Not putting my kids in our will

[Undirection]

Dilemma time and some of you may remember my earlier post about 'ditching my kids' here: https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

I have an amazing wife and step daughter now (for the past 17 years) and Mrs Undirection and I need to make a will.

Part of me thinks that 1/3 naturally goes to each daughter but that seems to be sensible thinking from a normal family viewpoint. But my grown up kids are really little more than very distant relatives and I have nothing to do with them (not a result of my actions but of theirs'/their mothers). They are strangers and as far removed as they could be from our lives essentially.

So, I am now unsure what to do. All to the step daughter? Or something else or a third each? Has anyone had the same dilemma?

[Muzzer79]

It’s your money and your estate.

Do with it as you want to.

Do not feel like you ‘should’ include people in your will, just because they’re related to you closely. If you don’t see them and they don’t contribute to your life, why would you leave them anything any more than you’d leave money to a bloke up the street?

And, at the end of the day, you’ll not be around to deal with the aftermath so don’t worry about it!

[PBDirector]

I wouldn’t expect the general crowd to be very understanding. The last time there was a thread like this, the gallery shouted “blood is thicker than water/ there’s nothing your family can do that justify you cutting them out” which had my piss boiling because I just wanted to start with “well what if her dad had raped her” and argue from there.

In any case it’s your decision. But in the case of a parent I’d be tempted to leave them £20 so they can’t challenge the will. In the case of children, that’s a tricky one I can’t relate to. It feels to me like £20 is quite the FU to a child. I’d be tempted to leave some reasonable sum and a letter saying I’m really sad it never worked out but I’m still your parent so I hope this helps you out or brings you some joy.

[Tumbler]

My parents didn’t include one of my dads daughters in their wills, and his other daughter didn’t feel she was left enough, this despite no grounds has resulted in contentious probate, not only is this expensive it is very distressing. 20 months on, I’m still in the middle of it all.

If you intend on doing this call a meeting discuss it and confirm with them in writing.

I’ve excluded my husband from a large part of my will leaving most of my assets to my daughters, this has been very carefully thought through, part of my rationale is he will be young enough to remarry and the minefield of step children could become a reality.

[sparks_E46]

On the flip side I hope my parents and other relatives who intend to leave my sisters and I money spend it all before they go.

[bristolbaron]

My dad and stepmum retired early to, as they put it, go SKIing.. Spending Kids Inheritance!
Good on em - it’ll make the whole minefield a lot easier for us.

There’s (hopefully!) a lot of time between now and when you’re in a wooden overcoat. Personally I’d leave it split three ways and see how you feel further down the line.

[Tumbler]

sparks_E46 said:

On the flip side I hope my parents and other relatives who intend to leave my sisters and I money spend it all before they go.

Whilst this is a nice idea, it’s one that’s not possible for most, I have a suspected end date, but may live beyond that, I have death in service benefit and assets which are not liquid, most of my parents estate was in their property.

[CoolHands]

You’d better get it locked down if you do cos sure as eggs is eggs they will contend it

[myvision]

Cut them out and let them know why. Jobs done then and no arguing later down the line.

[Gary C]

Isn't there some stupid law these days that gives children the right to have a part of the estate regardless of any will.

[alfie2244]

Get a proper Will writing solicitor (STEP) to draft it so it is watertight and can't be challenged...........I would add a codicil to explain exactly what you are doing and why as well.

https://www.step.org/for-the-public

[DocJock]

In Scotland, children are entitled , collectively, to one third of the moveable estate (or half is there is no surviving spouse/partner) even if excluded from a will.

Don't know the position in England.

[Ken Figenus]

I have 3 mates at the moment going through the parental alienation thing stage managed perfectly by the bitter ex wife. None of them deserve it - solid, kind blokes who love their kids - if as imperfect as the rest of us. It makes my blood absolutely f boil and there should be laws against this sadistic manipulation of children.

Sadly it seems almost impossible to manage - the kids see them as bad people but good for money and stuff; not worthy of proper communication or inclusion though. One has come out the other end as the daughter got towards 25 and saw through the lies, vitriol and maternal manipulation.

So, and having read your other thread, write a letter and hand it to the child in person. Tell them you are backing off but not closing the door, however they have the key and if they ever want a proper, respectful father/child relationship you will welcome them with open arms. And yes take them out of your will.

I hate this hurt but use and take take scenario I see all the b time. Remember when they are proper adults they WILL think differently...

[Gary C]

I suppose the ultimate is sign over the majority of the estate well before you die then it avoids in tax and clawback ?

Or, spend everything on yourselves, that's what we have told our kids we plan to do

[spence1886]

On the basis that they have no ongoing financial dependance on you... do they (or can they argue) that they expect something from you?

If not then you might wish to leave a token (four figure? if appropriate) amount to assuage any (unwarranted) guilt you might have, but as others have said - it's your money do with it as you wish. Nobody should feel they are entitled to an inheritance.

My parents as spending it all (except non-liquid assets) and I fully support that (subject to wasteful purchases I encourage them to think hard about).

Also, you can always change your mind, nothing is set in stone.

[anonymous-user]

I don't blame you. I'm not putting your kids in my will either

[Teddy Lop]

DocJock said:

In Scotland, children are entitled , collectively, to one third of the moveable estate (or half is there is no surviving spouse/partner) even if excluded from a will.

Don't know the position in England.

could you pre emptively transfer/gift it all leaving little to will?

I've got some quirky family and expect my mum will do "something" in the will - probably leave it all to friends of the earth or suchlike, probably for the best if she does.

OP do what you want.

[jonah35]

Maybe half to step daughter
Remaining half to be split equally between any legitimate grand children your children have to be held in trust until they’re 25

Ie cut out your kids but your family line still can inherit - you just cut out kids and give to grand kids etc

[Dr Doofenshmirtz]

Leave them a couple of grand each, or some reasonable sum. Why leave a sour taste after you’re gone. Be the better person, they are your kids when said and done despite not getting on.

[CooperS]

ash73 said:

I think they should abolish inheritance, people can earn as much as they like and live like royalty but it should all go back to the government when they die. Then they could put say £25K in a trust for every child born, so everyone starts with the same opportunity in life.

Haha I guess it depends which end of the scale you are to whether you agree or not.

I'm in the middle and still think that is barking