Wife’s big birthday dinner - family - who pays?

[CoolHands]

Ok organised a birthday dinner at a resteraunt with wife’s brothers and sisters, (not a secret my wife sorted it) me and our child for a big birthday number. Excuse my complete lack of social etiquette but I have no idea of these things - should I be offering to pay for everyone’s meal? Or just drinks? Or neither ie everyone pays for their own meal?

I have no idea. Not loaded so don’t want to fork out a fortune if that would be not the usual thing.

(Yes I’m sure I’m a skinflint etc)

[Sheepshanks]

Charge them. The trick is to bump the cost up a bit without them noticing so you cover the cost of your meals too.

[Deesee]

You, all of it...

Water and wine on table, beers for everyone..

(Go for a set menu);)

[Countdown]

CoolHands said:

Ok organised a birthday dinner at a resteraunt with wife’s brothers and sisters, (not a secret my wife sorted it) me and our child for a big birthday number. Excuse my complete lack of social etiquette but I have no idea of these things - should I be offering to pay for everyone’s meal? Or just drinks? Or neither ie everyone pays for their own meal?

I have no idea. Not loaded so don’t want to fork out a fortune if that would be not the usual thing.

(Yes I’m sure I’m a skinflint etc)

Whose idea was it?

If it was your's then "You". If it was your wife's idea then still "You".

If it was "your wife's brothers and sisters" then they saw you coming but the answer is still "You"

[red_slr]

Been to a few of these in general someone else is paying the bill. Sometimes its just food and you have to get your own drinks from the bar. Sometimes all paid.

How many people are going ?

Usually the number invited is proportional to the budget iyswim.

[CoolHands]

Wife + 3 siblings (all adults), me and our child.

Thanks all. Looks like I’ll be wearing my trousers with deep pockets that night!

[anonymous-user]

Personally I think the hosts of the party should pay and also make that clear before the meal so there's no confusion.
If a guest wants to pay for a round of drinks or some wine the great.

I accept that not everyone does this but I always think it's a bit off to invite someone somewhere then charge them.

[C70GT]

Whoever extends the invitation pays, unless it is made clear at the time of invite that guests are expected to cover the cost themselves. Guests then know the set up before accepting the invite. It is correct form for the guests to bring a bottle for yourself and/or flowers for your wife. but not obligatory.

[cossy400]

13 of us at MRS400s 50th, id already planned to pay so had budgeted as it was my Idea and everyone had travelled down.

Father in law picked the bill up.

Step daughters 30th there was only 6 of us MRS400 said we d pay.

My 40th 10 of us that could make it organised by MRS400, whole bill split between us all.

MRS400 is away this weekend on daughters hen do, seems last night according to the bank was a bloody good night,

And no I wasn't checking up id had to transfer some money and went back on the statement to make sure everything had gone out.

[Strudul]

We always split the bill evenly.

[Dromedary66]

Whoever is organising it and sending the invites unless explicitly stated otherwise.

[red_slr]

CoolHands said:

Wife + 3 siblings (all adults), me and our child.

Thanks all. Looks like I’ll be wearing my trousers with deep pockets that night!

I would say you then TBH.

If the 3 siblings offer to pay or pay a portion I would say fine but you should set out with the intention to pay.

[Robertj21a]

C70GT said:

Whoever extends the invitation pays, unless it is made clear at the time of invite that guests are expected to cover the cost themselves. Guests then know the set up before accepting the invite. It is correct form for the guests to bring a bottle for yourself and/or flowers for your wife. but not obligatory.

Yes, this.

[Yipper]

As above.

You invite, you pay.

[LeadFarmer]

For my 40th I took ten close family member out for dinner and I paid for everything.

[LeadFarmer]

The worst experience I ever had was about 12yrs ago when attending as best man to my mates wedding dinner in Las Vegas. About 40 guests had flown from the UK to Las Vegas for the wedding. Just before the meal I was asked by the groom if I would go around after the meal and collect everyones money for their meals, I was uncomfortable about this as I expected the meal to be paid for as part of the wedding. It was a fixed price $17 per head menu.

After the meal and speeches I went around all the tables asking the guests for their money. Most of them just laughed, assuming I was joking. Only about ten of the guests handed over any money, which left me with having to pay for 30 meals. By this time the happy couple had left the venue for photographs and the guests were all starting to leave.

When the bill came it also had bottles of wine etc that guests had ordered, assuming them to be free, I was left having to pay about $600.

The wife and I flew out of Vegas the following morning, so I never got the chance to tell my mate about the problem. I didn't see him for about another month and by then I had decided not to tel him, as i didn't want to spoil his wedding or spoil our friendship. But it still grates me to this very day,

[Bradgate]

The person who has invited others to the event is the host, and he or she pays. Invited guests do not pay.

In my experience, it’s always best to get these things clearly sorted out before the day. Misunderstandings can cause resentment and bad feeling.

[MrBarry123]

Should that have been my partner and I, we certainly wouldn't expect the host to pay for our meals. No. No. No. And if the host/s refused to accept payment, I'd certainly be buying a few drinks throughout the night.

We typically work on the basis that if the host hasn't confirmed they'll be paying upfront, we'll be paying.

ETA: Spare tyre - , very sensible.

Edited by MrBarry123 on Saturday 3rd March 18:51

[Spare tyre]

Pay for food

Drinks they pay for, people take the piss on drinks

[danllama]

My family always split the bill evenly between adults, unless BIL parents attend, they are tight arses and only want to pay for what they ordered.