How often do you need to be in-touch with friends?

[Tomm98]

Hi everyone,

I am just posting this question for a bit of advice and perspective on friendships. I have quite severe Aspergers, so all of this is quite difficult for me to understand. I have posted some threads on here before about some more specific concerns and the responses that I received helped me a lot, so I will just post this here too.

Because of my Aspergers, I don't really speak to many people - I never really did at school, nor do I at Uni. At least 7 people have advised me to join societies, but I just find it so hard to follow up on my advice.

Anyhow, when I have been feeling a little bit stressed at with academic commitments, I have been contacting some of the people I knew before from school. I didn't really speak to them much at school because I was so shy, but many (when I got really stressed before) assured me that I have always had friends, and that even though I didn't speak to people at school much, many people liked me. I was always seen, so I was told, as kind, funny, caring and very hard working.

I do miss my old school a lot - I guess though for the wrong reason - It was a sheltered environment which I thrived in. When I entered the real world at Uni, the effects of my Aspergers on me saw me struggle.

Anyhow, I have had messages saying the likes of 'Just because you don't always speak to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you' from people who I knew at school.

I just wanted to question is this generally true.

To people on here at Uni, do you naturally divulge from friends who you knew from school when you start and progress in uni? Does the frequency of contact become less?

However, my main question is: If you speak to old friends from school rarely/occasionally, perhaps even once a year or less, do you still consider them as a friend, and would you be there for them?

It would be really helpful if there are 'Neurotypical' people on here who has friendly feelings towards someone with an Autistic spectrum condition to explain how you would feel in this circumstance.

I tell myself often that I have no friends, however, just in May, when I was feeling under a lot of pressure for exams I mentioned how I felt I had no friends to someone I knew from sixth form. Their response - 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong' - I only speak to this person (at a different uni) about once a year, so why would they feel compelled to say that?

How often do you have to speak to old friends from school/uni to remain friends?

[anonymous-user]

Its not an obvious answer. It depends how much you have in common I think.
I still keep in touch with some people I knew meet up a couple times a year.

To put another perspective on it. I have a friend who I get on with great. In many ways he is probably my best friend but I only see him once a fortnight. Sometimes it can be longer. But I can pick up the phone talk to him and its easy as anything.

[Vocal Minority]

I generally speak to my best mate every day on whatsapp or email - but only see him every few weeks. Love the dude to bits - so it doesn't really matter whether its too much or not enough.

Old school or uni friends can be anything between days and months.

I understand its difficult, but you can really over think it.

I don't understand your condition very well I am afraid, so don't want to presume.

I just tend to not think, and do what 'feels' appropriate.

I appreciate that may not be terribly helpful, sorry!

[Yipper]

The research typically shows an adult person will have just 2 best mates.

http://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/803682/ho...

[Vaud]

Seems right Yipper.

My closest friends - a few - we can speak or text a few times a week, or have a gap of months, and pick up where we left off, but then we have known each other for 20-25 years.

Talking is good, but random emails and texts are fine, we all lead busy lives. Even if it is just a rubbish joke...

[chilistrucker]

School friends, I still speak to and see 1 to this day as we have been best mates for 47 years. We don't see or talk anywhere near as often as we'd like but if 3 months go by and 1 phones the other its as though we'd only spoke yesterday.