Getting kids (adult) to leave home
Discussion
Anyone got any good ideas for getting a 23 YO to leave the 'Hotel'?
We have tried starving him out but there is always something somewhere he finds to eat, we can't leave booze in the house when we are away, He does nothing to contribute and his Mother doesn't get any money from him for house keeping, theres always an excuse or reason he can't pay but he can go out with his mates and buy fuel etc.
God only knows what his flat would be like though if its anything like the devastation he leaves behind here!
Any suggestions will be great, Thanks.
We have tried starving him out but there is always something somewhere he finds to eat, we can't leave booze in the house when we are away, He does nothing to contribute and his Mother doesn't get any money from him for house keeping, theres always an excuse or reason he can't pay but he can go out with his mates and buy fuel etc.
God only knows what his flat would be like though if its anything like the devastation he leaves behind here!
Any suggestions will be great, Thanks.
classicaholic said:
Ahis Mother doesn't get any money from him for house keeping, theres always an excuse or reason he can't pay but he can go out with his mates and buy fuel etc.
God only knows what his flat would be like though if its anything like the devastation he leaves behind here!
Make him pay rent and tidy up after himself! God only knows what his flat would be like though if its anything like the devastation he leaves behind here!
If he’s not been taught these life skills by his parents he’s understandably not ready to fly the nest.
classicaholic said:
Anyone got any good ideas for getting a 23 YO to leave the 'Hotel'?
We have tried starving him out but there is always something somewhere he finds to eat, we can't leave booze in the house when we are away, He does nothing to contribute and his Mother doesn't get any money from him for house keeping, theres always an excuse or reason he can't pay but he can go out with his mates and buy fuel etc.
God only knows what his flat would be like though if its anything like the devastation he leaves behind here!
Any suggestions will be great, Thanks.
Many years ago, your description of your son could have applied to me.We have tried starving him out but there is always something somewhere he finds to eat, we can't leave booze in the house when we are away, He does nothing to contribute and his Mother doesn't get any money from him for house keeping, theres always an excuse or reason he can't pay but he can go out with his mates and buy fuel etc.
God only knows what his flat would be like though if its anything like the devastation he leaves behind here!
Any suggestions will be great, Thanks.
I was forced out of my parents home and moved 100 miles away. I saw my parents perhaps 3 times a year and never ate another meal with them. Within a year I had moved to Hong Kong and never saw my father again, I phoned him once and he told me that my mother cried herself to sleep most nights, I saw my mother once more at my fathers funeral.
Not sure I'd recommend our route, although it did prove to be quite effective - our son blew the house up meaning we had to move out for 9 months whilst the rear of the house was rebuilt. On our return, he moved in to a small VW camper van on the rear drive for a month until he got too cold and found himself a flat share 
Robbo 27 said:
Many years ago, your description of your son could have applied to me.
I was forced out of my parents home and moved 100 miles away. I saw my parents perhaps 3 times a year and never ate another meal with them. Within a year I had moved to Hong Kong and never saw my father again, I phoned him once and he told me that my mother cried herself to sleep most nights, I saw my mother once more at my fathers funeral.
How do you live with yourself?I was forced out of my parents home and moved 100 miles away. I saw my parents perhaps 3 times a year and never ate another meal with them. Within a year I had moved to Hong Kong and never saw my father again, I phoned him once and he told me that my mother cried herself to sleep most nights, I saw my mother once more at my fathers funeral.
g3org3y said:
Why do you want him to leave home?
Does he have a job? What are his career prospects?
Is he saving for his own place or he just happy being at home?
Yes we want him to go, he works and has money but just wastes it, its too easy to stay here in the hotel! If he doesn't go soon he will never go, his Mother is too soft and I don't want to have a problem with our relationship so don't want to 'give notice'Does he have a job? What are his career prospects?
Is he saving for his own place or he just happy being at home?
He's 23 so have a grown up discussion with him (I'm the same age as your son and still live at home but should be moving out in near future.
He should really have approached you and offered you rent by this point (did this with my mum as soon as I moved back and got back to work - she refused actual rent but persuaded her to let me cover a couple of household bills when I'm working). This mainly depends on if he's in work or not to start with. Some conditions you need to set:
- He at the very least looks for work and maintains any job he gets. If he's being fussy about work he takes force him to sign on - you can do this while you still live at home and it stops people being picky about employment opportunities extremely fast.
- Either covers his own food expenses and contributes to household bills, or pays a monthly rent (equivelant to a 1 bed room in a house share nearby) (if you don't actually need the money put in a savings account and give it back to him at a later date to put towards his rent, your main priority is to stop him sponging off you right now - a friends parents did this to him and gave back to him to go to a deposit - from what you say he's s
t at saving so that could be beneficial to you in getting him out quicker, if you do actually need the money which is more likely to be the case use it).
- If it's not really about the money forcing him to contribute to household tasks like cooking etc is pivotal. He needs to understand that as an adult he has an equal responsibility for these jobs as you and his mother, not a man-child arrangement (if you offer that then it becomes harder to see the benefits of moving out).
- Sit down and work out what financial situation he needs to be in to be able to move out and paint it to him in black and white to him that he needs to get his finances straightened out.
- Another technique I've known used by someone's parents which was pretty harsh was paying the first three months rent on a flat for them, handing them the key and telling them to they had three months to sort their life out. Thankfully they did. Not sure what the parents would have done if that hadn't worked out.
He should really have approached you and offered you rent by this point (did this with my mum as soon as I moved back and got back to work - she refused actual rent but persuaded her to let me cover a couple of household bills when I'm working). This mainly depends on if he's in work or not to start with. Some conditions you need to set:
- He at the very least looks for work and maintains any job he gets. If he's being fussy about work he takes force him to sign on - you can do this while you still live at home and it stops people being picky about employment opportunities extremely fast.
- Either covers his own food expenses and contributes to household bills, or pays a monthly rent (equivelant to a 1 bed room in a house share nearby) (if you don't actually need the money put in a savings account and give it back to him at a later date to put towards his rent, your main priority is to stop him sponging off you right now - a friends parents did this to him and gave back to him to go to a deposit - from what you say he's s
t at saving so that could be beneficial to you in getting him out quicker, if you do actually need the money which is more likely to be the case use it).- If it's not really about the money forcing him to contribute to household tasks like cooking etc is pivotal. He needs to understand that as an adult he has an equal responsibility for these jobs as you and his mother, not a man-child arrangement (if you offer that then it becomes harder to see the benefits of moving out).
- Sit down and work out what financial situation he needs to be in to be able to move out and paint it to him in black and white to him that he needs to get his finances straightened out.
- Another technique I've known used by someone's parents which was pretty harsh was paying the first three months rent on a flat for them, handing them the key and telling them to they had three months to sort their life out. Thankfully they did. Not sure what the parents would have done if that hadn't worked out.
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