Men are from Mars, Women are from.....
Discussion
It really is true isn't it? I'm old enough that I really should have learned by now.....
G/F was ill from Thursday (we don't live together, although her 20 year old daughter does live with her). Over the weekend, I repeatedly offered to visit, and repeatedly asked her if she wanted me to bring anything over to her. The answer was always : No, I feel really bad so not up for visitors / there is no point you catching this.
Yesterday evening, she did want some stuff done so I went over. And my rookie errors were pointed out to me. Two fundamental mistakes:
1) I said "Do you want me to come over? Do you want me to bring anything for you?". This translates to : "I really really don't want to come over, I can think of many things I'd rather do and quite fancy a quiet weekend to myself. I am simply asking to appear polite and interested, but if you say no then I will be quite grateful".
I should have said : "I want to come over" because that means "I want to come over".
2) "No, I feel really bad so not up for visitors / there is no point you catching this" apparently means something else. Personally, when I'm unwell I prefer to be left alone until I feel better - which is why I was stupid enough to interpret what I was told literally.
I think perhaps men and women should speak completely different languages - that way, we'd know we don't understand each other rather than thinking we do and being wrong!
G/F was ill from Thursday (we don't live together, although her 20 year old daughter does live with her). Over the weekend, I repeatedly offered to visit, and repeatedly asked her if she wanted me to bring anything over to her. The answer was always : No, I feel really bad so not up for visitors / there is no point you catching this.
Yesterday evening, she did want some stuff done so I went over. And my rookie errors were pointed out to me. Two fundamental mistakes:
1) I said "Do you want me to come over? Do you want me to bring anything for you?". This translates to : "I really really don't want to come over, I can think of many things I'd rather do and quite fancy a quiet weekend to myself. I am simply asking to appear polite and interested, but if you say no then I will be quite grateful".
I should have said : "I want to come over" because that means "I want to come over".
2) "No, I feel really bad so not up for visitors / there is no point you catching this" apparently means something else. Personally, when I'm unwell I prefer to be left alone until I feel better - which is why I was stupid enough to interpret what I was told literally.
I think perhaps men and women should speak completely different languages - that way, we'd know we don't understand each other rather than thinking we do and being wrong!
Ok so you are right in your analysis but haven't arrived at the correct conclusion, which is to take this linguistic difference and use it to your advantage.
My OH will answer direct questions with unrelated answers, ask questions which are insufficiently direct, and reliably misinterpret what I say, all of which I make use of.
Example:
Me: have you remembered it's your turn to walk the dog?
Her: you do know it's raining?
Me: yes, right I'm off to have a bath
Or
Her: I have to go shopping on Saturday, would you like to come too?
Me: no I'd rather mow the grass
In both cases a more direct approach might have got her a better result. Clearly if some of you try this it will initially cause some relationship strife. The key is to be utterly boneheaded in your unwillingness to interpret woman-speak. End result will be:
1. You getting your own way a lot
2. Her learning to speak directly
3. You living alone wondering why you took relationship advice off a car forum
My OH will answer direct questions with unrelated answers, ask questions which are insufficiently direct, and reliably misinterpret what I say, all of which I make use of.
Example:
Me: have you remembered it's your turn to walk the dog?
Her: you do know it's raining?
Me: yes, right I'm off to have a bath
Or
Her: I have to go shopping on Saturday, would you like to come too?
Me: no I'd rather mow the grass
In both cases a more direct approach might have got her a better result. Clearly if some of you try this it will initially cause some relationship strife. The key is to be utterly boneheaded in your unwillingness to interpret woman-speak. End result will be:
1. You getting your own way a lot
2. Her learning to speak directly
3. You living alone wondering why you took relationship advice off a car forum
Ah the old "you should have done something different to what I said, and should have known what I wanted even though it was not what I said" game.
We have a rule in our house, say what you mean and don't expect anything different if you fail to put across what you want......that said its taken 17 years or marriage to get there.......sort of
We have a rule in our house, say what you mean and don't expect anything different if you fail to put across what you want......that said its taken 17 years or marriage to get there.......sort of
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