Daughter just started school...advice needed

[towser]

Hi...

my daughter started school 3 weeks ago.

Yesterday one of her classmates asked teacher to go to toilet....then shortly after another boy in the class asked as well and was told "No" by the teacher, who ( by my daughter's account ) said that he only asked to go because someone else had gone just before him.

Upshot was....my daughter was too afraid to ask the teacher to use the toilet shortly after the above incident and had an accident. Something she's not done for 2 years!

My initial reaction was that if the teacher is treating kids in such a manner that my daughter was too scared to ask to go to the toilet then something is wrong.

I was all for calling the school this morning....but have calmed down and decided to see if this is a one off incident and if it happens again then ask for a meeting with head teacher and teacher concerned.

Am I over / under reacting??

Don't want my girl getting hangups around going to the toilet or getting teased for having an accident(s) in class.

[Rawwr]

Call the school, politely raise the subject, see how it goes. If you go in all guns blazing on the word of a child then they'll just think you're a cretin.

[Gargamel]

towser said:

Hi...

my daughter started school 3 weeks ago.

Yesterday one of her classmates asked teacher to go to toilet....then shortly after another boy in the class asked as well and was told "No" by the teacher, who ( by my daughter's account ) said that he only asked to go because someone else had gone just before him.

Upshot was....my daughter was too afraid to ask the teacher to use the toilet shortly after the above incident and had an accident. Something she's not done for 2 years!

My initial reaction was that if the teacher is treating kids in such a manner that my daughter was too scared to ask to go to the toilet then something is wrong.

I was all for calling the school this morning....but have calmed down and decided to see if this is a one off incident and if it happens again then ask for a meeting with head teacher and teacher concerned.

Am I over / under reacting??

Don't want my girl getting hangups around going to the toilet or getting teased for having an accident(s) in class.

Hi,

Whilst this is upsetting and shouldn't happen. Here is my take.

You should tell your Daughter to go to the toilet at break times, The Teacher may have reacted in this way as there were only a few more minutes to break. (Or possibly they are an idiot).

I would speak to the school, they are all adjusting to new rules, and teachers can be very intimidating at that age. Of course Children should be allowed to go to the toilet when they need to.

[Shakermaker]

My wife, a teacher of Reception class children, would say that whoever that teacher is has been unreasonable.

The other boy will have asked to go because someone else did - but that doesn't mean he won't have had the need to go.

Children are not like adults. They don't really understand the consequences of holding on and as your daughter has experienced, it will just come out because they haven't fully worked it out yet.

Its no doubt the opposite effect you've had with her growing up - trying to get her to go when it is convenient or just before a long journey to make sure you don't have to stop after precisely 3 minutes in the car (citation... my sister, when she was 3. Refused to go when we were going on a journey, mum even put her on the loo and she stubbornly said "NO NO NO NO NO" and mum just couldn't get her to do anything. We got as far as the village a mile up the road and she wet herself)

[anonymous-user]

Wife is a teacher

I used to be

Have a 5 year old (Year1) and 7 year old (Year3)

I would go in guns blazing!

Disgraceful behaviour, children should independently go to the toilet IMO in foundation.

I would be very angry!

[MYOB]

My two kids are in year 1 and 3 and the school has just circulated a letter to parents informing them that toilet breaks are not allowed during "learning time" except for those with a medical reason and those in Reception.

At this rate, they will all have a medical reason if the poor kids are unable to go to toilet!

[Rawwr]

ciege said:

I would go in guns blazing!

Going in guns blazing when you only have one half of the story, especially when that half of the story has been relayed by a child, is the mark of a moron.

[boyse7en]

Rawwr said:

Going in guns blazing when you only have one half of the story, especially when that half of the story has been relayed by a child, is the mark of a moron.

I'd agree with this. It may (for example) that the teacher told the boy he couldn't go to the toilet until the other child had returned.

Having had two daughters go through primary education, I have discovered that there are two sides to every story - not that I'm saying your child is making stuff up, just that sometimes children's understanding/assumptions can be very different from those intended by adults.

[Chris Type R]

I think that it warrants a conversation with the head and/or teacher - both to make certain of the full facts and so that the teacher is aware of the impact of what she might say to children. This could very easily be a case of your daughter misunderstanding.

I still have memories of my first year at school putting my hand up to go to the toilet and being obviously ignored (that's my memory anyway) & having an accident. The teacher's response was that I should have stood up and left the class, which never entered my head as an option as a 5 year old. This incident took the shine off attending school. It's interesting & perhaps noteworthy that this is something that I remember and which took place 42 years ago.

[Rawwr]

Chris Type R said:

I still have memories of my first year at school putting my hand up to go to the toilet and being obviously ignored & having an accident.

Haha! CHRISSY CHRISSY PISSY PANTS!

I'm not mature

[Rude-boy]

Rawwr said:

ciege said:

I would go in guns blazing!

Going in guns blazing when you only have one half of the story, especially when that half of the story has been relayed by a child, is the mark of a moron.

This.

One of the reasons that children go to school is to learn. At some point they have to learn that (with the exception of illness or upset) there is a time and a place to go to the loo.

Yes the teacher could have handled it differently but then you get the feeling that that OP would be moaning in 6 months about the lack of discipline in their daughter's class as she can't concentrate with her work as kids are constantly asking for and going to the loo whenever they please? How does the teacher know the differences in a class that they have met for the first time a few days ago - who the piss takers are, who the workers are and who will wet them self rather than risk being told off?

Yes it is sad that the OP's child felt unable to ask if they could go to the loo and so wet them self as they could not hang on until the next break but has the World stopped turning? Have they learnt that sometimes you have to put your hand up and say your peace even if you are likely to be shouted down for doing so? if not then this is a first chance.

[towser]

boyse7en said:

Rawwr said:

Going in guns blazing when you only have one half of the story, especially when that half of the story has been relayed by a child, is the mark of a moron.

I'd agree with this. It may (for example) that the teacher told the boy he couldn't go to the toilet until the other child had returned.

Having had two daughters go through primary education, I have discovered that there are two sides to every story - not that I'm saying your child is making stuff up, just that sometimes children's understanding/assumptions can be very different from those intended by adults.

I'm giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt at the moment.

As you say young kids have their own understanding of the situation and may not be accurate.

If it becomes a pattern then I'll act.

She's made comments about her teacher being "angry" a few times....so I have some underlying concerns, but I've countered that in my own mind by thinking that without a degree of discipline in the classroom ( especially one full of 5 yr olds ) it would be anarchy.

Edited by towser on Tuesday 12th September 10:42

[towser]

Rude-boy said:

Yes the teacher could have handled it differently but then you get the feeling that that OP would be moaning in 6 months about the lack of discipline in their daughter's class as she can't concentrate with her work as kids are constantly asking for and going to the loo whenever they please?

Bit of a leap there mate.....

[anonymous-user]

Rawwr said:

ciege said:

I would go in guns blazing!

Going in guns blazing when you only have one half of the story, especially when that half of the story has been relayed by a child, is the mark of a moron.

Would tend to agree with this sentiment, if not the way it's expressed. I also note the OP says "now I've calmed down".
Why so angry? Child has an unfortunate accident and relays circumstances to parent. On the feedback of a 4 - 5 year old a parent should be demanding the head teachers time?

A bit of perspective required, to say the least.

[Bowen86]

Rawwr said:

Going in guns blazing when you only have one half of the story, especially when that half of the story has been relayed by a child, is the mark of a moron.

This.

[Petrol Only]

Chris Type R said:

I think that it warrants a conversation with the head and/or teacher - both to make certain of the full facts and so that the teacher is aware of the impact of what she might say to children. This could very easily be a case of your daughter misunderstanding.

I still have memories of my first year at school putting my hand up to go to the toilet and being obviously ignored (that's my memory anyway) & having an accident. The teacher's response was that I should have stood up and left the class, which never entered my head as an option as a 5 year old. This incident took the shine off attending school. It's interesting & perhaps noteworthy that this is something that I remember and which took place 42 years ago.

Do you still soil yourself today?

Or is it just mental trauma?

[Ascayman]

Rawwr said:

Chris Type R said:

I still have memories of my first year at school putting my hand up to go to the toilet and being obviously ignored & having an accident.

Haha! CHRISSY CHRISSY PISSY PANTS!

I'm not mature

You are blowing things out of proportion just raise it in conversation when you next see the teacher.

[towser]

Roman Rhodes said:

Would tend to agree with this sentiment, if not the way it's expressed. I also note the OP says "now I've calmed down".
Why so angry? Child has an unfortunate accident and relays circumstances to parent. On the feedback of a 4 - 5 year old a parent should be demanding the head teachers time?

A bit of perspective required, to say the least.

Angry....I didn't mention being angry did I?

I was concerned that my daughter had found herself in a position where she felt she was too afraid to ask to go to the toilet. If you find that unreasonable then I don't really know what to say.

As I've also said, if it becomes a pattern I'll seek a meeting with teacher / head teacher.....perspective enough??

[creampuff]

Rude-boy said:

This.

One of the reasons that children go to school is to learn. At some point they have to learn that (with the exception of illness or upset) there is a time and a place to go to the loo.

Yes the teacher could have handled it differently but then you get the feeling that that OP would be moaning in 6 months about the lack of discipline in their daughter's class as she can't concentrate with her work as kids are constantly asking for and going to the loo whenever they please? How does the teacher know the differences in a class that they have met for the first time a few days ago - who the piss takers are, who the workers are and who will wet them self rather than risk being told off?

I don't think expecting 4 and 5 years to old learn when to go to the toilet by forcing them to wet themselves when they get it wrong is a realistic expectation.

[Chris Type R]

Rawwr said:

Haha! CHRISSY CHRISSY PISSY PANTS!

I'm not mature

I expected that there'd be at least one