Still miss my mom and dad
Discussion
- mum
te mate, I lost my mum when I was 22 (6 years ago). Thankfully my father is still going strong.I often think with sadness that she'll never get to meet whoever I settle down with, nor meet any children I may have.
Try and focus on being the best husband/father/grandfather you can be and pass down all the knowledge and kindness you can, while you still can
Dad just 22 years ago this week seems like yesterday that awful day and Mum 3 years ago. I think what is sad is how I grew much closer to my Dad as I and he both got older we became great pals going to the football match together.
Word of free advice to people who have one or both parents still alive ...FIND A WAY TO ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH THEM.
Word of free advice to people who have one or both parents still alive ...FIND A WAY TO ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH THEM.
I hear that mate.
Very similar for me, although mum is still with us. How she keeps going is nothing short of miraculous, given her current list of ailments.
She puts me to shame with her defiance in the face of adversity.
We speak every day & whilst she often drives me nuts, I'm gonna really, really miss her when she's gone.
Make the most of them folks, because in the blink of an eye...
Very similar for me, although mum is still with us. How she keeps going is nothing short of miraculous, given her current list of ailments.
She puts me to shame with her defiance in the face of adversity.
We speak every day & whilst she often drives me nuts, I'm gonna really, really miss her when she's gone.
Make the most of them folks, because in the blink of an eye...
My Dad died aged 28 when I was 4. Inoperable (at the time) brain tumour. I never knew him although I have some very distinct memories. He was an articled clerk and would have been a barrister, a very successful one, I’m sure.
I have a rule regarding this. Never forget. Never try to forget. When the memories come embrace them. Have your trips down memory lane. Take all the time you need. Emotions wax and wane but I never try to guide them, even now, 48 years later.
Your parents gave you the greatest gift in the history of humanity. Life.
I have a rule regarding this. Never forget. Never try to forget. When the memories come embrace them. Have your trips down memory lane. Take all the time you need. Emotions wax and wane but I never try to guide them, even now, 48 years later.
Your parents gave you the greatest gift in the history of humanity. Life.
Jasandjules said:
Honour them by being as good a person as you can every day.
No reason to forget them, keep their hopes and dreams alive through you.
Another orphan here by 24. The post above mirrors my attitude. No reason to forget them, keep their hopes and dreams alive through you.
Only I can tell my kids about the grandparents they will never meet.
Now look what you’ve done.
Both my parents are still here, though both in their 70s.
I think about the scenario of losing one or both of them more than i probably should, I can't deal with it.
They are amazing and shaped me into a decent bloke, traits I've successfully managed to pass on to my son.
I was going to have a lazy night tonight as I'm totally knackered, but sod it, I'm going to get dressed and go see them this evening.
I think about the scenario of losing one or both of them more than i probably should, I can't deal with it.
They are amazing and shaped me into a decent bloke, traits I've successfully managed to pass on to my son.
I was going to have a lazy night tonight as I'm totally knackered, but sod it, I'm going to get dressed and go see them this evening.
Yes it's tough, my mum died last year. That first 12 months seems tough, there's lots of first's... birthdays, Christmas, anniversary of her death and then funeral. But the number of times I spend thinking about her have dropped off, mainly because it was so fresh to begin with. However when you do the emotions still seem as strong.
I'm in the process of separating from my wife and would love to talk to my mum about it, not really for her advice as she was very blunt and would probably tell me I was being an idiot and to get back home and sort it out, but I still want to talk to her
My dad's still here and going strong and I've spent a lot of time with him over the last 12 months which has been good for us both.
I'm in the process of separating from my wife and would love to talk to my mum about it, not really for her advice as she was very blunt and would probably tell me I was being an idiot and to get back home and sort it out, but I still want to talk to her
My dad's still here and going strong and I've spent a lot of time with him over the last 12 months which has been good for us both.
My dad killed himself 26 years ago when I was 23 and my mum died of bowel cancer 16 years ago. Both were shocking deaths, found my father in the fume filled garage whilst looking for him as he had gone missing. I even found tape residue on his exhaust when he had tried before and asked him what it was, he said the car had been in for some work by the garage and I don't blame myself but should have realised what it was. Maybe my mum knew he had tried to kill himself, I don't know for sure but she did mention that she had discussed it with him and he had been to a church.
My mum knew she had cancer, but didn't tell us until 2 weeks before she died and said the op she had was nothing to worry about when the consultant had obviously told her she was terminal. I had to tell my brother his dad was dead, and then tell him his mother had a terminal illness.
You do move on and live a different life in time, but instead of it coming back afresh and shocking you from time to time, you live that new life without those you love in your memory as much and that is very sad. And nobody really knew my parents that I see much now, I have a new wife and kids, moved away. So there isn't anyone to reminisce about them, nobody to laugh and make a comment about a funny moment involving them.
My mum knew she had cancer, but didn't tell us until 2 weeks before she died and said the op she had was nothing to worry about when the consultant had obviously told her she was terminal. I had to tell my brother his dad was dead, and then tell him his mother had a terminal illness.
You do move on and live a different life in time, but instead of it coming back afresh and shocking you from time to time, you live that new life without those you love in your memory as much and that is very sad. And nobody really knew my parents that I see much now, I have a new wife and kids, moved away. So there isn't anyone to reminisce about them, nobody to laugh and make a comment about a funny moment involving them.
lost in espace said:
My dad killed himself 26 years ago when I was 23 and my mum died of bowel cancer 16 years ago. Both were shocking deaths, found my father in the fume filled garage whilst looking for him as he had gone missing. I even found tape residue on his exhaust when he had tried before and asked him what it was, he said the car had been in for some work by the garage and I don't blame myself but should have realised what it was. Maybe my mum knew he had tried to kill himself, I don't know for sure but she did mention that she had discussed it with him and he had been to a church.
My mum knew she had cancer, but didn't tell us until 2 weeks before she died and said the op she had was nothing to worry about when the consultant had obviously told her she was terminal. I had to tell my brother his dad was dead, and then tell him his mother had a terminal illness.
You do move on and live a different life in time, but instead of it coming back afresh and shocking you from time to time, you live that new life without those you love in your memory as much and that is very sad. And nobody really knew my parents that I see much now, I have a new wife and kids, moved away. So there isn't anyone to reminisce about them, nobody to laugh and make a comment about a funny moment involving them.
That's really sMy mum knew she had cancer, but didn't tell us until 2 weeks before she died and said the op she had was nothing to worry about when the consultant had obviously told her she was terminal. I had to tell my brother his dad was dead, and then tell him his mother had a terminal illness.
You do move on and live a different life in time, but instead of it coming back afresh and shocking you from time to time, you live that new life without those you love in your memory as much and that is very sad. And nobody really knew my parents that I see much now, I have a new wife and kids, moved away. So there isn't anyone to reminisce about them, nobody to laugh and make a comment about a funny moment involving them.
tty mate your poor dad must have been in a terrible place. Hotel Indigo said:
manracer said:
I was going to have a lazy night tonight as I'm totally knackered, but sod it, I'm going to get dressed and go see them this evening.
I hope you do this. To all those who have lost one or both, my thoughts are with you.
My Dad died when I was 12, I'm now, well let's say I have a bus pass, rarely used but even so.
I still think about him, one memory is from the day of his funeral, still makes me go cold. So whenever that pops up I force myself to think of the round of golf we played on our last summer holiday, or some other happy memory.
Mum the same, lost her when I was 32, and the same, don't think about the times when she was in Boston hospital confused and thinking she'd been put into the workhouse, but happier times in her caravan yacking with friends.
Losing someone results in the memory they are no longer there rising up and smacking you between the eyes at the most unexpected moments. We lost mother in law this January. The other week Mrs F asked me to do some shopping in Sainsbo's and whilst there pick up an Argos catalogue. So I'm picking up the catalogue and I pick up two, one for Mrs F and the second one because we always get one extra for her Mum...... Oh. Got a bit dusty for a time.
I still think about him, one memory is from the day of his funeral, still makes me go cold. So whenever that pops up I force myself to think of the round of golf we played on our last summer holiday, or some other happy memory.
Mum the same, lost her when I was 32, and the same, don't think about the times when she was in Boston hospital confused and thinking she'd been put into the workhouse, but happier times in her caravan yacking with friends.
Losing someone results in the memory they are no longer there rising up and smacking you between the eyes at the most unexpected moments. We lost mother in law this January. The other week Mrs F asked me to do some shopping in Sainsbo's and whilst there pick up an Argos catalogue. So I'm picking up the catalogue and I pick up two, one for Mrs F and the second one because we always get one extra for her Mum...... Oh. Got a bit dusty for a time.
My parents are both alive, but please bear with me.
They separated when I was 10, over 40 years ago, when my Mum found out that he had broken his marriage vows. Since then, my dad has never shown any interest in me and I haven't seen or spoken to him for many years. He's 80 now, so could pass away at any time.
Mums are great aren't they ? Mine is (thank God). But I can't help thinking that I am not quite 'complete' as I have never had that close father/ son bond that some of the posters on here recall with such fond and loving memories. No fishing trips, no pints down the pub, no words of encouragement or guidance. Certainly no role model. Nothing. He is a stranger. I know the postman better than him.
So in a way I have lost my dad too. In fact, knowing that he is still alive and doesn't care about me seems worse than if he was a 'proper' dad who has passed away. I wouldn't hesitate to swap the last 40 years for just a few years with a proper dad who is no longer in this world.
If you have loved and lost a proper dad then I hope that you take some comfort from knowing that he was there for you for as long as he possibly could. God bless.
They separated when I was 10, over 40 years ago, when my Mum found out that he had broken his marriage vows. Since then, my dad has never shown any interest in me and I haven't seen or spoken to him for many years. He's 80 now, so could pass away at any time.
Mums are great aren't they ? Mine is (thank God). But I can't help thinking that I am not quite 'complete' as I have never had that close father/ son bond that some of the posters on here recall with such fond and loving memories. No fishing trips, no pints down the pub, no words of encouragement or guidance. Certainly no role model. Nothing. He is a stranger. I know the postman better than him.
So in a way I have lost my dad too. In fact, knowing that he is still alive and doesn't care about me seems worse than if he was a 'proper' dad who has passed away. I wouldn't hesitate to swap the last 40 years for just a few years with a proper dad who is no longer in this world.
If you have loved and lost a proper dad then I hope that you take some comfort from knowing that he was there for you for as long as he possibly could. God bless.
I'm 50 now. Never knew my dad and my Mum wouldn't say anything about him. She died in 1992, aged 47 of cancer.
We fell out about six months before she died over her not telling me about my Dad. Found out about five years ago from her sister that she had wanted me adopted but that my Gran, her mother, had talked her out of it. Discovered earlier this year that I have a half brother that was adopted three years before me.
Don't really miss her, we didn't really get on. But I envy those of you that do have parents alive that you love, must be wonderful to have someone who will always have your back.
We fell out about six months before she died over her not telling me about my Dad. Found out about five years ago from her sister that she had wanted me adopted but that my Gran, her mother, had talked her out of it. Discovered earlier this year that I have a half brother that was adopted three years before me.
Don't really miss her, we didn't really get on. But I envy those of you that do have parents alive that you love, must be wonderful to have someone who will always have your back.
I can relate to this too, like so many others.
I lost mum to MS when she was 56 (15 years ago). Distressingly it was a relief in some ways because she was wheelchair bound for 21 years and her quality of life was so low. The loss is still immense after all these years.
Grief is strange for me though - it’s the ultimate leveller. Whenever something apparently really bad happens, her loss puts it in perspective. Along the lines of ‘fk all of this, nothing can stress me out. I could go right now because I called time years ago,’ a serene feeling and I’m doing a st job of describing it.
I feel a major part of me died with her and even thought I have 2 amazing kids, I’m half the person I was before.
I lost mum to MS when she was 56 (15 years ago). Distressingly it was a relief in some ways because she was wheelchair bound for 21 years and her quality of life was so low. The loss is still immense after all these years.
Grief is strange for me though - it’s the ultimate leveller. Whenever something apparently really bad happens, her loss puts it in perspective. Along the lines of ‘f
k all of this, nothing can stress me out. I could go right now because I called time years ago,’ a serene feeling and I’m doing a st job of describing it.I feel a major part of me died with her and even thought I have 2 amazing kids, I’m half the person I was before.
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