The military coup good ideas thread
Discussion
The leadership of the UK has been toppled by the military at the behest of the queen. PM May will be forced to live in a house in the Falklands with Jeremy Corbyn. Dianne Abbot will be forced to re sit GCSE maths.
The coup has been regarded as positive by the UK population. However, the celebration dinner at Westminster ended in disaster. The senior officers had drank too much port and in their greed to become the leader of Britain, they challenged each other to a series of duels.
By the end of the evening, those capable of leading the UK into the next chapter were laying dead across tables strewn with cigars and spilt wine.
It was hence decided by the survivors that a parliament comprising individuals from all walks of life should be formed. There were two key ideas:
1. They should have no natural desire to rule the country, to avoid the same fate as the army.
2. They should all have a mutual hobby, so they could form common ground.
And so the members of pistonheads were requested to lead the new dictatorship. Keen to make a good first impression, the draconian laws commitee formed immediately. I'll start.
1. Plastic bags are outlawed. That'll work better than a 5p charge.
2. Cars emmisions are worked out by the total damage they do to the environment and taxed accordingly. No more shipping 3x around the world.
3. There are only 2 genders. You may change gender legally once you've either removed the appendage or attached one.
4. Mental care patients are given golden retrievers.
5. The police are issued golden retrievers. (Who's going to abuse a policeman when they could pet a dog)
6. Jeremy Kyle is shot.
Ideas please gentlemen. The country needs your help.
The coup has been regarded as positive by the UK population. However, the celebration dinner at Westminster ended in disaster. The senior officers had drank too much port and in their greed to become the leader of Britain, they challenged each other to a series of duels.
By the end of the evening, those capable of leading the UK into the next chapter were laying dead across tables strewn with cigars and spilt wine.
It was hence decided by the survivors that a parliament comprising individuals from all walks of life should be formed. There were two key ideas:
1. They should have no natural desire to rule the country, to avoid the same fate as the army.
2. They should all have a mutual hobby, so they could form common ground.
And so the members of pistonheads were requested to lead the new dictatorship. Keen to make a good first impression, the draconian laws commitee formed immediately. I'll start.
1. Plastic bags are outlawed. That'll work better than a 5p charge.
2. Cars emmisions are worked out by the total damage they do to the environment and taxed accordingly. No more shipping 3x around the world.
3. There are only 2 genders. You may change gender legally once you've either removed the appendage or attached one.
4. Mental care patients are given golden retrievers.
5. The police are issued golden retrievers. (Who's going to abuse a policeman when they could pet a dog)
6. Jeremy Kyle is shot.
Ideas please gentlemen. The country needs your help.
This being a car forum (ha-ha):
- Speed limits will be abolished, but the 2-second-rule will be vigorously enforced (punishable by death)
- RFL will be calculated solely according to the vehicle's weight since, all else being equal, this will determine how bad it is for the environment
- Nobody shall be allowed a driving licence until they have completed a specified number of hours ring a motorbike (to remove unlucky / inept drivers from the gene pool)
- FerrousOxide is allowed to choose who presents Top Gear
I think that covers it.
Oh, I'd ban America too. Just because.
- Speed limits will be abolished, but the 2-second-rule will be vigorously enforced (punishable by death)
- RFL will be calculated solely according to the vehicle's weight since, all else being equal, this will determine how bad it is for the environment
- Nobody shall be allowed a driving licence until they have completed a specified number of hours ring a motorbike (to remove unlucky / inept drivers from the gene pool)
- FerrousOxide is allowed to choose who presents Top Gear
I think that covers it.
Oh, I'd ban America too. Just because.
- Advertising Christmas banned until 3 weeks before. (Also applies to all religious and other festivals, but Christmas is the worst offender)
- MLMing has an immediate 30 ban
- All children to be taught 6 significant words in Welsh (including Ambiwlans and Tacsi)
- Weapons sales to dodgy foreign countries stopped (even if the regime members have shares in the manufacturers)
- Sales of Hot cross buns and Easter eggs only allowed 2 weeks either side of Easter (also applies to any other items that really should be seasonal)
- All new buildings and re roofing to be done with solar tiles (whether or not you believe in global warming, relying on fossil fuels that will run out at some point when there are eleventy billion gigawatts of free power from the sun doesn't make sense)
- Grandstand to return on Saturday afternoons and include some motorsport like scrambling, trials, 4x4 racing, rallycross etc as it used to
- People who say 'pacific', 'nucular' and 'should of' be forced to get up 4 hours before they go to bed and lick t' road clean wi't tongue
- MLMing has an immediate 30 ban
- All children to be taught 6 significant words in Welsh (including Ambiwlans and Tacsi)
- Weapons sales to dodgy foreign countries stopped (even if the regime members have shares in the manufacturers)
- Sales of Hot cross buns and Easter eggs only allowed 2 weeks either side of Easter (also applies to any other items that really should be seasonal)
- All new buildings and re roofing to be done with solar tiles (whether or not you believe in global warming, relying on fossil fuels that will run out at some point when there are eleventy billion gigawatts of free power from the sun doesn't make sense)
- Grandstand to return on Saturday afternoons and include some motorsport like scrambling, trials, 4x4 racing, rallycross etc as it used to
- People who say 'pacific', 'nucular' and 'should of' be forced to get up 4 hours before they go to bed and lick t' road clean wi't tongue
I'd lobby for a 100% ban on advertising. By all means have 'specials' on TV and in publications, with news about new cars, tech, toothpaste or whatever. But none of the following would be permitted...
Obvious product placement in films.
All sponsorship of the desparately unsubtle kind.
Insurance adverts.
Adverts for booze.
Holiday ads.
Teleshopping inserts and channels.
Short-term credit ads.
Fliers.
In short, anything unsolicited. To find out about something they actually want , people could look on the 'net, make
phone calls and look at the 'specials'.
Then watch what happens to the cult of celebrity.
Thenm the constant 'be a consumer or suffer' we're force fed would be a thing of the past.
Obvious product placement in films.
All sponsorship of the desparately unsubtle kind.
Insurance adverts.
Adverts for booze.
Holiday ads.
Teleshopping inserts and channels.
Short-term credit ads.
Fliers.
In short, anything unsolicited. To find out about something they actually want , people could look on the 'net, make
phone calls and look at the 'specials'.
Then watch what happens to the cult of celebrity.
Thenm the constant 'be a consumer or suffer' we're force fed would be a thing of the past.
[quote=davhill]I'd lobby for a 100% ban on advertising. By all means have 'specials' on TV and in publications, with news about new cars, tech, toothpaste or whatever. But none of the following would be permitted...
Obvious product placement in films.
All sponsorship of the desparately unsubtle kind.
Insurance adverts.
Adverts for booze.
Holiday ads.
Teleshopping inserts and channels.
Short-term credit ads.
Fliers.
In short, anything unsolicited. To find out about something they actually want , people could look on the 'net, make
phone calls and look at the 'specials'.
Then watch what happens to the cult of celebrity.
Thenm the constant 'be a consumer or suffer' we're force fed would be a thing of the past. [/quote
Don’t be a pleb, advertising drives sales which helps grow companies which helps employ people. Selling / advertising should be always encouraged provided it fits within moral and legal guidelines.
The economy would be in a terrible state if you did this.
Obvious product placement in films.
All sponsorship of the desparately unsubtle kind.
Insurance adverts.
Adverts for booze.
Holiday ads.
Teleshopping inserts and channels.
Short-term credit ads.
Fliers.
In short, anything unsolicited. To find out about something they actually want , people could look on the 'net, make
phone calls and look at the 'specials'.
Then watch what happens to the cult of celebrity.
Thenm the constant 'be a consumer or suffer' we're force fed would be a thing of the past. [/quote
Don’t be a pleb, advertising drives sales which helps grow companies which helps employ people. Selling / advertising should be always encouraged provided it fits within moral and legal guidelines.
The economy would be in a terrible state if you did this.
ReaperCushions said:
davhill said:
I'd lobby for a 100% ban on advertising. By all means have 'specials' on TV and in publications, with news about new cars, tech, toothpaste or whatever. But none of the following would be permitted...
Obvious product placement in films.
All sponsorship of the desparately unsubtle kind.
Insurance adverts.
Adverts for booze.
Holiday ads.
Teleshopping inserts and channels.
Short-term credit ads.
Fliers.
In short, anything unsolicited. To find out about something they actually want , people could look on the 'net, make
phone calls and look at the 'specials'.
Then watch what happens to the cult of celebrity.
Thenm the constant 'be a consumer or suffer' we're force fed would be a thing of the past. [/quote
Don’t be a pleb, advertising drives sales which helps grow companies which helps employ people. Selling / advertising should be always encouraged provided it fits within moral and legal guidelines.
The economy would be in a terrible state if you did this.
Producing things that people want drives more sales. The right things for the right people would sell without anything other than functional advertising, information or whatever.Obvious product placement in films.
All sponsorship of the desparately unsubtle kind.
Insurance adverts.
Adverts for booze.
Holiday ads.
Teleshopping inserts and channels.
Short-term credit ads.
Fliers.
In short, anything unsolicited. To find out about something they actually want , people could look on the 'net, make
phone calls and look at the 'specials'.
Then watch what happens to the cult of celebrity.
Thenm the constant 'be a consumer or suffer' we're force fed would be a thing of the past. [/quote
Don’t be a pleb, advertising drives sales which helps grow companies which helps employ people. Selling / advertising should be always encouraged provided it fits within moral and legal guidelines.
The economy would be in a terrible state if you did this.
Increase the number of legally recognised gender to five, in line with the Bugis of Sulawesi. Should be enough
Mandatory photo ID card with encrypted DNA sample & thumbprint for all residents.
Make the tax system neutral between income/ dividends/ capital gains, whatever the source.
CPF fund copied from Singapore (force people to save)
'opportunity grant/ motorbike fund' of a few thousand quid for all 18 year olds.
One year National Service (not necessarily military) for all 18 year olds.
Purity laws on food and drink - strict control on processed crap.
Child benefit conditional on attending parentlng lessons
Legalise cannabis
Mandatory photo ID card with encrypted DNA sample & thumbprint for all residents.
Make the tax system neutral between income/ dividends/ capital gains, whatever the source.
CPF fund copied from Singapore (force people to save)
'opportunity grant/ motorbike fund' of a few thousand quid for all 18 year olds.
One year National Service (not necessarily military) for all 18 year olds.
Purity laws on food and drink - strict control on processed crap.
Child benefit conditional on attending parentlng lessons
Legalise cannabis
Any PH manifesto would include the following and rapidly gain power, surely?
1. Reunite the UK and centralise power back to Westminster
2. Review the requirements needed to attain British citizenship
3. Reform the House of Lords and abolish nepotism
4. Rigidly enforce immigration quotas to avoid over population
5. Renationalise the railways (I admit this is un PH)
6. Increase pensions
7. Take steps to halt globalisation and protect small businesses
8. Bring our lawmaking back from Brussels
9. Compulsory exercise in schools for teenagers
10. Wage war on Fake News
That should do for now - who's in???
Cheers
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