To have kids or not to have kids?
Discussion
Hi All
Don't worry I'm not going to base my decision entirely on the view of an internet forum, but it's always helpful to hear views. So I would appreciate them
I've been married for 5 years.
My wife is caring, considerate, sensible, hardworking and generally a lovely person.
She comes from a very nice family and has two siblings.
She has a high paid job, she does work long hours occasionally.
Although I'm a petrolhead I'm the one on the relationship that watches RomComs! I come from a lovely family. I have a sibling who is older, married, has a great other half and lively kids. I also have very good job.
My life with my wife is, and has been for the 8 years we've been going out, wonderful.
We go on amazing adventurous holidays, we race a car together, we have a brilliant social life. We're both very happy.
In an average week 4 nights will be spent out. Our social life/hobbies are great
We're both happy.
We are now both mid-thirties. The children clock is ticking. Weve always said that if one of us wants kids, then we'll have kids. Neither of us have said that yet. However, with our age, more so hers than mine, we are already leaving it very late. So it's a bit now or never.
Some of our friends have kids. They are fine. Though NONE of them had such joint active and fun social lives before having them.
This is my main issue. For many people having kids, they never had the period of time when they had disposal income, time and very joint active and fun social lives.
My worry is that we would be giving up a lot. Many of our hobbies would simply have to be stopped as time and money would have to be prioritised to our child.
I'm sure we'll be great parents. We're both loving, sensible and have similar views on success and discipline. We went to similar schools, university and work.
I know I would love showing the kid my favourite Christmas films, celebrating their successes, birthdays etc. I know family is extremely special.
But then comes all the hard work. Childcare whilst we work. We both will continue working. Getting them into school, worrying about them, putting them first for everything.
Also, having a child will definitely lead to more stress in our relationship which will lead to more arguments. At present they are rare.
Would the sacrifice be too much?
Would we be giving up too much of our lives that currently make us happy?
Or, when we are a bit older and unable to have kids will we massively regret not having them if we don't have them now.
Don't worry I'm not going to base my decision entirely on the view of an internet forum, but it's always helpful to hear views. So I would appreciate them
I've been married for 5 years.
My wife is caring, considerate, sensible, hardworking and generally a lovely person.
She comes from a very nice family and has two siblings.
She has a high paid job, she does work long hours occasionally.
Although I'm a petrolhead I'm the one on the relationship that watches RomComs! I come from a lovely family. I have a sibling who is older, married, has a great other half and lively kids. I also have very good job.
My life with my wife is, and has been for the 8 years we've been going out, wonderful.
We go on amazing adventurous holidays, we race a car together, we have a brilliant social life. We're both very happy.
In an average week 4 nights will be spent out. Our social life/hobbies are great
We're both happy.
We are now both mid-thirties. The children clock is ticking. Weve always said that if one of us wants kids, then we'll have kids. Neither of us have said that yet. However, with our age, more so hers than mine, we are already leaving it very late. So it's a bit now or never.
Some of our friends have kids. They are fine. Though NONE of them had such joint active and fun social lives before having them.
This is my main issue. For many people having kids, they never had the period of time when they had disposal income, time and very joint active and fun social lives.
My worry is that we would be giving up a lot. Many of our hobbies would simply have to be stopped as time and money would have to be prioritised to our child.
I'm sure we'll be great parents. We're both loving, sensible and have similar views on success and discipline. We went to similar schools, university and work.
I know I would love showing the kid my favourite Christmas films, celebrating their successes, birthdays etc. I know family is extremely special.
But then comes all the hard work. Childcare whilst we work. We both will continue working. Getting them into school, worrying about them, putting them first for everything.
Also, having a child will definitely lead to more stress in our relationship which will lead to more arguments. At present they are rare.
Would the sacrifice be too much?
Would we be giving up too much of our lives that currently make us happy?
Or, when we are a bit older and unable to have kids will we massively regret not having them if we don't have them now.
I'm not in the same boat as you but having some similar thoughts. 33 but single and it never bothered me about having kids. I have a sister, amazing parents still 2 of my grandparents left and a close uncle and decent aunties. So strong family memories and support yet it's only now I am starting to think maybe the whole fredom of life just now is missing something. Mates nights out still happen with alot of friends who have wives/ girlsfriends but I suspect they will be having kids soon.
Seem to be going through alot of old memories now such as uni and my late teens and thinking i really need some new good memories and don't want these to be the only thing I look back on.
I'm sure once kids are on the go you would think how could I live without this person but crossing the unreturnable line is what comes to mind.
Seem to be going through alot of old memories now such as uni and my late teens and thinking i really need some new good memories and don't want these to be the only thing I look back on.
I'm sure once kids are on the go you would think how could I live without this person but crossing the unreturnable line is what comes to mind.
TCruise.
You both have a great life.
You are both happy.
You will be able to retire early and spend even more time enjoying life, travel and experiences.
I would say keep it that way, because all the things that you both enjoy will stop as soon as you have a child/children.
Just my 2p.
And, anticipating flak from some parents on here, my daughter and her husband have just about the same lifestyle as you.
They are both 40 this year and plan to retire before they reach 50 so that they can do even more activities.
They are both very happy with life and chose not to have children when they were 30.
You both have a great life.
You are both happy.
You will be able to retire early and spend even more time enjoying life, travel and experiences.
I would say keep it that way, because all the things that you both enjoy will stop as soon as you have a child/children.
Just my 2p.
And, anticipating flak from some parents on here, my daughter and her husband have just about the same lifestyle as you.
They are both 40 this year and plan to retire before they reach 50 so that they can do even more activities.
They are both very happy with life and chose not to have children when they were 30.
Too many people who do have kids seem to believe they're obligated to end their own pleasures for decades. I know a few parents who don't worship their child's every moment and continue to pursue their interests too.
You may also find that you're simply less interested in what you were before too so it won't feel like you're sacrificing anything.
That said I see absolutely zero reason to have children and would never, ever, ever do it myself. It defies all logic.
You may also find that you're simply less interested in what you were before too so it won't feel like you're sacrificing anything.
That said I see absolutely zero reason to have children and would never, ever, ever do it myself. It defies all logic.
I write this while sat up with my 18 month old daughter at 3.30am, only on very rare occasions will we have a night where one of us isn't up with her for an hour or two and even then she doesn't sleep through. We have had a really tough time of it (not just the poor sleep) and it's by far the hardest thing we've ever done.
My wife and I had a good lifestyle before, we had nice holidays, weekends away, went to nice restaurants, frequent trips in to London. I have found it hard to adjust to that all changing, with my daughter being a bit poorly for many months (we're still going to the paediatrician) we have barely had any time together as a couple, we went out for dinner on Saturday night but that is only the second time since she was born.
It's hard, she's a massive pain in the bum, I have considerably less money and very little sleep but I couldn't imagine life without her now.
If you're not sure then carry on enjoying your lifestyle, maybe revisit in 12 months and see how you feel.
My wife and I had a good lifestyle before, we had nice holidays, weekends away, went to nice restaurants, frequent trips in to London. I have found it hard to adjust to that all changing, with my daughter being a bit poorly for many months (we're still going to the paediatrician) we have barely had any time together as a couple, we went out for dinner on Saturday night but that is only the second time since she was born.
It's hard, she's a massive pain in the bum, I have considerably less money and very little sleep but I couldn't imagine life without her now.
If you're not sure then carry on enjoying your lifestyle, maybe revisit in 12 months and see how you feel.
I had kids at 38, it wasn't a priority for me, 25years on I would't be without them and don't regret it for a moment, but If I hadn't had them it wouldn't have been an issue. What ever decision you make will be the right one.back what you put in and more
It doesn't stop you doing things, my son was 5 and following easy rock climbs in Wales, my daughter had a circuit race licence at 15, You get back what you put in and more
It doesn't stop you doing things, my son was 5 and following easy rock climbs in Wales, my daughter had a circuit race licence at 15, You get back what you put in and more
It's not one you can judge logically in advance. Having kids changes you. Kids are bloody hard work. Your life isn't all about you any more. But many of the things you are so happy about now will seem vacuous once you have kids.
I don't believe many parents regret having kids. Much more common to regret your choice of partner.
I don't believe many parents regret having kids. Much more common to regret your choice of partner.
I wouldn't over think it. One day the Mrs' instinct will kick in and she will demand to be impregnated. She'll let you know when the time is right.
It's an odd one with kids we have 3 of the delightful little buggers. They do improve you as a person for sure it's a cliche but you do get a different perspective. We only planned for 2 but got twins on number 2 which was an experience I would describe as character building.
We have a busy life at home but sometimes I do wonder how boring it would be with no kids. Or should that be blissfully quiet?
One thing that having kids should do is make you less judgemental so I totally get why people actively don't have kids. I think that thing of wondering why xyz couple don't have them is getting to be more acceptable now it's certainly a "thing" these days.
It's an odd one with kids we have 3 of the delightful little buggers. They do improve you as a person for sure it's a cliche but you do get a different perspective. We only planned for 2 but got twins on number 2 which was an experience I would describe as character building.
We have a busy life at home but sometimes I do wonder how boring it would be with no kids. Or should that be blissfully quiet?
One thing that having kids should do is make you less judgemental so I totally get why people actively don't have kids. I think that thing of wondering why xyz couple don't have them is getting to be more acceptable now it's certainly a "thing" these days.
OP - does anybody you know ever regret having any kids?
They have a massive impact on your life, and there is absolutely no economic net benefit for having kids. You invest copious amounts of time and money in raising them, They create a significant amount of stress, irritation, annoyance. They can be incredibly ungrateful. You’re restricted in house purchase, cars, holidays....
I have 4 - best thing that ever happened to me.
They have a massive impact on your life, and there is absolutely no economic net benefit for having kids. You invest copious amounts of time and money in raising them, They create a significant amount of stress, irritation, annoyance. They can be incredibly ungrateful. You’re restricted in house purchase, cars, holidays....
I have 4 - best thing that ever happened to me.
grumbledoak said:
It's not one you can judge logically in advance. Having kids changes you. Kids are bloody hard work. Your life isn't all about you any more. But many of the things you are so happy about now will seem vacuous once you have kids.
I don't believe many parents regret having kids. Much more common to regret your choice of partner.
This ^^^I don't believe many parents regret having kids. Much more common to regret your choice of partner.
Not having kids has been my biggest regret by far. My wife didn't want any and I met my current partner too late. I've two sisters each of whom had two and one of whom is a grandparent. I'd give anything for that, there's a huge emptiness that should be filled with happy family memories.
TCruise said:
We've always said that if one of us wants kids, then we'll have kids. Neither of us have said that yet.
You've always said it and she's agreed or vice versa?You're already aware that your life will change in a HUGE way. Hers far more than yours. The fact that you're even asking here probably means you know you don't really want to, eh?
We don't have kids for all sorts if reasons but
We don't regret it
I retired at 56
All my friends with kids are skint with more of the same to come
If you want them have them but di2nt think its easy and don't believe anyone that tells you it's worth it - no one has ever managed to convincingly explain why it is. It usually ends up sounding like they're trying to convince themselves or to make you suffer in the same way
We don't regret it
I retired at 56
All my friends with kids are skint with more of the same to come
If you want them have them but di2nt think its easy and don't believe anyone that tells you it's worth it - no one has ever managed to convincingly explain why it is. It usually ends up sounding like they're trying to convince themselves or to make you suffer in the same way
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