Friends as you get older
Discussion
It's been many, many years since I've ventured in to the Lounge, so I'm preparing my self of the usual (and probably more) p*$$ taking etc. 
Anyhow, as you get older, how the hell do you make new friends as you get older?
Over the last 5 years my social circle has shrunk significantly to the point where it is really hard to see any of my mates.
Mostly this is because a lot of them have disappeared due to getting married and then they seem to spend all their weekends with either sets of parents. Or they have had kids and can't won't do anything that is not centred around kids, most have young kids so really just want us to come round for an afternoon.
I'm not the loner single person, my partner and I got engaged this year and are both very sociable, the big one that seems to be show stopper is that neither of us want kids.
My partner's mates are mostly the same, married or having kids.
Our friends that are single generally don't want to hang out with couples, no matter how un-coupley we make (or think) we are.
I'm a contractor so don't have a set work place and the OH has been moved to site based so now works from home (most of her work friends are married with kids).
So back to the original question, how the hell do you make friends in your 30's and above?
Even as a couple it is now hard to find someone or another couple to just grab a drink with, without either booking months in advance, or doing something that does not centre around a child or their routine.
Anyhow, as you get older, how the hell do you make new friends as you get older?
Over the last 5 years my social circle has shrunk significantly to the point where it is really hard to see any of my mates.
Mostly this is because a lot of them have disappeared due to getting married and then they seem to spend all their weekends with either sets of parents. Or they have had kids and can't won't do anything that is not centred around kids, most have young kids so really just want us to come round for an afternoon.
I'm not the loner single person, my partner and I got engaged this year and are both very sociable, the big one that seems to be show stopper is that neither of us want kids.
My partner's mates are mostly the same, married or having kids.
Our friends that are single generally don't want to hang out with couples, no matter how un-coupley we make (or think) we are.
I'm a contractor so don't have a set work place and the OH has been moved to site based so now works from home (most of her work friends are married with kids).
So back to the original question, how the hell do you make friends in your 30's and above?
Even as a couple it is now hard to find someone or another couple to just grab a drink with, without either booking months in advance, or doing something that does not centre around a child or their routine.
3 years ago we moved from that London to Chester, knowing no one, and this worried me as im a curmudgeonly old scrote.
However, joined a band (handy if you can play something), joined the local cycling club and joined the local kit car group. Plus I made the effort to go the local pub and be sociable.
I now know more people than I do in London.
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
However, joined a band (handy if you can play something), joined the local cycling club and joined the local kit car group. Plus I made the effort to go the local pub and be sociable.
I now know more people than I do in London.
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
keirik said:
3 years ago we moved from that London to Chester, knowing no one, and this worried me as im a curmudgeonly old scrote.
However, joined a band (handy if you can play something), joined the local cycling club and joined the local kit car group. Plus I made the effort to go the local pub and be sociable.
I now know more people than I do in London.
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
I was going to say join a club. My wife and I joined a swingers club. It's amazing the cross section of people you meet.However, joined a band (handy if you can play something), joined the local cycling club and joined the local kit car group. Plus I made the effort to go the local pub and be sociable.
I now know more people than I do in London.
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
keirik said:
3 years ago we moved from that London to Chester, knowing no one, and this worried me as im a curmudgeonly old scrote.
However, joined a band (handy if you can play something), joined the local cycling club and joined the local kit car group. Plus I made the effort to go the local pub and be sociable.
I now know more people than I do in London.
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
This... running, and associated clubs and groups have provided the necessary outlet for me.However, joined a band (handy if you can play something), joined the local cycling club and joined the local kit car group. Plus I made the effort to go the local pub and be sociable.
I now know more people than I do in London.
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
And a steady supply of new women when things didn't work out with the ex wife!!!
keirik said:
You just have to make the effort and get some hobbies. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home with swmbo every night.
We do have separate hobbies, I run a motorbike club (not biking weather at the moment and also most of the members are older than me with families), teach a bit of martial arts and do a bit of amateur dramatics. The martial arts is too infrequent and the drama stuff is fun, and I have a few mates (most who are now part of the married circle) and it is very cliquey and if you're not in one you won't be invited out. My main issue is that my current long client is in Staines and by the time I get home it's too late to actually make it to anything aside from the gym or the shops.
As we are in London, people are inevitably a bit less friendly than up north. When I was in Newcastle I could head to the pub to wait for a mate and always found someone to chat to.
daddy cool said:
fouronthefloor said:
HarryFlatters said:
fouronthefloor said:
I was going to say join a club. My wife and I joined a swingers club. It's amazing the cross section of people you meet.
Indeed, you come across all sorts.Step 1: move to a good village
Step 2: if no to kids, get a dog
The Mrs and I moved to Cardiff over 10 years ago as it is where she is from. We lived in suburbia and I had no friends.
This was ok, as I was still in contact with old friends and had mates at work, plus I was busy with our young kids.
2 years ago we moved to a village and my social life has improved massively. The village has 2 pubs, school, village hall and park, everyone knows everyone. it is true that havings kids make getting to know people much easier, but it is possible without.
For example, the village does a xmas tree light turn on= drinks in pub, xmas eve= village turns out to drinks in pub, may bank holiday duck race/beer festival, pet show etc etc. There is so much to get involved in.
A guy I met told me that a group from the village plays 5 a side football weekly and he introduced me to the chap 5 doors up from me, who organises it. I am now pretty good friends with him and there are about 6 of us who play every Wednesday, of course, followed by drinks in the pub.
Step 2: if no to kids, get a dog
The Mrs and I moved to Cardiff over 10 years ago as it is where she is from. We lived in suburbia and I had no friends.
This was ok, as I was still in contact with old friends and had mates at work, plus I was busy with our young kids.
2 years ago we moved to a village and my social life has improved massively. The village has 2 pubs, school, village hall and park, everyone knows everyone. it is true that havings kids make getting to know people much easier, but it is possible without.
For example, the village does a xmas tree light turn on= drinks in pub, xmas eve= village turns out to drinks in pub, may bank holiday duck race/beer festival, pet show etc etc. There is so much to get involved in.
A guy I met told me that a group from the village plays 5 a side football weekly and he introduced me to the chap 5 doors up from me, who organises it. I am now pretty good friends with him and there are about 6 of us who play every Wednesday, of course, followed by drinks in the pub.
sWe have the same problem. Mid thirties and no intention of having kids.
I try to get my mates out on a night out every so often without the family but it's tricky.
We have naturally shifted to friends without kids and are always pleased to meet other couples with similar lifestyles - ie. not kid-centric.
Long and short is the social circle gets smaller and I end up bouncing off the walls some nights as I'm bored stiff at home. It's more of a problem in the Winter as people (myself included) aren't so up for leaving the house in the pissing rain.
We end up trying to go on trips more often and we hang out at a Whiskey club now and then with a bunch of nice sociable people.
I try to get my mates out on a night out every so often without the family but it's tricky.
We have naturally shifted to friends without kids and are always pleased to meet other couples with similar lifestyles - ie. not kid-centric.
Long and short is the social circle gets smaller and I end up bouncing off the walls some nights as I'm bored stiff at home. It's more of a problem in the Winter as people (myself included) aren't so up for leaving the house in the pissing rain.
We end up trying to go on trips more often and we hang out at a Whiskey club now and then with a bunch of nice sociable people.
freenote said:
We have the same problem. Mid thirties and no intention of having kids.
I try to get my mates out on a night out every so often without the family but it's tricky.
We have naturally shifted to friends without kids and are always pleased to meet other couples with similar lifestyles - ie. not kid-centric.
Long and short is the social circle gets smaller and I end up bouncing off the walls some nights as I'm bored stiff at home. It's more of a problem in the Winter as people (myself included) aren't so up for leaving the house in the pissing rain.
We end up trying to go on trips more often and we hang out at a Whiskey club now and then with a bunch of nice sociable people.
True, a lot of my hobbies are centred around being outside (bikes, often train martial arts outside). A few of my mates who are in couples have also just moved away and the others seem to disappear as soon as they are married. I try to get my mates out on a night out every so often without the family but it's tricky.
We have naturally shifted to friends without kids and are always pleased to meet other couples with similar lifestyles - ie. not kid-centric.
Long and short is the social circle gets smaller and I end up bouncing off the walls some nights as I'm bored stiff at home. It's more of a problem in the Winter as people (myself included) aren't so up for leaving the house in the pissing rain.
We end up trying to go on trips more often and we hang out at a Whiskey club now and then with a bunch of nice sociable people.
What whiskey club? I am quite into whiskey and my partner doesn't mind a dram or two.
SCEtoAUX said:
The older I get the fewer friends I want. People just annoy me.
Agree with SCEtoAUX.. the older I get, the more people I disassociate myself with. For the better.. I'd rather have a couple of true friends who I know I can trust and rely on 100%, rather than a big bunch of people who don't care. I can thankfully say I know who my true mates are.. as my best mate once told me: "Keep your circle small and the beers cold".. 
VW_Sam_ said:
Agree with SCEtoAUX.. the older I get, the more people I disassociate myself with. For the better.. I'd rather have a couple of true friends who I know I can trust and rely on 100%, rather than a big bunch of people who don't care. I can thankfully say I know who my true mates are.. as my best mate once told me: "Keep your circle small and the beers cold"..
I think there's room for both. You know who your close and trusted mates are but generally there won't be more than a few. It's nice to have a few different people who you can have a drink with now and then, learn some new stuff from, get different perspectives outside of those of your very-long-term friends whose may well be similar to yours.Variety is the spice of life init!
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