People who put you in awkward situations.
Discussion
Why do they do it?
I'm on the board of a charity. I have an acquaintance (We've been for meals with his wife a couple of times) and during an informal chat I decided to introduce him to the CEO and the Chairman. He has some experience of something that came up in the conversation.
So I set up the meeting and sit in on it.
During the meeting they firm up some ideas and my acquaintance offers to help. They ask about his fees and ask if he could offer a discount as we are a charity. As quick as a flash he offers to do it for nothing.
After the meeting I ask why he waived his fee. He tells me it's a good cause and that as it's a morning's work it's no big deal. He welcomes the opportunity to do a little bit of good.
I'm merely a facilitator. I assume he's talking to them now.
Today, my wife gets an email from his wife. Can she get me to talk to the CEO and get him a fee?
She's not replied and has had two further messages.
I really hate being put into situations like this. Clearly I'm not going to ask.
What goes through someone's mind? She's probably had a row with hubby, so she messages the wife of the guy that introduced hubby to some people to get him to go to those people and negotiate a fee for something he volunteered to do for nowt.
Why do people f
k around like this? Firing off emals involving others who have nothing to do with it. Why involve my wife? She could have just messaged me? But why email me, the bloke who did nothing more than the introduction?
I was just trying to do someone a good turn FFS!
I'm on the board of a charity. I have an acquaintance (We've been for meals with his wife a couple of times) and during an informal chat I decided to introduce him to the CEO and the Chairman. He has some experience of something that came up in the conversation.
So I set up the meeting and sit in on it.
During the meeting they firm up some ideas and my acquaintance offers to help. They ask about his fees and ask if he could offer a discount as we are a charity. As quick as a flash he offers to do it for nothing.
After the meeting I ask why he waived his fee. He tells me it's a good cause and that as it's a morning's work it's no big deal. He welcomes the opportunity to do a little bit of good.
I'm merely a facilitator. I assume he's talking to them now.
Today, my wife gets an email from his wife. Can she get me to talk to the CEO and get him a fee?
She's not replied and has had two further messages.
I really hate being put into situations like this. Clearly I'm not going to ask.
What goes through someone's mind? She's probably had a row with hubby, so she messages the wife of the guy that introduced hubby to some people to get him to go to those people and negotiate a fee for something he volunteered to do for nowt.
Why do people f
k around like this? Firing off emals involving others who have nothing to do with it. Why involve my wife? She could have just messaged me? But why email me, the bloke who did nothing more than the introduction?I was just trying to do someone a good turn FFS!
Edited by Wildcat45 on Saturday 12th May 19:49
Dunno, but some people like to put others in a position where they're not the 'bad guy' anymore.
My sister decided that she'd like to go to my Father's for Christmas and in front of this other couple who he'd just met, asked him if they could come as well. He was put on the spot and as a gentleman wouldn't have dared of saying no.
So he had to feed and water another couple at his expense because my sister felt like some more company.
My father is far nicer than I.
My sister decided that she'd like to go to my Father's for Christmas and in front of this other couple who he'd just met, asked him if they could come as well. He was put on the spot and as a gentleman wouldn't have dared of saying no.
So he had to feed and water another couple at his expense because my sister felt like some more company.
My father is far nicer than I.
Douglas Quaid said:
Ignore her. Let her or her husband contact the CEO.
Yep this. You arranged the initial meeting - that's as far as your involvement should go.If he wants to thrash details an amendment to what he agreed with the CEO at a face to face meeting - that's up to him to sort out. I presume they swapped contact details/business cards etc at that meeting.
Just reply and state that you cannot do this as it's a potential conflict of interest and that she/he should contact the CEO directly to amend the details of the agreement.
Mothersruin said:
Dunno, but some people like to put others in a position where they're not the 'bad guy' anymore.
My sister decided that she'd like to go to my Father's for Christmas and in front of this other couple who he'd just met, asked him if they could come as well. He was put on the spot and as a gentleman wouldn't have dared of saying no.
So he had to feed and water another couple at his expense because my sister felt like some more company.
My father is far nicer than I.
That would've earned an instant 'sod off' from me if it put me out in any way. One of the joys of age is your ever decreasing tolerance levels. My sister decided that she'd like to go to my Father's for Christmas and in front of this other couple who he'd just met, asked him if they could come as well. He was put on the spot and as a gentleman wouldn't have dared of saying no.
So he had to feed and water another couple at his expense because my sister felt like some more company.
My father is far nicer than I.
And what kind of dick would allow themselves to be invited like that? I would've immediately retracted myself.
Edited by bloomen on Saturday 12th May 19:50
Wildcat45 said:
Why do people fk around like this? Firing off emals involving others who have nothing to do with it. Why involve my wife? She could have just messaged me? But why email me, the bloke who did nothing more than the introduction?
Greed, jealously, boredom, spite, she's controlling/bossy? The list goes on but the way to deal with this situation is:k around like this? Firing off emals involving others who have nothing to do with it. Why involve my wife? She could have just messaged me? But why email me, the bloke who did nothing more than the introduction?Douglas Quaid said:
Ignore her. Let her or her husband contact the CEO.
Absolutely this in my opinion, 
In my case a combination of my manager and my relatively junior position in the company.
"I fked this up - can you fly to Kuwait and fix it?"
"This guy fell out with his agent and pissed a customer off - can you fix it?"
"I tried playing two agents against each other and now they're pissed off - This country is your responsibility now (though I will undermine you at every turn)"
"I f
ked this up - can you fly to Kuwait and fix it?""This guy fell out with his agent and pissed a customer off - can you fix it?"
"I tried playing two agents against each other and now they're pissed off - This country is your responsibility now (though I will undermine you at every turn)"
I have a mate that does this he once told someone at a car meet that I was a photographer for a car magazine and that I would do a "shoot" for him (I'm not guys skyline was nice though). He also came to my gym with me and told the owner that he would like to join before stringing him along for weeks and then ignoring him it's a very small gym with less than 100 member spaces.
Wildcat45 said:
I was just trying to do someone a good turn FFS!
No good deed and all that..Edited by Wildcat45 on Saturday 12th May 19:49
I would suspect he has gone home, she has asked what happened in the meeting. He probably under the thumb so said something like they asked for a discount and he felt under pressure to agree so said he would do it free hoping it would placate her but it probably enraged her so now she is on the war path. She is probably pecking his head every 5 minutes about it so whilst it might upset you imagine how he feels probably getting his ear chewed off for the next 6 months about it. HTH!!!
Jasandjules said:
I think I would just say that she needs to talk to her husband....
She probably has which is how she found out he was doing it for free. Asked him to negotiate a fee and he said no. She is calling the OP's wife hoping someone will negotiate a fee that the husband is happy to do for free.It's like a kid asking his/her mum if he/she can do something, being told no so asking dad to see if he will say yes. She needs to grow up.
Douglas Quaid said:
Ignore her. Let her or her husband contact the CEO.
Personally I wouldn’t ignore it.. I’d email her back and cc her husband.
I’d state that in the meeting with x on date y he agree z terms.
I’d then say that if there is variation on this the husband and CEO need to discuss and agree it directly.
To completely remove yourself from the loop and stay above it all, cc the CEO as well...
Also I’d phone my pal and kindly but firmly tell him that when he does a deal from one of your introductions, you don’t expect his wife to wade in for a second bite of the spoke on his behalf.
If he takes offence, then he’s a plum and doesn’t deserve any more intros from you as he’ll be a liability to your network / reputation.
Edited by Plate spinner on Sunday 13th May 11:15
Plate spinner said:
Douglas Quaid said:
Ignore her. Let her or her husband contact the CEO.
Personally I wouldn’t ignore it.. I’d email her back and cc her husband.
I’d state that in the meeting with x on date y he agree z terms.
I’d then say that if there is variation on this the husband and CEO need to discuss and agree it directly.
To completely remove yourself from the loop and stay above it all, cc the CEO as well...
Also I’d phone my pal and kindly but firmly tell him that when he does a deal from one of your introductions, you don’t expect his wife to wade in for a second bite of the spoke on his behalf.
If he takes offence, then he’s a plum and doesn’t deserve any more intros from you as he’ll be a liability to your network / reputation.
Edited by Plate spinner on Sunday 13th May 11:15
98% this.
No need to tell the guy that he needs to get his Mrs under control, he'll already be well aware that he has an issue there and CCing him will ensure it stays his issue and not the OPs.
And I wouldn't CC the CEO, this is just the guys wife being an idiot, no need to make it harder for the guy than it needs to be when he was/is happy to do it pro bono.
No need to tell the guy that he needs to get his Mrs under control, he'll already be well aware that he has an issue there and CCing him will ensure it stays his issue and not the OPs.
And I wouldn't CC the CEO, this is just the guys wife being an idiot, no need to make it harder for the guy than it needs to be when he was/is happy to do it pro bono.
I went to the decorating centre with a chap that used to work for me, girl behind the counter - who I deal with regularly is there mixing paint, as she bend's down to put a tin in the mixer my employee turns to me and says "Phwoar, look at the ass on that" but says it loud enough that she would obviously hear. I just stood there shocked not knowing what to say, she gets up, turns around, gives him daggers and then scurries off into the store room.
I wanted the world to swallow me up
I wanted the world to swallow me up
I've worked with a couple of people like this. They have some agenda that you couldn't care less about but for some reason want to talk to you about. You either tell them you disagree and get into an argument that you didn't want or you nod along and then the next thing you know, you're quoted as being in 'full agreement' if the matter is ever escalated. Amazing how people seem determined to drag others into their st.
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