner or my parents, none of them have had any contact with her for years, She's continued the texts today so I've deleted and blocked her number, I've just come to the end of my patience.
I've since spoken to the lads and not involved them but reinforced that I'm there for them whatever they want or need.
This is a rant more than anything else but has anyone gone through anything similar?
Divorced 13 years ago but have 17 and 16 year old sons who I've always seen and provided maintenance for.
She's alway come to me to discipline the kids and this meant they've never played up for me as I've set boundaries and they've took the p**s out of her and I always get involved to sort the kids out. This has tailed off the last few years as they get older. Oldest son works and earns a decent wage for 17, 16 year old recently gone to sixth form.
Recently she's contacted me by text complaining that she gives the lads lifts everywhere and I don't. She's developed this in to a slanging match that I refuse to join in with and I've told her so.
I've always made clear to the lads that whatever they need from emotional support, financial help, lifts whatever time of day or night and anything else they might need then I'm only a phone call or knock of my door away.
I live in the same town and work shifts in a city meaning early 5am alarm and 5 or 6pm return home and regular nights. Now lads are older I have limited my contact with their mother except for bank transfers every month for maintenance and I see the lads weekly when they can fit me in due to both having a g/f, friends, football etc.....I'm almost obsolete but accept this as they are young men.
Anyway, I've told her I no longer want any contact with her unless it's about the welfare of the kids because I've got better things to do than get involved in arguments and name calling. I've been in a relationship with my current partner for 12 years and have 2 further children but this has never stopped me seeing my lads and I've always been involved with them.
Over the months and years she's got form for contacting me to start an argument and will always try to mention my partner or my parents, none of them have had any contact with her for years, She's continued the texts today so I've deleted and blocked her number, I've just come to the end of my patience.
I've since spoken to the lads and not involved them but reinforced that I'm there for them whatever they want or need.
This is a rant more than anything else but has anyone gone through anything similar?
Jaska said:
Only thought I'd pop in with my experience growing up similarly... Try to think of the long game. It'll be tough for you to go to graduations, weddings, grandchildren being born etc if you two can't get along in person.
Thanks Jaska, it's this in mind as the reason for just not being interested in arguing. Thing I have learned:
Even if she left you, it's your fault
Anything that goes wrong since seperation is your fault
When something goes wrong in her new relationship, she will try to pick a fight to prove it's still your fault.
Do not engage in debate, especially by email or text, you will feed the fire
Be nice
When she gets nasty, be even nicer
Keep being nice, it will piss her off more than anything else you can do
It will still be your fault...... Here endeth the lesson
Even if she left you, it's your fault
Anything that goes wrong since seperation is your fault
When something goes wrong in her new relationship, she will try to pick a fight to prove it's still your fault.
Do not engage in debate, especially by email or text, you will feed the fire
Be nice
When she gets nasty, be even nicer
Keep being nice, it will piss her off more than anything else you can do
It will still be your fault...... Here endeth the lesson
Edited by Mr Dendrite on Tuesday 5th September 21:18
Monkeylegend said:
Takes two to argue 
Not true in my experience. Divorced 5 years, still getting daily abuse which is never acknowledged by me or responded to, so no triggers that I'm aware of. Some people are just needy g1ts who make other people their sole focus. Irritating beyond belief. To be honest so long as the OP has spoken candidly to the sons, and they are young men not boys, then he has reached end game other than a few payments and the odd occasional bump into.
Tell the poisonous b
h to do one.
It takes two to argue but some people make an art form out of provocation.
Tell the poisonous b
h to do one.It takes two to argue but some people make an art form out of provocation.
Make sure you install whatsapp, etc as well on your phone ... even an "old school" email address (one just for them) and let them know that it is only for them and not shared with their mother so they can always chat you.
Send them daft dad jokes copied and pasted from the Sean Connery Jokes Thread... just something daft every day so they know you are thinking of them. you might get no response or you might get a "lol",. or even "Dad, that was crap"... which would be a result?
Send them daft dad jokes copied and pasted from the Sean Connery Jokes Thread... just something daft every day so they know you are thinking of them. you might get no response or you might get a "lol",. or even "Dad, that was crap"... which would be a result?
There's no issue over contact with the lads, I see them regularly, they're old enough just to walk out for visits so no chance of her stopping those anymore and I was just enquiring to see if anyone else had similar problems, that along with venting. From news and internet and a lot of friends this type of behaviour is quite common. I ain't seen her or spoke to her in months and then it's out of the blue for no reason.
As mentioned, I've cut her off apart from maintenance which has stopped for oldest as he works full time and continues via bank transfer for youngest for another 16 months and then that stops.
Money saved from that will go to them directly then.
As mentioned, I've cut her off apart from maintenance which has stopped for oldest as he works full time and continues via bank transfer for youngest for another 16 months and then that stops.
Money saved from that will go to them directly then.
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