Online predator...What to do?
Discussion
Not quite sure if this should be in the computer section. But looking for general advice anyway. Had a call from a rather upset sister in law earlier, saying how a couple of messages popped up on my 13 year old's new ipad along the lines of 'thanks for the photo/I love you'.
However just as she sees the user who sent the messages is not some cute girl from school, but some guy abroad (who seems to be a lot older than my nephew), her son runs in to try and grab the ipad.
After much tears in the household, turns out the guy in the states wanted naked photos of him, and somehow he'd coerced him to send a couple top off pictures, but not totally naked (so he says) pictures. (I strongly suspect it may have ended up down that path eventually). It looks like my nephew has deleted the instagram messages and pictures he sent, so who knows. Recovery of deleted communications on instagram doesn't look easy to do (and frankly might be best for them not to see it)...
Firstly, I'm not sure how much US law enforcement would be interested in the person trying to solicit intimate photos of minors (the UK looks better in that respect). So not sure how to approach the legal side of things, especially as the only info they have to go on is an instagram handle with minimal info, and anyone can setup an account with a fake email address...
Secondly the adults of the family are completely illiterate when it comes to technology, I do try an make sure there tech is locked down (2FA and copies of emails are sent to their accounts etc), but it's a lot harder to monitor the social media side of things, especially as they all use iphones, and the kids have only recently started using instagram etc, and I'm not fully aware of what monitoring stuff is out there.
Its a pretty crappy situation all round with everyone upset (and nephew is totally mortified) so looking for some advice on what to do from a legal standpoint, and secondly what do people use to monitor their kids both apps you use and 'home policy' (time you allow access etc), as they really need to lock all this stuff down for both kids as well.
However just as she sees the user who sent the messages is not some cute girl from school, but some guy abroad (who seems to be a lot older than my nephew), her son runs in to try and grab the ipad.
After much tears in the household, turns out the guy in the states wanted naked photos of him, and somehow he'd coerced him to send a couple top off pictures, but not totally naked (so he says) pictures. (I strongly suspect it may have ended up down that path eventually). It looks like my nephew has deleted the instagram messages and pictures he sent, so who knows. Recovery of deleted communications on instagram doesn't look easy to do (and frankly might be best for them not to see it)...
Firstly, I'm not sure how much US law enforcement would be interested in the person trying to solicit intimate photos of minors (the UK looks better in that respect). So not sure how to approach the legal side of things, especially as the only info they have to go on is an instagram handle with minimal info, and anyone can setup an account with a fake email address...
Secondly the adults of the family are completely illiterate when it comes to technology, I do try an make sure there tech is locked down (2FA and copies of emails are sent to their accounts etc), but it's a lot harder to monitor the social media side of things, especially as they all use iphones, and the kids have only recently started using instagram etc, and I'm not fully aware of what monitoring stuff is out there.
Its a pretty crappy situation all round with everyone upset (and nephew is totally mortified) so looking for some advice on what to do from a legal standpoint, and secondly what do people use to monitor their kids both apps you use and 'home policy' (time you allow access etc), as they really need to lock all this stuff down for both kids as well.
Treat the disease, not the symptom.
Rather than lock down the internet (which you won't do. He'll find a way round it, even if he has to use Youtube to teach himself computer programming, or whatever it's called these days), teach the boy exactly why he shouldn't be getting involved with this sort of thing. That way, when he has free and open access to the internet (which'll be about 5 minutes after you've applied your restricting software), he won't want to send pictures of his trouser worm to aggressive homosexuals. Or perhaps he will. If he has a sexual proclivity for such behavior, you're much better off with him being honest with you from the outset so at least he has an ally if something does progress beyond online chat.
Rather than lock down the internet (which you won't do. He'll find a way round it, even if he has to use Youtube to teach himself computer programming, or whatever it's called these days), teach the boy exactly why he shouldn't be getting involved with this sort of thing. That way, when he has free and open access to the internet (which'll be about 5 minutes after you've applied your restricting software), he won't want to send pictures of his trouser worm to aggressive homosexuals. Or perhaps he will. If he has a sexual proclivity for such behavior, you're much better off with him being honest with you from the outset so at least he has an ally if something does progress beyond online chat.
As a foster carer my wife and I have been through all the training available and all training has ended up with the answer lock it down as tight as you can but they will find a way. So an open dialogue where if there is a problem it can be discussed without blame is the route. Show an interest without looking nosey, maybe ask them to show you how the site works. "Someone at work was talking about it can you show me how to use it" etc.
ferrariF50lover said:
Treat the disease, not the symptom.
Rather than lock down the internet (which you won't do. He'll find a way round it, even if he has to use Youtube to teach himself computer programming, or whatever it's called these days), teach the boy exactly why he shouldn't be getting involved with this sort of thing. That way, when he has free and open access to the internet (which'll be about 5 minutes after you've applied your restricting software), he won't want to send pictures of his trouser worm to aggressive homosexuals. Or perhaps he will. If he has a sexual proclivity for such behavior, you're much better off with him being honest with you from the outset so at least he has an ally if something does progress beyond online chat.
This. 100%Rather than lock down the internet (which you won't do. He'll find a way round it, even if he has to use Youtube to teach himself computer programming, or whatever it's called these days), teach the boy exactly why he shouldn't be getting involved with this sort of thing. That way, when he has free and open access to the internet (which'll be about 5 minutes after you've applied your restricting software), he won't want to send pictures of his trouser worm to aggressive homosexuals. Or perhaps he will. If he has a sexual proclivity for such behavior, you're much better off with him being honest with you from the outset so at least he has an ally if something does progress beyond online chat.
Kids will usually be well ahead of their parents, new apps and technology are arriving all the time..
You can only teach your kids to be open and educate them about the dangers. They need to feel they can tell you when the screen locks up with those FBI porn fishing messages or someone in Texas asks for naked pictures or whatever other kind of ‘you shouldn’t be looking at that’ blackmail emerges next.
It doesn’t need to be that complicated, don’t speak to people you don’t know, don’t give money,information, pictures, whatever to people if you’ve been looking at stuff you think you shouldn’t have. Maybe tell them fisting and DPs and felching aren’t first date activities as aparently porn is skewing people’s views of relationships.
As a parent, it’s important to fully investigate this seedy stuff so you know about the pitfalls.
First up, I'd report it to the police. He may have 'only' been asking your nephew for shirtless photos but who knows how far along he might be with other kids.
Secondly, he clearly needs some guidance on what is and isn't acceptable online, particularly at his age. This doesn't necessarily mean going in with heavy-handed hysteria and shouting in his face that there's a paedophile on every street corner but underlining the point that once digital photos have been sent to someone, there's no way of undoing that and what might seem an 'innocent' shirtless photo may end up on a thousand different seedy websites. Things can escalate and proliferate very quickly.
You possibly shouldn't take the approach of telling him he's done something wrong but err towards telling him the way of doing things right.
Secondly, he clearly needs some guidance on what is and isn't acceptable online, particularly at his age. This doesn't necessarily mean going in with heavy-handed hysteria and shouting in his face that there's a paedophile on every street corner but underlining the point that once digital photos have been sent to someone, there's no way of undoing that and what might seem an 'innocent' shirtless photo may end up on a thousand different seedy websites. Things can escalate and proliferate very quickly.
You possibly shouldn't take the approach of telling him he's done something wrong but err towards telling him the way of doing things right.
Rawwr said:
First up, I'd report it to the police. He may have 'only' been asking your nephew for shirtless photos but who knows how far along he might be with other kids.
Secondly, he clearly needs some guidance on what is and isn't acceptable online, particularly at his age. This doesn't necessarily mean going in with heavy-handed hysteria and shouting in his face that there's a paedophile on every street corner but underlining the point that once digital photos have been sent to someone, there's no way of undoing that and what might seem an 'innocent' shirtless photo may end up on a thousand different seedy websites. Things can escalate and proliferate very quickly.
You possibly shouldn't take the approach of telling him he's done something wrong but err towards telling him the way of doing things right.
This is is exactly right, don't tell him off or make him feel like he is naughty or bad, but help him see the risk for what it is (within age appropriate limits). The Internet is a great thing but can be very dangerous etc. Secondly, he clearly needs some guidance on what is and isn't acceptable online, particularly at his age. This doesn't necessarily mean going in with heavy-handed hysteria and shouting in his face that there's a paedophile on every street corner but underlining the point that once digital photos have been sent to someone, there's no way of undoing that and what might seem an 'innocent' shirtless photo may end up on a thousand different seedy websites. Things can escalate and proliferate very quickly.
You possibly shouldn't take the approach of telling him he's done something wrong but err towards telling him the way of doing things right.
The truth is of course that children should not be on any social media until they are old enough to protect themselves, but given they so many adults can't seem to use it sensibly / safely either, there is little hope on that front.
I work with kids with an SHB background (victims and perpetrators, they are usually both). The best education for them seems to come from peer experience. The biggest step change we've seen recently was when one of ours went down, the shock really put a damper on the "it won't happen to me" chat.
Might be worth investigating if school are doing any education around this? Getting real people in to present their experiences? We've done this with drugs and alcohol as well.
Might be worth investigating if school are doing any education around this? Getting real people in to present their experiences? We've done this with drugs and alcohol as well.
Report to CEOP
https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/
This kind of thing tends to be a blackmail scam, usually financial but not always. If you want to see what the worst case scenario looks like, see
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.telegraph.co.uk/n...
There are apps that monitor access. However, restricting access to the tablet may be more effective, eg to set times and for use only on the living room or another supervised area
Also restricting access to apps if below the age limit in the t&cs is a useful step
https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/
This kind of thing tends to be a blackmail scam, usually financial but not always. If you want to see what the worst case scenario looks like, see
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.telegraph.co.uk/n...
There are apps that monitor access. However, restricting access to the tablet may be more effective, eg to set times and for use only on the living room or another supervised area
Also restricting access to apps if below the age limit in the t&cs is a useful step
Edited by oldbanger on Wednesday 3rd January 08:42
A good opportunity for you to "be the Uncle" in this situation as well, and be the person your nephew can talk to when he feels he can't talk to his parents, which for this kind of thing some kids will find difficult.
As others have said, it is important to report it even if you believe the chap in this situation to be based abroad.
As others have said, it is important to report it even if you believe the chap in this situation to be based abroad.
https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-...
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-...
Report it to the police as well via 101. Although you have very little to go on its still worth it.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-...
Report it to the police as well via 101. Although you have very little to go on its still worth it.
ATG said:
Legal side is simple enough. Contact the police.
https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/Maintain a calm response, you do not want to give the child any reason not to be absolutely frank.
Education of both child and rest of family.
You could hand over the account to one of these online pedo hunter groups, this will probably breach the TOS, but the only punishment is the account gets closed.
let him know you're not angry at him.
my friend had this with his 11 yr old daughters on who had instagram on their phones - was absolutely baffled at how many shameless men (mostly from turkey) were writing extremely sexual comments and sending messages on their profiles. he had separated from his ex and the mother had bought them a phone and he wasn't aware.
he reported it to the police and nothing happened. apparently this is extremely common and the turkish police don't take it too easily.
my friend had this with his 11 yr old daughters on who had instagram on their phones - was absolutely baffled at how many shameless men (mostly from turkey) were writing extremely sexual comments and sending messages on their profiles. he had separated from his ex and the mother had bought them a phone and he wasn't aware.
he reported it to the police and nothing happened. apparently this is extremely common and the turkish police don't take it too easily.
Hopefully this is a useful guide
https://www.net-aware.org.uk/networks/instagram/
Instagram, like many social networks, has put in place some safeguards for users, which can help children. Lock the profile so only their approved friends can see the stuff which they post - not just "anyone" - but they will be able to search for other users still (so they can still find pictures of super cars or kittens or their favourite Nickelodeon star)
https://www.net-aware.org.uk/networks/instagram/
Instagram, like many social networks, has put in place some safeguards for users, which can help children. Lock the profile so only their approved friends can see the stuff which they post - not just "anyone" - but they will be able to search for other users still (so they can still find pictures of super cars or kittens or their favourite Nickelodeon star)
Along with reporting the paedo - I know he is only 11, but could it be that your nephew may think he is gay, but feels he can't talk to anyone about it, hence the guy on the internet.
If so, perhaps see if he will open up to you about it.
If so, perhaps see if he will open up to you about it.
Edited by hyphen on Wednesday 3rd January 15:24
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