Step-parents rights over children after separation

[Fastchas]

My partner had custody of her two girls after divorce from their dad. Aged 15 & 12, they’ve been with their mum full time since the youngest was 1yo, their dad remarrying some years ago.
The youngest daughter chose to live with her dad January 2017. This was an upsetting time for my partner, she fought to keep her daughter but ultimately she decided to go. Their dad has also fathered another child with new wife so the girls now have a half-sister. The other daughter still visited her dad on his access weekends, seeing her sister and Half-sister. Over the past year my partner has become increasingly annoyed that the stepmother has broke the boundaries somewhat. She bought the girl’s first bra, she helped her when she got her first period; things that the natural mother should be there for. She even stuck her nose in advising the 15yo on prom dresses when her mum had already done it and bought three dresses for her to try.

We have heard that all is not well in the dad household for some time now, the 15yo daughter returns to mums and tell them of the arguments etc. And today we have learned that they are splitting up. He is moving out of the family home.

Whats really upsetting is that the dad has said that the 12yo daughter will be staying in the home with the step-mother.

Naturally, my partner immediately thinks her home is the rightful place for her daughter and she should return to the custody of the natural mother who cared for her until she was 11yo, not the stepmother.

I’ve told my partner to get herself to a family law firm but she can’t get there until Tuesday.
What are the legal implications of this situation now? Can anyone advise?
Any links would be gratefully received so we can do some research on it.

Edited by Fastchas on Sunday 11th February 18:25

[anonymous-user]

I could be wrong and IANAL but surely the step mother has no legal rights to stay with the child?

Not sure though.

[sc0tt]

Doesn’t sound like the step mum broke any boundaries tbh.

Up to the daughter I’d say.

[Sheepshanks]

Going back a few years but an identical story happened to a male colleague, who was the step-dad.

Court ordered the girl to go back to her mother until she was 16 and as soon as she was, she went to live with step-dad again.

[Vaud]

sc0tt said:

Doesn’t sound like the step mum broke any boundaries tbh.

Up to the daughter I’d say.

I’d agree. Two separate issues. Personal support/mentoring vs “parental rights”

Although this is often mixed up.

Children have rights. Parents have responsibilities. There is a difference.

[Ilovejapcrap]

Sheepshanks said:

Going back a few years but an identical story happened to a male colleague, who was the step-dad.

Court ordered the girl to go back to her mother until she was 16 and as soon as she was, she went to live with step-dad again.

WTF ! thats odd

[Fastchas]

It’s transpired tonight that the stepmother didn’t want the natural mother to know they’d split up. How long she thought she’d keep it a secret is anyone’s guess, but it sounds like she would know the mother would want her daughter back but she wants to keep her there.

[Vaud]

Ilovejapcrap said:

Sheepshanks said:

Going back a few years but an identical story happened to a male colleague, who was the step-dad.

Court ordered the girl to go back to her mother until she was 16 and as soon as she was, she went to live with step-dad again.

WTF ! thats odd

Why?

[Ilovejapcrap]

Vaud said:

Ilovejapcrap said:

Sheepshanks said:

Going back a few years but an identical story happened to a male colleague, who was the step-dad.

Court ordered the girl to go back to her mother until she was 16 and as soon as she was, she went to live with step-dad again.

WTF ! thats odd

Why?

i'm not sure just found a little odd. don't get me wrong each to own and all that

[TooMany2cvs]

Fastchas said:

The youngest daughter chose to live with her dad January 2017.

Whats really upsetting is that the dad has said that the 12yo daughter will be staying in the home with the step-mother.

Naturally, my partner immediately thinks her home is the rightful place for her daughter and she should return to the custody of the natural mother who cared for her until she was 11yo, not the stepmother.

And what does the daughter want to do...?

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Fastchas said:

Over the past year my partner has become increasingly annoyed that the stepmother has broke the boundaries somewhat. She bought the girl’s first bra, she helped her when she got her first period;

I hate these wicked stepmothers.

[Vaud]

Ilovejapcrap said:

Vaud said:

Ilovejapcrap said:

Sheepshanks said:

Going back a few years but an identical story happened to a male colleague, who was the step-dad.

Court ordered the girl to go back to her mother until she was 16 and as soon as she was, she went to live with step-dad again.

WTF ! thats odd

Why?

i'm not sure just found a little odd. don't get me wrong each to own and all that

At 16 maybe she had figured out he was the better "parent"

[Cold]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Fastchas said:

Over the past year my partner has become increasingly annoyed that the stepmother has broke the boundaries somewhat. She bought the girl’s first bra, she helped her when she got her first period;

I hate these wicked stepmothers.

Yep, she sounds awful Fancy taking on someone else's child and caring for then and loving them. Terrible behaviour.

[Sheepshanks]

Ilovejapcrap said:

i'm not sure just found a little odd. don't get me wrong each to own and all that

He wasn't thrilled by the whole thing and did nothing to encourage her, but he's a very laid back guy and her mother had a very high-level job in which she was well-regarded, but just seemed to go full-on mental with anything to do with the daughter.

[Fastchas]

Cold said:

TwigtheWonderkid said:

Fastchas said:

Over the past year my partner has become increasingly annoyed that the stepmother has broke the boundaries somewhat. She bought the girl’s first bra, she helped her when she got her first period;

I hate these wicked stepmothers.

Yep, she sounds awful Fancy taking on someone else's child and caring for then and loving them. Terrible behaviour.

My partners always said that the stepmother has been very good to them both but there’s milestones when raising kids and she always thought she’d be there for her when the time came. The stepmother could have asked the mother if she’d MIND her taking her for her bra fitting. Or she could have said to her stepdaughter ‘yes, I’ll take you but I think it’s something that you and your mother might like to share?’
They still have a great relationship but it’s just that the daughter has chose to live at dads.

[Fastchas]

TooMany2cvs said:

And what does the daughter want to do...?

We don’t know yet, not spoken to her. We think the 12yo might want to stay. The stepmother is quite wealthy and has bought everything the girl wants for over the past year and took her (not both girls) to Miami last year on a business trip.

Edited by Fastchas on Sunday 11th February 19:58